[kin]

Reality was terrible.
Without my health, everything fall apart.
I cannot hold my job, I cannot provide the family, pay my bills and service my loans.
I cannot imagine what it can do to my recovery.
Is it going to make matter worst?

Where is gambling inside all these
I cannot see gambling in the picture stress or no stress
I maybe wrong
I cannot underestimate what stress can do to a person
A person can do the most unimaginable under stress.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by kin.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by kin.

[kin]

If I had lost my life, all the money that l tried to accumulate or lust for more means nothing. If my body is failing, I will do everything to keep my life, money was not my top priority, it was not the most important thing.

I have been taking my mental and physical wellness for granted!!!

Blacking out and fainting or losing all my strength and collapsing suddenly was a wakeup call for me.

I was wrong not to take it seriously after losing control of my life many times.

Improvement or progress in my recovery was more important than perfection in my recovery.
My life was not perfect, and my recovery was not perfect. They make me feel like a failure and loser.
The progress are the reasons that keep me going. They give me hope.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by kin.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by kin.

[kin]

Have you ever been clean and sober or gamble free for more than a year, everything was looking good and something bad happens that was sudden, unexpected and unintentional, or sudden, unforeseen and unplanned.

The recovery coach who shared with me the leopard analogy has shared this with us 18 years ago.

How do you hold your poop when it is coming out and there is no immediate access to a toilet or public restroom.

Have you ever excrete or pass solid waste in your pants. Everyone laughs.

Can you stop a slip or relapse when it is coming?

It is so important to emphasized the importance of setting up a good barrier to help us stay gamble free.

It stops me when I want to gamble because I do not have the free time, money and place to gamble.
I cannot act out my thought and feeling.

[kin]

My thought can change suddenly. I was feeling sick and unwell after long hours at work today.

My thought has switched from recovery to relapse mode, from safety to danger mode. I was thinking of where to go gambling today, what time and what matches are available for gamble today, how much can I gamble and what is the gambling odds.

I am not panicking. With practice and experience, I knew that I am in control of the first bet.

I cannot stop after the first bet, I need one more bet whether I win or lose, I have lost all my last bet. I must remember and remind myself no more bet. I must do everything to protect myself from not placing the first bet.

I was not facing the problem that gambling brings me but I was facing all the problem that leads to my gambling.

I need to trust and have confidence in the ways that leads to my recovery and healing.

I can choose not to follow my gambling thought and feeling.
I do not have to act out my gambling thought and feeling

I needed discipline to sleep and rest after work.
I must not be tempted to do other things.

I slept at 10am and woke up at 6pm. My thought has change. It has recovered and switch from relapse to recovery mode, from danger to safety mode. My gambling thought has disappeared.

I only need to focus on today. I only need to keep myself safe today.
Tomorrow, I do the same.
One day at a time.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by kin.

[kin]

Everything return back to normal today. It is a working day and my working hours is long, so I do not have the free time to gamble. After work, I need to sleep to recharge my strength and energy.

It is very tempting to do other thing instead of sleeping after work and lack of sleep can give me stress at work. I have given up gambling on sports because it takes up too much time and energy. Gambling on sporting event is too stressful for me.

[kin]

Recovery from addiction takes a lifetime.
Knowing is one thing, but doing is yet another.

Most people talk the talk, few will walk the walk.
Talk is cheap, walk the talk, it makes all the difference.

I wish to be like the people in the forum who are obedient and stick to the plan all the way.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by kin.

[kin]

Some says, “A leopard cannot change its spot.”

A leopard cannot change its spot but a leopard can change its spot.
A leopard cannot change the spot on its body but it can change its location spot.

I can change my location. I can move away from a dangerous place with gambling or I can move away to a safe place without any gambling.

Do not test yourself; flee from danger; flee from temptation.

I only need to keep myself safe today.
Tomorrow, I do the same.
One day at a time.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by kin.

[kin]

“Do not put yourself in a dangerous situation.”

I am comfortable but it was more important to be safe. I have both at home now.
5mins ago, I was comfortable but I was not safe.

I have grown, I have learned to journal using notepad on my mobile phone anytime, anywhere. I was journaling on the notepad at the neighborhood coffeehouse. Journaling helps me to reflect on my surrounding and life, it helps me to adapt to changes.

I was seated comfortably; I had my favorite hot coffee after dinner. I look around me, I scanned my surrounding. I can feel something is missing, I cannot feel the peace, untroubled and calm.

Discontentment is sneaky, it is alive and brewing inside me tonight.

Normally I can find the serene and good feeling in the sun, wind, and sight of trees and flowers.

It was 10 pm, I asked, what was so different tonight?

It was dark, I cannot see the trees and flowers in the night, there was no warmth from the sun. This was an example of things changing every single day; daylight turning into darkness. It can affect my thought and feeling. I could not find the same serene and calm feeling outside me or from the environment.

I had to put my sight on a power greater then me; I need to focus on a Higher Power. I need to find the peace and calm feeling inside. I must not lose my gratitude and thankfulness. I need to connect to my Higher Power and remember that my Higher Power is enough. I do not need to look for good feeling in other places like gambling, alcohol, drug, food, eating and sex.

I was well rested after a good long sleep. I have just finished dinner; I had my favorite hot coffee.
It was not enough, I wanted more.

Today was my off day. I had free time; I was not broke; gambling and entertainment outlets are open 24/7. My barrier works on most day but not every day. Today is one of those day.

However, when I journal and put everything down in words, I can see the picture clearer. Journaling helps me to make the correct choice. I can choose to stay away from darkness and danger. I can choose to follow the light and safety.

I only need to keep myself safe today.
Tomorrow, I do the same.
One day at a time.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by kin.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by kin.

[kin]

Congratulation on the purchase of a new house!

[kin]

Hi Craig,

Wishing you success on staying gamble free and improving the lives of everyone at home.

[kin]

Hi jvr3419

Just dropping in to say “Hi”

I have continue to read all your post.

[kin]

Congratulation on your clean and sober days!

[kin]

I am in control of the first bet so I must do everything to protect myself from not having the first bet because I cannot stop after the first bet despite the heavy consequences and harm.

I have never placed a bet online and I remain uninterested. I wish that I can say the same for my other form of gambling.

[kin]

Hi risingphoenix,

Thank you for the support. I am ok.

Just like the half full glass, I am telling myself

Not to focus on what is lost, but focus on what is left.

Today I am feeling thankful.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by kin.

[kin]

22/08/21 1. Είμαι ευγνώμων για την ευκαιρία σήμερα. 2. Είμαι ευγνώμων που παίρνω μια μέρα τη φορά. 3. Είμαι ευγνώμων που είμαι απαλλαγμένος από αυτοκαταστροφικές πράξεις σήμερα. 4. Είμαι ευγνώμων που κάνω ένα βήμα μωρού κάθε φορά. 5. Είμαι ευγνώμων για την υποστήριξη σήμερα.

[Author]

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