[kpat]

Thank you!
I need the accountibility right now. I was letting my thoughts travel in dangerous directions.
So here goes….
I will not gamble in March. I will start myy 1000 piece puzzle. I will not plan trips in my mind. I will be thankful for every day I am given.
You see, I have this friend nmed Icandothis. She made a new thread because I asked her to. I will not let her down this month. I will not let myself or my family down by wasting my money, time, or thoughts on something as self-destructing as gambling.
XXX

[kpat]

I am sorry that you are having to sell what sounds like a beautiful retreat. Change is hard. You are not alone in finding it difficult.
I recently upgraded my phone and I no longer carry one with a cracked face. I was a sort of joke, because it was cracked for nearly two years!

[kpat]

I can relate to the unsafe drives. My gambling was on slots at a casino 45 mins from home. I self excluded and that was the single biggest thing I have done to help me quit. You can do it! Our lives are more important than the addiction. Fighting it is tough and the barrier of banning myself has given me a chance at a meaningful life.

[kpat]

Great job! Gambling is a trap. We have to find new things to fill our time. The only safe way to make money is to earn it. I am happy you are putting things in place to change your life for the better.

[kpat]

Hi Tom
Welcome to the forum. Please keep that openess that you found in treatment. I believe it is an essential part of my own recovery. I wish all the best and will keep up with your thread so go ahead and post regularly. It really does help.

[kpat]

Just wanted to say thanks to you. You were the first to write on my thread. I read it often. Your words went straight to my heart when I was in so much pain and inner turmoil. I am glad that you don’t need to be here as often, glad for you and hopeful for myself. 🙂

[kpat]

There he is! That’s JohnSomebody talking/typing!! I remember having my bank account frozen becaue I was behind on a loan. Having to fix that was humiliating. They could see all the withdrawals to the casino.
This paticular setback is not from gambling, and the longer you go without gambling, this sort of thing will be taken in stride. It is the truth that the repurcussions last a good long while, but day by day we get better able to roll with it all.

[kpat]

There he is! That’s JohnSomebody talking/typing!! I remember having my bank account frozen becaue I was behind on a loan. Having to fix that was humiliating. They could see all the withdrawals to the casino.
This paticular setback is not from gambling, and the longer you go without gambling, this sort of thing will be taken in stride. It is the truth that the repurcussions last a good long while, but day by day we get better able to roll with it all.

[kpat]

Hi NursePretty,
In the very early days for me, back in Oct., I cried a lot! I banned myself and then had no plan to fill the void. I never played on-line, and I know that has to be very hardk but you can do this. I am a nurse too. We see the mistakes of our patients and educate them. We rarely take our own advice (I Smoke!) But this gambling thing is embarrasing. We work so hard, to just give it all plus more away. It is not something we would want to share with co-workers. How can someone trust us if we have a problem like this?
You are doing the right thing by putting the barriers in place. I never had a chance of stopping until I did. Two weeks was my usual breakdown time. I once went 2 months in 5 years, I was flat broke and waiting for money!
You have got to change it up. Look up the MRI of a CG. We kill oir enjoyment center of our brain with this addiction. I believe I am finally beginning to have a more normalized brain. I am beginning to see the fun in normal activities.
I felt I had to post to your thread, because I laughed about matching socks. I have a post just like that on mine. We are worth quitting for. We don’t have to live in shame. Lying about money, being irresponsible with our futures.
Keep posting. Keep reading all you can on this addiction. It is all part of the arsenal we need to win.

[kpat]

This is exactly why barriers are so important! I could never make it more than two weeks on my own and only then because I WAS BROKE!!
It takes extraordinary measures to change habits and move forward. Even though gambling only ever brought me pain in the past 5 years, my brain says, dont you remember when it was fun? What a load of crap. I know you can beat this and have a good life ahead. You will have quite the story to help others when you get to the otherside too!

[kpat]

Life is certainly tough enough without us going and making it worse. You have a wonderful story to tell and your perspective is so greatly appreciated by me. I am always eager to read your posts. For myself, it was easy to share with my husband as he was right along side me when I gambled. I agree with you about honesty. I don’t see how anyone who was and is as hooked as I am/was could ever be successful without the help of our loved ones. If we never tell them, how can they help? I think it is a way of keeping the door open to gambling. If noone knows, then we don’t have to tell them when we go back to our old ways.

[kpat]

Today I went to church and a man collapsed there and we had to call for an ambulance. He has only visited a few times and his story is a sad one. I hope the hospital stay will help, but in truth he has some mental health issues along with the physical ones. He walked there, doesn’t have a car and when I called his son, he couldn’t come as he had no transportation either. Being face to face with someone so less fortunate, really puts things in perspective.
My son is away now for the third day at a student government forum. I miss him, but am glad he was chosen to represent his high school.
I got a hair cut on Friday and I love it. I no longer look like a sixties flower child. My hair was super long and now it is just past my shoulders. It was long because of self neglect, not due to some beauty wish. It felt so good to do something toward feeling good about myself. So I gave myself a pedicure and bought a skin care facial for home too. It is time to feel and lookk good. These are things that gambling makes you forget. I would get so sick with anxiety that sometimes at meals, I could barely eat. Especially scary as I love to eat! Nausea from my overstressed nerves and crazy dreams, lack of sleep. I feel so much better. I am typing this to read again later, because despite all this, the urges still come sometimes. This is what one day at a time means to me. I am gamble free today, but tomorrow, I will have to live without gambling too. Just one day more. I can feel good and yet I know the desire lurks. I just have to keep my mind from planning and plotting. Keep moving forward, praying and reading and staying in the moment.
I have now paid something toward every debt I have. It takes nearly all we make to cover them. These won’t be paid overnight or even in a year, but hooray, they are all touched by a recent payment. Not all on time yet, but getting there. Stopping gambling has been the single best thing I have done for my self respect and family EVER!

[kpat]

I am glad you are posting! I enjoy reading them and believe it helps me to see how someone can survive this addiction. I am glad you were able to spend time with your daughter. Having read your entire thread, I know she worries you. I have a great respect for you and all you have been through over the past few years. I know you work hard to make each day count for something positive and that is what makes you something special. XXX

[kpat]

Enjoying a rainy day, not trying to figure out how to get to the casino in bad weather. I remember all the scary trips through fog, pouring rain, and crazy traffic. We stayed home tonight and I made a fabulous pot of chili. I would never have been satisfied with something so simple when I was gambling. I was willing to drive in inclement weather To get my fix…

[kpat]

Hi Maverick,
your posts are very honest. The back and forth thoughts were very much a part of the early days for me. I have never gambled on-line and after reading all the journals here, I am soo glad. When I think of how easily you can gain access, I cringe. Do you have a way to put blocking software on your system? Can you move your computer or work in the room with your employees? What can you do to change the visual or habit that pulls at you at work?
I have had a problem with procrastination on projects. I once attached a string of rubberbands to my stapler and my arm. Everytime I would have the urge to get up from the desk (procrastinate) there was the anchor pulling me to keep at the project. My employees laughed very hard at me, but they saw under the silliness, that I meant to stay on task.
Change it up! Work in the kitchen, work from the other side of your desk, but dont give up. You are doing well and have a life worth living. Gambling is such a waste of our lives. Poverty is too close to us gamblers, its just a bet away.

[Author]

Posts