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Hi Monica and all,

Thank you for the encouragements. I am learning and was trying to love others in my recovery.

When I was gambling, I am so selfish, self-centered and self-seeking. How many times have I place my interest before others, seek pleasure while others suffer, convenient myself and inconvenient others.

This year I thought I can learn to be responsible and contribute to my family every month. It was my commitment to them. It all went well for the first nine months until I had a relapse. I only have 3 more months to go and I would have completed a year. This is so important to me because this act of love can help me continue to regain the trust, confident and belief that was lost from my immediate family members.

I do not wish them to suffer anymore as a result of my relapse and I am determined to deliver within my deadline. I am not giving up without a good fight, it is giving me the motivation until the end of the year to work hard and repair the situation.

[kin]

Hi Lizbeth4,

The everyday problem will not go away. They come in all form and shape.
We just have to learn to accept and tolerate them.
Stress or no stress, problem or no problem, painful or not, they are not an excuse to gamble. It is not worth it! The price is just too heavy.

[kin]

Hi Kathryn,

Thank you and your message is well received. I agree with you especially after I put down what was on mind in writing, it was very obvious that I was worried about many things.

I can only do one thing at a time, take one heartbeat at a time, one day at a time.

I need to pray to God more for help! I felt so helpless without God.

[kin]

In the past, I love God and the 12 steps recovery program but I do not obey, follow and apply what I know.

“The Devil doesn’t care if you go to church or read your Bible…as long as you don’t apply it to your life.”

Apply it:

Today, pressure or no pressure, stress or no stress, problem or no problem, pain or no pain in my life, I shall not gamble. It is just not worth it, the price is too heavy.

Today I went jogging.

Today I did not borrow money, instead I choose to work part time as a security guard to earn some additional money for my personal expenses next week.

[kin]

Today was my 8^th gamble free day, I felt a clearer mind compare to the last 7 days. It felt real strange how differently I feel about the same thing then and now.

Then, I thought if I know God and the 12 steps recovery program. I would not be doing what God and the 12 steps recovery do not want me to do.

Loving someone and not knowing someone well is two different things. I can love someone and not know someone well.

This understanding now encourages me to seek a more intimate and closer relationship with God and the 12 steps recovery program.

Today, I woke up questioning my integrity.

Integrity is doing the right thing even when no one is watching.

Integrity is the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles and uprightness,

a.) Honesty implies a refusal to lie, steal, or deceive in any way

b.) Honor suggests an active or anxious regard for the standards of one’s calling

c.) Trustworthiness and incorruptibility to a degree that one is incapable of being false to a trust, responsibility, or pledge.

d.) Truthfulness or accuracy of one’s actions.

Integrity can stand in opposition to hypocrisy

[kin]

It was one of the best thing to happen to me this year. At the moment I am lost.

There are too many things to prioritize and do now over losing weight.

I need to make money, provide for the family, honor my repayment plans, exercise, and not gamble at the same time.

[kin]

I am beginning to have fear and anxiety. I do not know how I am going to cope with a full-time and part-time job at the same time.

I must at least try and see how everything goes. I need to treasure the rare  opportunities I get now.

[kin]

I had my first jog after a long time 4 days ago and have been suffering body aches and pain for the last 3 days.

I did not want to rush and want to slowly bring exercise back to my life. I need put in my second jog today.

[kin]

I attended my first mindfulness class yesterday.
We did a body scan. The purpose of this body scan mindfulness exercise is simply to notice your body. It is simply about being aware of your body, in this present moment.
In this exercise you will accept and notice your body in its comfort and discomfort.
Usually, our response to bodily pain or discomfort is to distract ourselves or to try and numb the pain.
This class was talking to me because I react to stress, hardship, pain and suffering,
Many times, I slip into auto pilot to seek pleasure, find relief, and escape by abusing food, alcohol, sex, and gambling.

[kin]

I have a new full time executive job working 5 days week, office hours and a second job as a relief security guard on Saturday every week.

I only need to work hard. Everything is provided by the grace and mercy of God, it is sufficient.

Once I stop gambling, my debt and loan will slowly and surely be reduce.

Problem or no problem everyday, it is no excuse to gamble!

Today is my seventh gamble free day.

[kin]

The Parable Of The Rope

The story was about a mountain climber, who wanted to climb the highest mountain.

He began his adventure after many years of preparation, but since he wanted the glory just for himself, he decided to climb the mountain alone. The night felt heavy in the heights of the mountains, and the man could not see anything. All was black. Zero visibility, and the moon and the stars were covered by the clouds.

As he was climbing, only a few feet away from the top of the mountain, he slipped and fell into the air, falling at a great speed. The climber could only see black spots as he went down, and the terrible sensation of being sucked by gravity. He kept falling.

… and in those moments of great fear, it came to his mind all the good and bad episodes of his life. He was thinking now about how close death was getting, when all of a sudden, he felt the rope tied to his waist pull him very hard.

His body was hanging in the air. Only the rope was holding him, and in that moment of stillness he had no other choice but scream, “HELP ME GOD!!”

All of a sudden, a deep voice coming from the sky answered, “What do you want Me to do?”

“Save me God!!”

“Do you really think I can save you?”

“Of course I believe You can.”

“Then cut the rope tied to your waist.”

There was a moment of silence and the man decided to hold on to the rope with all his strength.

The bext day, a rescue team found the climber dead and frozen, his body hanging from a rope – His hands holding tight to the rope only 10 feet away from the ground.

When are you going to cut off gambling?

 

[kin]

Autobiography of a compulsive gambler in 5 short chapters

Chapter 1

I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I fall in. I am lost, I am hopeless, It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter 2

I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk/ I pretend I dun see it, I fall in again. I can’t believe I am in the same place. But I believe it isn’t my fault. It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter 3

I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it is there, I still fall in, it‘s a habit. I know where I am. It is my fault, I get out immediately

Chapter 4

I walk down the same street, There is a deep hole in the sidewalk, I walk around it

Chapter 5

I walk down another street.

[kin]

Hi Lizbeth4,

Let ‘s learn from our last mistake and stay focus, gamble free today.
The debts and loans will slowly but surely be reduce over time. It will not increase due to gambling after we stop.
Gambling is not a solution to problem and no problem. It is just not worth it, the price we need to pay is heavy!

[kin]

I do not have the confident to speak my mind when I share my inner thought in the meeting room. You can never imagine how disorganize was my thoughts and sharing in English when I open up in a face to face AA meeting last night, half of the participants are Asians and the other half are Causcasians.

GT was the perfect answer for a person like me. You guys didn’t know how many times I edit my post each time, this forum is just nice for me….hahahaha

I cannot choose the easy way out, I need to balance my online sharing with face to face meetings. I cannot be stubborn, wilful and lazy.

Thank you Gambling Therapy

[kin]

Hi Laura, Thank you for your support!

This is just my thought and feeling on grey areas. I am speaking for myself. Grey area does not apply to everything in life, especially in gambling and other addictions, either you are gambling or you are not gambling, there is no in between. How many addicts is not acting in one addiction but acting out in another because of grey areas. I will not go into the reasons given because there are just too many.

I remain an imperfect person in recovery but I was a better person than before.

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