[kin]

I thank God for  all the lessons in my life today. Bad things can happen to bad and good people in life, sometime for a very good reason, it was not a punishment. How can it be bad if it help pull me back to God and place me on the right path. What do grateful and thankful people do when bad things happen? They thank God. This is very strange. I used to blame God, my parents, and others for my failure, pain and suffering. Guess I am slowly changing one baby step at a time. Amen!

 

[kin]

Is it easy to love the loveable?
But if you are able to love the unloveable and when you are able to love the unloveable. “Then the true Christ-like love will be developed in you.”
God has never left me, it was me who forget about God.
If my problem will be like Paul ‘s thorn in the flesh (2nd Corinthian 12:7-10) so that I will cling on to Christ and not let go, so be it. Be it unto me, according to Your will.

[kin]

Why I relapse. I was Self-righteous:

I was convinced that it is harmless to gamble in contrast with the actions and beliefs of others.

Self-righteous individuals are often intolerant of the opinions and behaviors of others.

Self-righteousness is a feeling or display of moral superiority derived from a sense that one’s beliefs, actions, or affiliations are of greater virtue than those of the average person.

Self-righteous individuals are often thought to exhibit hypocrisy due to the belief that humans are imperfect and can therefore never be infallible.

[kin]

Last year this time, I gamble at the casino. I used the wrong way to find money to provide for my family in the festive month.

I paid a very heavy price for this bad decision because I become impulsive and compulsive in the end and it became payback time for the rest of the year.

I am grateful to be employed this year. I was able to use my limited salary to provide the family and pay for my bills this month.

I am laughing at myself now. I have one last bill to settle for the month. If I bank in $132, I will be left with 4 dollars to last me for the next 11 days.

I am going to take one day at a time now, I plan to use the remaining $136 to cover my living expenses for the next 11 days and postpone my payment to 12 days later. I will be charge a penalty of $75 for this late payment.

I choose not to borrow. I choose to retain the peace and calm, joy and freedom I have.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. Courage to accept the things I can change. Wisdom to know the difference.

 

[kin]

 

Hi PG, I was reading your post and recall what happen to me. How many times have I tried to borrow money in the past and promise never to gamble ever again. But after I receive the money, everything change. The head tell me to use part of the money for repayment and living expenses, and use the rest to gamble for more money, I could win back some money to reduce what I borrow partly or fully. My intention was good. In the end, I lost everything and make matter worst than before. I always tell myself this will be my last time. Unfortunately I have many last times. These are painful memories.

 

[kin]

Dear diary,

I stop abstaining from Carbohydrate and ate all the things I should not for a week. By Friday, I saw my weight gain by 3 kg.

I cannot imagine how serious is the consequences if I had continued with this self-destructive behavior. All the effort I have put in the last 3 months and weight loss would have disappear.

I did the inter-mitten fasting and exercise on Saturday. By Sunday, my weight has return to normal.

Good things come slow but bad things can happen very quickly.

I have experience this many times for more than 20 years when I stay stop from gambling from time to time. I would wipeout all the effort and fruits that I receive from not gambling very quickly in a short period of madness.

Life improves very slowly for me when I stop gambling but it is very unforgiving and life turn for the worst very quickly when I return to gambling.

What I have learnt while abstaining from carbohydrate and sugar for short period of times in the last 3 months was the HARD WORK required in recovery;

1. I need to force myself to GIVE UP carbohydrate and sugar when I like to have one

2. I need to force myself to EXERCISE when I don’t like to have one.

3. I need to CHECK my condition and weight myself EVERY DAY.

4. I need to quickly STEP UP my recovery when I see myself SLIPPING away. It didn’t take long to return to normal like nothing have happen.

5. It was not the same for a full-blown relapse when no attempt and effort was made to stop until I hit the rock bottom. It takes years to return to normal.

 

 

 

[kin]

I am having the lowest pay for this job in the market now but I was ask to bring in business which allow me to have the highest pay for the same work in other companies.
All the new changes in the department recently are penalties to a winning team of 25, 5 top performers have left the company this year.
1. If the quality of my work was not perfect, they will deduct my commission.
2. If I did not hit my monthly quota at least 2 times in 3 months for 2 consecutive quarter, I will lose my job.
3. If I did not do well this year, I will not get my 13th month pay.
In good times, good people work hard to help the department head hit his team quota and brought him record high sales success last year.
In bad times, it doesn’t mean the good people did not work hard but the same people are penalized for the department head failure.
The department head made use of naïve and willing young men to get result done at all cost without integrity and moral values, he was quick to praise and approve them to the rest of the team but the moment the same people left the company, he was quick to assassinate their character for wrongdoing.

[kin]

My thought is with you, it pains me knowing what you are going thru.
Here in Singapore, from time to time, I would meet new broken recovering person who are homeless and jobless. I have forgotten about them completely but I remember their faces as I write now. I may have needed the money I had when we meet but I thought they needed it more and shared what I had with them. Hope it has help and bless them.
I have known another who was doing well in recovery for more than 10 years, he was a trusted friend. He got married, bought a new house and had a new baby. Sometime life is cruel. Just when I thought his life has improved, his whole world came crumbling down when he was told he had HIV aids. Today his wife has passed on leaving him with the baby and he have also lost his job and house.
Dear sis Monica, we are not alone in our struggle on this bumpy recovery road.
I pray that you receive the blessing of wisdom and strength from our God, Jesus Christ to deal with the trial and temptation you are facing now. Amen.

From the other side on this planet.

With love,
Kin

[kin]

I thought that it was not working and quit after 5 days of abstinent.
I was doing the same thing but not getting the same result as before.

I read an encouraging message not to give up.
It says that my body metabolic has slow down.
I need to stay abstinent from carbohydrate like before but had to exercise more than before to get the same result.
My weight maybe the same now but I do feel my mid body hardening. Recovery did not stand still like I thought.
I can actually see progress, I used to jog non stop for 1km only but now I can jog longer and do 3km.

[kin]

Hi PG,
Many problem comes from gambling.
Take away the gambling, all the emotional roller coaster disappear, the high you get from a win and the lousy feeling you get from a loss are gone.
The debts from gambling losses and borrowing is no more.
The saving that was not there previously, slowly grow.
You have more time for other things previously occupied by gambling.
Your relationship with the family improves
Concentration at work or studies improves
You can sleep better
You have more peace, joy, freedom and happiness.

[kin]

Biblical fasting, unlike fasting for medical or health reasons, must be done with an attitude of seriousness and sincerity.
I was strict when I abstain from carbohydrate and sugar.
How serious and desperate am I ?
I was never serious enough to stay abstinent long enough to finish the job.

[kin]

Why it was harder sometime.
Sometime I only need to deal with inside me. Sometime it was harder because I need to deal with inside and outside me.

Inside Me
My selfish, self-centered and self seeking desires, wishes and intense craving for pleasure and advantage.
Outside Me:
The temptation of some one, some place, some thing offering me pleasure or an advantage such as food, money, gambling, alcohol, sex, love…

This could explain why I relapse more easily when I suffer from circumstantial obsession.

[kin]

Every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed. ~ James 1:14
Lust is a strong emotion or feeling ; intense craving; intense longing; wish, pleasure, delight, eagerness.
Lust is a psychological force producing intense wanting for an object, or circumstance fulfilling the emotion
Entice means to attract or tempt by offering pleasure or advantage:
If I do not have a strong lust, I will not easily be entice and tempted by people, places and thing. The real problem is “me”.
Lust can take any form such as the lust for food, lust for money, lust for love, lust to succeed, lust for good life, lust for good feeling.

[kin]

What is the difference between testings and temptations found in James Chapter 1?

Testings:
Verses 2-4 (NIV) Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Verse 12 Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.

Temptations
Verses 13-15 When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.

Temptations draw us away from God, causing us ultimately to sin. God will never tempt us, but He will test us.
The difference is this, as David Pawson puts it, “You test people in the hope that they will pass the test, but you tempt them hoping they will fail.”

[kin]

We experience a circumstantial obsession when we are presented with the opportunity to gamble and cannot think of any good reason not to.

We may give ourselves some silly excuse for gambling. Before we know it, we are gambling again, wondering what happened to our common sense.

My last attempt to abstain from carbohydrate and sugar ended today after 5 days. I have relapsed.
There are just too many goodies and food lying everywhere at home during the festive season. The temptation was greatest when they are my favorite food.
I also remember binge drinking in my company dinner and dance dinner a few months ago. Event was lengthy, I was bored, alcohol was free. I entertain and keep myself occupied with alcohol. I relapsed. It was the second time I drank over 365 days.
The environment look so harmless and deceivingly safe but it is just too convenient and tempting to relapse, it has proven to be a very dangerous place for me to be in. It was easy for me to relapse in them.

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