[kolberg]

Well, I’m not entirely open with them. They know I like gambling and probably think I like it the way they do, but that’s not the case. And when I go with them I don’t lose much money, because I feel the social pressure not to. The problem with going with them is how it triggers me to gamble online.

I don’t want to be completely honest with them, at least I’m not prepared yet. I already said some things as a joke, hoping that they would get the message. Maybe they did but they don’t care and they just want a mate to go along to the casino.

Thank you very much for your words, I’m rooting for you as well, and I think it’s awesome how you get your wife’s support and how you had the courage to tell her everything. I just hope some day I’ll have someone in my life I can trust and rely on like you do.

[kolberg]

Well done on the 15 days! I don’t remember if I read it on Allen Carr’s book, but I read somewhere that it takes 21 days to change a habit, so you’re almost there.

[kolberg]

Браво за 15 -те дни! Не си спомням дали съм го прочел в книгата на Алън Кар, но прочетох някъде, че са необходими 21 дни, за да се промени навик, така че почти сте там.

[kolberg]

Goed gedaan op de 15 dagen! Ik weet niet meer of ik het in het boek van Allen Carr heb gelezen, maar ik heb ergens gelezen dat het 21 dagen duurt om een gewoonte te veranderen, dus je bent er bijna.

[kolberg]

Today I almost got to day 1 again :/
nSome friends wanted to go to the casino but eventually they opted not to go because it was late.
nI think if they went I would go with them, which showed me how weak I am to that kind of triggers.

[kolberg]

It’s easier to stay gamble free when one has no money to gamble.
nI’m just hoping that when I get paid I can keep gamble free 🙂
n
nBtw, I found a really nice prayer that most of you maybe know.
n
nGod, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
ncourage to change the things I can,
nand wisdom to know the difference.

[kolberg]

I got an invitation from friends to go out for dinner later this week.
nIn the past, I would maybe find a way to get money from my dad’s credit card or something like that. But now I will simply not go. I would just get wasted, maybe even gamble with them. So, no way!

[kolberg]

Thank you for your words Steev,
nI hope your health is good.
n
nI want to turn things around! I really can’t live like this, or I’ll destroy myself and everyone around me. I checked the website and I’m listening to the convention, I think it will be interesting.

[kolberg]

It’s so sad to be at square once again. This outcome was so obvious since I started going to the casino with my colleague from work, but still, it’s so easy to think “it will be different this time”.
n
nWe’ve been offered parking, free drinks, treated by name at the table (this one was hilarious). I knew these were all big red flags, I knew how it was going to end. And now I feel sorry for my mate as well, who is as addicted as I am and maybe was not like that before he met me.
n
nThe biggest problem this time was not going to the casino with him (although I’ve been going almost every day the last month), but how it triggered me to play online, where I have absolutely no limits. One night I got home drunk and lifted the self-exclusion for online casinos. The following weeks I thought maybe it would be best to do something about it and not let the self-exclusion be lifted, but the days passed and 2 days ago I got emails from the online casinos saying “your self-exclusion has been lifted”, I even got texts from casinos offering me free spins, it’s insane how fast they work! Now, just two days after, I blew all the money I managed to save these months (some of it won at the casino with my mate) and basically I will have to spend my vacations from work at home, not having money to do anything.
n
nI almost missed the feeling of hopelessness after losing it all. We enter survival mode, we think of how we will get money. And then the feeling of “I deserve this”. I haven’t felt like this in months but sadly I feel it won’t be the last time.
n
nI’m on vacation from work the following weeks and I’ll stay at my parents. I filled the self-exclusion for online casinos and there’s no casino nearby, so I guess I’ll be safe (and I don’t have money to gamble anyway, but an addict always gets money to feed his addiction). I’ll take this time to read some books, I’m learning a new language and I’ll focus on the things you can do for free.
n
nToday is day 1 and I feel sad, lonely, disconnected from everyone around me, but hoping for a brighter future.

[kolberg]

Hey steev,

Unfortunately you got it right :/ I gambled and of course things are hardly under control. Now i know i cant gamble and ill commit to that! I hope i have the strength!

[kolberg]

Hey everyone,
n
nFirst of all thank you Steev and JimRuggel for your words.
n
nWell, today someone famous in my country commited suicide. I checked his instagram and he had so many recent posts with friends, family, always smiling.
n
nThat was so terrifying to me, seeing all those happy pictures of a perfect life. It showed me how strong we pretend we are, and how dangerous that is. I’ve already thought of suicide, not really a solid idea, but more like “I wish I do not wake up tomorrow”. It’s a thought I imagine most of us addicts already had at some point of our lives. But this case today, it made me think of how cautious we have to be, how we have to reach out for help should some stupid but serious idea come to mind.
n
nWell, about my recovery, it continues, Ive gone a couple of times to the casino with friends and gambled (I know I shouldnt) but things are under control. I still feel a bit lonely but I’m starting to enjoy myself more, which I know is very important even to start relationships with others.

[kolberg]

Hey evereyone,
I hope you are all doing well.
Last week I was discussing with coworkers that gambling addiction is the worst addiction because it’s invisible and it can take everything away from you.
They strongly disagreed and think that drug addiction is the worst, because although the damage is physically visible, if you fall in this addiction, you will always get ways to use and even isolate yourself if people around you try to help you.
So, although the coworkers I was discussing with dont know about my problem, I think they made a really good point that led me to other thoughts. I have to be positive. Things like “Of all the addiction, mine is the worst” are not acceptable and dont help us recover. I have to fight back and stop feeling sorry for myself. Im alive, I have a job (which I wouldnt have if I was a drug addict), I can pay the gambling debt smootlhy to the bank.
I know all the suffering this devil has caused, I know about the health issues I will certainly have in the future due to the stress and cigaretes. But it could be much worse. Im fortunate to be young enough to have the chance to make things right. And for that Im grateful
I wish you well.

[kolberg]

Hey Steev,

Your words are always so inspiring. You’re right, this period of sobriety has been really good to me. I could for the first time in years save some money and paid (and cancelled) the 2 credit cards I had (it was not much but still, they were always maxed out). I still owe a lot of money to the bank but thankfully the interest is low and i can pay it comfortably for the next years. I’ve also been thinking of doing the course I was going to start a few years ago (but didn’t because I gambled all the money away).

It’s incredible how long it takes a gambling addict to recover financially (not to write about the psychological recovery) but I’m glad to see I’m finally recovering at least financially.

I’ll move forward! I’m strong. About the meaningful connections I guess I have to like myself before others do. It’s hard though.

Thanks for your words Steev. Take care!

Regards,

Kolberg

[kolberg]

Hello everyone,

I havent posted in ages, but since i came to the forum I thought it would be nice to write an update on my recovery.
Gamblingwise, the quarantene has been good to me. Casinos are closed and Im banned on every legal online casino in my country so there’s no way to gamble. Honestly since I dont have the opportunity I dont even think about gambling, but i know the evil voice is there just waiting. I have been able to save so much money. Im living at my parent’s due to the quarantene so I havent spent much. Ive also almost quit smoking since I dont like to smoke in front of them.

It all seems nice, but the problem is I feel in prison and im afraid of my actions when i move out again, which will be real soon, since I will have to work at the office soon. Although casinos will not be opened yet, there will be lotto and scratch cards in every corner.
I feel i could have used this time in the coutryside much better and wiser. Ive simply lost 2 months of my life to netflix, shitty online games and reality shows. I could have taken the time to learn something new or to sort out some family issues with my parents, namely my dad ignoring my gambling addiction despite knowing about it. I feel like the child who prefered to be punished, do you know what I mean?

Besides all that I still feel lonely, a bit depressed, lacking meaningful connections to significant people. I feel I have no one who I can talk to about serious subjects and worse than that, I feel I will never have.

Thanks for reading and I hope you are all safe.
Regards,

Kolberg

[kolberg]

Hey tommik,

Do not take the loan. Having access to “fresh” money will not be good, as your mind will push you to gamble in order to recover the money you lost.
You say you don’t think about gambling again, but don’t you really? Sooner or later that thought will come to your mind again, so you better be prepared when it does.
I wish you all the best.

Regards,

Kolberg

[Author]

Posts