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Great to read you are living a better life. Congratulations on your gamble free time! Nice post:)

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On the 14th it will be two months since I gambled. I sat down and went back through the calendar and that is three times in nearly 8 months. That is amazing! I am not cured, but I feel like I am moving in the right direction.
Yesterday was my daughter’s birthday and my husband and I both took the day off. We went to the zoo. My daughter invited a childhood friend, so the five of us went. Our son wrote her a poem that made me cry. She was a preemie with lots of complications when she was born. He took bits of the real story and mixed it up a little ( he has only our stories to go by). It was so sweet to know that he recognized that she is a miracle. She was so frail and had multiple health problems. That her younger brother took the time to write something like that, just made me so happy. His last line was, God has a plan for you….
I am so blessed that they are close.
So about the zoo…..it sprinkled rain off and on, then it started storming. We got stuck under a gazebo for an hour and a half. Had to walk out in a flood to leave, the rain just would not stop, noone around, but us. I think there were only about 6 cars in the parking lot when we left. Had to buy two pairs of flip flops, a beach towel and a dry shirt at the gift shop, can you say “cha-ching?” Very expensive! But I can honestly say I have no memory of my 22nd birthday, and my daughter will never forget hers!! Ha ha! At one point, we were all squeezed into a bench togeth, our feet hurt from pacing the gazebo. I now know all about Okapis and the Maribou Stork, also called the undertaker stork. I was a little concerned about the lightening and tried not to believe that ugly bird was an omen….lol. Horrible weather, but awesome day! It was an adventure.

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Hang in there! Psalm 30:5
Joy comes in the morning
Romans 8:31-39 More than conquerors
Psalm 121
Where does our help come from?

Praying for you to find your joy this day. XOXO

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I hope you enjoy your days off and make them count. 17 Days sounds like an elephant. You have to eat that one bite at a time.
I don’t know a thing about running a bar, but zi once printed a report that was 700 pages by mistake! It was supposed to be about 14:) I caught it around page 200…..
We all have these things available to do, right outside our homes and yet never take the time to see or experience them. I think the beach will be fun. I applaud you for not gambling when the opportunity is so available. I would like to know how you have managed that. You are an inspiration!

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I am enjoying your lists! I was sorry to read about the bank. Being really broke is a rough place. I am wondering about the hamster……is he in a better place?

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Welcome back! That roller coaster is expensive. I hope you read the journals here and find some tools to help you through to a more normal life. There is a lot of life passing us by when we choose to let gambling control us.
Posting your thoughts may help you in the early days when everything seems to pale in comparison. I felt really down spirited at first, but it was worth it to start finding myself again. Great start by excluding!

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Have a blast on your vacation!

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My Mom brought up the finance situation and she made the good decision to renew her contract. I also spoke to my Dad and he was aware of the risk. He told me, I have been married to her for over 40 years and if I had listened to her, we would be living in a cardboard box. He said he knows he has to try to protect their money. He also said he would support her if she ever decided to get some professional help. This was a revelation to me as he has his eyes open to the addiction.
Graduation was a wonderful time. We had two parties and both were full of family, food, and boating.

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Hi Liberty
I think you are right to ask for a female counselor to help you. Anxiety is something that I fight as well. It kind of grabs me by the throat sometimes. Gambling does put us in a sort of trance, but youu are so right that it is short lived. I noticed that after I first made a seriuos effort at quitting, my anxiety got much worse too as well as depression, but as some time went by, it did ease up as time went by. I think your book sounds excellent.
Debts and shame make anxiety worse for me, so I can’t go back to gambling to help in my coping. It just starts off a vicious cycle of self loathing, that is intolerable. I still have urges, but I am trying not to give them anytime to take hold of my thoughts. You are doing so well to seek counselling, I am rooting for you!

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What a great post! You won’t regret the pressure washer. I still think of purchases is relation to how many machines I might play. That new toy is cheap! Your garden will look great and you have a new project to do. Winner!
that video is only a few minutes long, you could watch it on your phone. It shows what a bad therapist might do. Itbalso reminds me not to take myself too seriously. I have had to take meds in the past for anxiety. Sometimes I think I give my fears too much power. This little clip reminds me not to dwell there:)

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I am wishing you a Happy Birthday too!
I am sure you will be excellent at your new job. I would encourage you to stay way from gambling as well. If you never link your new job with gambling, the urges won’t show up while your there. I don’t really have any urges at work ever since I transferred in Dec. My mind has never connected the two. It is a big difference for me.:)

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Regrets are a pull on our present ability, they can pull us back or help pull us up to better futures. Your glass is definitely half full.because you have breath today, you have an opportunity to create a better day today and tomorrow. I know what we have knocked down seems really bad, but lets build something better today. How do we start a new future? Be kind, show love, speak encouragement to ourselves and others, work hard at all we do. Short cuts and quick fixes don’t build futures. I told you once before that I am Fritz fan. I still am. You are changing everyday, for the better!

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Thank you for all your posts. I can’t really help much with this situation with my parents. I hate to let my sister have this burden, but until one of them tells me, it is too hard for me to bring it up. I talked to my Mom today and she was very chipper, my niece and nephews’s award ceremony is tonight. She was asking how much she should give my niece for graduation. She is my husband’s sister’s daughter. She was telling me about all the distant family that she sent gifts(money) to. She picked my son up from school today after his work detail punishment. She wants him to get a job.
I can’t get involved too much in their finances, my parents are only 63 and 66 yrs old. They aren’t demented. My Dad still works fulltme and he is brilliant. He drinks beer from the time he gets off work until he goes to bed. He is a royal jerk at times, but then he is a family man too. No wonder I have dysfunction, my Dad was my biggest supporter and yet he scared the living crap out of me growing up. He would say things like, you can be anything you want to be, you are smart, you are able. Then I have memories of my Mom having to pull over the car so he could puke, covering my ears so I wouldn’t hear him being sick. Both my parents have the best senses of humor, they adore each other, they are amazing, and yet, they are straight up dysfunctional people. Co-dependence, enabling, addictions, all that.
I am praying, but this is a scary time. I hope my Mom decides to renew with this group. My sister told her to do a two year contract. Maybe she will, otherwise because of her age, being below retirement age, she will see the tax man eat up as much as her gambling!
Speaking of taxes, my very first post mentions winning a couple of jackpots, well I won more than those two in 2014. Because I won, I had to pay taxes on my winnings this year. My so called winnings, because you know I never had that money for more than a minute, I paid over $3k in taxes on money I never got to use. So jackpots are lies too. I spent that money on gambling, then a year later I get to spend my own money on the fact that I won it! CG cannot win. A jackpot just costs me money, so why would I want to win one?

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I thank you Happy for sharing because I am always one bet away from that!
I am concerned for my CG Mother and truthfully frightened for both my parents right now. My Mother has a retirement that hasbeen under a financial planner’s care for the last ten years. That contract is expiring and she told my sister that she doesn’t want to keep her money there. She wants it available. I told my sister to tell our Dad what she is planning. She has that retirement just as much because of him as for her own hard work. He worked a job that allowed her to work and save that money. This is his retirement too. If she gets ahold of that money it will be gone in a year. My sister was afraid of causing a fight between them if she told Dad. I told ner to tell nim anyway! Imagine the fight if he finds out all his plans for retirement are gone because she loses it all.
I am worried sick over them. I told my sister that I still want to gamble, that despite the ban, I am still struggling. Our Mom is over the top in the throws of this addiction. She could have them bankrupt in no time if she has access to that all at once.
She is mean, she lies, she is agitated all the time. She is miserable and no where near ready to admit she has a problem. My Dad is an alcoholic and he is mean to her too, which just makes her want to run gamble. It is enough to make me dizzy.

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Thank you Ican for your sweet words. I think you should post just like you mentioned. Just like you are talking to a friend. I don’t have a perfect family, who does? Your comments made me want to cry. I think above everything I am called to do, parenting my children is my biggest job, but at some point, they are on their own. Their walk becomes their own. We have already come to that. They are nearly grown. I can only support and guide. You can’t punish a 17 year old very much. I can take his phone. I can put him to work.
I like the idea of more magical moments. I think that is like getting a big win.

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