[kin]

When I trust people, people are all not perfect people, they could fail me, because they are not perfect like God.

When they fail me, and betray my trust in them, it can be very disappointing and upsetting. What ‘s next ? do I still continue to have faith in the GA/AA/NA recovery program because of these people ? do I stop going to church and stop reading the bible because of these people.

it was only when I found God in my recovery program that I experiences the real thing.

it doesn’t matter anymore now if the popular person in recovery bluff or lied in their sharing, it is not my recovery.

it doesn’t matter anymore now if the popular church person bluff or lied in his sharing, I shall focus my attention on God and not him.

it is not important to me anymore

Am I going to blow his cover and tear him down ? Not anymore, I will no longer do such a foolish thing, it doesn’t matter to me anymore

I am not going to go into a mental relapse because of them, it is not worth it!!!!

I have learn to depend on a God centred recovery now and not a person or program centered ones.

[kin]

Thank you P and praise God, it was easier to do recovery for me now, in the past, I read about those 12 steps recovery program from GA,AA,NA, I tried it but it was just not working for me in the long run, I do not know my God. Today I am still working on the same 12 steps recovery program with God in the program and experiencing a much positive and happier result.

Dearest P,

May you have a blessed recovery road ahead.

With Love,
Kin

[kin]

Sometimes I don’t know why I can be very intolerant and impatient
I will usually lose my cool very fast when I meet someone who is…they made me feel suffering etc. pressure, anxious, and cornered.

Demanding – they are so unreasonable, I am not their slave
Interrogative – they question everything including areas that are personal to me and I reserve the rights to some privacy and self-respect, I am not a criminal or their servant
Accuse, humiliate and shame – they accuse me of something I didn’t do or think, I get shame, embarrass and accuse of wrongs I did not do.
This is one of my many weaknesses, I am not God, I am powerless over these people

[kin]

“Let us keep our eyes fixed on Jesus, on whom our faith depends from beginning to end.” Hebrews 12:2 (GNT)

In dog obedience training, they put a dog at one end of a room and its master at the other end of the room, with a plate of food in the middle. And then the master calls the dog. If the dog eyes the food, he’s a goner; he’ll go straight for it. So they teach the dog to focus his eyes on the master. If the dog keeps his eyes on the master, he won’t be tempted. Instead of heading for the food, he’ll head straight to the master.

You need to keep your eyes on your master or you’ll get distracted. Get your mind off your circumstances and your problems and focus on God’s goodness to you in your past, his closeness to you in your present and his power to help you in your future.

[kin]

well Charles, I try to focus and think of God and all the wonderful things that God have done for me

[kin]

Luke 11:24-26English Standard Version (ESV)

Return of an Unclean Spirit

24 “When the unclean spirit has gone out of a person, it passes through waterless places seeking rest, and finding none it says, ‘I will return to my house from which I came.’ 25 And when it comes, it finds the house swept and put in order. 26 Then it goes and brings seven other spirits more evil than itself, and they enter and dwell there. And the last state of that person is worse than the first.”

[kin]

Dear diary,

I relapse yesterday……. in my dream

[kin]

For the first time in recovery
I am having proper rest
After a long work week, I choose to enjoy my day off instead of working part time
After a long day, I choose to stay home to rest or sleep instead of staying out

The feeling I had after a long day at work was a familiar one
I was restless and want to engage in other activity
But this feeling changes to one of calm and peace when I woke up after a good night rest
Giving myself rest was something new

When the mind and body is tired, it become weak ,vulnerable and invite triggering thoughts and struggles.

Life without the gambling, and alcohol was good
Gratitude and contentment returns
Fear, insecurity and the ” I want more” ” it is not enough” feelings goes away

[kin]

The Twelve and Twelve states: “AA’s Twelve Steps are a group of principles, spiritual in their nature, which, if practiced as a way of life, can expel the obsession to drink and enable the sufferer to become happy and usefully whole.”

What, exactly, are these principles, and where did they come from?

Over the years, a list of principles that correspond to each of the Twelve Steps has been printed

Step One Honesty
Step Two Hope
Step Three Faith
Step Four Courage
Step Five Integrity
Step Six Willingness
Step Seven Humility
Step Eight Brotherly Love
Step Nine Justice
Step Ten Perseverance
Step Eleven Spiritual Awareness
Step Twelve Service

[kin]

I once spoke at an AA group’s anniversary meeting in St. Paul, Minnesota,

and left the members with a riddle:

“If the principles of Twelve Step recovery are not the Twelve Steps,

then what are the principles?”

My answer to these group members was the same one I give my sponsees:

“The principles of Twelve Step recovery are the opposite of our character defects.”

In recovery, we try to take the opposite of our character defects and shortcomings

and turn them into principles. For example, we work to change:

fear into faith,
hate into love,
egoism into humility,
anxiety and worry into serenity,
complacency into action,
denial into acceptance,
jealousy into trust,
fantasy into reality,
selfishness into service,
resentment into forgiveness,
judgmentalism into tolerance,
despair into hope,
self-hate into self-respect,
and loneliness into fellowship.

We learn to understand the principles of our program.

Our true goal is “progress not perfection.”

The point is that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines.

The principles are guides to progress.”

[kin]

1. We admitted we were powerless over gambling—that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

18 For I know that nothing good dwells ain me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. ( Roman 7:18)

Paul was not living a life of sin as he had before conversion. His words reflect the keen perception into the deceitfulness of human nature of a man so close to God he could see virtually every self-centred, evil, twisted, and perverted nuance of carnality that still lurked in him. He abhorred it, groaning and yearning for complete deliverance from it!

[kin]

Just return from a meeting, I was like these people in the past
I knew I have a gambling problem like everyone there
But I have belittled and cannot imagine the destructive power of this problem

I was brought up with the mindset… not to quit or give up easily
I feel that the inconvenient from the gambling problem then…was a temporary one
When things improve, I will pick myself up from where I fall down
I shall return one day …….to gambling and beat the system
Gambling offer me the fastest way to double or nothing for my money.

I feel that I have learn from my lesson
I feel that I am able to make sure the same disaster will not happen again
I feel that I am able to control the gambling if I am more careful the next time
When I return to gambling, I will try a different approach from the last one
I still believe that there is a way to beat the system, I have not surrender completely

I was an ignorant, arrogant stubborn fool!!!
Still want to go back to the same place, do the same thing expecting a different result
My belief system have a big problem!

I don’t believe Gambling is more powerful and better than me
I don’t believe it can control me, and beat me every single time forever

I can still remember all my past big winning
But I cannot remember every painful experiences

These people I meet now are stubborn, arrogant and ignorant
I must take care of myself, I must not care too much about what these people think about me
I must leave these people, it is better to be unpopular than to be sorry.

They have proven time and again they will disappoint and fail me in the end, they are not ready yet
They are responsible for their own recovery, I am responsible for my own recovery

I can turn to GOD and not them, GOD is always there
I will not be alone. I only need to pray and talk to GOD.

I am not a perfect person, I have weakness
Enough is enough!
It is time to live life without all the gambling, alcohol…….
The result is a rewarding one!

[kin]

Money was very important to me and still are but I don’t love money the way I used to anymore.

I have finally understand that money is not the problem, its me and my love for money that is evil, it made me chase for more, I want more, what I have is always never enough in the past, likewise the alcohol, gambling, food, sex and work…..my list goes on

I have to work hard not to feed my self centeredness and desires

I must put in conscious effort to focus on GOD

I am still learning not to give in to self will and follow GOD ‘s will

[kin]

Step 6
Were entirely ready to have GOD remove all these defects of character.
Step 7
Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

In the past, I could be suppressing my gambling and drinking urge on my own, or with the meetings, all the measures I took was a temporary one to keep me clean for the day. It was not a long term or permanent one. it was tough pushing against a consistent force, in the long run, when I weaken, the burden just got heavier and I cave in. I have experiences many period of clean times in the past before I loses everything back.
“I was ignorant, I did not fill up the void.”
Ever since I start focusing on GOD, something gradually fill up the void inside me.
Something inside me starts to change, it did not happen overnight but after more than a year now, I could feel that the gambling and alcohol urges have been remove from inside me. I was lying down resting and looking at the ceiling, I was amazed and wonder where did the gambling and drinking thoughts go to. Where have they disappear to, there was nothing to suppress now. It was removed.
I have the money in the bank to feed my addiction and slip, I have the oxygen to fuel the fire, but where did the fire go to. Money used to be a trigger, now money is just money, nothing much but where was the trigger.
The bible and GOD’s word has reveal to me what I do in the past was wrong.
I am unworthy, I have done so much wrong and sins, GOD have Mercy on me, He did not punish me when I deserve them. By the Grace of GOD, He help me when I don’t deserve them. I have finally found a loving GOD greater than the devil. GOD has pulled me out from the dark and put me in the light.
I am human, I am imperfect, I am not GOD, I must not be complacent NOW!
I must stay close to GOD
Whenever I drift and turn away from GOD, the devil is always waiting to grab and pull me away, I am just no match for the devil.
Many times in the past when I depend on man, they disappoint and fail me, I fall.
GOD never fail
Jesus replied, “What is impossible with man is possible with God.” (Luke 18:27)

[kin]

I am not responsible for your recovery
I am responsible for my own recovery
I cannot do the walk for you, you have to do your own walk
~ speaker in a 12 steps recovery workshop

[Author]

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