[Kirty1972]

Thank you Vera.

The Indian meal was very nice thank you and it is also nice to go out and do things without checking the mobile phone every 5 minutes checking for racing results / football scores.

I know it is a long road but I will keep doing my best to stay on the straight and narrow and appreciate the little things in life like a clear mind and the ability to get through another day without the need to gamble..

I appreciate all the positive feedback as it keeps me going as well as I do not want to let anybody down especially myself..

Take care all and I will keep you all posted..

Thank you.

[Kirty1972]

Thanks KPat and Charles appreciate the feedback..

I will continue to post my journey..

[Kirty1972]

Well a month has gone by since my last post and I am happy to say I am still gamble free and working hard towards paying off the depts I had run up.

Not had any set backs and kept focussed on going forward and not looking back..

Still talking about the issues I had through gambling and also keeping people in the loop with how my journey is going is also helping me to get on with my life,

I am still going to my counselling sessions and will see them through to the end as it helps knowing I have somebody I can talk to each week with how I am getting on even if it is more like a social chat. It helps knowing they are also routing for you.

As I have posted before I have a budget of £50 a week this is £30 I am given from my mum who is looking after my finances and then I get an additional £20 for helping my mum to care for my Uncle. I basically go around every morning after work and make his breakfast have a brew then walk his dog before heading home to bed..

As I knew I had my anniversary to the missus coming up I saved up some of my budget and took her out for a meal on my night off. Picked a nice Indian restaurant and we had a chilled out night.. Having a budget has made me appreciate the value of money and the fact you do not need a lot to have a good time and do things..

I have been very busy at work so I have not joined the gym yet but I have been helping to renovate my mums house and I have also done some work on my own house using money from the joint account with the okay from my missus..

If I had still been gambling I would not have been able to do any of the above as I was so absorbed in trying to win that I lost sight of everything else and was just in a bubble on my own with all the lies / deciet and stress.

Without gambling I have regained my confidence, self respect and a positive outlook again on life and my health has improved as I am sleeping well again and also eating well and actually getting outside and living again..

I still get the guilt trips when I cannot help the missus out finacially but she knows that when I am back on track I will have the money to help her,

One thing I mentioned to my counsellor is that everybody forgets about those whom are helping the problem gambler out and the pressure it has on them as well..

I was lucky that my mum was in a position to help me out but a lot of people would not have been so lucky so this puts a lot of pressure on family members / friends to help them out whom might not be able to help out and then would have to live with the guilt..

I have to get back to work now but thought I would give a quick update..

Hope everybody is doing well and keeping on track….

[Kirty1972]

Just a quick update regarding my recovery

It is nearly 3 weeks since I last posted and I am still gambling free and can see the bank account slowly getting a little better and although I have had a couple vivid gambling dreams I have not had any urges to gamble..

I purposely do not read the sports pages anymore and definately do not look at the racing results. I have just have a quick look at how my football team have got on and that is it..

Been kept busy both at work and helping my mum with her renovation project on her new house so any spare time I have been busy there or catching up on sleep…

Not joined the gym yet but it is on my to do list and I am still doing lots of cooking on the cheap (going to the market to secure fresh produce) so that is helping to keep me in trim due to eating healthy,

The counselling is still going well and I am midway through my course now so need to keep going and learn as much as I can to why I gambled so I can ensure I do not get any trigger points in the future. It has been really good to speak to somebody whom you know is not going to be judgemental and will sit and listen to you waffle on…

I seem to think my gambling was to try and win a better standard off life but if I had not wasted my time and money gambling I could have afforded everything I wanted or thought I needed just by saving up..

Just got to my 6 month probationary period at work so my salary now increases another 1000 a year so that will bump up the take home wage by a few quid each month…

Lots going on at home now I am not a slave to the computer and been catching up on films and actually spending time with family and friends. (Again on the cheap)

Funny how £30 a week can be stretched out when you have no access to funds…

We went to stay with friends at the weekend in a cottage and it cost me £40 in petrol but I would blow that in minutes back in my gambling days and not even blink so it is £40 well spent.

My mum has been treating me for the jobs I have been doing at her house as a lot of physical labour and helping her to move forward with the project and she knows it is keeping me focussed..

Anyway keep up the good work all..

Thanks for reading..

[Kirty1972]

Hi everybody,

Well another week has gone by gamble free and even though I have been very busy at work whilst I have been sat at home I have not had any urges to gamble so that has made me feel good,

I have managed to clear £500 from one of my high interest loans with the help of my mum and missus due to them having control of my finances which is another positive as I was paying 26% interest on the loan so the payment has saved me £488 pounds over the course of the loan,

Got myself a form to fill in to re-join the local gym now the dark nights are drawing in and I won’t be able to keep busy with my fishing and sitting in the garden,

So a keep fit regime is my new challenge and hopefully I will be able to do another sponsored charity event some time next year,

Chatting to people about my gambling addiction has definately been good for me as talking about it is my therapy and reaffirming every day that I will not gamble again is keeping me on track and having a good partner and family supporting me plus speaking to my counsellor every week is helping me to get back on track,

Each day that passes is another tick in my well done box but a very long journey ahead and I need to stick to my plan and keep busy and keep changing my habits to avoid downtime that causes boredom…

Hope everybody else is doing okay and hopefully my positive post can inspire other people to keep going at it…

It is a demon buried deep inside and I need to keep it suppressed by drowning out its cries to bet..

Stay positive all…

Kirty..

[Kirty1972]

Hello again,

As above a great holiday and we went into the desert and visited a Bedouin camp and enjoyed a camel ride before drinking Bendouin tea and then sitting on a ledge to watch the sun go down over the mountains,

It was so surreal as no noise apart from the wind and it was nice to just relax for a little while with the missus whilst the sun disappeared and cast darkness over the desert,

Headed back down to the camp and had some traditional Bedouin food and listened to the tribes people sing round a fire before heading back into the desert to look at 3 planets through a big telescope that had been brought to the camp so we could enjoy a star gazing experience,

An astronomer then appeared and with a high powered laser pen and showed us all the different constellations and talked about the night sky and it was really interesting and again showed me how small we are in the grand scheme of things and for a moment all my troubles had been lifted,

I know I witter a little but the above was a great inexpensive experience that brought home how much we miss when we are sat inside on our computers or sit worrying about things that we are in a position to change with a little hard work,

I know I will not be able to wander into the desert for a long time now but I am sure I will be able to find a nice place back in England I can drive to and just sit back and stare at the stars once in a while and bring back that feeling now and again,

Being away from home was also good for me and the missus as we were able to chill around the pool and enjoy some time together with no distractions,

We even managed to bring some money home after tipping quite a few of the hotel staff for the service they provided and making us feeling so welcome,

Marie my missus was pining for the cat (Tilly) by the end of the holiday and thankfully when we arrived home her brother had done a sterling job looking after her and the house even brushing the cat so she looked in pristine condition, 🙂

He had only left the door open to the front room once whilst we had been away for the 2 weeks and she had as mentioned previously sneaked in and taken a leak on the carpet so again it shows that the door has to be kept shut at all times to stop the bad habits returning,

My plans now I am home and the weather is turning and the nights closing in is to get back into the gym and keep myself busy that way as well as continuing with the work on my mums new house,

Hope everybody else is doing okay and stay strong all..

Thanks,

Kirty..

[Kirty1972]

Thanks P and Monique for the kind words..

I had a good holiday thanks and it was another good eye opener for me to appreciate the value of money as the staff at the hotel were only being paid £90 a month for working 7 days a week and 12hr shifts in hot / stiffling conditions and having to put up with a torrent of abuse from so called ‘guests’ at the hotel,

The hotel was very nice and the facilities really good and the staff were excellent and made our stay very enjoyable,

As I am a well mannered English man it upset me to see people talking to the staff like they were worthless and ordering drinks at the all inclusive bar abruntly and without any P’s and Q’s.. but the staff continued to smile and just get on with the job and were thankful they were in a position to be earning a wage,

I bumped into a couple of blokes whilst at the pool during my stay who started to talk to me and it turned out they were into horse racing and knew some people I used to have dealings with and were saying they could help me to win a few quid to help me out but I kindly refused and said that was no longer an option or something I would consider so that felt good,

Also met a couple other people who had gone through similiar experiences on the gambling front and it was good to hear their stories and how they had got themselves back on track and what not so the holiday proved good on all fronts,

Just on a break at work but will continue this in the morning or tomorrow when I get up.. (On the night shift)

Hope everybody else is doing okay and keep the faith all it can be done..

One day at a time and every journey starts with the first step..

Catch up soon,

Kirty..

[Kirty1972]

Well another week has passed and I have still avoided having a bet and have continued to stick to my guns and avoided all temptation by keeping myself busy and talking to people,

I was invited to join all the Dream teams at work for the new football season but kindly declined as the last thing I want is to be sat on the PC again picking teams and getting involved in sport on a weekly basis,

Following my own team is okay as just check the scores and how they played but getting involved in a competition were you have to study form and what not is not something I trust myself with at the moment,

I keep going back to the cat and the door being firmly closed she is still using her litter tray and leading a better life as not as much stress for her and I feel the same way,

Been to see my counsellor again and had my weekly chat and off loaded all the positives and negatives and had good feedback again and it just gives me a lift to know another week under my belt,

Getting told that you have potential to go onto better things and you should have more belief in your abilities is also good and puts a bit more fire in the belly,

I would strongly advise anybody who is struggling with a gambling addiction to open up and tell somebody so you can take that pressure off and have somebody you can speak to,

I have the support of my family, missus, work mates, friends and my counsellor so I am never alone and can talk to other people without boring the pants of anybody..

Sometimes It is like being a stuck record but that is my way of coping and getting over this addiction,

My life is so much better even after 5 weeks and I intend to keep up the good work,

I go to Egypt tomorrow for 2 weeks so will be making most of the sunshine and the all inclusive bar 🙂 most of all spending quality time with the missus and being able to chill out without any stresses…

I shall bid thee all farewell and good luck for now and catch up soon..

Stay strong and take one day at a time and try and speak to somebody even if it is people online to take the pressure off..

[Kirty1972]

Thanks Charles for the post and I am continuing with my quest to become gambling free..

It has now been a month to the day when I had my last bet and a lot of things have changed since the day I decided I was going to quit..

It has not been easy even though my journal may come across otherwise..

I have had to totally change my lifestyle and the way I think and how I go about avoiding what I would call trigger points.

Today I have been to see my counsellor as I have done for the last few weeks on a Wednesday and whilst having our usual chat and getting things off my chest I explained how we have a cat at home that we recently adopted and how the cat ‘Tilly’ had got into a habit of urinating in the front room on the carpet and even though we let her out every night and changed her litter every day she kept going back to the same spot in the front room and taking a leak.

Anyway Tilly had continued to do her business and after many attempts to try and change this habit by cleaning the carpet, using sprays, putting down training pads nothing was working. (Tilly is an old cat whom we were told had been a house cat and had no issues) anyway long story short we had to make the decision to shut Tilly out of the front room and keep her confined to other parts of the house whilst we were out.. We have done this for the last few weeks and she has now started to use her litter tray again to do her business. I explained that I feel a little like Tilly at the moment now the door has been shut and I need to be retrained to change my habits and if the door was left open just a little bit it could lead to being suckered in to taking a little bet hence keeping the door in my head firmly shut.. sounds a little mad but the cat seems happier as we are not giving her grief as she gets the well done and a treat for going in her tray and I feel a great sense of relief every day I do not gamble.. Tilly is happier, the missus is happier and I am happier not stressing about money or the need to gamble.. still only a month but it is a month under my belt and I feel better things can only get better. thanks again all and keep battling for a better future..

[Kirty1972]

Well done Mickey and keep up the good work.. As you say 1 day at a time but you are doing really well and good to see positive vibes
.

[Kirty1972]

Well I have had a few days off work and been busy catching up on a few things at home and also did a job for my mum,

Had a day out fishing and also treated myself to a few beers and a lot of BBQ’s..

I have not had any desire to gamble and have been doing a lot of thinking about what I did before gambling and how I spent my time, having applied myself to catching up on jobs at home and scheduling other jobs to do in the future this is keeping my brain active and also giving me the lift and sense of accomplishment as I tick them of the list,

Cleared all the old insulation from my mums loft this week and although a dirty, sweaty horrible job I felt good after I had done it and was rewarded by my mum saying she would pay for my taxi fare to the airport in a couple of weeks time when I go away on holiday so a double bonus.

Made some plans for the garden and when I have saved up the money to do the jobs I will set about them,

Still going to my Uncle’s house in the mornings after work and sorting him out and taking the dog for a walk, as I am now doing his breakfast and spending some time with him they are paying me £30 so again this all helps to clear the dept as well as giving me some additional funds to play around with.

The extra money this week was spent on meat and vegs but I did go to the local market late in the day to ensure I got the most for my money.. I am being a lot more savvy these days and the missus was made up to see all the fresh produce and the fact I had got of my ass and done something,

She has been impressed with the effort I have put in and is encouraging me along and ensuring I am alright in the head and not doing to much..

Went for my counselling mid week and my counsellor is impressed with how far I have come and my progress is ahead of the plan so to speak and she has not given me any goals yet as everything she has wanted me to do I am already doing,

It has been good like I have said before to be able to speak to somebody other than friends and family who will listen and not judge you, something if you are struggling with gambling I would advise to do,

Was going to go fishing this afternoon but the weather has just changed and it is bouncing down now so may just stay at home and watch a film and chill out,

On a course from work this week and have a number of meetings during the day so I will not actually be doing my regular shift until Friday night so the missus will have to put up with me being at home in the evenings,

At least she will get good meals cooked with me being around to do the cooking,

Wittering again but hopefully what I have put in place will keep me on the straight and narrow and hopefully encourage others to see that it is possible,

Still very early days but staying positive and enjoy having a couple quid in my pocket and want to keep it that way,

Wishing everybody the strength to stay strong and overcome there own battles..

[Kirty1972]

Thanks Micky if somebody can take something from my posts then hopefully it can help somebody deal with their own issues,

Every person is different and we all have to deal with our demons in our own way,

I have been fortunate so far to have people around me who have bailed me out but some people do not have this luxury,

As always I wish everybody all the best

[Kirty1972]

Thanks again Monique and Sad68 I appreciate the feedback and support and I will continue to update you on my progress and hopefully be able to give support to others soon.

Back seeing the counsellor tomorrow but it will all be positive feedback and hopefully I can bring a little bit more advise away from me.

Thanks again and I wish everybody the continued strength to fight this addiction.

[Kirty1972]

Well another weekend is over and done with and kepy myself busy this weekend as it is my missus birthday today (Monday) so we had a party at the house Saturday night had a BBQ and quite a bit to drink,

I spent most of Sunday in bed nursing a sore head but back in work for the night shift and just sitting down for my dinner so thought I would give a quick update,

Not had any further dreams about betting and going to my Uncle’s every morning from work is making me appreciate life and the time we have with each other,

As seeing him struggling with his breathing and having to rely on people to get him through the day shows that we do not have forever and need to make the most of the days we have whilst we are still young and mobile enough to do things,

Not looked or thought about any kind of betting since my last post and need to keep it that way,

I have to work tomorrow night (Tuesday) then I have a week off work to relax and get on top of some things I have let slide whilst being in the grip of gambling for so long,

Planned is work at my mums house and I am going to go fishing on a couple of days to get me out of the house and away from any forms of internet access,

Going for walks with my Uncle’s dog is also doing me and the dog good as a bit more exercise and feeling the cold rain on your face in the morning is refreshing and again brings home what we miss when sat in doors all the time,

Got my £30 weekly allowance from my mum on Friday plus £20 for checking up on my Uncle and I still have £45 in my wallet so a good result and this will now go towards some flowers for the missus for her birthday and some bait for fishing, (I will then save any left over for next weekend and hopefully be able to keep some to one side so I can treat the missus to a meal in a few weeks time)

Hope everybody else is coping and trying to keep the faith, it is a long road ahead but every step is a step closer to the end result and a better life…

[Kirty1972]

Well a quick midweek update…

I have not had any urges to gamble although I did have a very fleeting dream of getting a 4 horse accumulator up that would have cleared my dept but the reality is that only hard work and discipline will clear my dept now. no more betting ! .

Had a hard week at work so far with long hours and a large work load but keeping me busy and my mum has asked me to look in on my uncle every morning when I finish work as he is not well and needs looking after,

Basically call round when I finish work make him a brew and some toast check he is okay and then have a quick chat and take his dog out,

For doing so she is giving me an extra £20 a week spends so I am going to look at saving this money towards going fishing and any left over put in a pot or give back to my mum to pay off my loans / credit cards,

I have also been writing down what money I had been spending on gambling previously and what I could have bought with the money so in turn turning the digital numbers on my old accounts into real money and getting a value of its worth again,

Brings it home a little more how much has been wasted down the years and hopefully help me to stay on the straight and narrow moving forward,

I have had the guilty pangs again over the last couple of days over the amount I have wasted but that has gone now and has to be left in the past and I have to look forward and keep working hard as above to get this cleared down,

I had another counselling session today and feel that is helping and it is good to speak to somebody other than friends and family to keep going over how I have gotten to this point and how to get back to normality.

My post seems a little all over the shop at the moment but just want to get things down as and when they come to me so I can look back at the progress made so far and continue to keep things fresh in my mind,

Hopefully as I learn a little more about how I got here I can start to contribute to other threads and offer support to others,

Hope everybody else is doing well and remember one day at a time and stay positive..

Thanks for listening / reading..

[Author]

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