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As the Mad Hatter would say, “A very merry UNbirthday to you!”
BTW, it is my UN birthday as well:)
Lol

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Welcome to the forum!
I started here in October and the people here have helped so much. Once you start writing, I found it helpful to go back and read my earlier posts. It reminds me of how desperate I was when I first tried to seriously quit. I had tried for nearly two years on shear willpower. (I found that was not working). I finally banned myself and started my journal.
You can stop. It really is worth it.

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Hi Malcolm,
Hope you are doing well. I have decided to find the good in my circumstances and try to stay focused on that..When I turn my head too far to the right or the left, I start to get a little shaky. So I am just keeping my chin up and handling it all the best I can. By focusing on the positives, I can handle the bad stuff without having a total melt down.

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Going through some teenager drama. I hope and pray it doesn’t become a legal matter. There is an investigation. My son reported the problem to his school administrators, but he was not completely innocent, despite him being the victim in the end, he may face some trouble himself. I have not been contacted by the police, but it is most likely just a matter of time.
This is one of those things I know I cannot control, so the answer for me is to pray instead of worry.
Gambling thoughts have been few, while dealing with this whole mess, when they come it is like a gnat that I just swat away. I can’t be bothered with that.
Life can get complicated without gambling, my mind is more clear and I am able to focus on how best to get through these rough spots.

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Your post made me remember a story.
My Dad has always loved to fish, but BOAT really is an acronym for Bring On Another Thousand…so every time the motor would act up, it would emd up costing $$$.
Wjen he was about 50 years old, he took a class at the trade school on boat motor repair (the class was meant for young people wanting to learn a trade). He volunteered his motor for the school project. They fixed his motor, he learned how to work on it at the same time. The class cost about $400, I always thought that was brilliant!

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Oh, the things we can’t control….There are so many. I will add this to my prayer list. Thanking God in advance for your delivery from this financial problem.

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It is a little frightening to try something new, but that close call with the casino……that’s an old road. You know what lies down that path.
what kind of a class sounds interesting to you?

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Tackling the repercusions seem to be the hardest part of recovery for me. In reading your post and others’, I can see I am not alone. I hope these people give you the time you need to fix the issues. I don’t have these types chasing me, mine are more in the form of law firms, who have taken over my old debts from creditors. If I don’t pay they can freeze my bank accounts. I fear them, none the less. Stay safe and you are right to stay hard at work. That is the way to freedom, gotta pay up.
I will join you in the scream, ARGGH! What Have I done? Only way out is hard work, cause gambling got me here and I won’t believe it can fix this crap. It only ever caused it!

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I think as we become more self aware, the pain and messed up feelings come from knowing we knew better and did it anyways. I think we diappoint ourselves. The feeling if not having control over the urge really hurts me. I want to believe I am stronger than that. I know I am!
I know you are too. So does your inner psyche. We are getting stronger and and gambling becomes less and less fun, we see it for the lie it is.
Good that you are getting out in the world.

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This dream sounds like something God showed you. We may be addicts, but we make all make a decision to reclaim the fog (the gambling). We can live without it. It is choice to keep partaking of the fog.
?????
thank you for sharing this:)

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This is a wonderful day!
That sniff of freedom is intoxicating all on it’s own:)

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Missing out on a get away like that would make me sad too!
So many spouses have no idea what or how to offer the comfort or support we need.
You’re awesome to have cooked that dinner, I would have boycotted.

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Welcome to this forum. There is a lot of support here. I understand about living with a disguise. Noone, including my husband, who gambled right alongside me, had any idea how badly hooked I was. I am still struggling, but I have some tools now to aide me. I hope you keep posting, let us know how you are doing.

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thank you for the post ,Sad:)
I dug into some boxes today and tried to sort through mounds of old mail and receipts…I mean I sat down for almost two hours doing this. I found lots of sentimental cards and of course old bills, paystubs, and junk mail. I also found over $4500.00 in check requests and ATM receipts for the casino most of that in a two week period from last Feb. The waste of that money really hit me hard. Back in Oct. I thought we had burned all those receipts. I found three for over $600 each and that means we had already gotten our daily limit from the ATM. We were out of control!
I worked all day on sorting junk drawers and paperwork. I realize I need to buy a filing cabinet. I need to put photos in albums. I have a major headache from reading all those late bill letters and the dust from pushing several boxes full of paperwork to the back of the closet. I found some old poetry (mine and my husband’s). I found a letter I wwrote to my hb just before our daughter was born, drawings from the kids, report cards, and a letter from my Granny to my daughter from1993. Very emotional overall. The biggest complaint I have is you can’t tell I did a thing. The house is still a mess!
I also had a virus attack my computer and encrypt all my photos and documents. I spent hours last night and early this morning with some antivirus software. The bugs (trojan viruses mostly are gone, but the encryption looks permanent for the previous stuff. The warning that came up basically said, I wiuld have to pay to get the key to unlock my documents. It was badly mispelled and very ominous looking. I let my subscription lapse for the antivirus software. Now it’s up and running again.
My husband is doing much better. He cleaned the garage and swept and mopped today. (He has done the floors since our dog sheds so bad and I always tell him, that is his dog). I can’t have rugs or carpet because of that poor dog!
so I am tired, mentally tired most of all.
Sure am glad I am not gambling. I haven’t had many strong urges lately, but it has only been 21 days since my last trip. Seeing all those receipts make sure I won’t gamble tomorrow either! After that it is odaat!

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Four Months! Four months without gambling would be a new experience for me! Congratulations!
I am sorry you had a bad day and it is back to the usual. I am glad you posted:)
I have missed you!

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