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God can help me do what I cannot do for myself.
If I can do it myself, I wouldn’t be here. This is how I pray to God.

Dear Heavenly Father,
Honor be thy name, may your will be done on earth as it is done in heaven.
Forgive me my debts, have mercy on me as I forgive my debtor.
Grant me my daily bread, please do not let me fall into temptation, and deliver me from evil.
Thy Kingdom, thy power, thy glory forever and ever in Jesus almighty name I pray.

This is how I meditate
Jesus is my shepherd, I shall not want. (repeat)

This is how I exercise
slow jog…I take baby steps

This is how I lose weight
cut down sugar and carbohydrates completely for 2 weeks each time.

Stay focus on everything you do!
Otherwise my self-willed will run riot, I will start to act out my burning desires or self-destructive behaviors.
How often have I say or do things that hurt and harm another person, I deny all that has happen because my feeling, emotion and interest was above everyone else and I don’t want to admit it.
I did not gamble but I act out on the things I say, food, alcohol, sex, internet and work so the addiction is still very much alive.
To cure the problem, you need to arrest my illness, not the symptoms.

[kin]

I have lost 7 kg but quickly regain back 3 kg after 2 weeks of egg diet last month and have just completed 10 days of egg diet again and lost 5 kg this month.
I was able to function better weighing 9kg lighter now. I can slow jog smoothly and stand up from a sitting position better without feeling pain on the knee anymore.
I have learnt that I was weak and shaky in recovery when I see trigger like rice, noodle and curry…I actually wanted to give up the diet.
Imagine what if I see my salary, not surprise I was trigger to gamble.
Not gambling, taking alcohol, overeating and reducing my debts is just addressing the symptoms of addiction, not the problem of addiction.

[kin]

Dear diary,
In the full Serenity prayer used in all GA meeting, it says;
“…Accepting hardships… as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is,
not as I would have it;…“

It talks about giving up my self will and following God’s will,
Its talks about God ‘s way, not my way.

Serenity Prayer
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time; enjoying one moment at a time;
accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will; that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him forever in the next.

Amen.

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Everything happen for a reason. I will be attending my first bible study fellowship in Feb next month. I want to learn more about God’s word and promises.
I have just learn to diet. I am starting my egg diet again tomorrow but this time I will juice my broccoli in the evening so that I am eating sufficient green.

[kin]

I am a Christian but I do not follow God ‘s way.
What is my biggest fear when I honestly admit this?
I will be tear up by non believer and believer. I was afraid to be shame, embarrassed, humiliated, despise, look down, criticize, ridicule, judge and attack by others. My false pride and ego will be the biggest obstacle to my change for a better tomorrow.
I must be honest about what is happening now, so that I can start right from the beginning. I will learn to eat humble pie and take one baby steps at a time.
I need to focus and not take my eye away from God words and promises.

[kin]

Thank you Vera.
I needed this because I cannot see my blind spots.
You are right, I do get tempted and many times I test myself.
When I have the money, the time and the opportunity when the right match appear, I really wouldn’t mind a gamble and it lead to more gambles. I will follow my will, not God’s will. This explain why I occasionally gamble.

It was only when I focus on denying my desires or self-will, and follow God that I am in recovery.
Vera, your message is timely. I have switched to self-centered living. I have lost my focus, my life is not centered on God.

[kin]

When you are sitting in front of that machine, you are intoxicated. You have not taken a pill, you have not taken a drink, you have not put something into your vein, but that doesn’t mean your brain chemistry haven’t change. ~ Dr Robert Breen, Director, Gambling Treatment Program, Rhode Island Hospital

Once you interact with these machines, the dynamic changes, and what you get out of these machine is not necessary the excitement and thrill of winning but the pleasure of being in this rhythmic zone. ~ Assistant Professor Natasha Schull

It was like a trance that came over me ~ Slot-machine Addict

The US national gambling impact study commission called these electronic gambling machines the crack cocaine of creating new addicted gamblers. ~ John Kindt , Professor, Business and Legal Policy, University of Illinios

The Gambling industry members talk about how to keep the people playing the machine longer, faster and more intensively and the way they speak about their aim is an aim of player extinction.
Keeping the player there until their budget is thoroughly exhausted, until they have zero the player out.

[kin]

Its Friday, and football weekend is here. After work, I wanted to proceed to a betting house to place a bet on an Australian match.
I was confident….. and like to gamble on the result today but that result didn’t happen. I would have lost all my money.
I would have been very shock, and frustrated at the unexpected result. I will be helpless over all the money that I have lost. I will be very disappointed with myself and regretted that I have not learnt my lesson after so many times. I will be angry with myself for falling into the same trap.
I could be reliving all the bad feelings that I posted yesterday but it didn’t happen because I didn’t gamble today.

[kin]

No more shocking, disappointing, disturbing and frustrating surprises, and regrets when the digging stop.
No more obsession, fixation, trance like state, helplessness, unmanageability, and prolong suffering from the slot machines.

Thank you Laura for replying.

[kin]

What incredible short memory I have.
I cannot remember all the pain and suffering, hurt and harm, dark and hopeless, hellish and scary days that gambling has brought me.
What I do remember is the excitement and kick that I get out of baccarat and football winnings.
There is always a real danger that I will do it again. There is no guarantee that I will remain gamble free tomorrow but I am gamble free today.

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I remember trying to borrow money from everyone I know so that I can continue to gamble. I was so desperate to place the next gamble.
I was very addicted…that must have been more than 15 years ago.
It felt so unreal today but that has actually happen to me before.
Today I am gamble free.

[kin]

I was reading Charles post. Below are my thoughts today:

Barriers are important in the early days.

On one hand:

There were many times in the past when I was feeling bored, anxious and restless to do something. It was the exclusion ban that stops me from entering the gambling premises at the casino, and clubhouses to gamble baccarat and slot machines when I had the time and excess money.

When I was attending recovery support group meetings, Christian fellowship meetings, exercise and writing journal regularly, giving priority to sleep and work, it kept my time occupied which otherwise would be spend on gambling when I had the money and access to gambling premises.

When I put interest before self, principle before personality and made myself accountable and committed, it leaves me with lesser money after everyone and everything was paid every month.

Without the accountability and commitment, there was a tendency for me to use the money first. How many times have I lost all my salary to gambling every month and not do the responsible thing to support my family and service my debt every month.

On the other hand:

When “I” want to gamble, no one can stop “me”.

How many times have “I” find my way into gambling premises.

How many times have “I” skipped work and meetings to make time for gambling.

How many times have “I” steal and borrow to get hold of money to gamble.

Using support is important – if I could do it on my own then I wouldn’t have a problem in the first place.

I am gamble free today.

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Hi StephRo10 and TayCuddie,
The best advice is always the one I didn’t want to hear.
ATM is not Atletico Madrid in football. ATM stands for access, time and money in recovery.

I need to limit:
1. my access to gambling places
2. my available time to gamble
3. the money that I carry on me.

I made life difficult for myself when I don’t listen.

I am gamble free today.

Thank you Vera for replying.

[kin]

Can a Compulsive Gambler ever become a controlled gambler? No.

What personal beliefs do you hold about this? After 12 years in recovery, I was convinced that I am still a CG, I always reach a point that I could not stop or walk away from the next bet, sometime sooner, sometime later. Winning just simply prolong and delay the process.

Have you ever tried, if so what was the outcome? Yes, many times, losing self-control in gambling happen to me every time, sometime sooner sometime many months later, winning just prolong and delay the process. The ending is always the same.

Do you know of anyone who has successfully achieved this? No

[kin]

I need to seek the truth, these has help me every time in the past whenever I need to start from day one going total abstinent.

Matthew 16:24-26 (NIV)
24 Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.
25 For whoever wants to save their life, will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.
26 What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul?
When we die to self we set aside “our wants and desires” and instead focus on loving God, our family and our recovery. This moves us away from “self-centeredness” – selfish, self-centered and self-seeking ways.
One baby steps at a time, a day at a time, I had to deny my self-will and follow God’s will.

Step One of the suggested GA program of personal recovery contained in Twelve Steps:
1. We admitted we were powerless over gambling – that our lives had become unmanageable.
I like to borrow these lines from Vera;
I am powerless over gambling but only when I place the first bet. When I choose not to place that bet, gambling has no power over me. I have no doubt that if I make a wrong decision, my life will be totally unmanageable.

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