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I am gamble free today!

[kin]

Dear Bro Shaun,
Gambling steal, rob and destroy us!

Yesterday has passed, tomorrow have not arrive, we can only stay gamble free today.

[kin]

1.I am not allowing myself to act out in destructive behaviors, while practicing denying myself and my desires.

2.I am prepared for setbacks to happen in life and in recovery now. I am reminding myself to carry my cross, bad things can happen too when we do good etc. I have experience losing my job, not getting my pay, my elderly mum becoming bedridden, getting into and out of debts. I will continue to trust God, I have walk into and walk out of all those trials and temptations. I have gained experience, knowledge and mindfulness.

3. I am learning to trust God; accepting anything that God gives me; living life on life term.
I have a habit of trying to control and change outcome when it did not meet my expectation instead of practicing acceptance, tolerant and patient.

4. I am learning to surrender my self-will and follow God will. I am learning to let God do the battle for me.

Trusting God’s promise, believing that God will provide abundant.

[kin]

I am gamble free today!

[kin]

I am gamble free today!

[kin]

I am gamble free today!

[kin]

All our good deeds are as filthy rags ~ Isaiah 64:6

[kin]

MY ACTION PLAN
Action Plan 1 – I plan to seek the truth in life and in recovery.
You shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free ~ John 8:32
I am the way, the truth, and the life; no man come to the father but by ME. ~ John 14:6
1a. I will accept anything that God gives me in life / I am responsible for the effort, not the outcome in both life and recovery/ living life on life’s term in recovery.
Action Plan 2 – I am going to do total abstinent, I plan to deny my desires daily (one day at a time)
Then Jesus said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. ~ Luke 9:23 (NIV)
Action Plan 3 – Keeping my eyes on God all the time. Giving up any selfish, self-centered and self-seeking ways. Giving up my self-will and follow God’s will daily.
28 “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.” 29 “Come,” he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. 30 But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!” 31 Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?” ~ Matthew 14:28-31 (NIV)
Action Plan 4 – At work, trusting God completely and let God fight the battle for me every day (David fighting Goliath).
I am responsible for the effort, I do not control or determine the outcome. I will accept anything that God gives me in life / living life on life’s term in recovery. Trusting God ‘s promise.
Action Plan 5 -Trust the Lord completely; don’t ever trust myself
Until the last day in my life, I expect the thought that tell me to act out in self destructive behavior to be like the daily passing train, it will come. It is very tempting and dangerous to jump on it but it is safer and very important to not to listen to it and let it go.
“Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.” ~ Proverbs 3:5
The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly. ~ John 10:10

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I do not need to gamble for the extra money and I do not have to act out in destructive behavior to be happy.

However, the thought to act out in destructive ways will continue to be there. I need to be mindful all the time.

They are like passing train, they will come without fail but they will pass every time.

I do not have to listen to them. I cannot trust myself. I can ignore them. I can detach myself from them.

[kin]

Do not trust yourself. Detach yourself from this thought to do control gambling.
I am gamble free today!

[kin]

I am gamble free today!

[kin]

Acting out make me blind to my own mistake and shift all the blame to another person.
Acting out do make me feel dirty, shameful, irresponsible and disgraceful.

[kin]

I feel that eating shit is safer than gambling.

[kin]

Dear diary
I woke up at 3am today and cannot get back to sleep. I was still reflecting on the teaching of letting God fight the battle for me, and accepting anything that God gives me, and living life on life ‘s term in recovery.
This message came to me:
Numbers 1-3
The People Rebel
1Then all the congregation lifted up their voices and cried, and the people wept that night. 2All the sons of Israel grumbled against Moses and Aaron; and the whole congregation said to them, “Would that we had died in the land of Egypt! Or would that we had died in this wilderness! 3″Why is the LORD bringing us into this land, to fall by the sword? Our wives and our little ones will become plunder; would it not be better for us to return to Egypt?”…

I have question my faith and confidence in God many times. There are many events in the last 4 years, where my situation was very depressing, unfortunates, painful, and stressful, frustration, disappointment and suffering are still a part of life. I did not want my life to be like this.
My tolerant level was very weak, I become very anxious and impatient, I wanted to change everything immediately by gambling or eating and taking alcohol.
In recovery, it was the same, during difficult times, I question what I was doing when I go abstinence from all form of acting out and destructive ways.
I was not God, I did not finish my work all the way.
In life and in recovery, I STOP staying stop from all form of acting out and destructive ways many times. I did not want to take hardship, I did not want to accept any suffering and pain in my life. I didn’t care anymore. I forget why I was in recovery in the first place, I could not sacrifice myself for the LOVE of important people in my life.
I become selfish, self-centered and self-seeking.
Today, in life, I am learning how to accept anything that God gives me. Do not trust myself, trust only God. In recovery, I am learning how to live life on life ‘s term, not my term.
Many times, I complicate matters and got myself into more and deeper troubles because I listen to my head.
I need to finish my work all the way. I need God to help me do what I cannot, I need God given wisdom, strength and courage to do that.
Freedom From the Chain of Addiction;
(John 8:32) “And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

Freedom From Fear
Romans 8:15 “For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, ‘Abba! Father!’”
2 Timothy 1:7 “For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.”
Psalm 56:4 “In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can flesh do to me?”
Freedom From Sin
Acts 10:43 “To Him all the prophets bear witness that everyone who believes in Him receives forgiveness of sins through His name.”
Romans 6:6-7 “We know that our old self was crucified with Him in order that the body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin. For one who has died has been set free from sin.”
1 Corinthians 10:13b “God is faithful, and He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation He will also provide a way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.”

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Since late 2013, my new mentor has been a good sponsor and teacher to me, he was like a God send to me. He was kind and taught me some very important living skill.
He allow me to learn and progress at my own pace, experience everything myself, let me take one baby step forward at a time. Yes, I have make many mistakes and had many fall along the way, it was never perfect.
I had slip and relapse, but they has help me learn and grow in recovery. They happen for a reason, they happen either because I was not doing some thing or I was not doing it right. It has been a slow, challenging and not easy journey but a rewarding one in the end. It has help an imperfect person like me to walk the talk one day at a time.

Below was memories of my journey with my sponsor over the last 4 years. He shares with me the following:

John 8:32 – And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.

John 14:6 – Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.
My Lesson no. 1 in year 2013 – It was my first introduction to God.
Seek God; you can find all the answers in the bible
Luke 9:23 New International Version (NIV)
23 Then Jesus said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.
My Lesson no. 2 in year 2014 going total abstinent
Deny my desires or selfish, self-centered and self-seeking ways
Matthew 14:28-31New International Version (NIV)
28 “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”
29 “Come,” he said.
Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. 30 But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”
31 Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”
My Lesson no. 3 in year 2015 when I struggle with adversity, stress, pain and suffering.
Keep my eyes on God.
The story of David vs Goliath, underdog vs the Giant
My Lesson 4: 2017
Let God fight the battle for me. I trusted God. I will accept any outcome that God gives me. In doing so , I learn to find peace and live my life, living life on life ‘s term, not my term.
Trust God; He will Deliver as Promised
Psalm 118:8 “It is better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in man.”
Proverbs 3:5 “Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.”
My latest lesson no. 5
Trust the Lord completely; don’t ever trust yourself ~Proverbs 3:5

I was an all addiction addict, I am no different from any kind of addicts, I am always getting into new trouble every year. I really do not know how I could have made it this far until age 51. There must be a power greater than me. Thank you God!

[Author]

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