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I am familiar with both of these and they work. Neither should be mixed with alcohol so be careful there. You are right that it takes a little time for the citalopram to reach the desired result, so don’t expect a suddden change. Just taking the steps you have show that you are definitely on the right track. The laymen’s view on antidepressants is a shame. If someone had diabetes or hypertension, most everyone would agree that a medicine is the right course, depression needs to be treated as well. Our circumstances can create depression, but often times it is an imbalance in mood related hormones and these require regulating just like any other disease process. Good job in looking after yourself. Caring for our physical and mental well being is vitally important if we hope to beat this addiction. We are worth it!

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I have a big meeting this morning. I have to borrow my daughter’s car. She is bent out of shape over it. Despite me having paid at least 4 payments in the last 6 months. My car wont be repaired for another week.
I have to drive past the casino, it doesn’t really bother me today to do that. That place is in my past. We did get some mail from the casino down south, it is three hours from here. They offered a free cruise for two if we came this coming Sunday to register. It is too expensive, that FREE cruise, so into the trash it goes. I am enjoying a little freedom and strenth to say no.

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We’ll see?
What exactly are you saying here?
I hope you enjoy your time away and do all the things to keep your piece of mind that you have worked so hard for. The aftermath otherwise is a crazy trip.

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Thank you for sharing this. I am just the same as you, the CG that I have developed would turn a fun time into something destructive. I am sorry that you are miserable, but if you can find any consolation, your honesty speaks right to me. I cannot enjoy gambling. I cannot leave an opening to try and go occasionally. If I do, I would post this very same outcome.
I hope you are kind to yourself. Don’t beat yourself up too much. We are all weak at times. There are enough people and enough sufferings that we all have to endure, don’t add to them by being mean to yourself. You screwed up sure, but you had many months of gamble free time. It looks like you learned something that can be added to your arsenal to fight this addiction.
Sending you wwarm thoughts and my thanks again. Hugs to you too.

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Thank you Lizbeth and Ican,
I have had a rough week for sure, but all is well at the moment. My hb nd and I have gotten up early and have been cleaning. Now I want to get out of this house. We need to get the oil changed in his truck today, it is way overdue. It is our only transportation until my car is fixed.
Then I would like to do some thrift shopping and maybe go to the flea market. It has the best produce and is only open on Fri, Sat and Sun. The day is blue and beautiful. I wish all here could enjoy the gorgeous weather we are having.
Gambling thoughts have been creeping into my mind, I need to do something to put them out! I have no opportunity and no plans, no money either for that. Time now to enjoy the day without causing myself and my family harm. This is the day that the Lord hath made, I will rejoice and be glad in it!

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I somehow missed your post here and am so sorry you have found yourself caught up again in the horrible cycle. Goood for you for trying again. That’s all we can do is get back up, put all the barriers back in place and move forward. All those tools you have used are just waiting to be picked back up and put to work. You are worth the effort to get stopped and stay stopped.
What can come of gambling? Nothing but heartache. Who needs more of that?

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Hi John
I wanted to know about the date too. Please come back and update soon. Did you make an appointment for your GP?

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I hope you feel better soon. I will be keeping your grandson and your family in my prayers.
Keeping the ones we love from harm is a hard thing to unlearn. If we were to completely unlearn to do that, what sort of persons would we be? I think that caring is part of what makes us be able to have lasting relationships. You do need to set boundaries and let others succeed or fail on their own, but how do we know when to let go? I can’t seem to differientiate between helping and meddling sometimes. Putting ourselves first kind of goes against the mother’s instinct, it is really tough.

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Got to love the bump, bump, bump! I need to find something healthy to that! Bowling, whod a thunk it???
Good for you!

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The addicted voice tries to rationalize why it is ok to gamble again. That voice is a liar. Don’t listen to it. Whether you believe it is yourself or some beast, it doesn’t matter. It is lying. There is no joy in the aftermath. Even if you won, the guilt and feeling s of failure are not worth the money. To feel like I can’t control myself, that is what I think makes me the most upset when I give in. I am not weak, yet I let some lying urge control my actions? Not a good feeling. Your brain is starting to normalize, the addiction is starving. Don’t feed it. Its like when you quit smoking, just like that. Do you ever want to live day one again?

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I like this a lot!

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I like this a lot!

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Thank you Lizbeth!
My car is in the shop for at least another week. Damge was nearly $3400! They said I hit something small and it was red. It did a lot of damage and I dont have rental car insurance (I cancelled that because we have to have the kids on the policy and the premiums were insanely high).
Now the positives regarding all this…..
My husband was driving me to work when the school resource officer called about the teen investigation. I was able to get off from work and his dad was too. The officer was adamant that we come to the school this morning. I am not sure that we both would have been there if I had my car. I am sooooo glad that both of us were there. It showed a united front of support for our son. He needed that. We met with the officer, the Dean, and the other teen’s mother. The teens signed a no contact contract and the parents, we signed too. What could have been criminal charges were not pursued. My son was told that he would have been in legal trouble if the investigation continued. I am praising God that this will go no further. Our son was the resulting victim, but because of his own actions, this could have been very serious for him. It could have resulted in permanent stains on his record and potentially keeping him from going to college or being eligible in certain fields of work.. This has been a real eye opener for him and I pray it changes his future for the better.
I am wiped out, stomach was in knots and now the tension headache, as all the stress is resolving, is setting in. I need a massage. My husband is playing a video game where he gets to shoot aliens and I think he is destressing that way! When our kids get in trouble, parenting becomes the most frighteningly hard job Ever.

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I Like his perspective. To have the best chance of success against an addiction is to truly believe we can change. I believe that I can change. I also know that I have to rely on God in me, to make that change. I don’t personally have the willpower to fight my addiction. I have to give it over, recognizing that God has the power that I lack.
I have read and reread the 12 step approach and “higher power” for me is God and that is why I am typing His name here. I didn’t choose to beecome addicted to gambling, but once I realized I was addicted, everytime I have gambled since then has been a conciuos choice for me. Feeling compelled is no real excuse.
I just love your posts, sorry I highjacked your thread. You really are something special. Thank You!,

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Life can get hectic, but if it is too quiet, I get bored.
still no news on the teenager drama, however, today I created some of my own. I ran over something on my way to work and it ripped the undercarriage of my car. Whatever it was, maybe a cinder block, it punched a hole in the oil pan. I had to call the insurance compamy and have it towed. It is considered a collision and I am considered at fault. Deductible is $500 and of course my insurance premiums will go up now.
I am glad it was not worse. I am glad I have not been gambling because at least now I will be able to pay the deductible.

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