[kin]

I need to know my enemy and familiarize myself with what I am facing on a regular basis.

Impulse control disorder is a class of psychiatric disorder characterized by impulsivity failure to resist a temptation, an urge, an impulse, or the ability to not speak on a thought.

Common features of Impulse Control Disorder
– Failure to resist impulses, urge to perform an act; no brakes in the brain.
– Rise in tension or arousal before committing the act and relief after
– Almost never is just one problem (depression, anxiety, OCD) and other impulsive conditions

[kin]

I was able to sleep for 8 hours. I felt so good after the rest, I have recovered my energy.
I was very grateful for this recovery. It is simply priceless.

I was so vulnerable and weak when I am stress, exhausted and tired.
I can get triggered and have gambling thought during moment like these.

I do not need to gamble but I have become very impulsive.
After all the gamble free days, the mind suddenly wanted to go ahead to place the first bet.
It was totally unexpected, the mind wanted to end all the gamble free days with the first bet.
The mind wanted to end my abstinence in recovery.

I prayed before I sleep.

Psalm 23:1
The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

When my unwell mind wanted more
I need to tell my unwell mind that Jesus Christ is enough for me.

I am thankful, Lord.
I feel better after the sleep.

Yesterday has passed, I stayed gamble free.
Today has arrived, I do the same.
I only need to stay gamble free today.

One day at a time.

Dear God, please grant me the serenity to stop beating myself up for not doing things perfectly, the courage to forgive myself because I am working on getting better, and the wisdom to know that you already love me, just the way I am. Amen.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by kin.

[kin]

I become very impulsive after I was triggered
This is a big problem that leads to my first bet

Impulsive behaviors
– are actions that have little or no fore thought, reflection or consideration of the consequences
– involve unplanned reactions
– arise in response to a perceived immediate gambling gain or benefit
– abrupt or sudden and unexpected change of gamble free plan

• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by kin.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by kin.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by kin.

[kin]

I must not leave any opportunity that allow me to do something I am not supposed to do
I must not leave any loopholes in my recovery, I must remove all the risk and stay away from danger

If I did not handover all my excess money, I may use that money to gamble
If it has not happen, the answer is not yet, it is waiting to happen one day

If I do not value my honesty and integrity in recovery, I can become disobedient and lawless.
It only take one moment of lapse or foolishness and carelessness, and I will slip into something I was not suppose to do.

If I lose my spirituality, I cannot connect to something bigger and more important than gambling
I shall become spiritually dead, I will justify the reason to gamble
I will not want to stick to the plan all the way to the end.

This journal allow me to talk about my weakness and vulnerability before they actually happen
This journal help me to see that I am heading in the wrong direction and help me to make a U-turn back.
This journal help me to repent before it is too late

I only need to stay gamble free today
Take one day at a time
Tomorrow I do the same

• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by kin.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by kin.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by kin.

[kin]

Every professionals and most anonymous group meeting chairperson says that I have an addictive personality after hearing about my struggles with various substance and behavior.

These addictive behaviors are only just the symptoms, they are not the root of my problem. After I have stop gambling, I stop having gambling problems but I continue to have the same problems that lead me to gamble.

Nowadays I start working on the problem that lead me to gamble. It was only after I have seriously looked at the problems which lead me to gamble and manage them… I begin to appreciate and enjoy the hard work of recovery and the fruits.

[kin]

I can get easily distracted by other things and lose my priority.
I have made time to help others recently and not having enough rest and sleep.
It can make me very sick.

Today is my rest day. I need to catch up with my sleep.
I need to recharge and restored my energy and strength.
I need to stay focus and not do other things.

[kin]

My last four rest days was used to do things for others.

When nothing goes right on one of the day
I wanted to give up. I did not want to do it.

Today I remember it could be a test from the Creator.
What we know is not what the Creator knows.
Have faith and trust the Creator.

I decided to stick to the plan all the way to the end.
I finish the job.

Time will revealed the truth.
I am happy every thing has return to normal
I am back to my usual routine today

• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by kin.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by kin.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by kin.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by kin.

[kin]

Hi marcus,

I am happy to see you posting again.

[kin]

Nothing goes right for me yesterday
They were unexpected, upsetting, frustrating and disappointing
It was not smooth going and straight forward in the end.

I was triggered as a result and became angry.
This was normal if I suffer from impulse control disorder.
This condition makes it difficult for me to control my actions and reactions.

I was glad yesterday is over
I have kept myself safe
I have stay away from danger.

It was a bad day
It too shall pass.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by kin.

[kin]

I need to be extra careful today.
I need to protect my recovery if I do not want to lose it.

In life, sometimes good thing can happen to bad people
and sometimes bad thing can happen to good people
I must accept reality and live life on life’s term without gambling.

I must stay away from danger. I am not good at dealing with stress.
It can get me into troubles.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by kin.

[kin]

I cannot stick to the plan all the way to the end for life.
but
I can stick to the plan all the way to the end today.

One day at a time.

[kin]

I have to accept my thought to gamble without gambling
I have to accept the intense feeling and strong emotion to gamble without gambling
Thought, feeling and emotion, these too shall pass.

I will never forget how to gamble but I need to live my life without gambling.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by kin.

[kin]

It was my rest day and I have the time to revisit jvr3419 last post
It reminded me about my life after I have stop gambling.

After I have stop escaping and numbing my thinking, feeling and emotion with gambling, relationships, alcohol, food and sex.
I starts to feel and face all my intrusive thought, intense bad feeling and raw emotion with full force.

I have to learn how to live with all the unwanted thoughts, bad feelings and strong emotions without gambling.

I do it one day at a time.
I only need to stick to the plan all the way to the end today.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by kin.

[kin]

I was using the support that I get from this forum to help me stay gamble free.
It has help me to stay gamble free for another month.

[kin]

Hi sarah,

I am glad you have found the joy of writing therapy or journaling, you can really feel the therapeutic benefits.

Have you consider getting help from an addiction counsellor or attend the Gambler Anonymous meeting.

May you be wise enough to know when you need help, and brave enough to ask for it. Have a blessed year 2024!

• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by kin.

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