[kin]

Hi maverick,

Thinking of you.

[kin]

Hi Kathryn,

Thinking of you.

[kin]

Hi jvr3419

Thinking of you.

[kin]

In November year 2021, you wrote that you are hoping that you would find some inspiration to recover from your gambling addictions before it was too late.
You fear that it is too late and you are posting a journal for the first time.

Today you have become an inspiration for many including me.
Thank you for your presence.

[kin]

I have never been able to stay gamble free for more than 12 months in the last 19 years.

James 1:22
But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves.

1 Peter 5:8
Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.

James 4:7
Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.

I suddenly struggle to stay gamble and alcohol free in the evening and I could not think of anything else. It was harder tonight.

Instead of thinking about gambling or taking alcohol, I visited a Zumba dance session, it brings me away from the gambling and drinking place.

I only stay for 15 mins, watching people I know dance and enjoying the music was enough to calm me down and have a clear mind. I was able to make up my mind to watch a movie at the cinema later.

After the movie, I return home safely without gambling or drinking. Another clean and sober day.

Last bet 23 April 2024
Gamble free days: 417

• This reply was modified 8 months ago by kin.

[kin]

I have never been able to stay gamble free for more than 12 months in the last 19 years.

John 20:29
Then Jesus told Thomas “Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.”

Last bet 23 April 2024
Gamble free days: 415

[kin]

I have never been able to stay gamble free for more than 12 months in the last 19 years.

1 Corinthians 3:7
So neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow.

I can stop gambling, but it is God who help me to stay stop in gambling.
I was baptized in year 2024.

Last bet 23 April 2024
Gamble free days: 414

[kin]

I have never been able to stay gamble free for more than 12 months in the last 19 years.
If it was that difficult for me, I am going to enjoy the achievement when I have it.

Last bet 23 April 2024
Gamble free days: 412

[kin]

Last bet 23 April 2024
Gamble free days: 411

I feel that I was getting more lenient and not strict in denying my desires today.
I am beginning to allow myself to do anything I like to do.
I was not giving up or surrendering my ways
I was not repenting and turning back toward God.

I ask myself a question, how did I treat my first gamble free day?

I follow Matthew 16:24

Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.

One day at a time.

[kin]

Last bet 23 April 2024
Gamble free days: 410

Today I was very relief and happy to feel that I was freed from many heavy burdens over the last 13 months

1. uncontrollable gambling – have stop and stayed stop
2. heavy debts – cleared
3. full payment for a new small apartment – cleared
4. full payment for the renovations – cleared
5. three surgeries at the hospital – it is over

There are many storms on the road, it too shall pass!

One day at a time

[kin]

Last bet 23 April 2024
Gamble free days – 407

I have an incredible recovery experience over the last two days.
Yesterday I cannot find the lost sheep after the end of an anonymous group meeting, this person had suicidal thought due to gambling.
My heart was heavy, I was concerned for his safety. I prayed to God for help to keep this person safe.
Today God made this lost sheep appear in a different meeting that I attend in a different location.
This lost sheep saw with his own eyes how Blessed Grace Social Services have help many like him in Singapore.
This person found hope and strength in God.

I cannot, God can!
My faith and trust in God grow stronger.

[kin]

When I could not stop gambling, I wish I could stop and stay stop in gambling.
After I have stop and stay stop in gambling, I actually wish I can gamble and stop like a normal person.

I am very mindful that I have a happy problem
I have finally stop and stay stop in gambling for more than a year

It was wrong for me to think that I can gamble and stop like a normal person
I cannot do that, it is a lie, I do not listen to the lie.
If I listen to the lie, if I follow the lie, I will get into troubles without fail.

When I am bored or lonely, it is a blessing in disguise
this is a void left behind by my self-destructive behaviors
I learn to keep my free time occupied with healthier and non harmful choice or activity.

Last bet 23 April 2024
Gamble free days – 406

[kin]

Last bet 23 April 2024
Gamble free days – 405

[kin]

Last bet 23 April 2024
Gamble free days – 402

[kin]

A prince had some monkeys trained to dance.
Being naturally great mimics of men’s actions,
they showed themselves most apt pupils, and
when arrayed in their rich clothes and masks,
they danced as well as any of the courtiers.
The spectacle was often repeated with great applause,
till on one occasion a courtier, bent on mischief,
took from his pocket a handful of nuts
and threw them upon the stage.

The monkeys at the sight of the nuts forgot their dancing
and became (as indeed they were) monkeys instead of actors.
Pulling off their masks and tearing their robes,
they fought with one another for the nuts.
The dancing spectacle thus came to an end
amidst the laughter and ridicule of the audience.

We can train the gambler to be like the monkeys. Like the monkeys, we can learn to mimic or behave like a normal person in the beginning and not gamble. We can even stop gambling for a long period of time and look like we are cured. Everything we do shows we are doing well in recovery but in reality. THE BEHAVIOURS OUTSIDE HAVE CHANGE BUT THE PERSON INSIDE HAVE NOT.

“Not everything you see is what it appears to be.”
Our painful past does not lie; how many times have we fallen for the nuts in our life like the monkeys.
Our recovery is a constant personal battle to change ourselves inside out

We must not be carried away by the praise and the false picture that we see in our recovery.
Sometimes the beautiful and hopeful picture in the first year of abstinent
look exactly like the calm before the big storm arrives.

Until the ship has experience and weather all the storms in the roughest seas
that life has to throw at us in the next 5 years and still remain abstinent and safe,
can we truly say that we are proven stable.

My last bet: 23 April 2024,

Every day is like my first day in recovery.
Take one day at a time
Gamble free days: 399.

Lasting change is what we are after.

• This reply was modified 8 months, 3 weeks ago by kin.
• This reply was modified 8 months, 3 weeks ago by kin.
• This reply was modified 8 months, 3 weeks ago by kin.

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