[kin]

Hi Vera

I have heard this saying… recovery from addiction is like climbing up an escalator moving downward, when I stop climbing, the addiction will bring me down.

[kin]

Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.

15 For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. ~ Hebrew 4:15

[kin]

Dear diary

In recovery, life will slowly turn from bad to good. However sometime in life, we may not do anything wrong but things can also turn from good to bad, this is very real because life do not always turn out according to our term, this is call living life on life’s term.

I am very grateful for the opportunity to learn this important lesson in recovery; just because life did not turn out according to my term, it was no excuse for me to suddenly break my walk in recovery and gamble.

The fear can be real and frightening, it can get very uncomfortable and painful at times but gambling should not be my option.
The ability to adapt quickly and change has been my weakness and is very vital to me staying gamble free.
Take one baby step at a time forward, one day at a time. cheers!

[kin]

Dear diary
When I was gambling or taking alcohol, my life was like a speeding car running out of control, the scary part was reliving and watching the part where everything in my life start falling apart once again, it was also like a roller coaster at the top coming down very fast and there was little I can do to stop it unless I give up alcohol and gambling totally for good.

[kin]

Hi Jaykay

Congratulation and awesome job for staying gamble free for 13 weeks.

Vera is right, please watch out and becareful of complacency.

Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 9 Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings. ~ Peter 5:8-9(NIV)

[kin]

Hi Paul,
I agree with Vera, God can help us to do what we cannot do for ourselves. Amen.

[kin]

Hi Monkeycf

Take one baby step at a time, before you are halfway there, things will get better.

[kin]

The strong do what they can, the weak suffer what they must.

~ Thucydides in the Melian Dialogue

[kin]

Hi Vera

Thank you for the prayer. It took me a while to collect myself and reflect on what has happen, it has shaken me but it has also help me to see some things I could not previously.

I am ready to march on now. cheers!

[kin]

Hi Vera

Thank you for the prayer. It took me a while to collect myself and reflect on what has happen, it has shaken me but it has also help me to see some things I could not previously.

I am ready to march on now. cheers!

[kin]

Dear dairy

In recovery, we see the quality of our life improves and turn from bad to good after some time.

But are we ready for the real thing – living life on life ‘s term, not our term.
1Man that is born of a woman is of few days, and full of trouble. ~Job14:1
At some point of time in our life, we may not have gamble but we will see things turning from good to bad.
Are we very bother by unfair and undeserved suffering? Do we feel betrayed by the God of our own understanding? Do we feel disappointed with recovery? Are we going to lose faith, turn back, rebel against the teaching by gambling?

Have I remove every or all my reservations and excuses to gamble ? When living our life start to feel tough and difficult, disappointing, frustrating, painful, stressful, anxious, broke, dark, helpless and hopeless.

Am I going to allow myself to gamble? Am I telling myself it is ok to gamble now? Is this an excuse to gamble? Am I going to turn back and gamble?

2 Peter 2:22

According to the true proverb, the dog has gone back to its own vomit again and the pig which had been washed gone back to rolling in the dirty earth.

Under all the appearances of reformation, still the evil nature remained, as that of the dog or the swine, and that nature finally prevailed. There was no thorough internal change, any more than there is in the swine when it is washed, or in the dog.

Or

Persevere harder and finish stronger!

21and said: “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I will depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised.” ~ Job1:21

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; ~ Proverb 3:5

Bad things can happen to good people.
In Job 3-7 Instead of being supportive and telling Job that God is helping him to grow, Job’s friend, Eliphaz blame his tribulation on his own sins.
They refuse to believe God will allow the innocent to suffer, so they encourage him to repent and beg God for forgiveness. They feel that is the only way God will offer mercy and relief from Job’s trials. Again Job does not turn away from God.
Eliphaz
4 Then Eliphaz the Temanite replied:
3 Think how you have instructed many, how you have strengthened feeble hands.
4 Your words have supported those who stumbled; you have strengthened faltering knees.
5 But now trouble comes to you, and you are discouraged; it strikes you, and you are dismayed.
6 Should not your piety be your confidence and your blameless ways your hope?
7 “Consider now: Who, being innocent, has ever perished?
Where were the upright ever destroyed?

Don’t quit recovery until the miracle happen!

[kin]

Dear diary
Every time it happen, the change was a painful process. It seem to be more painful when good things was given and taken away suddenly. One has already got used to the life, the comfort, stability, peace and joy.

When the material comfort was lost and taken away, and replace by the discomfort of poverty and debt. Life takes a drastic turn.

After a few turning point in my life, I am still not used to it. When I was hit the first time, I was diagnosed to suffered from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Fast forward 25 years later, life has improved, and I have more experiences and confident but I am still a product of work under construction, I was still very affected when the hard trial in life come.
This time I was caught unprepared, I did not expected the good weather to turn bad, at least I never thought it can and will happen to me, not again.

The pain did not come from the seriousness of the problem, it come from my lack of preparation and readiness when it arrive, I did not anticipate this situation and cannot see it coming, it hit me hard.

This problem is real. At this point of my life, this problem has stand out in my recovery.

No matter what type of trial that comes, and the changes, pain and suffering that it brings.
Gambling must never be an option and must not be used for the escape route and for quick relief. The repercussion is heavy.
I am sure this a small trial for me, it is a test, a learning lesson, a wake up call for me to prepare for the bigger storms that will come later in my life.
I will grow old, jobless, lonely, broke and sick one day. I am a man of small faith, if that happen, it will be very hard for me to survive.
This experience has open up my eyes, it has shown me the urgency to prepare and be ready for the rainy days, tsunami and storm ahead in my life.
I cannot do this on my own, I would need the strength and help of God to survive the storms ahead in my life.
I would have to persevere right to my last day – to stay total abstinent one day at a time, to the best of my ability.
Thank you God for everything.

[kin]

18 There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. ~ 1 John 4:18 (NIV)

[kin]

Dear diary
I thought that my faith has grown over the days but I didn’t know that my faith was still small.
The fear that I experiences recently shows my lack of faith
Fear is a denial of the hope that God will take care of us no matter what trials we come up against—especially those that draw out our deepest terrors.
I am really very ashamed about this lack of faith.

~ Isaiah 41:10 ~
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life,
what you will eat or what you will drink,
nor about your body, what you will put on.
~ Mathew 6:25-34 ~
Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?
And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?
And why are you anxious about clothing?
Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.
.~ Hebrew 11:1 ~
Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see.
Faith is having the COURAGE to let God have the control ~ anonymous

[kin]

Dear diary
I am still nursing my wound, I feel sad and disappointed now but I cannot afford to sit still and do nothing, I need to find any employment for the money immediately.
Every update in the journal has become my lesson.
Right from the beginning, when I lost my job, found out the sole bread winner at home has retired at the same time, lunar new year was around the corner and there will be heavy spending, I should have been more matured and responsible. I should have done the same thing that I was doing right now, find any employment for the money to cover immediate living expenses but I did not.
I did not have a sense of urgency, I was complacent, I had a false sense of security and safety when times was still good (…slowly turning bad). I waited and waited to do the right thing.
My sponsor has the foresight, he told me to get immediate employment during lunar new year. This is one of the very few times I didn’t listen to him.
Sometime things can change overnight, it can happen very fast. My sponsor understands me and know my weakness, this time has proven him right again.
I am feeling depress and not in the right frame of mind to do anything else right now except to do what I know has help me immediately.
Firstly, I am going to seek a closer relationship with God. Secondly to work the recovery program. Thirdly to find immediate employment. Fourthly gambling must not be an option regardless of situations and change.
I do all these because I love my family, otherwise recovery become meaningless. Other things can wait right now.
Everything will be fine by the grace of God.
I have experience worst, I will walk out of this, I just need to be discipline, focus and persevere, one day at a time. Over time, things will improve.

[Author]

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