[kin]

Today while I was waiting to cross the road at the traffic light, I saw a lady on the opposite side waiting to come over this side, she look very normal other than a sunken cheek like those active drug using friend of mine.
I wasn’t expecting anything waiting to happen crossing the road.
When the traffic light changed, she crosses over quickly, I could hear her pleading with a young man beside me. She beg for money saying she need it to see a doctor. She didn’t ask for a lot.
My reaction was shameful and fast, I quickly walk away.
When I reach the other side of road, I turn back to look at her. I was safe from her, I didn’t see anyone giving her money.
When my feeling settled down, my conscience felt so lousy.
If I did not gamble away my money, I can really volunteer to help these stranger on the street because they are asking for so little.
Instead I did the cowardice and shameful thing of walking away and avoiding these needy people who need financial help.
I met the elderly wheelchair bound man yesterday and the lady today…the problem is not them, the problem is me because of my gambling.
I was a desperate addict and a liar once upon a time. I took advantage of kind people asking them for more money to feed my gambling habit. I have no right to judge the elderly man and woman. I was a worst person!
I may have done the right thing giving money to support my family this month but it didn’t help the fact I don’t have much left for myself to help the needy people who ask for so little because of my gambling. I felt very ashamed of myself.

[kin]

I cannot trust or listen to ME/I/MYSELF. My addictive mind will always tell me to gamble.
My self-will and self-confident fail me many times.

Step Ten

Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

“So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall.” (1 CORINTHIANS 10:12)

[kin]

The Twelve Steps listed below have been adapted for Christians and are reprinted with permission from Alcoholics Anonymous.
A corresponding scripture verse is included with each Step to illustrate the relationship between scripture and the Twelve Steps.
Step One
We admitted we were powerless over our separation from God—that our lives had become unmanageable.
“I know nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.” (ROMANS 7:18)
Step Two
Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
“For it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.” (PHILIPPIANS 2:13)
Step Three
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, as we understood Him.
“Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—which is your spiritual worship.” (ROMANS 12:1)
Step Four
Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
“Let us examine our ways and test them, and let us return to the Lord.” (LAMENTATIONS 3:40)
Step Five
Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
“Therefore, confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.” (JAMES 5:16)
Step Six
Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
“Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.” (JAMES 4:10)
Step Seven
Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” (1 JOHN 1:9)
Step Eight
Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
Do to others as you would have them do to you.” (LUKE 6:31)
Step Nine
Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
“Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother, then come and offer your gift.” (MATTHEW 5:23-24)
Step Ten
Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
“So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall.” (1 CORINTHIANS 10:12)
Step Eleven
Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
“Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly.” (COLOSSIANS 3:16)
Step Twelve
Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
“Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted.” (GALATIANS 6:1)

[kin]

1. Intrusive Obsession
An intrusive obsession is a thought of GAMBLING that seems to enter our minds from out of nowhere.
When we are hit by an intrusive obsession, we find ourselves suddenly dropping our plans and responsibilities, and pursuing the gamble that we crave.
2. Reoccurring Obsession
A reoccurring obsession is a thought of GAMBLING that enters our minds over and over again throughout the day.
Fighting with this thought consumes all of our energy. We try to remind ourselves of the importance of not gambling, but the gambling thought keeps coming back and seems to grow stronger over time.
If we are able to hold out against the reoccurring obsession, we become exhausted and easily irritated. The reoccurring obsession wins.
3. Circumstantial Obsession
We experience a circumstantial obsession when we are presented with the opportunity to gamble and cannot think of any good reason not to.
We may give ourselves some silly excuse for gambling. Before we know it, we are gambling again, wondering what happened to our common sense.
4. Fundamental Obsession.
The fundamental obsession may not be experienced as a thought of gambling. Fundamental obsession only gets worse. The pain of daily living builds up inside us and we have to vent it.
We experience this obsession as a basic preoccupation with ourselves and how we feel. It is about how we experience the world.
Those of us who have stop gambling for long periods of time without a spiritual solution know the pains of fundamental obsession all too well.
Life is unsatisfying. We are constantly agitated and restless. We have a deep sense that life is treating us unfairly.
We are constantly trying to adjust the circumstances of our lives in an attempt to find some comfort.
No matter what we try, we do not seem to be able to get any peace of mind.
We may have a vague sense that something is wrong with us, but we do not know what it is.
Many of us find that GAMBLING provided us with temporary relief.
We gamble to cope with the pain of fundamental obsession.

[kin]

Today I was sharing table with 2 friends working the 12 steps recovery program together. Both of them were taking turns to read the book 12 steps and 12 traditions. I benefitted from their reading out loud and sharing.
One word stood out in their discussion.
Mental obsession is a form of fear that build walls between us and gambling and it greatly reduce our effectiveness in dealing with situations.
The mind, by obsessing, thinks it is taking care of us when in fact it is robbing me of strength and peace.
We experience an obsession when we are trying to stop gambling and are overpowered by thoughts of gambling.
We also experience an obsession when we feel the desire to control another person moods or behavior.
Obsession can take a variety of forms.

[kin]

If I did not maintain the good result I get, the tendency to slip away anytime is real.
The slip and relapse can be so sneaky, it was the same for food, gambling, alcohol, and others. I thought it was alright to loosen up and binge once in a while, but if I did not check myself daily and weekly, it was normally too late by the time I notice the consequences.
There were so many times in the last 2 months that I cannot remember how many times.
While I was doing well, recovering and having good result in weight loss, the BIG TEMPTATIONS from food were there ALL THE TIME.
The STRONG URGE AND CRAVING for carbohydrate and sugar COME AND GO. It NEVER STOP, it NEVER DISAPPEAR.
The experiences from regular check – daily and weekly check was awesome!
Every single time in the last 2 months, I was able to catch myself drifting, it allow me to made the adjustment and decision to get back into recovery after 2 days or 7 days of bingeing.
I was able to repair the small damage before it become a big problem for me. Guess this is maintenance work.
The result can be track and is measurable, beside the number of days one was abstinent, you can see the number of kg loss and the saving actually growing from not gambling.
If there is no result to show, something is wrong somewhere, I could be lying about my recovery.

[kin]

I am getting ready and talking myself into developing a closer relationship with God and working the 12 steps recovery program again.

Surrender My Self-Will and follow God’s will.
When all else fail, follow directions.

[kin]

I lost money in gambling every year.
Every big or small winning eventually ended with a loss.
I cannot lie about the truth.
The truth tell me to stop gambling.

[kin]

I can’t do everything but I can do one thing.
Take one baby step at a time.
Take one day at a time.

[kin]

Hi I did it,
In year 2000, I must write down my thoughts, feeling and action plan every day, I need to show them to my doctor when we meet up.
In year 2005, a 12 steps recovery person told me to keep a journal.
I have been writing ever since, they help to process the thought, feeling and emotion I had. .
In year 2008, I came across this website, I just continue the habit.
Thank you GT (Higher Power)

[kin]

I will never choose someone who was not caring, not loving and less powerful to be my sponsor in working the steps.
A 12 steps sponsor has more experience in recovery who is caring, loving and more powerful.
An emotionally and mentally unstable person don’t fit the bill.

[kin]

Dear I did it,
I used to be a bankrupt mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically and financially after I hit rock bottom.
By the time I finally took my first baby step forward in recovery, that was in August 2005.
Since then, I have work hard to win back “Love” and “Trust” from my family.
I have bought a small place I called mine.
I have a job.
I have a stable income.
I have a small saving for old age.
I am more at peace with myself after so many years now.
I don’t feel so tormented and miserable when I fail, this is all a part and parcel of recovery. I just continue to march forward in baby steps during good times and bad.
There are many bad relapses along the way.
Add up all the baby steps forward after more than 12 years, I have travelled far, I never stand still.
I have not met any perfect recovery person. Addiction can hide inside a person and act out in other ways. All you need to do is watch the person ‘s behavior and temperament. If that person was perfect, he will be loving, caring, powerful and perfect like God.

[kin]

Dear I did it,
Thank you for the kind words but I don’t think it will work for a proud, arrogant and stubborn person full of self-believe, self rationalization, self-justification, self-righteousness and self-deceit like me. I have not been honest and humble all the times. I have INCREDIBLE SHORT MEMORY, I can easily forget all the pain and suffering from previous mistakes and repeat them.
I am either insane or sick in the mind.
It was not going to be easy and is going to be very uncomfortable to put down the desire of the flesh on my own.
HELP ME GOD! HAVE MERCY ON ME, SHOWER ME AND BLESS ME WITH YOUR GRACE AND LOVE, GOD.

[kin]

My next thread if I start one will be called the above.
They are just the symptoms, my illness is call Addiction.
Gambling send me to this site more than 8 years ago but the real devil has not really leave me, it continue to manifest in other areas of my life and remain very much alive making me very sick.
The cure is a spiritual one.

[kin]

I am sick in the mind!
I am self-righteous, wilful and stubborn.
My self-will was running my life.
I did not surrender to God and His recovery program.
If I did, I would not be making this confession right now.
If I could do recovery on my own, I wouldn’t be here.
Guess I will have to seek help at the Church, OA, GA, AA and SLA meetings.
I must learnt to be honest, and humble, open-minded and willingness to change.
The truth and reality is forcing me to come clean!

[Author]

Posts