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I want to pledge this month too! By the end of November, I will be 6 weeks without a bet. Thank you, Ican for the accountability.

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Ran into a convenience store and
Had a momentary thought to buy a scratch off lottery, nope no gambling today!
We were able to pay the second installment for our daughter’s root canal at the dentist. If we had not self excluded, she would still be in agony. So happy to be able to pay the dentist.
No savings left. Dipped into the retirement plan to save the house. Sold my first wedding band a while back and nearly all my jewelry. This is why I am on this site. The results of mine and my husband’s stupidity is in every bill collector’s call. Every piece of mail that I can’t bring myself to open.

I have to start over with my finances. Really I have to start in the negative (big negatives) Worry, worry, worry……all we can do is get through today.
Really mad at myself for being so stupid.

Today was a gamble free day. Work was good. Went to the parade. Had a diet coke. Saw some old friends. It was fun. My son did an awesome job as emcee. Lots to be thankful for.
Tomorrow is another payday and as I am an excluded person at the casino, I think I shall pay my boat payment and the mortgage!!!!
Kelley

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Really hard day at work today. I was the only nurse in the office today. I work in home care and it can be quite stressful. It was great to be busy and not have time to think about bills and debt.
Just doing the work.
Tomorrow will be the same as the other nurse is off all week.
I plan to attend a parade tomorrow. It is homecoming for my son’s highschool. He was elected to be the emcee for the homecoming court. He will also be in the parade, riding in the lead car and waving at the crowd. Then he will announce all the floats and the homecoming court. So proud of him.

I want to keep my days full so that time will pass and I can figure out what life is like without my “crutch” (thank you Vera). I realize you are so right. I am grieving. I am imagining my addiction as a relationship……It’s like a close relative that I could never get to really love me is gone.
I am so sad that I never will have a chance again. But I am so happy to be free from trying. I won plenty of times, but my crazy brain was never satisfied anyway.
Time to move on with the real purpose in my life.
Just have to pray God shows me what that is.

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I just want to thank you for your journal. I spent a couple of evenings reading your story. And yes, you should print it and send it to a publisher.
Your honesty and funny wit make it easy to relate. I would certainly buy it!

Really, just Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Hope you are feeling well again and I hope your new boss turns out to be the best one you ever had.
May God bless you and keep you!

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You were so nice to post on my journal and it meant a lot to me. Helping others by posting is something you can do for free! And let me tell you, I could be considered a cause in and of myself.
You wrote to me that I would have some hard times ahead and you were correct. Yesterday was a really down day for me. I had a pity party all day.
Today has been much better.
I am trying to remember what I liked to do before I started giving my life away to the slot machines. The list is short! I have been running to the casino for so many years now that I have kind of forgotten who I am. I have to take some
Time to remember me….

Today is special. It is today. Hope you have a fantastic one!

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Reading your story makes me really appreciate the sneakiness of this addiction. This my first real attempt to get away from gambling.
I will stay very alert to the feeling that I have beat this. I cant afford a relapse!
I wish you luck with telling your girlfriend and it sounds like you have some solid plans in place. Your family sounds like they love you very much too!
There are a lot of people in this world that have been able to live gamble free. You and I are going to make two more!!
Keep up the good work.

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I feel like I just want to curl up and cry my eyes out.
I mean there are certainly stressful things going on in my life, but nothing to warrant the crap day I have allowed myself today.
We found out our 16 year old did lied to us over something that happened over the summer. It was bad. It hurt me, he’s 16. Right? Teenagers are sneaky. It wasnt criminal, just against our rules.
I have $18 in the bank. That really is awful, but we have food and gas enough until Wed. Just two days away.
Gambling has bothered me a little with thoughts. Mostly just the want to run away! Escape this terrible sadness. I listened to some uplifting music on my way home. Tryng to hand it over to God. I cried and sang along.

I just feel so crappy sad!!!! What the heck is wrong with me? I have all I need. I have a beautiful healthy family. I keep counting my blessings and yet can’t seem to make the joy stay with me.
I read some other journals and see right in front of my eyes that if this is my rock bottom then I am soooo blessed.
I havent lost it all. I just need to shake myself. Thank God I very easily could have lost my home.

This pity party sucks! Going to stop now and recount my blessings.
#1—-I did not gamble today
#2—-I have all I need for this day
#3—-God is in control…………….
This does help:)

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Thank you Kathryn and Micky for the kind responses.
We just got back from church and you would think that being there helps. Well it does, and I didnt think about gambling at all until we were leaving. As I got in the car with my family, I had the thought…now what are we going to do for the rest of the day. (Momentary strong thoughts of gambling, then remembered…oh yeah, cant we would be trespassing)
Of course many weekend afternoons, we would get the kids all settled with their things and my husband and I would take off to the Slots. It was normal for us to go 8 hrs on a Sunday.

Thinking to be home by 10pm usually not home until 2am and having to both work the next day. Almost always not leaving until there was no way to access more money. Worrying about gas money, lunch money for the 16 yr old and so on the drve home.
We had lunch at church today, a potluck, and somehow brought home more food than we brought. Thank God as are cubbard is close to bare. I am so glad to not have to live the double life today. Feeling like such a hypocrite was tiring and made me very ashamed. We should be able to help others who are less fortunate, but our gambling took all our money away. We have been terrible stewards. Not anymore! We will get this debt turned around and instead of giving 4k to the casino before Christmas maybe we will be able to help a family in need this year.
We will not be doing that again today. So it looks like The NFL games today and maybe some laundry.
Feeling good about the changes today.

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I live in Florida too. My husband and I just self-excluded from our local casino because we were blowing our money away too. What a relief to know we can’t go back there. Or any of the 5 Casinos they have in Florida. We were never going to stop on our own. Two gamblers in the same house! I understand how hard it is. My Mom goes all the time.
We made a stand against this terrible addiction. You can too. Its been 8 days and my sleep is sooooo much better!!
I have read a lot of these journal posts now and it is so nice to read of all the uplifting comments. Take some time and read through some of them.
You are not alone.

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