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The timing was perfect. Almost after writing about my feeling in the last update. I receive an sms message a minute later at 0415am. It’s like the Higher Power heard and answer my prayer.

I check with the person who send out the sms message whether I should report to work on the day because they have left out my name. He forgot about me.

I didn’t plan to go to work on that day and it was not an easy decision, I needed the money but I am not going to disturb or contact them in the early morning hours.

He ask me to report for work. Prasie God.

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Do the next right thing! Sometime I struggles, many times in the past, what I think, and feel was the right thing to do turn out to be the wrong thing. 

I cannot see which and what is the next right thing today, I was very unsure about my immediate decision on work and money because there were 2 voices inside me. One says take control of the situation and make my own decision, the other says let go completely, let go of self-will, don’t fall into the trap of self-will run riot.

One was a familiar voice that always ask me to take control of the situation and go ahead to do it, it sounded like the same voice that ask me to go ahead and gamble every single time. I feel safe with this voice, it was familiar, predictable and selfish.

The other voice asks me not to take matter into my hand and trust a Higher Power. There was no safety net or secure feeling at all, I was just relying on my faith, belief and trust in God and the program. frankly I was fearful and afraid.

Which voice is telling the truth? Am I giving myself excuses and justifying my action? Am I being self-righteousness? Am I being lazy and looking for excuses?

A strong voice inside tells me to choose the responsible message. But both sounded responsible, and self-centered to me. I become confused.

One thing was very clear in the first voice, there is No God, I was my own power. In the second one, there may be feeling of uncertainty and fear, but it was all about trusting fully in a Higher Power, and that Higher Power was not me.

I hope I made the right choice.

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I am a compulsive problem gambler and I accept that I cannot gamble

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I admit that I have treated gambling lightly, I was morally corrupt; (my eyes are useless – my mind is blind).

I pretend that there was nothing wrong; I believes that it was ok to gamble and excuse myself saying” No one is perfect.”

I suppressed the truth, I block out any memories and feelings of my gambling going out of control and me losing heavily and losing everything. I was running away from doing the right thing.

I accept that gambling is not a solution and an answer. Regardless of what happen, gambling is not an option.

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Most people mess up something good, by looking for something better, just to end up with something worse.

Dear diary,

I has been chasing my falsehood and lies for 33 years only to realize what a big fool I was.

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I accept and rejoice in suffering when I no longer self medicate or escape with alcohol and gambling.

There is no excuse to gamble.

[kin]

For troubles without number surround me; my sins have overtaken me, and I cannot see. They are more than the hairs of my head, and my heart fails within me. (Psalm 40:12)

Dear diary,

I saw this scripture today. It described how I felt. I was a lost and confuse person, I didn’t know that loving a person was more important than not harming a person. A Higher Way was reveal to me recently about loving my God, my family and others. 

I have always walk away from people and feel self-righteous about not harming them, I may not have murder these people but I did wish that they disappear from me. I have hurt many people this way with my bad decisions.

[kin]

I accept that I will have to endure and tolerate the pain and suffering of staying gamble free.
Gambling is not an answer and solution to these pain and suffering.

[kin]

I accept that I cannot escape the consequences of gambling. Gambling is no longer my option.

[kin]

Dear diary,

I have used wrongdoing many times since young and escape immediate punishment, gambling was just one such habit. I have actually become confuse and lost as a result with more wrongdoings.

Did I think that I can escape punishment and its consequences with my gambling?

I have tried to manipulate circumstances and other people to get what I want so that I could gamble.

Did I use God’s Grace as an excuse to escape punishment and its consequences with more gambling?

God’s promise of faithfulness to Israel despite their lack of faithfulness:

Psalm 89:30-35

“Should his descendants desert my law, and not keep to my rulings, should they violate my statues, and not observe my commandments, then I SHALL PUNISH THEIR OFFENCES WITH THE ROD, THEIR GUILT WITH THE WHIP, but I shall never withdraw from him my faithful love, I shall not belie my constancy, I shall not violate my covenant, I shall not withdraw the word once spoken. I have sworn my holiness, once and for all, never will I break faith with David.”

Psalm 51:3-7:

3 For I am well aware of my offences, my sin is constantly in mind. 4 Against you, you alone, I have sinned, I have done what you see to be wrong..” and Paul quotes this part of verse 4, “that you may show your saving justice when you pass sentence, and your victory may appear when you give judgment, 5 remember, I was born guilty, a sinner from the moment of conception. 6 But you delight in sincerity of heart, and in secret you teach me wisdom. 7 Purify me with hyssop till I am clean, wash me till I am whiter than snow.” Psalm 51:1-7, New Jerusalem (51:3-10 NAB, 50:3-10

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Dear Monica1

Romans reveals God’s perfect solution to save and transform sinners. The Gospel is the good news (Romans 1:2-4). The good news is the power of God to transform lives.

The good news is the power which God uses to save of our soul from gambling and its consequences in everyone who believes.

You only need to believe God. You only need to have faith in God. Gambling is not our solution and answer

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Reject the way you are going and choose an entirely different path. Jesus spoke of the broad road that leads to destruction and the narrow road that leads to life.

Begin by recognizing you are on the wrong path. You are not safe. Your path ends in destruction.
Turn around and face the opposite direction. Repentance is a change of mind, heart and action – you think differently and as a result, act differently.
Conversion means to turn around. You cannot turn around on your own, but God will work as you depend on Him.

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You will never get off the wrong path and onto the right one as long as you hope that gambling will somehow lead you to your desired destination.

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I have been reading the book of Romans recently.
My group is already at lesson 8 and chapter 5 with another 22 lessons to go, while I just finished lesson 3 and chapter 2. I was very slow in learning but I have thoroughly enjoy this journey and have to admit that it is one of the best thing to happen to me in recent years.

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I accept that no man is perfect, but it is no more my excuse.
Gambling is not an option, it is not my solution and answer.

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