[kin]

Last bet 23 April 2024
Gamble free days: 432

[kin]

What is Pathological Gambling?

According to the American Psychiatric Association, Pathological Gambling is a disorder of impulse control.

In another words, people who have problems with Pathological Gambling lose control when they gamble.
They cannot stop playing even though they want to stop or need to stop.

The main symptom of Pathological Gambling is “persistent and maladaptive gambling behavior that disrupts personal, family, or vocational pursuits”.

The second part says that Pathological Gambling is persistent and maladaptive gambling behavior.

The persistent part means that you keep gambling. You go back to the casino even though you tell yourself that you need to stop.

The maladaptive part means that the way you gamble hurts you and other people. One example of this is spending your whole pay check at the casino and then not having money to pay bills or buy food.

Finally, Pathological Gambling disrupts personal, family, or vocational pursuits. Simply put, gambling has caused you problems with your job, your family, and your life.

People who have problems with Pathological Gambling:

• Lose control when they gamble
• Keep on gambling even though they want to stop
• Gamble in a way that hurts them
• Have family, legal, and job-related problems because of their gambling

Pathological Gambling is very different from Social Gambling.

Social gamblers:

• Set aside a certain amount of money for gambling (entertainment money) and when it is gone, they stop.
• Only gamble once in a while and for a set period of time
• Do not have any problems because of their gambling

Pathological Gambling is a lot like other addictions. However, you might notice how they are different in some ways:

• You don’t have to smoke or drink anything when you gamble;
• Gambling does not automatically alter a person’s mind like alcohol or drugs can
• A person cannot die from an overdose of gambling;
• Unlike drugs, Gambling is legal in many places;
• A person might win a lot of money gambling

[kin]

I just posted the work on Step One that I did in year 2016

[kin]

Powerlessness

As gambling addict, we react to the word “powerless” in a variety of ways.
Some of us recognize that a more accurate description of our situation simply could not exist, and admit our powerlessness with a sense of relief.
Others recoil at the word, connecting it with weakness or believing it to indicate some kind of character deficiency

Understanding powerlessness

– And how admitting our own powerlessness is essential to our recovery
– will help us get over any negative feelings we may have about the concept.

We are powerless when the driving force in our life is beyond our control.

Our addiction certainly qualifies as such an uncontrollable, driving force.

(One is too many, a thousand is not enough)

• We cannot moderate or control our gambling or other compulsive behaviors, even when they are causing us to lose the things that matter most to us.
• We cannot stop, even when to continue will surely result in irreparable physical damage.
• We find ourselves doing things that we would never do if it weren’t for our gambling, things that make us shudder with shame when we think of them.
• We may even decide that we don’t want to gamble, that we aren’t going to gamble, and realize we are simply unable to stop when the opportunity presents itself.
• We may have tried to abstain from gambling or other compulsive behaviors – perhaps with some success -for a period of time without a program, only to find that our untreated gambling eventually takes us back to where we are before.

In order to work the first First Step, we need to prove our own individual powerlessness to ourselves on a deep level.

19. Over what, exactly am I powerless?

My emotions, people, alcohol, slot machines, football punting, casino table games and horse racing.

20. What have I done (I have done things) while acting out my gambling that I would never do when focusing on recovery. What were they?

Drinking after using the slot, or using the slot after drinking, and heavy borrowing.

21. What things have I done to maintain my gambling that went completely against my beliefs and values?

The lying to hide my heavy gambling and debts, the womanizing and sex after heavy drinking, the borrowing, cheating and stealing to get more money to feed my habits.

22. How does my personality change when I am acting out my gambling?
(Do I become arrogant? Self- centered? Mean-tempered? Passive to the point where I can protect myself? Manipulative? Whiny? – complaining a lot or protest in a childish or annoying fashion, especially in a high-pitched sound and sad voice)

My feeling becomes my top priority, I become selfish, self-centered, self-seeking and less loving. I feel that I need to continue drinking and gambling to fix the problem.

I love to be in control of the situation. I justified, rationalize and reason to self and others. I convince and manipulate those around me that what I was doing is the right thing. I complaint and blame my luck and misfortune for what has happen to me and not others. My tolerance and love for others was very bad. I become impatient and angry.

23. Do I manipulate other people to maintain my gambling? How?

I never tell them I was actively gambling and incur new debts.
I lied to them that I needed to service my old debt and do not have enough money.
They wanted to help and lend me the money in the end.

24. Have I tried to quit gambling and found that I couldn’t? Have I quit gambling on my own and found that my life was so painful without gambling that my abstinence didn’t last very long? What were those times like?

I have tried to stop alcohol and gambling; I failed many times.
Each time the reality of living life on life’s term hit me,
I learn that many bad things can happen to good people in recovery, they can be very painful and hard.
I do not have the wisdom to understand that bad things can also happen to good people;
bad things can also happen when we try to do good or do the correct thing.

I feel the discomfort, stress and pain in those difficult situations.
Not drinking alcohol and gambling make it worst and more painful, the feeling is raw.

I was foolish, and desperate to escape and numb the pain.
I wish the pain to go away; I was stupid and willing to risk everything to self-medicate to feel better.
I knew the consequences of taking alcohol or gambling was bad,
but I have already become so selfish, dishonest and irresponsible and do not care anymore.

When I was stress and anxious, I remember what alcohol and gambling can do for me, it offers me an escape and solution to my problem.
Many times, slot was used when I need to find a relief from anxiety, loneliness and stress. Same reason I use alcohol.
Alcohol and gambling were a familiar and predictable way for me to numb the pain and suffering in my life.

25. How has my gambling caused me to hurt myself and others?

I became helpless and hopeless in the end, nothing I do can stop me from gambling and losing everything.
I have killed my career that I work so hard to build over so many years. I also lose my family, friends and clients. I get into so much debt that I cannot see a future. I was so broken that I was living in misery and depression. I tried to kill myself unsuccessfully 2 times.
I borrow money from people who trusted me, they become my victims when I did not return them a single cent. They could have used these monies for their retirement, medical fee and children educational fee beside living expenses like food and transport.
I was a constant reminder of the hurt and harm I gave to my family members when they see me.
I gave them a promise, betray their trust and killed their hope in me. I was so mean, heartless, wicked and cruel to do these to them.
They don’t deserve to suffer or be punish for doing nothing wrong. They are paying the price for my mistakes.

Unmanageability

The first step asks us to admit 2 things

One, that we are powerless over our gambling
Two, that our lives have become unmanageable.

Our unmanageability is the outward evidence of our powerlessness.

There are 2 general types of unmanageability
• Outward unmanageability, the kind that can be seen by others;
• Inner, or personal, unmanageability

Outward unmanageability is often identified by such things as arrest, job losses, and family problems.
• Some members have been incarcerated.
• Some members have never been able to sustain any kind of relationship for more than a few months.
• Some of us have been cut off from our families; ask never again to contact them.

Inner or personal unmanageability is often identified by unhealthy or untrue belief system about ourselves, the world we live in, and the people in our lives.
• We may believe we are worthless
• We may believe that the world revolves around us –not just that it should, but that it does
• We may believe that it isn’t really our job to take care of ourselves, someone else should do that.
• We may believe that the responsibilities the average person takes on as a matter of course are just too large a burden for us to bear
• We may over or under react to event in our lives.
• Emotional volatility is often one of the most obvious ways in which we can identify personal unmanageability.

26. What does unmanageability mean to me?

There was so much stress and no peace in my life. I struggle with work, finance and my relationship with my family and other people.
I cannot keep a job for more than a year. I cannot complete simple task like paying my credit card and phone bills.
My family members, girlfriend and friends don’t trust me and don’t want to have anything to do with me.
There was no stability in life. Every area of my life is out of control.

27. Have I ever been arrested or had legal trouble as a result of my gambling? Have I ever done anything I could have been arrested for if only I were caught? What have those things been?

Bankruptcy proceeding. Cheating and stealing…

28. What trouble have I had at work or school because of my gambling?

Borrowing or taking time off from work using mc.

29. What trouble have I had with my family as a result of my gambling?

There is no trust, they are held hostage by our relationship, they threaten to kick me out of the house.

30. What trouble have I had with my friends as a result of my gambling?

Fight due to alcohol use. Friendships are discontinued.

31. Do I insist on having my own way? What effect has my insistence had on my relationships?

Yes, I was always busy when I am gambling, I will not be there for my family and girlfriend, they don’t get the time, love and attention they so needed and deserve.

32. Do I consider the needs of others? What effect has my lack of consideration had on my relationships?

They don’t feel secure as a result of my behavior. I was not there for them.

33. Do I accept responsibility for my life and my actions? Am I able to carry out my daily responsibilities without becoming overwhelmed? How has this affected my life?

Definitely not, I don’t have the means to provide and when I do, I was too self-centered and selfish to want to do that, I want to keep the money as capital to feed my habits.

34. Do I fall apart the minute things don’t go according to plan? How has this affected my life?

I could not cope with the many stresses, it causes me to explode in anger and lose self-control, I always become impulsive and resign from the job or walk away from a relationship.

35. Do I treat every challenge as a personal insult? How has this affected my life?

I cannot cope with the stress from my work., my superior feel that because I do well, I can do more, many times it ended up in a lose-lose situation when I decided to quit and walk away. My bosses don’t understand my limit and restrictions.

36. Do I maintain a crisis mentality, responding to every situation with panic? How has this affected my life?

I feel that I must fix the crisis.
If I don’t have enough money to pay for a bill or something urgent, I will gamble.
If I am having panic attack, or feeling anxious, tense, helpless or angry as a result of this crisis, I turn to heavy drinking to help me cope.

37. Do I ignore signs that some things may be seriously wrong, thinking things will work out somehow? Describe.

My debt becomes bigger and I still feel that things will work out somehow, it always has. I continue gambling n borrowing.
My liver bile duct was choke. I was lock up behind bar due to alcohol and I still continue drinking.

38.When in real danger, have I ever been either indifferent to that danger or somehow unable to protect myself as a result of my gambling? Describe.

I was on a losing streak, I was getting into deep trouble, I should stop but I continue to gamble.
I was very drunk, I should stop but I do not want to go home, I want to stay and continue drinking.

39. Have I ever harmed someone as a result of my gambling?

I have harm others mentally and emotionally. It was a painful torment for them. I have force them to look for the money that I need when they don’t have them, I rob them of their saving, money that could have been used to love and pamper themselves.

40. Do I have temper tantrums or react to my feelings in other ways that lower my self-respect or sense of dignity? Describe.

If anyone accuse me of something I did not do, I will numb myself in drink and womanize or play the slot.

41. Do I gamble or act out my addiction to change or suppress my feelings? What was I trying to change or suppress?

Yes, definitely and all the times, I was seeking a relief from the pain and stress, it was a form of self-medication, I felt that feeling unhappy, disappointed, tense, anxious or angry was not right, I will have to correct these and fix it.

Reservations

Reservation are places in our program that we have reserved for relapse.

They may be built around the idea that we can retain a small measure of control.

• We may think that we can remain friends with people we gamble with?
• We may think that certain parts of the program don’t apply to us.
• We may think that there is something we just can’t face / stay clean – a serious illness, death of a loved one – and plan to gamble if it ever happens.
• We may think that after we have accomplished some goal, made a certain amount of money, or been clean for a certain number of years, then we will be able to control our using.
• Reservations are usually tucked away in the back of our minds; we are not fully conscious of them.
• It is essential that we expose any reservations we may have and cancel them – right here, right now.

42. Have I accepted the full measure of my disease?

it is a very powerful and destructive disease; it robs me of everything I had.

43. Do I think I can still associate with the people connected with my gambling? Can I still go to places where I gamble? Do I think it is wise to keep a betting account or paraphernalia around, just to remind myself or test my recovery? If so, why?

I would like to but my friend is still enabling me, it will be very difficult to stop drinking.
If I did not self-exclude or ban myself from gambling, I may want to do it one day and I will just go ahead.

44. Is there something I think I can’t get through clean, some event that might happen that will be so painful that I will have to gamble to survive the hurt?

At this phrase of my recovery, I don’t practice self-medication anymore, the only way there is any chances this can happen is when I lose my mind completely

45. Do I think that with some amount of clean time or different life circumstances, I will be able to control my gambling?

I tried many times; I wanted to enjoy my drinking and make money participating in game of chance and luck. I ended up losing any control I have.

46. What reservation am I still holding on to?

Everyone has a price. I am afraid that day will come.
What is saving me from it now was my relationship with God, that He will provide for all my needs, going back my old ways erodes any trust I have in Him.

Surrender

There is a huge difference between resignation and surrender.

Resignation is what we feel when we realized we are gambling addict but have not yet accepted recovery as the solution to our problem.
At some point of our life, we may have thought that it was our destiny to be a gambling addict, to live and to die like one.

Surrender on the other hand, is what happen after we accepted the First Step as something that is true for us and have accepted that recovery is the solution.

We don’t want our lives to be the way they have been.
We don’t want to keep feeling the way we have been feeling.

47. What am I afraid of about the concept of surrender, if anything?

It is a promise, a life time commitment.
It means no contingency plan for me anymore, no more plan B, to use alcohol to fix or correct my feelings and
no more using gambling as tool to make money and solution,
I will have to learn to sit on the feelings or live within my means, face the reality and consequences.

48. What convinces me that I can’t gamble successfully anymore?

I have tried for many times, it only works for a period of time and I gradually become obsessive and compulsive in the end, I cannot drink or gamble normally like other people.

49. Do I accept that I will never regain control, even after a long period of abstinence?

Yes, many times, after I have regained some level of self-control in my life, I tried again, it only works for a period and I become obsessive and compulsive in the end and lost all self-control, I cannot drink or gamble normally like other people.

50. Can I begin my recovery without a complete surrender?

I don’t think I can do it without a total and complete surrender.

51. What would my life be like if I surrender completely?

It was actually not that bad after trying it, I had more happiness; I found peace, and joy in my life.

52. Can I continue my recovery without complete surrender?

It was just impossible for me; I have done it many times over the last 10 years.

Spiritual Principles

In the First Step, we will focus on honesty, open-mindedness, willingness, humility, and acceptance.

Honesty

The practice of honesty from the First Step starts with the admitting the truth about our gambling, and continues with the practice of honesty on a daily basis.

When we say “I am a gambling addict” in a meeting. We begin to be able to be honest with ourselves and, consequently, with other people.

53. If I have been thinking about gambling or acting out on my addiction in some other way, have I shared it with my sponsor or told anyone else?

Yes, binge eating.

54. Have I stayed in touch with the reality of my addiction, no matter how long I have had freedom from active gambling?

Yes, if I place the first bet and win, I cannot stop the next bet. If I place the first bet and lost, I cannot stop the next bet.

55. Have I notice that, now that I don’t have to cover up my gambling, I no longer need to lie like I did? Do I appreciate the freedom that goes along with that? In what ways have I begun to be honest in my recovery?

Yes, I do not need to lie or avoid anyone about my acting out, I was free from my bondage of addiction and slavery to money. Confessing to God, and another person.

Open-mindedness

Practicing the principle of open-mindedness found in Step One mostly involves being ready to believe that there might be another way to live and being willing to try that way.

It doesn’t matter that we cannot see every detail of what that way might be or that it may be totally unlike anything we have heard about before

What matters is that we don’t limit ourselves or our thinking

Sometime we may hear things that sound crazy to us like “surrender to win” or suggestion to pray for someone we resent.

56. What have I heard in recovery that I have trouble believing?

Praying for someone I resent. Handing over everything to God.

57. Have I asked my sponsor or the person I heard say it, to explain it to me?

Yes, resentment is like drinking poison and hoping the other person die,
I was told to pray until the resentment is taken out.
Self-will have brought us to where we are, it has not work for us.
I was told not to fix them ourselves anymore and handover to God.

58. In what way am I practicing open-mindedness?

My way does not work, try a new way. Give up my way and follow God’s way.

Willingness

• When we begin to think about recovery, many of us do not think it is possible for us
• We don’t understand how it work
• We go ahead with the first step anyway

That is our first experience with willingness.

Taking any action that will help our recovery shows willingness,
Etc. Going to meeting, getting members phone number and calling them.

59. Am I willing to follow my sponsor‘s direction?

Yes, recovery slogan, when all else fail, follow direction.

60. Am I willing to go to meeting regularly
Yes

61. Am I willing to give recovery my best effort? In what ways?

Working my 12 steps recovery program workbook, stepping out of denial into God’s Grace workbook, attending meeting, talking to sponsor and other recovering person…..

Humility

It is expressed most purely in our surrender

Humility is most easily identified as an acceptance of who we truly are – neither worse nor better (than we believed we were when we were gambling).

62. Do I believe that I am a monster who has poisoned the whole world with my gambling?

Maybe not the biggest but definitely one, I depleted the saving of people around me. I broke their hearts. I cheat, lied, con, mislead, I betray any trust and broke many promises.

63. Do I believe that my gambling addiction is utterly inconsequential to the larger society around me? Or something in between? In society as whole? What is that sense?

Well, take away my addiction, I can be a productive person at home and the society.

64. How am I practicing the principle of humility in connection with this work on the first Step.

Admitting that I am powerless over my addiction, accepting that alone I cannot do anything / fix my problem, handing over my problem to a Higher Power, do not think that I am always right all the time.

Acceptance

To practice the principle of acceptance, we must do more than merely admit that we are gambling addict.

When we accept our addiction, we feel a profound inner change that is underscored by a rising sense of hope. We also begin to feel peace.

We come to terms with our addiction, with our recovery, and with the meaning those 2 realities will come to have in our lives.

65. Have I made peace with the fact that I am a gambling addict?

Yes, I am powerless over gambling, after a period of acting out, I will lose all self- control and become compulsive.

66. Have I made peace with the things I will have to do to stay clean?

Yes, it helps with a Higher Power. God help me to do things I could not do in the past.

My way doesn’t work, it has sent me here.
I need to surrender my old way and live a new way of life.

Setting up barriers, learn to deny my desire and not feeding my selfish, self-centered and self-seeking ways.

May God’s will be done, not mine. It is all in God ‘s time, not mine. I learn to trust God’s timing and be patient.

67. How is acceptance of my disease necessary for my continued recovery?

I need to know my problem in order to find a solution. I cannot cure something that is not there.

68. Are we ready to move to Step Two?

Yes

69. Have we work Step One well enough

Yes

70. Are we sure it is time to move on

Yes

71. Have we spend as much time as others may have spent on this step?

Yes

72. Have we truly gained an understanding of this step?

Yes

Many of us have found it helpful to write about our understanding of each step as we prepare to move on.

73. How do I know it is time to move on?

I accepted my compulsive behavior, It is time for me to move on to find a solution to stop my first bet, to stop and stay stop.

74. What is my understanding of Step One?

Helps me to identified my powerless over my gambling addiction
How I have no control over them, how denial of my powerless and self-control hinder my recovery.
How gambling has brought unmanageability into my life,
many problems are there because of the gambling,
take away the gambling and the other problem will also go away.

75.How has my prior knowledge and experience affected my work on this step?

We have come to a place where we see the results of our old way of life
and accept that a new way is called for,
we probably don’t yet see how rich with possibilities the new life of recovery is.

It may be enough just to have freedom from active gambling right now but soon we will find a void that we have been filling with gambling and other obsessive and compulsive behaviors.

This void begs to be filled. Working the rest of the steps will fill that void.

Next on our journey towards recovery is Step Two.

• This reply was modified 7 months, 3 weeks ago by kin.

[kin]

11. How have I blamed other people for my behavior?

I have blamed my mum, my creditor, my boss, my girlfriend for my behavior.
My mum or girlfriend upset me so I left the house to gamble.
My boss was unjust and unfair to me, I felt victimize so I gamble to made myself feel better.
My creditor chases me for my debt and I do not have enough money. I was stress so I gamble.

12. How have I compared my addiction with other’s addiction? Is my addiction “bad enough” if I don’t compare it to anyone else?

It was easy to lose my focus in recovery and compare our addiction when I hear others talk about becoming homelessness, family breaking up, jobless, heavy borrowing from loan sharks, indebted much more than me, committing suicide, suffering from mental illnesses, ending up in jail, and still cannot stop their self-destructive gambling.

I have hit rock bottom as a result of my addiction, I have become bankrupt mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically and financially. It was bad enough for me. Those was the darkest and most painful period in my life.

I feel that my overeating disorder, obsessive internet surfing causes the least financial damage for me compare to drinking and gambling.

I feel that alcohol and drugs cause the biggest health issue to my mind and body.
Workaholism and perfectionism damage my spiritual and emotional health
Gambling addiction wipeout any money I have in the quickest time.

13. Am I comparing a current manifestation of my addiction to the way my life was before I got clean? Am I plagued by the idea that I should know better?

I only place a bet. I was able to stop. I lost the money in the end.
I only drank once in almost a year and over-spend.
I eat for pleasure, not for fuel and put on a lot of weight.
I spend too much time on internet surfing and giving myself less time to rest and sleep.

It was no consolation that the damage and destruction is not bigger than before.
I should have known better that I would still lose most and if not, all my money as a result.
I was still haunted by my foolish and stupidity act in allowing them to happen,
I can still feel the heartache and pain, regrets and guilt.

14.Have I been thinking that I have enough information about addiction and recovery to get my behavior under control before it gets out of hand?

I thought I know enough about my addiction, but I did not know about my blind spots and have not uncover all my reservation to gamble.
I did not have an immediate plan to replace gambling with something else when each reservation happened.
I was not prepared on what to do when I want to gamble.
I thought I can be more careful this time.
I thought I can keep my gambling under control by restricting the type of gamble
choosing lower risk,
limiting the amount I gamble and
no more all or nothing bet.

I thought I could stop and walk away when I lose control, I thought I will not become impulsive, compulsive and obsessive anymore.
I thought my saving will be safe from my gambling and I would not withdraw every single cent for gambling.

They never fail to get out of hand every time. The ending has always been the same all the time.

15. Am I avoiding action because I am afraid, I will be ashamed when I face the results of my addiction? Am I avoiding action because I am worried about what others will think?

I avoided action because I was afraid that I cannot do something I love/gamble anymore.
I was ashamed to let my family know the reason was a simple and honest one because of my continue gambling.
I did not seek help because I did not want to lose my career and I was afraid of losing my job if the company knew I have unmanageable gambling debt and seeking help.
I never thought I will lose my family and get kick out of the house but it nearly happen.

Hitting bottom: Despair and Isolation

Our gambling brings us to a place where we can no longer deny the nature of our problem.

• All the lies,
• all the rationalizations,
• all the illusions

fall away as we stand face to face with what our lives have become.

• We realize we have been living without hope
• We find we have become friendless
• We are so completely disconnected that our relationships are a sham, a parody of love and intimacy.

(Sham: a thing that is not what it is purported to be)
(Parody in use: an imitation work created to imitate)

Though it may seem that all is lost when we find ourselves in this state,
The truth is that we must pass through this place before we can embark upon our journey of recovery.

16. What crisis brought me to recovery?

I have tried to do recovery and stop drinking and gambling on my own between 1998 to 2005, I realize that I could not stay stop.
I would continue to drink and gamble, I continue to get into debts and losing every single cent and more.
I have killed my career and I was on the brink of losing my family.

17. What situation led me to formally work Step One?

When I accepted that I have lost control of my situation and I needed help, I can no longer manage this on my own. It is getting from bad to worst.
I accepted that I am powerless over alcohol and slot machines, football punting, horse punting, casino table games and that my life have become unmanageable as a result.

18. When did I first recognize my gambling as a problem? Did I try to correct it? If so how? If not, why not?

It happened more than 30 years ago, I thought I could gamble, or drink and stop like a normal person so I didn’t seek help.
I didn’t know I needed help. I didn’t know I had an addiction to alcohol and slot or that I was a problem drinker and gambler.
I did not understand and didn’t know anything about impulse control disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder and addiction.

[kin]

The Step Working Guides

The narrative is meant to provoke thought about the questions but is not meant to be comprehensive.

The narrative is written in “we” voice in order to promote unity about what we all have in common: our addiction and recovery.

The questions are written in “I” voice so that each member using these guides can personalize the work.

The Step Working Guides is a companion piece to It works: How and Why.

There’s probably only one inappropriate way to use these guides: alone.

We can’t overemphasize the importance of working with a sponsor in working the steps.

If you haven’t yet asked someone to sponsor you, please do so before beginning these guides.

Merely reading all the available information about any of the 12 steps will never be sufficient to bring about a true change in our lives and freedom from our disease.

To do that, we have to work them. 

“We Admitted that we were powerless over our gambling, that our lives had become unmanageable.”
~ Step One
 
A “first” of anything is the beginning, and so is the steps:
The first step is the beginning of the recovery process.

The healing starts here:
We can’t go any further until we have worked this step.

Our reasons for formally working step one will vary from member to member.

• It maybe we are new to recovery, and we have just fought –and lost – an exhaustive battle with gambling.

• It may be that we have been around for a while, abstinent from gambling, but we have discovered that our disease has become active in some other area of our lives, forcing us to face our powerlessness and the unmanageability of our lives once again.

Not every growth is motivated by pain;
It may just be time to cycle through the steps again,
thus beginning the next stage of our never-ending journey of recovery.

Now it is time to engage in some concrete activity that will help us find more freedom from our gambling, whatever shape it is currently taking.

Our hope is to internalize the principle of Step One:

To deepen our surrender and to make the principles of:
• Acceptance
• Humility
• Willingness
• Honesty
• Open-mindedness a fundamental part of who we are.

First, we must arrive at a point of surrender
There are many different ways to do this.

For some of us,
The road we traveled to the First Step was more than enough to convince us that unconditional surrender was our only option.
Others start this process even though we are not entirely convinced that we are gambling addicts or that we have really hit bottom.

Only in working the First Step do we truly come to realize that:
• We are gambling addicts
• We have hit bottom.
• We must surrender.

Before we begin working the First Step, we must become abstinent – whatever it takes

If we are new

Our First Step is primarily about looking at the effects of gambling in our lives and we need to get clean.

If we have been clean for a while

Our First Step is about our powerlessness over some other behavior that’s made our life unmanageable,
we need to find a way to stop that behavior so that our surrender isn’t clouded by continued acting out.

The Disease of Addiction

What makes us addicts is the disease of addiction – not the casino, football matches.

There is something within us that makes us unable to control our gambling.
This same something also makes us prone to obsession and compulsion in other areas of our lives.

How can we tell when our disease is active?

When we become trapped in Obsessive, Compulsive, and Self-centered routines.
Endless loops that lead no-where but to physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional decay.

1. What does the disease of addiction mean to me?

It means that when I pick up the first glass or place the first gamble, I want to continue, even when it is doing harm to myself, I could not stop and want more.

2. Has my disease been active recently? In what way?

Has been binging on food recently.

3. What is it like when I am obsessed with something? Does my thinking follow a pattern? Describe.

When I was obsessed with gambling, I cannot stop thinking about going back to gamble, I lose control of my thought. My mind is on the subject all the time and lost interest in other things.

Pattern: Weekend, midweek, payday.

4.When a thought occurs to me, do I immediately act on it without considering the consequences? In what other ways do I behave compulsively?

When a gambling thought occurs to me, I thought about what gambling can do for me and what gambling can do to me and still proceed to gamble despite the consequences. I will continue to gamble until I have no more money to gamble win or lose.

5. How does the self-centered part of my disease affect my life and the lives of those around me?

I lost all my earning to feed my gambling and also borrowed from those around me so I can continue gambling.
I become so heavily in debt and causes those around me great stress, they become my hostage, I leave them no other choice but to help me.

6.How has my disease affected me Physically? Mentally? Spiritually? Emotionally? Financially?

I do not have proper rest or sleep because I will be staying up until very late into the next morning with my gambling.
I will lose all my peace and become anxious, restless, irritated if I do not gamble.
I have no spirituality because I was using the money to gamble instead of feeding or providing the family.
After I win tens of thousands of dollars, I will keep them as my capital for the next bet and not for the family.
Emotionally it was a real roller coaster because the results can be so unpredictable and full of up and down.
Financially I become heavily indebted and a bankrupt.

Our addiction can manifest itself in a variety of ways.
When we first come to gambler anonymous, our problem will, of course be gambling but later on, we may find out that our addiction is wreaking havoc in our lives in many other ways.

7. What is the specific way in which my addiction has been manifesting itself most recently?

Binge eating and long hours surfing internet.

8. Have I been obsessed with a person, place or thing? If so, how has that gotten in the way of my relationships with others? How else have I been affected mentally, spiritually, and emotionally by this obsession?

Gambling. I lost interest in other people, place and thing except gambling. I have no time for my family and others. I become very selfish, self-centered and self-seeking. I feel anxious, irritated and restless when I cannot gamble.

Denial

Denial is the part of our disease that tells us we don’t have a disease.

When we are in denial, we are unable to see the reality of our addiction.
• We minimize the effect.
• We blame others, citing too high expectations of families, friends, and employers.
• We compare ourselves with other addicts whose addiction seems “worse” than our own.
• If we have been abstinent from gambling for some time, we might have compared the current manifestation of our addiction with our gambling, rationalizing that nothing we do today could possibly be as bad as that was!

One of the easiest ways to tell that we are in denial is when we find ourselves giving plausible but untrue reasons for our behavior.

Plausible: appearance of truth or reason; seemly worthy of approval or acceptance; credible; believable; pleasing or persuasive, rational, logical, acceptable, thinkable…

9.Have I given plausible but untrue reasons for my behavior? What have they been?

I feel that gambling is a good way to make fast money; I do not plan to gamble everything that I have; I will not be greedy; I will be more careful this time; I will never lose everything that I have.
This gamble is an opportunity I cannot miss; Law of probability is on my side; I feel that my chances are high.
My false confident never think that my chances of a loss were very high here. I still think that my decision to gamble was a correct one.
If I lost the bet, it is alright, because it is a one-time thing, I can afford it.
I will not lose myself and go out of control. I can stop if things are not going well.
I can go ahead to gamble because I was not using borrowed money to gamble. If I lost the bet, there was nothing wrong.
I feel that there is nothing wrong to gamble if I lost the bet. I feel that I can afford the loss when I really cannot.

10. Have I compulsively acted on an obsession, and then acted as if I had actually planned to act that way? When were those times?

I have made trips to the casino and binge gamble on the slot and table games. I can lose every single cent and still feel there was nothing wrong with me.

[kin]

Last bet 23 April 2024
Gamble free days: 427

[kin]

The 8 Recovery Principles

1. Realize I’m not God. I admit that I am powerless to control my tendency to do the wrong thing and that my life is unmanageable.

“Happy are those who know they are spiritually poor.” Matthew 5:3

2. Earnestly believe that God exists, that I matter to Him, and that He has the Power to help me recover.

“Happy are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” Matthew 5:4

3. Consciously choose to commit all my life and will to Christ’s care and control.

“Happy are the meek.” Matthew 5:5

4. Openly examine and confess my faults to myself, to God, and to someone I trust.

“Happy are the pure in heart.” Matthew 5:8

5. Voluntarily submit to every change God wants to make in my life and humbly ask him to remove my character defects.

“Happy are those whose greatest desire is to do what God requires.” Matthew 5:6

6. Evaluate all my relationships. Offer forgiveness to those who have hurt me and make amends for harm I’ve done to others, except when to do so would harm them or others.

“Happy are the merciful.” Matthew 5:7
“Happy are the peacemakers.” Matthew 5:9

7. Reserve a daily time with God for self-examination, Bible reading, and prayer in order to know God.

“Happy are those who celebrate recovery”

8. Yield myself to God to be used to bring this Good News to others, both by my example and by my words.

“Happy are those who are persecuted because they do what God requires.” Matthew 5:10

• This reply was modified 7 months, 3 weeks ago by kin.

[kin]

Life Recovery Groups – The 12 Steps

Work the 12 Steps and discover the path that will change your life, enrich your recovery and bring you closer to the heart of God.

1. We admitted that we were powerless over our problems and that our lives had become unmanageable.

“I know that nothing good lives in me…I want to do what is right, but I can’t.” – Romans 7:18, see also John 8: 31-36; Romans 7:14-25.

2. We came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

“God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him.” – Philippians 2:13; see also Romans 4:6-8; Ephesians 1:6-8; Colossians 1:21-22; Hebrews 11:1-10.

3. We made a decision to turn our wills and our lives over to the care of God.

“Dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice–the kind he will find acceptable.” – Romans 12:1; see also Matthew 11:28-30; Mark 10:14; James 4:7-10.

4. We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

“Let us test and examine our ways. Let us turn back to the Lord.” – Lamentations 3:40; see also Matthew 7:1-5; 2 Corinthians 7:8-10.

5. We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

“Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.” – James 5:16; see also Psalms 32:1-5; 51:1-3; 1 John 1:2-6.

6. We were entirely ready to have God remove these defects of character.

“Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up in honor.” – James 4:10; see also Romans 6:5-11; Philippians 3:12-14.

7. We humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.

“If we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness.” – 1 John 1:9; see also Luke 18:9-14; 1 John 5:13-15.

8. We made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.

“Do to others as you would like them to do to you.” – Luke 6:31; see also Colossians 3:12-15; 1 John 3:10-20.

9. We made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

“If you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar and…someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God.” – Matthew 5:23; see also Luke 19:1-10; 1 Peter 2:21-25.

10. We continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.

“If you think you are standing strong, be careful not to fall.” – 1 Corinthians 10:12; see also Romans 5:3-6; 2 Timothy 2:1-7; 1 John 1:8-10.

11. We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, praying only for knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry it out.

“Devote yourselves to prayer with an alert mind and a thankful heart.” – Colossians 4:2; see also Isaiah 40:28-31; 1 Timothy 4:7-8.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

“Dear brothers and sisters, if another believer is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path. And be careful not to fall into the same temptation yourself.” – Galatians 6:1; see also Isaiah 61:1-3; Titus 3:3-7; 1 Peter 4:1-5.

[kin]

Celebrate Recovery – The 12 Steps

Step 1: We admitted we were powerless over our addictions and compulsive behaviors, that our lives had become unmanageable.

I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. (Romans 7:18)

Step 2: We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

For it is God who is at work in you to will and to act according to his good purpose. (Philippians 2:13)

Step 3: We made a decision to turn our lives and our wills over to the care of God.

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God – this is your spiritual act of worship. (Romans 12:1)

Step 4: We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

Let us examine our ways and test them, and let us return to the LORD. (Lamentations 3:40)

Step 5: We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being, the exact nature of our wrongs.

Therefore, confess your sins to each other, and pray for each other, so that you may be healed. (James 5:16)

Step 6: We were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up. (James 4:10)

Step 7: We humbly asked Him to remove all our shortcomings.

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9)

Step 8: We made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make. amends to them all.

Do to others as you would have them do to you. (Luke 6:31)

Step 9: We made direct amends to such people whenever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. (Matthew 5:23-24)

Step 10: We continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.

So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall! (1 Corinthians 10:12)

Step 11: We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly. (Colossians 3:16)

Step 12: Having had a spiritual experience as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. (Galatians 6:1)

[kin]

I like to walk into a support group meeting with a purpose, I will be full of curiosity to learn from others. I was usually left disappointed. They are mostly complaining about a problem that is no more a problem to me right now and this is a happy problem for me.

But I was a bigger disappointment. I do not speak well in support group meeting. Guess I make others more disappointed listening to me. I must be talking about my problem that is not a problem to them right now.

Last bet 23 April 2024
Gamble free days: 425

• This reply was modified 7 months, 3 weeks ago by kin.
• This reply was modified 7 months, 3 weeks ago by kin.

[kin]

Last bet 23 April 2024
Gamble free days: 423

[kin]

Congratulations on your 102 gamble free days!!!

Enjoy your gamble free days without gambling.

[kin]

Last bet 23 April 2024
Gamble free days: 421 on 17 June 2025 local time Singapore

• This reply was modified 8 months ago by kin.

[kin]

I have never been able to stay gamble free for more than 12 months in the last 19 years.

My thought:
I am getting more lenient and less strict in denying my desires lately.
I am beginning to allow myself to do many things that I like to do.
I was not giving up or surrendering my ways naturally.
I was not repenting, changing my direction and turning back toward God as much as I would like it.

My feeling:
denying my desires alone does not work for me if my selfish, self-seeking, self-centeredness, self-righteousness, wilfulness, and hard-heartedness is still in total control. I want more good feeling, more money, more love, more recognition, more praise and more credit.

My action:
If I want to stay alcohol and gamble free in the second year, I need to do what I did on my first day on my first year.

Matthew 16:24
Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.

Matthew 22:35-39
One of them, an expert in the law, tested Jesus with a question: “Teacher, which commandment is the greatest in the Law?” Jesus declared, “Love the Lord, your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself.”

James 4:6
God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.

James 4:7
Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.

James 4:8
Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double minded.

Romans 10:11
“Anyone who believes in him will never be put to shame.”

Last bet 23 April 2024
Gamble free days: 419

[Author]

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