[kolberg]

Hey tommik, neem de lening niet aan. Toegang hebben tot "vers" geld zal niet goed zijn, omdat je geest je ertoe zal aanzetten om te gokken om het verloren geld terug te krijgen. Je zegt dat je niet meer aan gokken denkt, maar is dat niet zo? Vroeg of laat zal die gedachte weer bij je opkomen, dus je kunt maar beter voorbereid zijn als dat gebeurt. Ik wens je het allerbeste. Groeten, Kolberg

[kolberg]

Hey tommik,

Do not take the loan. Having access to “fresh” money will not be good, as your mind will push you to gamble in order to recover the money you lost.
You say you don’t think about gambling again, but don’t you really? Sooner or later that thought will come to your mind again, so you better be prepared when it does.
I wish you all the best.

Regards,

Kolberg

[kolberg]

Hey Aimz,

Im sorry to hear you relapsed. Everyone here knows how it feels, the disappointment, the anger. However, it’s part of the journey, we have to accept it and, as you said, learn from it.

Quarentene might be a hard period for us addicts. We are either alone at home, or seeing always the same people. It’s easy to be bored, stressed and gamble online. In my country, there are online casino ads everywhere, tv, instagram influencers, radio. Eventhough the casinos are closed, I’m guessing this period will be good for the gambling industry overall because of the online business. Most important thing is to put the barriers you’ve mentioned in place.

I wish you the best and I’m sure you will win this terrible fight.

Regards,

Kolberg

[kolberg]

Thank you for your words. You’re such an inspiration to me, a proof that it’s possible to stay away from this gambling world.

Well, I kind of get why you say gambling is playing a positive role in my life at the moment. If I had always gambled like I do now I wouldnt be in this forum for sure. Online casinos screwed my life, I gambled all my savings away and have a gambling debt for 10 years to come (I intend to pay it off before, but still). Now that I self excluded myself from all legal online casinos I’m much safer. 

I just can’t live with the regret of having spent so much money, and deep down I know I don’t have any control or limits. If I were alone at the casino today I would have spent probably 300/400€ easily. So, I know I have to quit, I know I’m harming myself and digging a bigger hole each time I place a bet.

I haven’t been to any GA meeting or done counselling. In my country or at least in my social circle, mental health is not yet openly talked about. A couple of months ago someone said in the TV that the voters of a political party here are all “urban depressed”, meaning they live in the suburbs and have this depressing 9 to 5 jobs, 1 hour commute, etc. Last week, as kind of a joke, I said to my parents that I feel “urban depressed” (since I’m living in the capital and basically waking up early, going by metro to work, coming back, etc). My mum said immediately “no you re not, don’t say that”. I would expect normal parents from 1st world countries to try to understand why their son said that (even if he was “joking”) and if everything is allright (specially my dad, that knows I have a problem). But no, they just pretend everything’s perfect.

Im just once again trying to blame others for my lack of reaction. I don’t need my parents to go to a GA meeting or find a counsellor. But this mindset of “only crazy people do counselling” is present in my country and maybe that’s why I don’t act. 

Thanks once again for your words. Take care

[kolberg]

One month later and nothing changed. I just came back from the casino, lost 100€, I’ve been buying lotto tickets and scratch cards almost every day.

I still feel my mental health is not in the best shape and I’m too lazy to do something about it… When I’m not at work I’m playing blackjack and roullete with virtual money and on Instagram or Facebook jealous of my “friends” who appear to have a normal life. My performance at work is still not so bad but in January I’ll have more responsabilities and I’ll have to focus and not just think about gambling. Today at the afternoon my colleagues started talking about going to the casino and I couldn’t think about anything else. If this happens in January onwards I won’t certainly be able to meet the standards I’m supposed to.

I’m just lost, I know what I should do (GA meetings, counceling, etc) but for some reason I take the easiest route, which is continue living miserably, depressed, with no money at the end of the month.

I just can’t accept I’ll be an addict for the rest of my life. Why me?

I hope you are all making progress. Regards,

Kolberg

[kolberg]

Well done on your 3 weeks without gambling. I read somewhere that 21 days is the time your brain takes to change a habit, so it should start getting easier.

There’s definetely hope, one just has to forget about the money spent and realise this addiction has nothing to do with money, and specially that even if one wins, the money will be all gone in short time. 

[kolberg]

Hey jemma, 

Well, I feel some tiny improvements, although I have to make a huge effort every time I pass by a store where I can get scratch cards or lotto. And last weekend I went to the casino with friends and spent 100€… Not as bad as when I would gamble online, but still bad and a sign that fighting the urges is still hard to me. 

I still feel depressed, feel my life is pointless, feel I will end up alone, but at the same time I see some light and I’m very grateful that this horrible addiction hit me when I’m young and still able to recover financially.

I’m on a day by day basis. At work I’m in a super homophobic environment, which makes it hard for me to come out. A colleague is gay (and everyone knows) and God knows what he suffers… I haven’t seen such kind of bullying in a long time. Apart from that I’m making good and supportive friends, who I’m sure will support me when I eventually come out.

To sum up, things are a bit better but still a long way to go to recover some of the psychological health gambling took away and to fix the issues that led me to being addicted to gambling in the first place. 

Thanks for asking how things are going. I wish you all the best. 

Regards, 

Kolberg

[kolberg]

Hey Steev, 

I think you made a very good point with this sentence “We all have life problems – gambling just adds to them and masks some of the ones that we need to be dealing with”.

In fact gambling had the most catastrophic impact in my life, but it’s just a sign that I had a lot of issues to deal with. I’m trying to do it on my own, work on these issues, I’m even hiding it from my closest friends, but this weekend was so tragic that I couldn’t fake it anymore and hit rock bottom in front of everyone (like completely apathetic in a bar while we hang out). It was good to see who cared and who didn’t… Some of them texted me afterwards “you didn’t seem OK, what happened?”, others didn’t even bother, and that made me feel even worse.

Now I know I won’t be able to fight the addiction until I fix my psychological mess. I definitely need help. Will see what to do…

Regards, 

Kolberg

[kolberg]

Hey everyone,
It’s been two interesting weeks… We tend to think that new beginnings are the solution to all problems. Well, obviously it’s not. Although I’m enjoying this new part of my life, I feel I have a lot of issues to deal with…
I had an event where I needed the help of people and most of my closest friends failed me. Everything went all right since we had help from other people, but don’t having them there made me feel abandoned. I felt they just care about me when they need someone to drink beer with. And that’s sad…
About gambling, I blocked myself from all online casinos and that’s the best decision I’ve made. I’ve bought some lotto tickets and scratch cards, I know I shouldn’t do it, but I’m not spending too much money.
Well, I felt I needed to come by and tell you how things are going. To sum up, still depressed, lonely, but hoping for a better future, which will certainly come.
Regards,
Kolberg

[kolberg]

New life starts tomorrow! I’m so excited… I stopped counting the days since I’ve bought some lotto tickets etc… I know I really should become abstinent but it’s so hard with shops everywhere that sell lotto and scratch cards.
I’m feeling normal… Not too low, not too high, except for being super excited for this new job that starts tomorrow.
All the best to you all.
Regards,
Kolberg

[kolberg]

Thanks for the suggestion IDI, but for now I won’t do counseling, although I want to do it in the near future.
In my case, I think most of the issues have to do with my sexual orientation and the lack of support I have from my parents, even if it’s just some things they say sometimes regarding gays, it frightens me to know that one day I will have to tell them. Also, a friend who I think I’m in love with is sending me super mixed signals, and that is where the emotional mess is coming from. Anyway, gambling was maybe an escape from all this, I don’t know. I’m dealing ok with having quit gambling for 15 days though… An occasional thought now and then, still sad and depressed, but once again, not directly related to gambling.
Thank you for the support and I wish you all the best.
Kolberg

[kolberg]

If you go the casino will make 1,000 or 2,000 Euros, not you. If you have an urge, just do something else and it will go away in half hour. As days, months pass the urges come less frequently until they disappear.

I don’t know if you read my journal, but my problem was mainly with online gambling. In my country one can block himself from all legal online casinos in one government site. I didn’t do it at first because I thought I could manage it, blablabla, well 2 weeks ago I relapsed… I found an online casino where I didn’t have limits and spent a lot of money. After that I finally realised I had to block myself. Best decision I’ve made, I feel so bad and stupid for not having made that decision 2/3 years ago. If you are here it’s because you want to stop gambling, so you should put all the barriers you possibly can.

[kolberg]

Hi IDI, 

Thank you for your words. Yes, maybe that’s it, I’m really confused about the feelings I have towards people near me. I’m apparently calm, but my emotions are a mess. As I said earlier, I will start a new job on the 2nd of September and that will be already a big change in my life. Besides that I’m effectively doing my best to stop gambling, which is also a change. So I guess its normal to be confused, to feel weird stuff. I’ll just wait and try to address the feelings one by one and find the best way to deal with them. 

Regards, 

Kolberg

[kolberg]

Hey Stephen,
Block yourself from the casino. It’s really the best option. What pleasure do you really take from gambling, if you look around you ll see just zombies pressing the spin button. You will not lose anything if you don’t go to that terrible place again in your life. You are doing yourself a favor.
I wish you all the best.
Regards,
Kolberg

[kolberg]

Hey IDI, 

Have you tried the NAC? I didn’t know about it, and just found that in my country you can buy 60 capsules of 600 mg NAC for 9€ without prescription. They recommend taking one a day.

Do you think I can buy it and use it without seeing my doctor or asking a doctor is always best?

Regards, 

Kolberg

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