[kin]

RASH:

1.Lack of careful CONSIDERATION of the POSSIBLE CONSEQUENCES

RECKLESS:

1. Display a LACK of PROPER CAUTION and SAFETY

2. DISREGARD the SAFETY of SELF and OTHERS

IRRESPONSIBLE : 

1. DID NOT SHOW CARE for the consequences of one’s action or attitude

2. DO NOT WANT TO BE ACCOUNTABLE for one’s action

3. NOT ANSWERABLE to a higher authority for one’s action

……I need to change even if I was not gambling.

[kin]

Gambling will turn me into this unlikeable, unlovable scary monster in the end every single time. Any bystander can see that I am out of my mind except me. I have spent many years trying to prove that I am not like that but has failed every single time.

Gambling really can cook me. it may be sooner or later but I would surely be cooked after some time. I just cannot withstand the long hours and constant heat, I will slowly change into this impulsive, impatient, rash and reckless person who is completely a self seeking, selfish and high-risk lover.

My problem gambling history will tell you that I do not believe that I could be cook or become drunk by gambling. I cannot believe that I can be so irresponsible, rash and reckless and so out of my mind..

How can I place my life and the lives of my family and others on the line but that is what happen to me whether I like it or not. Gambling was too deadly.

There is no need for me to prove that I can control my patience, lower my risk and be responsible in gambling anymore now. The answer is clear for all to see, I cannot.

Whatever has happened to me in the past cannot be change. I am alive today by the grace and mercy of God and love ones. I should be considered very blessed to be alive.

Take away the gambling, my life story change.

[kin]

Chasing the winning and losing, until there is no more money to continue.

Winning only allow gambling to take control of us for a longer period of time.

I feel very free now. My mind is automatically switch off and not thinking of any gambling.

I did not have to suffer and struggle with two forces inside me fighting one another. I do not have to hear one voice telling me to gamble and the other telling me not to gamble.

There is freedom in my mind; I do not feel like I was tied to a chain of addiction. I feel happy, it felt like I was release from a prison. It will stay this way if I do not pick up my first drink or gamble.

Everything will change once I start drinking or gambling.

[kin]

Hi lizbeth4, its ok, no worries

[kin]

There were countless times after winning, I realize I was in trouble.

I could not stop myself thinking of gambling with all the obscene money.

My mind was always thinking and planning the next gamble. I have come to a stage right now where this is a real discomfort, torture and nuisance to me.

Strangely, the money I earn from hardwork does not give me this problem, but money from gambling was a trigger and curse.

Some time I just want to do nothing and enjoy the peace, calm and quiet. If I am always thinking of gambling, I cannot have peace and rest.

I just wish to be like a normal person where I can function normally. I want to be able to focus on other things in life and not only on gambling and more gambling.

I realize that I would struggle big time to stop gambling on my own free will after gambling for some time. I cannot control my mind and switch off.

The only way I can return to normal is when I have used up all my money and I do not borrow some more or when I did not start and place my first bet in the first place.

After so many years of torture, sometime I was really happy when I have lost all my money and I do not have to suffer anymore. I have really become sick in the mind.

Borrowing is a killer.  Borrowing just make the gambling problem more serious.

[kin]

I specially spend time to download all my favorite songs from the 80s today. I group them into dance, feel good, and love songs.

Music and songs are very magical and can be very miraculous in helping me change my moods …sadly, I always forget to do it and don’t use them often, instead I turn to alcohol, gambling, food and sex for self medication and relief.

They will be good companions when I am feeling alone, bored,restless, anxious, worry or have too much free time on hand.

[kin]

Regardless of how I feel and think… If I become impulsive, and do not care anymore, I must quickly switch to doing other thing that is not destructive before I am cooked.

I accept that “I” cannot gamble.

[kin]

Asking an addict to remove or take out the obsessive thought from their mind is as good as asking someone with depression to smile and be happy.

The intention was good but they do not understand that this is a mental illness, the chemical in the brain maybe imbalance, it is not so straight forward otherwise the professional will have no client.

[kin]

Dear Sister Laura and anyone reading this

Have a blessed weekend ahead !

[kin]

Because I read which team is playing which team in the news, I was tempted to gamble, however, the urge is very weak, I can still manage and don’t have to gamble at all.

But the story would be different and the real damage will be done after I have made a prediction and stare at the odds. I have already started the fire burning even though I was only gambling in the head.

It will be like cancer cells spreading, the emotional and physical urge would travel from my head to my heart to my whole body.

If I stare some more at the latest live result and odds, and if I entertain the thoughts to gamble, I will slowly lose myself, and become impulsive. All control would disappear. I would not be able to not rush down to place the physical bet.

This is how I fall into the trap I set myself up. I nurture this cub until it become a lion that was strong enough to devour me and I still ask myself the question where did the sudden and powerful uncontrollable urge come from…hahahaha

[kin]

The root goes back to my childhood. We were poor and livelihood was a problem. My mum struggle to raise my siblings and me up. Dad have to support 2 family because he has two wives. Mum had to sell candy, sweets and gambling game to kids in the neighborhood to feed us. End of the day, I would help her glued those losing ticket back together and sell them again. I was 8 or 9 years old at that time. I was already a cheat under circumstances since a very young age.

Mum tried hard but we will never have enough, feeding us, sending us to school and paying the bills was the most important thing.

[kin]

Before I knew Christ, I cannot tell apart what is right and wrong in my life, I cannot separate the bad from the good.

As long as I get what I want in the end, it was alright. Everything can be compromise. How I get it was not important.

I have enjoyed a life of immorality, corruption, and no integrity for most of my personal life. I was blind, I have eyes but I cannot see. Today I can see the consequences and paying a heavy price for my mistakes.

I am taking a different path now, and I no longer want to live like my past, It is not worth it.

[kin]

A parable is a short story that teaches a moral or spiritual lesson by comparing it to something from everyday life. Jesus loved to tell a good story to make a point.
“Love your neighbor as yourself” was part of the Old Testament Law (Leviticus 19:18)
But, many people thought a “neighbor” meant only their fellow Jews. One day a lawyer asked Jesus, “And just who is my neighbor?”
Jesus told the Parable of The Good Samaritan to answer his question in a way we can never forget:
A Jewish man was taking a trip alone and was attacked by robbers. They beat him, robbed him of everything he had, and left him nearly dead beside the road.
After a while, a Jewish priest came along and saw the poor man lying beside the road. As a religious man, you would expect him to stop and do what he could to help. But, instead, he kept going and pretended he did not see.
Later, a Levite came along. Levites were assistants to the priests, so you would expect him to stop and help, too. But, he did just like the priest and kept on going.
Finally, a Samaritan man came by. Even though they both lived in the land of Palestine and shared a similar religion, the Jews and the Samaritans definitely did not think of each other as “neighbors.” In fact, they hated each other.
The Samaritans came from a different race of people than the Jews. They had considered each other enemies for hundreds of years and refused to even talk to each other!
You would expect the Samaritan man to be the one who just passed by without helping. Instead, this Samaritan man took pity on the injured Jewish man. He bandaged his wounds. He put him on his own donkey and took him to an inn where he could be safe and recover. Since the injured man had been robbed of everything he had, the Samaritan man even paid his bill at the inn and paid the innkeeper to take good care of him!
After telling this story, Jesus turned to the lawyer who had asked, “And who is my neighbor?” and said to him, “Now which of the three men that passed by was a neighbor to the injured man?”
The lawyer was forced to admit that it was the Samaritan who treated the injured man as a neighbor, not his fellow Jews who did nothing to help. Jesus then said, “Yes, now go and do the same!”

[kin]

Perfect love casts out all fear ~ 1John 4:18

Now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is Love ~ 1 Corinthians 13:13

(Luke 10;25-27)
25 One day a lawyer stood up to test Him. “Teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?” 26 “What is written in the Law? “

Jesus replied, “How do you read it?”

27 He answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’ and ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’

“‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’

‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’

Dear diary,

If you love your God and your family, they will give you the strength to stay abstinent. It was never my strength, my determination and my willpower. This is a power greater than me. This Higher Power is not me. 

[kin]

I have watched the TV program on’98 World cup final, and I can still remember what I was doing and the people I was with on that day. I was still living the high life.

I also clean my room today and I came across some document from 2009. I was shock at what I discover. It show me how sick I was at that time. My life was so unmanageable.

Move forward to May 2018, I cannot change what has happen in the last 20 years, it was history now.

Whatever I do now with the limited resources and time I have will change and  made a difference in the next 10 years or 20 years compare to nothing done.

[Author]

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