[kin]

During times when I am sick from known and unknown chronic illness or mental illness that I suffer from. I really find it harder to do the same thing every day. It takes more effort from me on tough and rough days to do the right thing.

Not everyone can understand that I can get very stress by many different factors; my high blood pressure, eczema, exhaustion and fatigue, impulsive control disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, mood swing, depression, climate change, work and many others. I can get stress by different thing on different days. They are a big distraction to my recovery.

It is very challenging for me to stay abstinence from all addictions at the same time from compulsive drinking, eating, sex, gambling and doctor prescribe drugs.

My thoughts and feelings were not the same every day, it can change when I experience hardships, pain and suffering. Once my thought and feeling switch from recovery to relapse mode, my well-being will change from safety to danger mode.

If I am driving, I will know that I am heading in the wrong direction, there are signs, I will have gambling, drinking, eating, sexual thought. I should make a U turn at this time, change my way and head in the correct direction. If I do not repent, and allow the mistake to carry on. I will end up following and acting out my thought and feeling.

I was NEVER HONEST all the times, sometimes my BARRIERS HAVE LOOPHOLES and I did not do anything about them. My recovery was just waiting to fail sooner or later.

I must know how to protect myself from acting out my thought and feeling to prevent a relapse.
I am a sinner. I need help. I need mercy and grace from God.

I was not honest every day. I need to stay focus and be honest today.
On some days, my barriers have loopholes. I need to stay focus and remove all the risk today.
I need to keep myself away from all danger today.
I need to do the next right thing today.

Tomorrow, I do the same. One day at a time.
I am no saint. I am imperfect. I am a sinner.
I am work in progress and under construction.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by kin.

[kin]

Once I stop gambling, I no longer have to face the problem that gambling brings to me but I will still continue to face the problem that leads me to gamble. It was like peeling the outer onion skin, to reveal what is the real problem under everything.

I like to count the chicken before they hatch. I like to look at the future, which make me very anxious and tired. It distracts me and make me lose my focus on today.

Tomorrow is the future; it has not arrived.
I need to focus on today. I need to keep myself safe today.

Tomorrow, I do the same.
One day at a time.

[kin]

(amended copy)

I asked myself, Did I walk the talk today? Did I allow the risk to stay?
I do not need the risk. Did I remove this risk?
Did I move away from danger today?

It was an unexpected bill; the amount was very affordable. I was undecided whether to pay up this month or wait until next month. I saw the warning; the same thought is not going away. The obsessive thought keeps replaying in my head, it was very distracting, irritating and disturbing, it will become stressful after some time. This pressure is unnecessary.

This thought looks very harmless but how many times has molehill turn into mountain inside my head? I risk turning this into a gambling thought.

Journaling has help me see the danger and early warning sign. Putting my thoughts down in words has help me to see the picture clearer. I do not want to trigger my IMPULSIVE CONTROL DISORDER and OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE DISORDER.

I do not need this risk. I need to remove this danger. I took immediate action and paid this bill.

After paying this bill, I still have excess fund. I do not need this risk so I remove the potential danger of using this money for gambling. I used all the money to pay up an instalment in advance.

I did not have peace when I kept the excess money. I was living in danger.
I did not keep the excess money and find PEACE AND SAFETY.

I only need to keep myself safe today.
Tomorrow, I do the same.
One day at a time.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by kin.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by kin.

[kin]

Have the courage to remove the risk that I can and stay away from the danger when I cannot remove the risk.

[kin]

Don’t focus on the years and the amount of money lost.
Focus on what you have left.

[kin]

I asked myself, Did I walk the talk today? Did I allow the risk to stay?
I do not need the risk. Did I remove this risk?
Did I move away from danger today?

It was an unexpected bill; the amount was very affordable. I was undecided whether to pay up this month or wait until next month. I saw the warning; the same thought is not going away. The obsessive thought keeps replaying in my head, it was very distracting, irritating and disturbing, it will become stressful after some time. This pressure is unnecessary.

This thought looks very harmless but how many times has molehill turn into mountain inside my head? I risk turning this into a gambling thought.

Journaling has help me see the danger and early warning sign. Putting my thoughts down in words has help me to see the picture clearer. I do not want to trigger my impulsive control disorder and obsessive control disorder.

I do not need this risk. I need to remove this danger. I took immediate action and paid this bill.

After paying this bill, I still have excess fund. I do not need this risk so I remove the potential danger of using this money for gambling. I used all the money to pay up an instalment in advance.

I did not have peace when I kept the excess money. I was living in danger.
I did not keep the excess money and I have peace now. I am safe.

I only need to keep myself safe today.
Tomorrow, I do the same.
One day at a time.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by kin.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by kin.

[kin]

Relapse happens gradually. There are three stages of relapse: emotional, mental, and physical.

The process begins days, weeks and sometime months before an individual picks up the first drink or drug or place the first bet.

Recognize the early warning and danger signs of relapse

Develop coping skills to prevent relapse early in the process.

[kin]

Hi asdfghost,

I am like you. I can understand how you feel.
You are right, I have suffered from this problem longer than you.

Pick yourself up and continue fighting each time you fall
You have lost a battle, you have not lost the war.
There are many battles to be fought on this recovery journey.

Take one day at a time.
If you find one day at a time hard and painful, take one baby step forward at a time.
You only need to stay gamble free today.
Tomorrow you do the same.
Anyone with multiple days, months and years of gamble free time is doing the same thing like you everyday.

Slip and relapse is a part of the recovery process.
Recovery from addiction is a lifelong journey.
Seek progress, not perfection.
It is achievable.

Start a new thread and keep posting.
Journaling is a highly recommended recovery tool.

[kin]

I am not interested to read about gamble free day in the forum.
I am interested to read about how they stay gamble free in the forum.

[kin]

Why I need a power greater than myself in recovery?

A farmer is helpless to grow grain; all he can do is provide the right conditions for the growing of grain. He cultivates the ground, he plants the seed, he waters the plants, and then the natural forces of the earth take over and up comes the grain.

This is the way it is with the Spiritual Disciplines – they are a way of sowing to the Spirit…

By themselves the Spiritual Disciplines can do nothing; they can only get us to the place where something can be done.

Spiritual disciplines are habits, practices, and experiences that are designed to develop, grow, and strengthen certain qualities of spirit — to train the soul and build the “muscles” of one’s character.

“Ask me not where I live and what I like to eat.
Ask me what I am living for…
what I think is keeping me from living fully for that.”
Thomas Merton

• This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by kin.

[kin]

Yesterday is history, it is over.
The past is history. I cannot change my past.
I can only stay focus on today.
I can only manage one day at a time.

Things can change suddenly; my thought is not the same every day.
I can lose focus, get distracted and lost sight of my goal and direction.

After 8 hrs sleep, I have regained my energy to resist any tempting thoughts for today.
Those unwanted thoughts that was here when I was exhausted and drained has disappear after my rest.

I have manage to keep myself safe today with the help of a power greater than me.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by kin.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by kin.

[kin]

I am exhausted and drained every day after long hours at work, but I am really thankful, happy and contented. I cannot do other things with my free time after work otherwise I am putting myself in danger. I cannot afford to replace my time for sleeping to do other things otherwise I risk making a big mistake. I need to rest and sleep to recharge my strength and energy otherwise I will become weaker in staying abstinence, I can become very stressed when I lose sleep, stress can trigger me to gamble.

Journaling helps me check my thought, feeling, and action today. It helps me to reflect on my unstable emotion and stress at this moment. Journaling helps me to see the picture and my choices very clearly. I was heading in the wrong direction. I decided to make a U-turn back. I repent today. I will not endure and tolerate gambling today. I will not compromise and gamble today. One day at a time.

I shall have a good rest and sleep now. I will stay away from danger!
I have switched from relapse to recovery, switched from danger to safety by a power greater than me.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by kin.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by kin.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by kin.

[kin]

Today I read that gambling is one of the worst addictions to have.

Among the different kinds of addictions, those addicted to gambling are “least likely to come forward to seek help. They find it difficult to wrap their heads around the fact that they have a problem”, said Dr Winslow.

“None of the alcoholics I’ve worked with think that by going back to drinking, all their problems will be gone. “But gamblers, they think that the next time they go back to gambling, their problems will disappear.”

This mindset is spurred by the pursuit of the next big win, even though there is no guarantee there would be any windfall.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by kin.

[kin]

Explanation 1
Impulse-control disorder (ICD) is a class of psychiatric disorders characterized by impulsivity – failure to resist a temptation, an urge, or an impulse; or having the inability to not speak on a thought.

Explanation 2
They’re a group of behavioral conditions that involve an inability to control impulses and behaviors’, that make it difficult to control your actions or reactions.

Explanation 3
Impulse control disorders (ICD) are a group of mental health disorders that involve problems with self-control. People with ICDs fail to resist the impulse to behave in harmful ways, often without thought of the consequences.

Explanation 4
Impulse control disorders are conditions where people have impulses that are difficult or impossible to resist.

An impulsive behaviors’ is when you act quickly with no thought to the consequences.

Some signs and symptoms of Impulse Control Disorder

1. Engaging in risky or promiscuous behaviors’ or activities such as compulsive eating, compulsive sex and compulsive gambling
2. Stealing from family members, friends or company
3. Lying
4. Explosive violent or angry outburst against others or property of others
5. Extreme defiance, resistance, disobedience
6. Running away for no apparent reasons

One suggestion to overcome impulse control disorder is to keep a journal.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by kin.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by kin.

[kin]

I had a health scare yesterday. It gave me a shock; and I was lost and confuse for a little while.
In a bad situation where I have totally no control, I feel very helpless.
Sometimes I can only accept the situation and move on…focusing on the next baby step forward today.
One day at a time.

Everything has return to normal. I am going to rest after work now.
I am not going to do other things; I will get to sleep.
I need to charge my strength and energy before the next working shift

[Author]

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