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I was watching the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade and saw all the decorations for Christmas. My mind took me to the casino and a gorgeous picture of the giant tree and all the beautiful decorations that will be up right now. What a strong desire I had to be there. It’s strange how the temptation paints the prettiest picture of a very dangerous place. The casino is dangerous to me. It is a place that would lead to my destruction. I want to go so bad.
I won’t go. I can’t go.
Today is Thanksgiving Day and I am Thankful today for the ban that is in place. A lifetime ban because I will need that barrier for the rest of my life.
Feeling a little defeated to know that the desire can still be so strong. I am helpless if I rely on myself. I am Thankful that I don’t have to. I have My God, my family, and my ban to get me through without causing more pain and destruction to my life.
Happy Gamble free life today.

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Happy Thanksgiving!

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Happy Thanksgiving to you!

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Just finished making deviled eggs to bring for Thanksgiving. I get to make all the stinky food! I am bringing collard greens and deviled eggs. The eggs take forever because we go to the in-laws for lunch and my Mom’s for dinner. I made about 50. Fingers are all wrinkly amd the entire house smells like a giant f*rt.
But this is a labor of love. Last year we baked the turkey, but I am getting off easy this year.
Thanksgiving is more than food it is a time to really concentrate on all the blessings we have. I am Thankful for my family and that we all live close enough to get together to celebrate all that God has given us. A Thankful heart is a happy heart.
I know Thanksgiving is an American Holiday, but I want to wish all my new friends here a Happy Thanksgiving anyway.
I am Thankful to have found you all. (Sad, P, Vera, RG, Carole, Lizbeth, Micky, Ican, Bettie, Kathryn, Lorraine, and John and all the brandnew people here) you all have made these last six weeks without gambling much, much easier and I am Thankful for you.
Thank you, Janey, Charles, Harry, and Velvet for all you are doing to help ease this terrible pain I have caused myself. This site is wonderful:)

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Wonderful!!!

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My interview went well and if all works out I should be transferring by the end of next week. I was told there would be an increase in my salary, but no definite figure yet.
I had to drive right past the casino to the office where I interviewed. It was weird. I have slipped in there during work hours in the past if a meeting took me that way. I called it my lunch hour. Today, The self-ban worked it’s magic and I drove past it twice without too much difficulty. I did have some thoughts, but they were fleeting. This is probably the closest I have been in proximity to the casino since we banned. I feel very good about it.
No school this week for the highschool. I am only off for Thanksgiving Day.
Working on renewing my mind with good things, good thoughts, and The Good Book. One day at a time. God is good.

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I had a full day today. We went to church then to my sister’s for lunch. They grilled hamburgers and hot dogs and chicken legs. We even stayed for dinner too. Our Mom came over and I got to spend a few minutes with her. She is going back to work. Her first job in several years. I hope it will give ner something to look forward to besides gambling. She needs to do something. She retired very young and has way too much time on her hands.

I was contacted about an interview for Monday morning and had to go to Walmart for printer ink. Can’t interview without a copy of the resume. This is for a transfer in the company. I believe I have mentioned how much I dread Walmart…NEVER AN OPEN REGISTER! Long lines, I need to work on patience. The place is to be avoided if at all possible. Truth is It really wasn’t too bad tonight. 8:15pm on a Sunday. (I didn’t want to pull my hair out)
I had zero thoughts or desire to gamble today. Money is still an issue but there have been a couple of rays of hope.
I was able to donate a few bags of groceries for the Thanksgiving baskets at church. We may not have much right now, but we have enough and more than so many others.

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We went to the movies tonight! Saw Mockingjay. Our Family of four, i was able to look forward to it and really had a great time. There was a little drawback, there were about five 13 yeqr old girls that sat behind us and “whispered” through the entire movie. Ahhhhhh, youth. I am definitely getting old.
Read some today about gambling addiction and I think I should probably stay away from some of that type reading.
It seemed to have the opposite effect and made me have some pretty strong urges. That really is very messed up thinking!
I got a lot of laundry done and went grocery shopping. I clipped some coupons and was able to save about $8. I only use coupons on things I would normally buy anyway. I am Not a serious coupon whiz.
I really had a very productive day and that is all I could ask for 🙂

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Hi Bettie
I have been watching the weather reports and I hope you are taking care. Your posts on my thread have been so insightful. Thinking of Christmas makes me nervous. I l related to your CD Christmas post. Last year I used my comp points to buy stocking stuffers from the casino’s hotel gift shop. Mints, deodorant, candy and such. It only cost me a thousand dollars in losses!
This year there is no credit to use (everthing is maxed). I will not be going further into debt. I will pay as I go. There are still thoughts swirling around in my head, but I am working on them. God is working on me. I am aware of these thoughts and combating them with prayer, reading about addiction, posting here, and talking with my husband.
STAY WARM AND SAFE

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Friday night and have felt restless tonight. All kinds of senarios going around in my head. I am going to bed and starve the slot/casino think with a good, restful night’s sleep. I have to buy the groceries for my contribution for Thanksgiving lunch at the in-laws and dinner at my Mom’s. Can’t afford to lose a cent. Can’t afford to lose the self-respect I am slowly gaining back.
I deserve a better life than I have been living and gambling would keep from that life. I will not spend another moment today on those senarios that would all end up in REGRET!

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Hope you are taking care.

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You wrote on my post that everyone has difficulties in their lives and it is how we deal with them that matters. You know this woman, you have a history. You have a child together. Dont react just yet. Wait it out some. There is still time before the holiday. There may be some way to have it work out, just like Sad said.
You are very important. Your son, your Dad and even your brother need you. Alcohol may make you feel less pain for a moment, but you said it keeps you from being able to get good work done. Dont quit quitting!!!
I think you should just call it what it is. You have had a bad day. Now, move on. Onwards and upwards.

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Thank you Sad! I am staying away from that slot life and I mean it this time!
The musical theater group did a great job. My son had two solos. He sang a duet from Phantom of the Opera. He really was the star of the show.
So….after a grand performance the group apparently goes out to celebrate at Chili’s. This is a tradition. Our son is new to the class and did not know about the tradition. He told us after the show. We did not have any money! We had to tell him no. I was mortified. He was devastated. He nearly cried. His Dad looking at him, telling him, we just didn’t have it. It couldn’t be worked out. (He only needed about $14!! Arrrgggh!
We get paid tomorrow and with all the financial troubles I planned to the penny. There was nothing we could do. This is the direct result of gambling. We may not have stolen anything , but this is what really makes me mad at myself. This was important to him. I am a little over a month without that stupidity and it is effecting us still.
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He must be ok now, I hear him in the other room singing. Maybe he will forget about it. I hope I don’t. I hope I remember this when next year or next month hopefully, things aren’t so tight and that old horrid little demon starts saying things are better, things aren’t that bad now… I want to remember hurting my kid this way. The star of the show, getting calls from his friends. Where are you? Are you coming? No..no my parents said I can’t. I have to go home:(

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I threw my hat in the ring for a possible transfer to a larger branch. I am excited about the possibility of a more challenging office. My office is one of the smallest in the company, but this transfer would be a big step up. I have been in the position a little over two years. So I am ready for a bigger opportunity and it would mean a raise. I talked to the regional over that office and it sounded like she was very interested in me for the position. I would be leaving my office without an Administrator but hey those ladies I work with are some of the most pessimistic people I have ever worked with. Most of them are young enough to be my kids and they really have poor attitudes. It is hard for me to stay positive, they don’t even get my jokes have the time! I happen to like to laugh, so working with them these years has been a struggle. I always thought I could win just about anyone over by being nice and fair, consistent and treat everyone well. These people I work with have no idea how bad a boss they could have.
We have to go for a musical theater concert tonight for our son’s highschool. It is hard to keep up with all his activities.
Have to make plan for a quick dinner and get on the road.
I hope that everyone has a wonderful evening.

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Thank you P and CanDo for the posts. You two are very kind:)
We have had very bad weather today. Tornados in Florida!

On the Recovery front: I had to go to the bank today and deposit enough money to be able to get them to unfreeze the account. This was soooo humiliating. We are overdrawn in one bnk and had a freeze on the other. All the while the children are oblivious to how serious their parents screwed up. (We have told them we are broke, but they just don’t get it.)

Yesterday We went to the Grand Floridian for lunch and had a 50% off coupon. Daughter had to pay her share. We got into one of the parks for free and got complimentery waters and used another coupon for free popcorn. This is how a CG manages Disney:)
We had to go for our niece she turns 6 tomorrow. Most of the family bailed on my sister in law and we just couldnt let her down too. So, our truck is not getting repossed this month (thank you God). We didn’t let anyone down in the family. Our nephew hung with us all afternoon. My son and nephew are close in age and don’t get to see each other all that much. Lots of good things there.
It just kills me that it has been a month without throwing money into the slots and we are still moment to moment with money.
I am sorry for ranting here. I just cant seem to believe what a mess we have made. Our children expect a Christmas. They also expect hot water and electricity (ha ha).

One day at a time. I have no control over where that former gambled money went. I can only control where the next money goes. I see now that I was chasing my losses. Running deeper and deeper into the hole.
Thank God we stopped when we did. I think I probably was one step away from doing something illegal!

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