[kin]

Honest and truthful sharing between recovering buddies has help me strengthen my belief and trust in recovery. They let me feel that I was not alone in this journey.

I have learnt to focus and look at the progress made in recovery and not at the imperfections. I learn to be grateful for the baby step progress that I have made in recovery and not cry about what I do not have.

I choose not to look back ward and forward, but only on TODAY. For me, it was already a huge victory won for each day not gambling.

One day at a time staying stop is more manageable, realistic and achievable. The positive result actually encourages and motivate me to try again tomorrow. I started believing that I can stay stop for one day call today.

The little success each day staying stop offer me hope for the future. I try to do the same thing every day and I shall keep on trying until my last breath.

If I chart my progress in recovery, it was not a straight line, there is up and down, sometimes it is two steps forward one step back, sometimes it is three steps forward and two steps back. Slowly but surely there was progress and this has kept me alive and hopeful.

[kin]

Hi Vera,

Thank you for your truthfulness and honesty. Your post has been very important to another person such as me trying to stay stop. It has strengthen my trust and belief in recovery. You let me feel that I am not alone in this journey.

I have learnt to focus and look at the progress made and not at the imperfection in recovery.

I do not want to look backward and I do not wish to look forward, I only focus on TODAY. It was already a huge victory won for each day not gambling.

One day at a time staying stop is more manageable and achievable, it encourages and motivate me to try again tomorrow. I remain hopeful that I can stay stop for one day call today.

The little success each day staying stop offer me hope for the future and I shall keep on trying until my last breathe.

[kin]

Decision making:

Do not be impulsive and impatient: Wait
Do not be complacent and careless: Wait

[kin]

Anyone can stop today but the difficult part is staying stop everyday!

[kin]

I have been feeling great discomfort from a few encounters in the last few days. There were more decision than usual days to made as a result. I was emotionally overwhelmed by them.

Should I turn back or should I move ahead?

In the past, I only have 2 answers, it is either a Yes or No. I can be very impulsive and act immediately, it is normally too late for me to regret my decision. 

Today I must remind myself of the third option: maybe the answer is Not Yet. I must not do anything now. I only need to wait – Be patient and wait for a better time to act.

I don’t need to made a decision now, I shall wait one week.

[kin]

In fasting, we learn to give up something that we like to do. We experience urges and cravings but practice denying our desires

In Buddhism, fasting is an initial stage of self-discipline to acquire self-control.
In Islam, the fast is intended to bring the faithful closer to God and to remind them of the suffering of those less fortunate.
In Christianity, fasting and prayer are often linked together (Luke 2:37; 5:33). Fasting takes your eyes off the things of this world to focus completely on God.
In Hinduism, fasting indicates the denial of the physical needs of the body for the sake of spiritual gains.

[kin]

I felt tired, the thought to act out in different self destructive ways surface yesterday. I didn’t know the root cause. Is it due to the long working hours or improper rest, or was it due to the diet. I was totally lost.

I had played badminton with fellow recovery friends for 10 minutes on Monday, I didnt know it was also giving me physical stress and tiredness as I have not exercise for a long time. I thought this stress and tiredness comes from my long working hours or the diet.

Yes, I did have struggle with the thoughts to act out in self destructive ways but I also remember to deal with my recovery carefully and slowly…easy does it. I decided to take unpaid leave for 2 days to rest and recover.

After resting for one day and feeling fully recharge mentally and physically, I can tell the tiredness comes from the exercise with the muscle-ache more obvious today.

I do not have the wisdom, my ways doesn’t work. Thank God for helping me to let go and rest instead of trying to control and change thing.

[kin]

Problem gambling is an urge to gamble despite harmful negative consequences
Problem gambling is an urge to gamble despite a desire to stop.

[kin]

Dear diary, It was not my will to do an unpopular job with longer working hours and smaller pay and after 2 months, I was feeling sick and tired of it, I just cannot find the strength to carry on anymore and wanted to quit.

I didn’t do anything except took an additional day off to rest and everything changes overnight. I have charge up my battery and suddenly I feel strong enough to carry on for at least another 2 more months. It was a lesson learn.

One baby step at a time.

[kin]

Sometime I was just burnout from work and needed proper rest and more sleep, not another gamble.

Sometime all I need is just a little common sense to take a break and do nothing but sleep and rest, not another gamble.

[kin]

The recent fasting experience has made me realize that the brain can send out the wrong signal to the body, I could be thirsty, but the brain sent out the wrong signal telling me to eat. Likewise, I could be mentally tired, but the brain sent out the wrong signal telling me to gamble.

[kin]

Hi Laura,

After 10 weeks, I notice that I am beginning to reject the ideal barrier very strongly and resist the awesome changes.

How? I wish to quit the job and pull down all the barrier that was put up by it.

Why? I don’t get the freedom to do anything I love and want. I am sure somewhere in there you can find gambling in this lie and self deception.

What did I tell myself ? 3 months of good behavior is enough, I can release or free myself from this prison and enjoy the freedom to do anything I want – I am stepping on the line now, one more step and I am planning my next gamble.

How true when you mention I needed time to solidify new habit and new lifestyle.

[kin]

To be updated.

I have the best barrier in place now, it is not making me happy and excited because it works…..haha
It is keeping me away from my old ways and all the unhealthy things I love to do.
I do feel grateful and contented whenever I check myself as this unpopular long working hours and low paid job is helping me settle all my financial obligation slowly because I was not gambling.

[kin]

Matthew 11:28 New Living Translation (NLT)

28 Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.

[kin]

Dear diary,

I took some time out to attend a GA meeting yesterday and was surprise by 3 person I met who reminded me of myself for many years, I was all the three person.

Person A

Life was all about debt repayment, it was very frustrating and meaningless, all the hard earn income goes to repaying the debt. He cannot lead a normal life like his friends, he could not contribute to the family or bring his girlfriend for a holiday.  

Person B

He did not have any money and was able to stay gamble free for 5 years until he receives a huge sum of money of 30,000 dollars and suffer a full-blown relapse straightaway losing everything. He regretted his action and became depressed and suicidal.

Person C

Selfish, self-centered and self-seeking ways still rules the day. Continue to borrow to gamble. The sibling has been bailing him out. His action shows no remorse and regret. He talks as if he was blind and cannot see or he just simply does not care about the consequences of his gambling anymore, there was no shame and embarrassment.

What have I been doing nowadays and my action:

Denying my desires and giving up doing something I like. Recently I read that fasting can cure addiction.

Providing and contributing to the family every month first before settling my remaining debts.

My thoughts:

My recovery has not been perfect. I cannot claim to be gamble free since day one in recovery many many years ago, mine was all about progress and not perfection.  This has been the story of my life. I have lost many battles along the way but still fighting this war, it is not over yet.

My feelings:

As long as I continue to walk this journey of recovery and keep on trying after every slip and relapses, there is always hope and chance for a better life. Suicide just simply rob and take away all the opportunities to a better quality of life one cannot see at the darkest moment.

[Author]

Posts