[kin]

Everything look and feel the same. Everything was OK but I am not OK. I do not know why?

Later in the day I realize and notice that my eczema is returning
I also remember that I have received lesser cash money than I plan on payday recently
plus the stress from fatigue and exhaustion at work
I am not surprise by my triggering thought
Under these conditions, I guess it was normal for me.
Yesterday is over now. I have thought about gambling but did not gamble.
I was able to stick to the plan all the way to the end yesterday.

[kin]

I do read my own post, writing them down show me what is going on inside my head.
It has help me to be more forgiving, less punishing and less hard on myself.
It has help me to live with my problems.
I have learn to accept my problem as I strive and move on to live my life with more purpose and happiness now.

The journey was always harder if there are additional challenges
They can come from mental, physical and emotional illness.

The road is rocky with many turns going uphill
It is a normal thing if you are doing this to survive everyday

I am not God, I am not perfect
I cannot promise and guarantee that I can stick to the plan all the way to the end for the rest of my life

I can stick to the plan all the way to the end today.
Tomorrow I do the same.
One day at a time.

• This reply was modified 2 years ago by kin.
• This reply was modified 2 years ago by kin.
• This reply was modified 2 years ago by kin.

[kin]

Hi risingphoenix,

Thank you for sharing your journey. It was a joy watching your progress in recovery.

You are so wise to seek happiness and living with a purpose.

[kin]

I do not need to understand
I only need to stop gambling today.

I cannot guarantee that I can stop gambling
(for the rest of my life, for the rest of the year, for the rest of the month, for the rest of the week.)
but I can stop gambling today.

The voice maybe loud and convincing;
The thought maybe justifiable, rational and reasonable to gamble;
I can choose not to listen to this voice or follow this thought;
I can choose to be disobedient to this voice and thought;
I can stop gambling today.

Even when I have weak faith, believe, trust and confident, it is enough.
I can stop gambling today.

I can be distracted or tempted;
have urges and craving;
be selfish, self-centered, self-seeking;
become greedy, discontented and ungrateful;
feel fearful, anxious and insecure that money is not enough;
feeling weak and vulnerable;
lose my focus and concentration in recovery.
I can stop gambling today.

Dear God, I am a sinner, I am not perfect,
I knee before you and ask for your forgiveness and help, have mercy on me.
I pray in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. (Psalm 23)

[kin]

I am very mindful to be grateful today.
I am very thankful for the job and income.
I am very grateful to stay stop in gambling, I do not incur unexpected losses and debts.
I am very grateful for the peace and security at home, they do not have to worry about me self-destructing.
I am very grateful to remember that I should not lose everything I have chasing after the things I do not have.

more kind and humble, less anger and self-righteous
more patience and tolerance, less impulsive and explosive

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want (Psalm 23)

I am a sinner
I thank God for the mercy and grace

• This reply was modified 2 years ago by kin.
• This reply was modified 2 years ago by kin.
• This reply was modified 2 years ago by kin.

[kin]

Hi marcus,

Everyday we begin the day on the same starting point. Everyone do it one day at a time.
I look left and right, I did not see you posting much recently. Looking forward to read about your day in recovery.

Thank you.

Best of wishes to you.

[kin]

Hi risingphoenix,

You are such an inspiring person for the rest of us here. I am really very appreciative of all your posts!

How was your new year so far? I am looking forward to reading your first post of the year 2024.

Thank you!

• This reply was modified 2 years ago by kin.

[kin]

Hi jvr3419,

Thank you for sharing.

Please keep yourself safe from harmful people, places and things.

• This reply was modified 2 years ago by kin.

[kin]

Hi sarah,

Thank you for your sharing.

You did well in seeking and accepting help.

Keep posting!

[kin]

I am not perfect, I was afraid that I am weak and fail.
I cannot guarantee that I remain faithful and stick to the gamble free plan all the way to the end for the rest of my life.
There are just too many tests and temptations along the way in life’s journey but I can stick to the gamble free plan all the way to end today.

• This reply was modified 2 years ago by kin.
• This reply was modified 2 years ago by kin.

[kin]

I am grateful to be gamble free today.

I am grateful that I do not have to struggle with the greediness and corruption in gambling. I was able to be honest and have integrity in my recovery today.

I am grateful to put in the effort to avoid cheating in recovery and falling into temptation. I must stay focus and not lose my concentration for today. I must not be distracted by everyday living problem today.

I am grateful not to focus on what I do not have and focus on what I have. I do not wish to lose what I have chasing after something I do not have.

I am grateful to have little but they are enough. I do not have to be fearful, anxious, worry and feel insecure that they are not enough.

Be kind and humble always!

• This reply was modified 2 years ago by kin.

[kin]

Everyday the tug of war was between staying gamble free today vs placing the first bet.

On a bad day, the pulling power on placing the first bet felt stronger because I was weaker and more vulnerable due to the following reasons:

• being hungry
• being tired or having poor-quality sleep
• being stressed
• feeling worried or anxious
• being distracted by something

These are moments when my willpower and self-control become weaker

• This reply was modified 2 years ago by kin.
• This reply was modified 2 years ago by kin.

[kin]

Everyday the tug of war was between staying gamble free today vs placing the first bet.

How important is staying gamble free today?
Is it everything for me to keep the spiritual principles
Is it worth it to win the money and lose my values.

How important is winning this one bet for me today?
What is the point of winning one bet and losing my soul
Is it worth it to win the money and lose the most important thing in my life.

What is the most important thing in my life?
What is my purpose in life now?

This brings me to look at something bigger than me in life, something greater, more powerful and more important than me.

[kin]

The simplest thing can be the most difficult thing for me to do.

More than 18 years ago, I do not know how to do the simplest thing like paying my phone bill every month. After so many years, I have learned to be responsible by action and not talk, I pay my bill first.

I was hoping that I could be like many people who shared about their relapse in GA,AA,NA and other support group meetings that I attended. They have something I want, they are able to provide their family every month but I cannot and I do not understand why. After so many years, I have learned to be responsible and loving by action and not talk, I have become like them now, I was able to provide my family every month for more than 7 years.

I am not miserable anymore, I have learned to enjoy my recovery.
I only need to stay focus on today. I do not worry about my past and future.
Tomorrow I do the same, my task has become smaller and more achievable every day.

• This reply was modified 2 years ago by kin.

[kin]

When you focus on staying gamble free today
You try to avoid other distractions today
You put aside everything except staying gamble free today
The brain only focuses on staying gamble free today.

Staying focused is important because it can help you complete staying gamble free today and avoid procrastination.

Distractions can make it more difficult to focus on your responsibilities, so eliminating them can boost your efficiency. By giving all your attention to staying gamble free without distractions, you could minimize the chance and risk of making an error.

Focusing on a single thing today will help you to think clearly. All the time you only think about one thing that has to be completed. By completing something small and staying gamble free today, you can regain your motivation, positive mindset and ability to concentrate when tomorrow arrive.

But all people can experience poor attention or trouble focusing sometimes. Some factors may include:

• being hungry
• being tired or having poor-quality sleep
• being stressed
• feeling worried or anxious
• being distracted by something in your environment

So managing the cause of your inability to focus can sometime help resolve the issue.

Staying focus is how you succeed. The old saying “Keep your eye on the prize” says it all.
Having a goal to reach today help you to stay focus.
There is no better feeling than knowing you have reached a set goal.

Develop and stick to the plan all the way to the end today.
Discipline, willpower and self-control are vital ingredients for accomplishing our goals and leading a fulfilling life.

[Author]

Posts