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I thought of you on Monday. I dressed up a little for work. Walked into the office and felt a flapping sensation. I looked down and my most comfortable pair of wedges had nearly come completely unglued. One of the nurses taped it up and I worked all day like that. I thought to glue it when I got home but when I took off the taped it took off some of the black laquer. They may be done for.
good luck on your date and excited for you to see your boy!
Happy New Year!

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Happy New Year, my friend:)
Wishing you all the joy your household can hold for 2015!

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Happy New Year!!!
May 2015 bring God’s Blessings on you and your family:)

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I have been thinking about what triggered such a strong desire for me to act out and try to gamble. There have been quite a few.
I talked with my Dad about the ban. He was happy and wanted me to suggest it to Mom. I already have. We talked about jackpots and times he went to casinos. My parents were high rollers for several years before my Dad put a stop to it. He likes to gamble but doesn’t because of Mom’s addiction. They are planning a cruise in Feb. And got a huge comp. Because of the gambling they both did on their last cruise in Dec 2013. (Triggers here for me)
I spent a lot of money on Christmas. Just the act of spending like that seemed like a trigger.
I bought that scratch off ticket and then bought another a few days later.
I had cash in my purse! Got to change that. I am monumentally in debt, but have to save some to make some big pay payments and that takes determination and patience. I have very little of either.
No gambling today. Going to church andthen home safe away from temptation. I feel like I am starting over in recovering my desire to stay away from gambling. I can’t believe how easily I lost my resolve. I hate that I have this addiction!!!

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I tried very hard to go to the casino boat this evening. I used all the old tricks, I pleaded and threatened, I shamed him (he gets nervous about sea sickness). I am not proud of any of my behavior. My son told me if we went, he wouldn’t speak to me for a month. I did not care……? I am such a piece of work sometimes! My husband stood up to me (the beast). He kept saying no, and when we were finally in the car, he drove past the exit, all with me seething…and into some of the worst post-holiday traffic I have ever seen. We ended up at a very large shopping mall, it was packed with people. People come here from all over the world. I bought a new pair of slippers and a pair of white jeans. We bought him a light weight sweater. All at super low prices! We shared an appetizer and had salad at a bistro.
He did end up buying $25 worth of scratch off tickets. Feeling very glad that he was stronger tonight.
He was the barrier. I am so glad we did not go. I am going
to get a good night’s sleep. I am not in the hole from this evening.
I am not sure how I feel about all that happened, but I really do love these slippers. I have not played a slot in 2 1/2 months, but I am struggling.

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Missing your posts, hope all is well with you.

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Just found this poem today. It is lovely. Thank you Sad!

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Just found this poem today. It is lovely. Thank you Sad!

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Merry Christmas to you and your family, be blessed:)

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A wonderful poem, thank you, Vera!

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A wonderful poem, thank you, Vera!

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Oh my, this poem gets right to the heart of it!
Rips me up, because this is my poem too:(

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Oh my, this poem gets right to the heart of it!
Rips me up, because this is my poem too:(

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Getting the house in order for our Christmas eve party. It is going to rain, in fact it has already started raining. That really puts a dent in the plans. We need to be able to be on the back porch and backyard. We usually have a fire in the fire pit. Last year, we had about 30 people here at one time, it’s an open house, so some people just drop in for a few minutes. I am stressing about this rain! I guess we will sit on each other’s laps if we cant use the outside.
Cleaning bathrooms and cutting up cheese and pickles. Crockpot weenies are cooking. Have tons to do still. All the gifts are wrapped. The dog has been bathed. There is a fly in the house and I cant get it to land so I can kill it.
Yes, yes, I have a little ADD..haha.
blessings abound! If I have all this to do, that means we have lots of love too!
Got to get Back to it now, Merry Christmas to all:)

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Thank you Bettie and thank you Velvet!
I do believe I woke up the beast. Yesterday, I surfed the web for future trips to distant casinos. I then read both your posts and went back and read my entire thread. I can’t go back to those days. I am seeing progress in my thoughts and healthier ways of coping. I want to be gamble free. I want to stay gamble free. That one ticket reset some of my thinking and I was planning, planning again. That scares me. I don’t have the money to go on a trip, but what about when I do?
I know I will not gamble today or tomorrow. But what about next month? Today is enough I guess, just worry about today.

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