[lauren05]

James, it’s not easy undoing or getting out of the grip of gambling but you must want to stop. I’m an online slots gambler. I’ve kept the backdoor open while trying to control my gambling and be normal. It didn’t work. I lost loads of money but it didn’t affect my outgoings but that changed this year. It seems that one progresses to this level where it’s all about gambling with no regard for the rest. I’ve gambled with my salary this year and lost everything including my bonus in March. That was a very bitter pill to swallow but still wouldn’t self exclude.

I’m going into GMA next week and didn’t gamble this month cos I had no money to gamble. One day before payday, Vera challenged me to self exclude for life. I toyed with the idea and decided then it was the only way and secured my salary.
But only now have I decided I want to stop gambling for life. Until we get to that point, we’ll keep chasing our tail and stay in this vicious cycle. I’ve also read on here about the book, Easy way to stop gambling so I’ve bought it and it should be delivered today.

You have the right focus, James. Just turn your back on it. Seems you’re surrounded by casinos wherever you go so self excluding is one barrier. Learning to stop and understand what triggers the gambling will help more in getting this addiction out of your system and replacing it with positive, meaningful things in life. Try to watch this. It’s not long but will bring a smile to your face. “Stop It” Skit by Bob Newhart. https://vimeo.com/97370236.

Stay strong and focused today and the urges will subside.
Lauren

[lauren05]

Vera, I was very close to my dad. He became my advisor, my confidante and friend. He filled the role of my ex. in helping and supporting me with my home and troubles. I would run to him or call him with my problems. He would always spend hours talking and making me laugh. I have never laughed so heartily since. Really miss him. Yes, I downspiraled after he died and hid behind shut blinds and didn’t go out. I became a recluse. My ex-bf noticed I was suffering from depression even with him. Gambling was the only thing that gave me the thrill and excitement and filled the void and desires I had.

Wow, Vera your sister and my dad died in the same month too, he’s is on 19th June.

Be strong tomorrow and think of her, Vera; how she would have given her last to get you gamble free and not see you struggle or go through what you are right now and have over the many years. Indeed, no one knows the extent of our addiction and the huge sums we have lost nothing in comparison to what they offer or loan us to help.

I plan to destroy my bank statements so that no one gets to see that in my lifetime or after. But I don’t want to look or add them up. It will be mind boggling.

My son never went for bereavement counselling and neither did I. But he has forgiven me and just hugged me when he saw me when I visited him. Yes it was hard but harder for me to let him go after those many years. But it was the only solution. That also affected me as I was suddenly on my own with no one there. My father died in June and he went back in Dec.

He could have been linked to that girl for life if she fell pregnant. No, he’s not mad at me and thanks me now. He said he doesn’t do anything of what he did out here and didn’t know what he was thinking to do that. It got out of control just like me and my gambling. Just hope he doesn’t have a compulsive disorder from me but he is quite strong minded.

I’ve have been blessed with opportunities in my life and enjoyed it as I had a good job. But even if I won a million pounds now, I have no desire or thrill and excitement to go anywhere or do anything with it. So why was I gambling anyway ? It changed me and made me lose my zeal for life ! I’ve put on so much weight and dislike who I have become. Even after stop gambling this time, I have no motivation to do anything to eat healthy and exercise. I enjoy cooking and baking for myself but even tho’ I only eat one meal a day cos I get up so late and have to work from home for now, I don’t lose weight. I make up for it when I have my meal late at night, then go to bed at 2:30 or later.

I know I must get my house in order before I leave next week for GMA but not doing it. Its doing my head in now as well knowing I have to go next week. I’ll be rushing around on the last minute and then work through the night to get it done. I need to as my neighbour will be looking after my cats and I couldn’t let them see how I’ve neglected the house and just did what I had to.

This was a good day for you today, baking. It makes one feel worthy again and you’ll enjoy your friend’s visit. But no one will ever understand gambling addiction. Yes, most times it’s best rather to say naught. I am a CG but didn’t know half what was happening to me till I came on here. It’s the ruin or will become the ruin of anyone’s life. There is no way that those gamblers playing on their own at casinos till late are recreational gamblers. They’re just in denial like I was. You cannot go to the casino that often and play all night or day by yourself and tell me you’re not addicted and can walk away.

Anyway, the graduation is on the 1st July. I think it would be somewhere in Belfast, may be at Ulster University. I was at Magee campus in Londonderry. But now I have the pressure to lose weight before then. Can’t let him see I let myself go.

Thanks for the publication name.

Be proud of yourself Vera. You have told your friend what would work for you, not for her. You should not feel guilty. (speak for myself) This is a terrible burden we bear and drains us emotionally, so we need time by ourselves to manage and cope and sometimes that means saying no. We’re not good at saying no. I know I’m not. Besides you are having a visitor so why would you have both at the same time ? I know the feeling as my gambling buddy drains me emotionally.

Good night, sleep tight.

Give some thought and do something you know your sister would’ve liked you to be…… gamble free, on 3rd June. We should make that our goal, never to gamble on their anniversary, out of respect.

Take care, Vera.
The best years are yet to come. Look up, not down at the storms around you…..

God bless.
Lauren
xxx

[lauren05]

Hello Mick,

Thank you for such an uplifting post that helped you too.
That’s so good to hear but laughter is the best medicine and I find that we’ve lost our humour to gambling.
But I loved that video. It is so good and speaks so clear and direct to us. We always make excuses, keep the back door open cos we don’t really want to give up gambling. We’re not ready to shut that door cos we still want to chase after our losses and hope to recoup something. But we’re just chasing our tail and getting nowhere cos we will never win cos we’re past the point of no return and will play back every cent the same day or the day after if we managed to cash out which we’re far gone past, too.

We feed our greedy desire and are forever in a vicious cycle like a hamster running round and round the spinning wheel hoping for a different outcome by doing the same thing ! We are so weak and foolish at times. So just ‘Stop it !’
LOL !

Thanks for your post.
Have a gamble free day….
Bless you.

[lauren05]

Hi Bonobo1, you are experiencing the guilt,remorse, regret stage of gambling, the aftermath of the gambling hangover.
It is money that was wasted and lost that cannot be recovered even though you’ve paid it back. Don’t beat yourself up, it is counterproductive as that sad, weird feeling will only lead you to the next stage of the gambling cycle – going back to chase your losses to win it all back.
I don’t know if you have faith but I prayed to God and confessed what I did and asked for forgiveness and asked God to make me a new person and shake off this guilt and remorseful feeling because when He forgives, He forgets and loves you and does what’s best for you, so why should you still carry that guilt ? It changed me and I lost that feeling and trying to beat myself up because of it. I felt loved and happy as if I never did it. Try that, cos God cares and loves you and wants you to be happy.
Have you thought about self-excluding ? You need to put barriers in place and take steps to be serious about your recovery, think about it. When the time is right for you, you should. It’s a journey we’re on but unfortunately as CG’s we will never win cos we play till it’s all gone, win or no win, we don’t cash out. It’s all an illusion, a hoax which we believe will be different this time. We’re only fooling ourselves and will continue to lose so much money to gambling and we get caught up in the cycle again.
Taking action will also get our heads right to focus on enjoying life and doing the right thing to stop gambling.
Watch this video kPat mentioned in her journal. It’s so apt and true and will bring a smile to your face. It’s not long. “Stop It” Skit by Bob Newhart. https://vimeo.com/97370236.

Have a great gamble free day !
Lauren

[lauren05]

Andrea,

That is all you need to do now. Concentrate on you for the first time. You have become someone else just like me but stop beating yourself up. It is counterproductive. Take time out for you and reflect on where you are and how you have got here.

I’m not better off than you. I still struggling and going through the same struggles, fears and consequences as you. But there is something in us that when we get just a little bit closer or through one day we feel stronger and share that with others to help them catch up too.

That will come naturally with you, too. You will do that automatically. We are all human and want to help each other up. I was down many a day and still go there when Vera picked me up and many others wrote on my journal and gave me the support I needed. Try watching this video. It’s not long. “Stop It” Skit by Bob Newhart. https://vimeo.com/97370236.

You don’t have to feel you should return the favour. It will just come as you walk this journey. We only share common roads that we have walked to support you in getting there.

Even if you only get one word from a post that helps you to stop and change your though process, it is worth every minute of sharing and giving and loving you.

Lauren

[lauren05]

Pat, I just loved that video. I couldn’t stop laughing and showed it to a gambling acquaintance in denial. She laughed and found it funny too but she plays the victim and I want to like tell her…’Stop it !’ and then laugh again when I think of it. It is so brilliant. Thanks for sharing that. I watch it too to take myself less seriously.
I can’t wait to use my new pressure washer. I spent this weekend helping this gambling acquaintance but it rained anyway so probably wouldn’t have had the chance.

Thanks for your post.
Lauren

[lauren05]

Hi Vera,

I see enough single transactions on gambling in my current bank account and don’t want to go there to look back online as it scares me to think of the magnitude of what I just literally through away. Like you say, the withdrawals would disappear on the site and not appear on my bank statement, then re-appear and my debt is worst that I thought. But I can’t think of gambling as I’m running in overdraft now so I don’t have it. It’s not my money. A very different song to what I sung before.
I’m thinking of enquiring whether the banks can freeze my charges on my credit cards but don’t want to go into debt management. Sure, I salvaged every penny of my salary this month but I am still broke ! Only positive being that it went on paying bills and not gambling. Where did all the money come from that we could gamble with and we have so little to spare for paying bills ? Baffles my mind.

But the gambling acquaintance (not a friend) I’ve let go but not before I went all out to help her…. normal, silly me, always feeling obligated. I had to see her on Sat to pay her the £25 for the odds I bought from her after she text me on Friday to remind me cos she’s skint. One can’t move in her house for all her furniture and boxes and of course her head’s not in the right place from gambling away her salary, so I decided to take action. I asked what she didn’t want and was giving away and told her I’m taking them to the charity shop half hour before they closed.

She wanted to walk down to the high street with one plastic bag ! I packed my car full and drove her down. Unfortunately, 2 of the charity shops were too full to take anything. I prayed so hard to get rid of this car load. She told me there weren’t anymore charity shops in the high street and she would take it back next week when they had space. She insisted there were no other charity shops. But I wouldn’t give up. I drove along the high street and searched each window for another charity shop while I prayed while she went on about how I stubborn I was. 🙂 And I found a very small cancer charity shop. She ran in and guess what, they took all the boxes at closing time. Thank you, Lord ! I felt so pleased I could get that done. Job done.

When we got back to her place, we had a cuppa and I had to hear the sad story of how her son couldn’t come and help her as he has no transport and her daughter hasn’t been around and ignoring her after she asked for £500 as she ‘paid all her direct debits’. Just felt sorry for her but also disliking the ‘victim’ role she played and ‘woe is me’ cos she won’t self exclude or try to stop…. just like me she she always tells me. I’m just like her, in denial. She knocks me when I try.

When I got home about 19:30 she text me and said that I had inspired her and she had started to clear and sort some items. I thought ok, I really want to help her and did feel sorry for her (well gullible me fell for her line) but if she was willing to help herself, I will help her out one more time. I told her I’ll come and help her out after church to get things into the loft and she mentioned that she would make lunch. She even mentioned that she would go to church too but when I offered to come with me, she backed down. 🙂

She stays quite far from me and I filled up my tank which had to last me for the whole month. So I decided I would got to her after church as it was halfway to church and offered to bring the lunch. I stayed up late cooking and making a very nice lunch and extra meals with dessert and scones for tea till 2 am before getting up at 7am to finish it off before church.

Anyway, I helped sort and clear most of her things and lifted heavy boxes up the ladder into the loft with my weak aching shoulder. She thoroughly enjoyed the lunch and couldn’t believe the lengths I went through to make such a special lunch and she couldn’t remember when last she had salmon. She had gone ‘vegetarian’ cos she couldn’t afford any meats.

I left it all with her with meals for the week including loads of fruit salad, bottles of drink and water. I gave her one of my bottles of washing liquid as she hadn’t washed her clothes cos she didn’t have any detergent or soap. I also gave her a tonne of groceries and household items including toilet paper the week before when I had no money. But she always used her last pennies on a bottle of red wine…..

We chatted over tea and I showed her the skit on ‘Stop it’ with Bob Newhart which Pat mentioned. It made her laugh and I hoped it pushed her to rise above her ‘victim’ status. But after I showed her the skit on my iPad, she said she must get one, too and scrolled through my photos to look at ‘the size home I live in’ and gasped at the size of the garden and the hard work I put into the garden that made it look so good now. I was horrified and embarrassed as my photos are personal and I am a very private person.

I was asked how many rooms I had and was told how I didn’t need that many for one person as if she knows what I need. The question of how much I earn soon followed again. I quietly mentioned that I am an accountant and working in IT now which she exclaimed and looked at me gobsmacked. I again felt I had said too much when she dug deeper and deeper as in an inquisition. I thought to myself I worked hard all my life after getting divorced when my son was only 2 with no support from his father and managed to get 3 degrees, two of which was done part time while working so it didn’t fall into my lap. I didn’t know why I always felt I had to justify myself to people. But it was enough to seal the deal for me and shut that door. I did my bit to help without the need to be judged. So my whole weekend till late 10pm last night was taken up with helping others and I felt good about not focusing on me and the anxiety of going to GMA.

As for the ex, he sent me a mail yesterday requesting my attendance at his graduation. I hear what you say Vera and part of me wants to attend and be there for him cos I know he won’t have anyone but I can’t get over wanting to pay him back and letting him know how I still feel about what he did to me and then chose not to attend my graduation. I can’t come to terms with this even tho’ I know I should take the moral high ground and be better. Somehow I still want to get this off my chest and let him know. Why should I attend for him when he didn’t attend mine cos he’s got a doctorate and is more important ? It will also come as an expense to me as I have to fly to NI for his.

But you have sowed a seed for studying for a PhD. I’ll give it some thought and thanks for letting me know there are grants out there. I wasn’t aware of anything like that.

I look forward to your sound words of wisdom on attending the graduation. 🙂

Thanks.
Lauren

[lauren05]

Andrea,

Read the poem, ‘another day’ in the Poetry Corner.

Lauren
xxx

[lauren05]

Andrea, sounds like you have a very good support structure with your bf and your story is so similar to mine, including my son. My ex-bf who stood by me and helped me out and kicked me out, sent me a mail yesterday to attend his doctorate graduation next month.

We also got to the stage where no one said I love you anymore, yet the solid pillar of strength stood by me without any emotion. Beneath he does still love you but like you, I can’t get over the incident last year when he kicked me out of his house and became abusive after I was forced to move in with him. It got to that stage and I was arrogant but still didn’t feel he should control me just because of my gambling and since I was living in his house. I never did that him when he came to stay with me and enjoyed the lovely wooded garden and space.

He knew I had nowhere to go and would end up still staying with him but he wanted to shock me to show me he was not going to support me anymore and where gambling had got me to. But he never reckoned on me accepting defeat and the embarrassment of telling my sister who had come up for my Master’s graduation and paid to move all my things out immediately and stay with her in England. With her husband, they purchased boxes and we moved my things over 3 days to their hotel room when no one was about and took them downstairs again when the couriers came.

It would be good if you could tell your son. My son is 22 with a lovely girlfriend too and when he was stuck for money after a terrible accident, he mentioned that he was thinking about going to the casino. I tried to explain that it was not a good choice as he knew I used to go and it could get addictive but he laughed and said no, he’ll just play with £500 and leave if that is lost…About a week ago I did tell him about the severity of my problem and let him know I’m going for treatment. He just listened and was stunned but then offered me all the support and love which broke my heart. He is a very caring child. He even said he would love us to go on holiday together to Hawaii. I couldn’t believe that cos when he got up with rebellious public boys here, he refused to go on holiday with me anymore and sulked on holiday when he was forced to go.

I am so pleased you got into GMA, Andrea. I am also booked in next week. It threw my world upside down when I received the confirmation and I was in a stressed, anxious and sick state. It was a shock to my system as this was serious and meant I had to give up my ‘longtime’ friend for good and wasn’t sure I was ready for that.

I still worried and thought I was strong enough to hold onto my salary this (last month, now:) month for the first time. I was stone broke for the whole month as I gambled last month’s salary the day I got paid, too. The day before I got paid this month, Vera challenged me to self exclude for LIFE while I was broke to secure my salary. She got me at the right moment and I asked myself, yes why not, something I refused to do no matter who I tried to control my gambling.

I went online and did it. The immense relief, ecstatic and triumphant feeling I had was second to none. I felt so good that I knew 100% of my salary was safe for the first time. I’m broke again but at least I know that my money has gone out on bills and not on gambling. So, I’m one step closer to my summit……

Your beautiful, loving, kind nature is still there inside you, Andrea. It’s covered by dearth, undergrowth and piles of debris from the years of gambling. And you will become you again. I find that I have no strength, power or control over my gambling addition. Nothing or no one can stop me or stand in my way. I am an online slots addict who gambled every day all night long till my money ran out, winnings the lot.

I didn’t have any inner strength. That’s when I turned to God and asked for His help as He made me and knows how I am wired and asked Him to undo this ugly me I’d become. I felt a new kind of strength. I didn’t have the guilt and remorse feeling hanging over me and I felt loved the morning after. But I still didn’t give it up and used to pray for Him to turn my luck around and bring a big win again and then I’ll stop. But that never happened cos I could not stop, win or no win. That’s what Vera had told me.

I prayed but still didn’t go back to church. I couldn’t face those people who saw the facade of a confident, strong independent person who had it all together. I did go yesterday, 45 minutes into the service, so I missed the worship but was there for the preaching. It was meant for me and I heard how God does a supernatural change in us when we surrender all to him and immediately removes the guilt, strongholds and addictions supernaturally. I knew that and heard it all before but it strike a chord then. I am a Christian and I always accepted my salvation through God’s grace and it is nothing we can do in our own efforts to please Him or become worthy. He accepts us just as we are with all our warts and gives us back a new, prosperous and successful future and a new beautiful person.

But yesterday was a revelation and changed my thinking. I now know that it is about speaking and getting to know God everyday, spending time with Him and not focusing on the situation and consequences. He knows all about that and longs for us to be happy and free from bondage and when we turn to Him, He takes care of the rest. You probably know this verse well…. ‘Seek ye first the kingdom of heaven and all these things will be added unto you.’

I am always reminded that Peter could walk on the water as long as he looked at Jesus but when he looked around him at the storm, the winds and the waves crashing in, he fell into the water. That’s what we tend to do. We focus on all the consequences and negatives of where we are and what gambling has done to us and forget about God or allow Him to take over, rather than try to make amends and do things or what we think we need to do, to make it work with our efforts. If only we had this or that amount of money to pay arrears on bills, we could come right. But we overlook the deep rooted problems we have and try to get rid of the symptom instead of the cause. God has a bigger, much better plan for us to give us a good, happy life and what we look at is nothing in the bigger scheme of things.

Hang in there, Andrea. Stay strong and focus. Yes, you will have loads of mixed feelings and negativity that comes your way when you go to GMA; all natural feelings, fights against the pricks and mind games to steer you away and doubt yourself cos you’re taking action now. You’re fighting the ‘troll’ as Sybil puts and he is not going to take this sitting down without a big fight. You’re his main game player. But you will become that lovely beautiful person your bf fell in love with and who you really are, once the gunge is sucked out.

Hope to see you there next week. 🙂

Take care,
Lauren

[lauren05]

Pat, God IS listening and answering your prayers. I am so happy to hear your mom renewed the contract and you dad is aware of this and knows when to step in. We will just have to keep praying and never give up hope that your mom is being led to the point to seek professional help.

Sounds like the graduation was a lot of fun too with great times and laughter with the family. That is what life is all about. We just need to be patient and not wish to be the one to turn things around. Money is never the answer and gambling is NOT the means.

Cheers,
Lauren

[lauren05]

Wishing you the best on your journey, Charlster.
This is about you now and changing your life and you for the better without the destruction of gambling.

Well done !

Embrace every moment…it won’t be easy but there is no pain without gain.
Look forward to hearing from you when you get out.
I would have also completed mine by then.

God bless you.

Take care,
Lauren

[lauren05]

So pleased with myself that I got through payday yesterday without gambling. I paid all my bills the morning before leaving for work; well almost all, I forgot to pay the council tax; can’t afford to have it on debit or even standing order anymore, so have to remember but that would have left me with almost nothing. My rent came out the same time my salary came in. I set it up that way on a standing order so I was initially shocked that I had less salary than I expected.

My biggest payment was paying off my company card in full, almost £2,500. Just as well as I received a mail from work later informing how serious this was. I couldn’t be bothered to pay what was only due now and put myself at risk . At least next month I know that I don’t have to pay out any such large amount and it can go towards bringing down my OD.

I went to Costco after work to stock up on food and household goods for that ‘rainy day’. I seen a pressure washer on special for £250 which I checked was almost £400 at Homebase and toyed about buying it. I ended up buying it as my gambling acquaintance offered to loan me hers as she does’t have any space in her new rented home and I could store it for her but I don’t want to go down that route. Besides my late, wonderful dad always taught me… ‘neither a lender or a borrower be’ ! Well, not that I haven’t done that with the banks now !

But I’ve got a gut feeling about her and want to distance myself. I’m not feeling safe confiding in her after the questions or statements she’s making. At one time after GA I felt that she would call my company and let them know I was using my company card for purchases (food) which would get me fired.

She has been telling me she has no one to help her and constantly asks how much I pay for my rent and how much I earn. I know I’m a sucker and so gullible, it’s written on my forehead and will help anyone out if even if I don’t have to give but I get the feeling she is expecting me to be there for her and help her out after she gambled all her salary which I have thought of doing but I know it will just be funding her gambling. I guess I know now how my ex felt about me ! But even if I pay her credit card, she will use that credit to gamble again. I know she is not happy for me that I’m fighting to recover.

She has relapsed again and I’ve bought some odds and sods from her to help her out when I had no money, too and took her a bag of toilet rolls, kitchen towels and some food which was all I could offer with no money and she was very thankful as she had nothing. She always plays the ‘victim’ and I’ve offered to help her in the past. But since I let her know I self-excluded for life, I haven’t heard from her.

Well, I getting back…… I ended up spending over £600 at Costco and only have £200 credit left on my OD. I was so shocked and wondered about taking the pressure washer back but I’ll ride the tide. I’ve had less (i.e nothing) during the month for the past 3 months and somehow managed to survive and get through. At least I have food and household items for 6 months now !

I was quite proud of myself, portioning the bulk packs of meat and fish etc into single portions in freezer bags and labelled them to store in the freezer. It took ages but a worthwhile job rather than defrosting the whole pack and not being able to use it all.

For the first time in 3 months I’ve kept my salary. At least I have something to show for it now, paying my bills and getting groceries even a new pressure washer for my garden. 🙂

But after the thrill at self excluding and having my salary and ending up with £200 in credit OD and it IS FRIDAY night, the voices have come back… I’m shutting them out and been keeping busy. Good to get little chores, no matter how small done. It makes me feel good to get my house clean and sorted again. But boy, I am so bored, restless, wasting away cos I have nothing really exciting to do that gives me the buzz…… ? I would like try going back to gym and cycling but that motivation is not yet there. I need to lose weight to be happy about myself, too.

I’ve read Happy’s thread and took encouragement from that and how we can even have some laughs at ourselves. I can relate to how my ex- boyfriend liked the fact that he had this power of me when it came to money. He was controlling without that already and a perfectionist, so boy, did I fall far short.

One good thing I can say of him is that he pushed me to get my Master’s degree which he had, so I could study with him while he studied for his doctorate. He sent me a mail recently to say he’s got his doctorate and wants me to attend his graduation. Right ! Not after he spoilt mine last year and I ended up moving out during my graduation time. That’s the ugly side of me coming out…..Retaliation ? We did make a pact about 4 years ago that we would both try to get our doctorates by the time we’re 60. I still have that ambition but lost the motivation as it requires paying for uni fees for 6 years which I don’t have and taking 6 years to do it part-time as I have to work and can’t afford not to and study full-time which will still takes 3 years.

I’ve also written down Pat’s suggestion of watching ‘Stop It, Skit’, a Bob Newhart film. I need to watch or do something that would make laugh or motivate me out of this lull I’m in. I dare not think of that buzz or allow that thought to linger as it will captivate my thought process and lead me by the hand willingly, back to where I’m trying so hard to steer away from.

So for today, I will NOT gamble and be one more day, gamble free !

[lauren05]

No need to beat yourself up, Jen. You’re not a failure. This is not the real you. Just wrap it up, scrumple it and toss it. Fling it behind you and walk on by. You’re a lot further and better than you were last month. You have made such good progress.

Look forward to your weekend, go get a cuddle from your boyfriend, be nice and enjoy your weekend. You deserve it. You’e a lot closer to your recovery than you were before.

Stay strong an just shake it off. You still have enough to see you through this month. You’re no better off than I am and I didn’t gamble. 🙂

Today is done……enjoy the evening.

Love,
Lauren

[lauren05]

Jenny,

You’ve done very well to hold on to your salary and pay your bills. I’ve got paid yesterday and also paid my bills and know what you’re going through. I know about that buzz and do exactly the same as you by switching off the lights so that no one sees I’m up till till 4am spinning away in my own world.

I am desperate to gamble with the last £200 credit on my OD to turn this all around. I only have this £200 but it’s a lot more than nothing I’ve had for this whole month till now. I hear the voices urging to open new doors and dent my debt with a big win but I know it won’t happen but I so much want to try. I miss that buzz. I feel so empty and bored. Nothing satisfies that craving and feeling we get from gambling. Yet we cannot bear that awful aftermath of low, sick feeling and depression that follows cos we won’t stop and cash in even if we are up.

I can’t fathom how strong women like us who can take on challenges and deal with them in life are reduced to nothing when it comes to gambling. It is indeed a very tough decision requiring all your inner strength and determination to recover on a moment to moment basis. So, so hard.

Just try to distract yourself, delay it and tackle something that will occupy your time and mind. I speak for myself too. I’m working away feverishly with lots to do for work today but every time my mind wanders and I dint myself coming back on my personal laptop. It’s so much easier…. what I really want.

But we are strong and need to let our true selves focus on doing what is right.

Stay strong.

Lauren

[lauren05]

Andrea,

I’m praying for you to get there.
You’ll play those credits and even if you had money, you’ll only get the same results.

Talk to yourself. Your real mind knows what is right for you and that you MUST close that account. Stop listing to that devil on your shoulder. He is only telling you the same lies he told us and trying to deceive you in to staying and being self destructive. He doesn’t care about you, he doesn’t like you and he wants to damage you. Don’t believe a word of those trappings. It’s all lies, lies, lies and more lies and deceit. Let go and you make that right choice.

Love,
Lauren
xxxx

[Author]

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