[kin]

Dear Slotjunkie

Hope it helps.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c8M5Q3gJEo4

[kin]

Hi Bettie

Welcome home, you are a part of this big family, we all miss your presence here. Please continue to post and update us of your progress.

[kin]

Psalm 23, beautifully explained :

The Lord is my Shepherd = That’s Relationship!
I shall not want = That’s Supply!
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures = That’s Rest!
He leadeth me beside the still waters = That’s Refreshment!
He restoreth my soul = That’s Healing!
He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness = That’s Guidance!
For His name sake = That’s Purpose!
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death = That’s Testing!
I will fear no evil = That’s Protection!
For Thou art with me = That’s Faithfulness!
Thy rod and Thy staff they comfort me = That’s Discipline!
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies = That’s Hope!
Thou annointest my head with oil = That’s Superior Power!
My cup runneth over = That’s Abundance!
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life = That’s Blessing !
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord = That’s Security!
Forever = That’s Eternity!

Dear Kpat

There are times when I have thoughts to gamble and these verses in Psalm 23 save me.

The Lord is my Shepherd = That’s Relationship!
I shall not want = That’s Supply!

I don’t have to gamble.

[kin]

Dear Micky

I read your post in P’s thread and you talk about your urges today. I have posted the link below on urges from a GA website. Hope you find it useful. We care about you.

http://www.gachicago.org/urges.html

[kin]

Dear diary
Guess this is a sign that some thing was not alright. I need to work harder to focus on my Higher Power, guess I was not doing enough lately, because when things get uncomfortable and painful, I become distracted and switch to focus more on self and less on my Higher Power.
I should be thinking of my Higher Power more and myself less. The heat and the lack of sleep altogether done its job and expose my weakness.
Despite all that, there are reasons to be grateful, all thanks to Vera for the reminder…
I remember many many times in the past, I had wish that everything was just a dream when I woke up from my sleep after I had gamble but unfortunately many times, the truth was very painful, all the damage was done and the destruction is everywhere.
I wish that I could turn back the clock. I regretted my action so much that I would do anything if I was given a second chance to change all that.
I have that rare and valuable “Second Chance” to do things right now.

Just for today, all I have to do was simple, just stay clean and sober.

[kin]

Dear diary

I dream of gambling in my sleep today.

[kin]

Dear diary

Grateful to be clean today. Some days are easier some days are not but everyday matter, they all add up one day at a time.

Lately, I did not look after myself in the best way. I was putting myself at great risk. This is a very hot period in Singapore now, and I can be very badly affected by the heat.

I work from 7 pm to 7 am, many times after work I did not go to sleep straight away, I like to continue to stay up to entertain myself, I ended up making myself mentally exhausted and tired.

My body feel very stress by the heat and my mind become mentally very weak from the lack of sleep. It is not without a good reason I get triggered as a result and started to have persistent light gambling thoughts.

This was what happen to me in the last 2 days but the solution to this problem was a real simple one, it require me to be willing to do it with discipline, it’s just something lacking in me, I just woke up after a 12 hours’ sleep and it does wonder to me.
The gambling thought goes away and life return to normal, physically and mentally is not a struggle anymore now.
Thank God

[kin]

Dear diary,

I would never envy those mentors I met in the last 10 years, I could never forget hearing them getting scolded by the same people who seek them for help, these people are sick and hurting inside and their mind is in a mess.

Nothing has changes in the past and now, those hurting, not ready and not willing to change are still questioning and challenging the messenger instead of keeping things simple by following simple instructions, these sick people do not trust the messenger and are not open minded to try some thing new when all else have failed, they still want to do it their way.

I am afraid that I do not have the right to be inconsiderate and unsympathetic to these people simply because I was behaving like them for many years in the past. When I describe them, I remember myself in the early days.

When the messenger was not perfect in their delivery, I would love to question and prove the other person wrong, I was just ignorant, proud and arrogant.

It was so stupid of me to do all that because end of the day I do not get anything good in return, but pride make me so sick I could not stop myself, I have to tear the other person, prove them wrong and bring them down.

The saddest part end of the day was the fact that I was still suffering inside, all that I have done did not make me feel better but not the other person who have found peace and joy in life.

Having said all that, I still do not wish to be like my mentoring friends yet I do realized that life is so fragile and we always take for granted living life like it was going to last forever.

I am afraid that if I do not go ahead to do something good when I have the chance now, it may be my last chance in life, I may live to regret not having done that when I can.

Everything is new to me and I still do not have all the answers. I just have to trust my Higher Power to lead me.

Help me God.

[kin]

Addictive disorders treatment program

http://www.mirecc.va.gov/VISN16/docs/Gambling_Education_Workbook.pdf

[kin]

Hi abettertomorrow

Congratulation on staying clean for 40 days.

Good job and keep up the good work!

[kin]

Hi Vera,

Thank you for your concern and reply.

I am so glad that you are working hard and using the opportunity to grow in GA, you will be amaze that GA has a lot of useful materials , Ken has been a good mentor and blessing to many a new recovering person, that includes the both of us.

Well, my mum is already more than 85 years old, my family can afford to enable her, we are all trying to make her life as comfortable as we can.

I have tried to gently assist and encourage mum to give it all up but her resistant is very strong. This habit is more than 50 years old, I don’t think I want my mum to suffer from withdrawal at this stage of her life. We will just allow her the freedom to enjoy what she wants to do.

She is also a recovering cancer patient plus old age is restricting and giving her much inconveniences, just hope she is happy in her remaining days.

The last thing I want is to see her sink into self pity and depression neither do I want to go into one and blame her for triggering me.

I will pray and work harder to stay focus in God and my recovery.

[kin]

Dear diary
It has been more than 2 years now. The benefits of being sober allow me to run the errands at home, matter that takes time, money and effort. Mum is more than 85 years old, as she loses her sanity gradually, I was just grateful to be around for her and the family now.
Making amend and seeking forgiveness from my siblings, regaining their trust and confident is slowly taking place and happening in everyday lives now.
Is this all really possible if I was still acting out in my addictions. I think not simply because gambling will be my top priority, not loving my family, I will not be willing to sacrifice time and money for them, my interest comes first before anything else.
Watching my mum aged gives me a very clear view of how serious my gambling problem will become in the future if I continue. It was not the sum of money involved in the gambling but how the character defect grow in strength and comes to the surface as we lose control in old age, how it is controlling her life and how the gambling is affecting her behaviors and how that behaviors affect those closed to her. Mum‘s gambling is very small compare to mine, she may only be betting a dollar to five on lottery ticket on Wed, Sat and Sun every week whereas my gambling can runs into thousands, my last relapse in December 2012 add up to SGD$257,000 if SGD$ 126,747 comes from the winning bets and estimated SGD$130,673 comes from the losing bets just for December month alone . I am clearly aware that if what I see in my mum is not ideal now, then I am capable of destruction many times more powerful than my mum.
This is the reward of recovery, it may take me years to make amend and seek forgiveness from my family but I believe there is hope for me now. It is challenging caring for elderly at home, there are many times I knew it could send me back to my old ways, I needed more strength and wisdom to remain still.
God has change me and help me do things I cannot do for myself mentioned in the 12 promises of AA.
Personally I believe, have faith and trust in God’s word and promises in the Bible.
I am a grateful recovering compulsive gambler by the Grace of God.

[kin]

Dear diary
I only ask my 85 years old mum nicely is she going out to buy lottery ticket, she justified that she is buying less now, she would change topic that economic market is depressing , and she is controlling her spending now, then she start to complain that her maid was lazy and more. She didn’t have to do all that because I am not stopping her.
Sadly this was my story too, when I was going to place a bet, I will justified that it is alright to gamble, rationalized that I know what I am doing, l am so natural and good at cooking up all type of stories and excuses to deceive myself and others, I was dishonest to all including myself, and I must take control of any conversation with others to escape, I must change the focus of attention to another topic away from my gambling, I will mislead and manipulate people so that I can do what I want and I thought the whole world didn’t know what I am doing.
This was so sad because everyone knows. I am the only one who cannot see.

Serenity prayer.

[kin]

Dear diary

I am a grateful recovering compulsive addict!

7 years on in Gambling Therapy, notice some friends I met in here have grown wiser and more experience. Spoke with a few of them recently, and notice they share many things in common now.
Our focus was a very important key to staying clean, some chose to focus on Higher Power, some chose to focus on a healthy lifestyle. Changing our focus to a Higher Power and positive lifestyle, allow all our lives to move on, we are free, we have nothing to do with gambling anymore.
You will be amaze that focusing on “not gambling” is still giving a strong focus on gambling. You are still trap by it, the gambling devil still have a hand on you.

The growth I saw in these friends is a slow and gradual change in the heart and thinking, it is a process of recovery, they are transforming.

Change in the heart and thinking is inside, it is more permanent and lasting.
“Controlled or forced” change in the behavior is external, and a temporary measure, because the condition outside and inside can change affecting the outcome in staying stop.

[kin]

Dear diary
These are just some progression from what I was doing previously, from repaying financial institutions to giving all my money to my love ones, from changing my behaviors to changing my heart and thinking, something I struggle to do in the past, this was why I believe that God has help me to do what I cannot do as mentioned in the AA 12 promises. I learn to show love living one day at a time not by words but by deeds now. Practicing the recovery program has turn from a necessity into an enjoyment.
The first 2 months of the year was good! It has been a very enriching humbling lesson for me, I found out very quickly that I do not have all the answers. After the experience I had at 3 different recovery places with different new recovering person in Singapore this year, I learn that there is little I can do for someone who is not willing and not ready to change, the person must be willing to do it for themselves.
I check with a religious leader, a 12 steps workshop facilitator, and a counsellor. Their answer was all the same and confirm one thing, “the person must do it for themselves.”

My tolerance to stress is not very high, recognizing them has kept me safe, carrying another recovering person was one of the stress I cannot have. After chairing a meeting and the feeling I had later confirm everything. I do not want to jeopardize my personal recovery in the future. I will only carry the message and not the other person by my presence.

This has laid the blueprint for me when I move ahead in carrying the recovery message. Is this something new? No it was not, I read “How it works” from GA and look at the messages carefully, the answer was there all along but I was blind to it.
No one is perfect, and so am I, I was no different and have behave in exactly the same way as some of the new recovering person I met in Singapore, I wanted to recover but I am not willing to do what it takes to recover. I want to stop gambling and I want to gamble at the same time. I really do not wish this upon anyone, it only prolong the pain and suffering.

Now I am free from the bondage of addictions and not a slave of money anymore by the grace of God.

HOW IT WORKS
Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path.

Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program,usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves.

There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average.

There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.

Our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happened, and what we are like now.

If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it—then you are READY to take certain steps.

At some of these we balked. We thought we could find an easier, softer way. But we could not.

With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start.

Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely.

Remember that we deal with Gambling addiction—cunning, baffling, powerful!

Without help it is too much for us. But there is One who has all power—that One is God. May you find Him now!

Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point. We asked His protection and care with complete abandon.

[Author]

Posts