[kin]

After AA meeting at 5 pm today, I have thoughts to eat carbohydrate and even gamble. I have a lot of free time and did not have any plans what to do.
I do not understand why I want to gamble today because I cannot afford to lose, I will suffer a heavy consequence if I lost. Yet I do not care and wanted to gamble. Maybe I just desire to feel good.
I immediately go home and did not entertain these thoughts. I manage to stay abstinent today.

[kin]

Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. ~ Matthew 16:24
It was all about putting down the desire of the flesh.
Abstaining from Carbohydrate and Sugar for health reasons has help me in total abstinent recovery.
I had to deal with temptations, urge and craving more often and regularly with food.
More practice help strengthen and familiarize me with the different ways to stay abstinent in all addictions.

[kin]

Fundamental obsession may not be experienced as a thought of gambling, but fundamental obsession can only gets worse. The pain of daily living builds up inside us and we have to vent it.

We experience this obsession as a basic preoccupation with ourselves and how we feel. It is about how we experience the world.

Those of us who have stop gambling for long periods of time without a spiritual solution know the pains of fundamental obsession all too well.

Life is unsatisfying. We are constantly agitated and restless. We have a deep sense that life is treating us unfairly. We are constantly trying to adjust the circumstances of our lives in an attempt to find some comfort.

No matter what we try, we do not seem to be able to get any peace of mind. We may have a vague sense that something is wrong with us, but we do not know what it is.

Many of us find that GAMBLING provided us with temporary relief. We gamble to cope with the pain of fundamental obsession.

It was day 4 of abstaining from Carbohydrate last night.
I always feel tired from work on Friday. This discomfort triggered me last night, it tells me to eat carbohydrate, it will make me feel good.
The thought tell me to relapse last night and return to recovery on Monday. It was very tempting. The same temptation occurred to me many times in gambling. I may suddenly feel a craving to entertain myself with gambling.
I want to relieve myself from tiredness and free time. I thought gambling can make me feel good, but how many times have I regretted this decision when I lost my money.
I was tired last night, the solution was proper rest. I tried to sleep early but could not fall asleep.
I remember reading about doing something physical such as exercise when I have craving and urge to relapse. I immediately went for a slow jog, I did 3 km in 26 minutes. I perspired a lot.
I wanted to relapse, but I did something different like jogging. It works for me last night. It helps me stay abstinent last night.

[kin]

An intrusive obsession is a thought of GAMBLING that seems to enter our minds from out of nowhere.
When we are hit by an intrusive obsession, we find ourselves suddenly dropping our plans and responsibilities, and pursuing the gamble that we crave.
It is day 2 of abstinent from carbohydrate today.
I felt tired tonight and notice a sudden craving for noodle developing at 11pm, it appear out of nowhere. I felt like eating but I am not hungry.
This craving thought felt the same like the one in gambling, I remember allowing myself to gamble.
But tonight I just ignore this thought, it helps me stay abstinent today.

[kin]

I do not know what to expect
I just wish to update and enjoy this journey.
Cheers!

[kin]

Abstaining from carbohydrates was a blessing in disguise!
I get to feel the same discomfort when I abstain from carbohydrates.
I get to struggle with temptations from food more frequently.
It will trigger urge and craving inside me…sometime it is weak, sometime it is overwhelming strong.
I can made this uncomfortable feeling go away by relapsing.
I have relapse after just 2 days.
I will not die from the uncomfortable feeling of staying abstinent.
I am sure I will find new means and ways to stay abstinent longer.

[kin]

1. I have reach a stage where gambling is not enjoyable anymore.

2. This illness made me lose the function to execute my free-will.

3. The most severe threat of punishment and heavy consequences has not kept me away from gambling.

4. I am willing to risk losing something very important to me in order to gamble.

5. I have to gamble because the stress of not gambling is too uncomfortable to bear.

6. It has cause me great distress at not being able to control my strong urge to gamble.

7. I have become hopeless and helpless at my inability to control my strong urges to gamble. I would try to quit gambling every time, but then I would relapse, and this cycle would repeat again and again until there was self-hatred.

[kin]

The fundamental obsession may not be experienced as a thought of gambling, but fundamental obsession can only gets worse. The pain of daily living builds up inside us and we have to vent it.
We experience this obsession as a basic preoccupation with ourselves and how we feel. It is about how we experience the world.
Those of us who have stop gambling for long periods of time without a spiritual solution know the pains of fundamental obsession all too well.
Life is unsatisfying. We are constantly agitated and restless. We have a deep sense that life is treating us unfairly.
We are constantly trying to adjust the circumstances of our lives in an attempt to find some comfort.
No matter what we try, we do not seem to be able to get any peace of mind.
We may have a vague sense that something is wrong with us, but we do not know what it is.
Many of us find that GAMBLING provided us with temporary relief.
We gamble to cope with the pain of fundamental obsession.

[kin]

We experience a circumstantial obsession when we are presented with the opportunity to gamble and cannot think of any good reason not to.
We may give ourselves some silly excuse for gambling. Before we know it, we are gambling again, wondering what happened to our common sense.

[kin]

A reoccurring obsession is a thought of GAMBLING that enters our minds over and over again throughout the day.
Fighting with this thought consumes all of our energy.
We try to remind ourselves of the importance of not gambling, but the gambling thought keeps coming back and seems to grow stronger over time.
If we are able to hold out against the reoccurring obsession, we become exhausted and easily irritated.

[kin]

An intrusive obsession is a thought of GAMBLING that seems to enter our minds from out of nowhere.
When we are hit by an intrusive obsession, we find ourselves suddenly dropping our plans and responsibilities, and pursuing the gamble that we crave.

[kin]

Mental obsession is a form of fear that build walls between us and gambling.
It greatly reduces our effectiveness in dealing with the situations.
I experiences an obsession when I try to stop gambling but are overpowered by thoughts of gambling.
The mind, by obsessing, thinks it is taking care of the situation when it is losing strength and peace.

[kin]

Last year, one big problem I had on the new job
was doing an old familiar work
that threaten to bring back all my old self destructive ways

After 11 months on the job
I am have learn to do the same work
with new coping skills.

And I look forward to a more stable and rewarding year 2018

[kin]

When first challenged to admit defeat, most of us revolted.
We had approached A.A. expecting to be taught self-confidence.
Then we were told that as far as alcohol is concerned, self-confidence was no good.
Our sponsors declared that we were the victims of a mental obsession
So powerful that no amount of human willpower could break it

[kin]

I really hope that the last 2 months of experience trying to abstain from carbohydrate and sugar help me lay the foundation to my recovery moving ahead.
I realize that temptations are everywhere.
My urges and craving come and go, some time it is weak some time it is strong.
There is nothing to be proud if I could continue to stay abstinent when the urge and craving is weak. It will be a big trial when the strong urge and craving arrive. Without a strong spiritual foundation, I only manage to stay abstinent from carbohydrate and sugar for 14 days in my first attempt, 10 days in my second, 2 days in my third.
”I” only lasted 2 days before I give in to the craving and slip on the 3rd attempt trying to abstain from carbohydrate.
What are my chances with gambling, alcohol, borrowing, porn and others?
I will experience the same level of urge and craving. Temptation will be everywhere.
While I continue to “try” to stay abstinent immediately after slipping, the growing weight loss is showing my growth in recovery.
I did not continue to binge and spiral out of control into another rock bottom.

[Author]

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