[kin]

When life starts to become comfortable. I start to become careless and lazy, I start to become lenient on myself.
I will start to allow myself to do things that I will not normally do if I was strict with myself.

When I am not mindful, I will slowly lose focus.
I will stop what I am doing in recovery.
I will slowly allow my old ways and habit to creep in quietly.
I start by looking into areas that I should not be looking at…

1. I will check how much money I have before the match.
2. I will check the betting fixtures or match.
3. I will look at the odds.
4. I will make predictions base on my past experiences.
5. I will watch the football matches.
6. I will check the results.

1. I will enter the slot machines clubhouse in my free times.
2. I will watch other people play slot machines.

1. I like to check and think about whether I can go to a casino due to restrictions like my working days; casino ban; financial reasons.
2. Whether I have the free time or off days to do it.
3. Which casino can I visit.
4. How much money can I used for gambling.
5. I will enter the casino.
6. I will watch other people gambling.

1. I will check how much I can afford to lose on lottery tickets.
2. how much I can afford to risk on a horse race.

1. I will watch youtube and tiktok video on people playing poker or slot machines.

I dare not do such things in my early gamble free days because I was very mindful and fearful that I will fall into temptations and traps. These are activities that can lead me to gamble again.

Before I gamble: I normally think that I know what I am doing; everything is under control; I can be more careful; I can resist them; I have the strength and power to say “no” to gambling but I soon found out the truth the hard way, the answer is not “No”, the answer is “Not Yet.”

This is the biggest lie and loophole that I can keep in my recovery.

• This reply was modified 2 years ago by kin.

[kin]

After I have stop gambling, I will start to have saving and money.
I will start to think that it is ok to gamble but it is not.

When I have saving and money.
I will be tempted and attracted to gambling.

When I stop doing what I did on my first gamble free day.
I am at risk of placing the first bet.

Today was no different from my first day in recovery.
I must not stop doing what I did on my first day in recovery.

Every day is like my first day in recovery.
I only need to stop gambling today.

Tomorrow I do the same.
One day at a time.

Be kind and humble always.

[kin]

Hi sarah,

Congratulation on achieving more than 100 gamble free days!

[kin]

I was not following my feelings and reasons to gamble when I stay gamble free.
I choose to have faith and trust in Jesus, The Way, The Truth, and The Life to make my path straight.
In reality, there are many temptations, distractions, tests and trials along the journey in life that can derail me.
I cannot guarantee that I can stay gamble free for the rest of my life but I can stay gamble free today.
So I only take one day at a time, I only need to stop gambling today, tomorrow I do the same.

[kin]

Someone who wanted to stay gamble free realize
The paradox of recovery: To keep it, you have to give it away.

It is based on one helping another.
One found another and together they stay gamble free for each other.

we learn to give away what we have received and learned in this forum.
we shared with all who have the same desire… that brought us together in this forum… to recover from compulsive gambling…by sharing in this journal, we get to keep the ability to say “No” to any craving and temptation that the addiction can throw at us…or else we may place the first bet.

to gamble would cause us to lose our sanity; a priceless and precious gift that was given to us.

only when we are ready, we begin to believe and accept a power greater than ourselves in this forum, ever reminding us, that by ourselves we are powerless over our addictions.

today I read…

Keep yourself empty like a vessel for God to fill.
Keep pouring out yourself to help others so that God can keep filling you up with His spirit.

The more you give, the more you will have for yourself.
God will see that you are kept filled as long as you are giving to others.

To be clear, a lake must have an inflow and an outflow.
If you selfishly try to keep all for yourself, you are soon blocked off from your source of supply and become stagnant.

• This reply was modified 2 years ago by kin.
• This reply was modified 2 years ago by kin.
• This reply was modified 2 years ago by kin.
• This reply was modified 2 years ago by kin.

[kin]

gratitude list

1. I am grateful to be healthy and alive today.
2. I am grateful for the rest, sleep, food and shelter I get today.
3. I am grateful to have a job and income today.
4. I am thankful everything is manageable and enough today.
5. I thank God for providing everything.

• This reply was modified 2 years ago by kin.

[kin]

amended copy

While I am alive
I can afford not to win anything
I cannot afford to lose everything

If today was my last day alive
I can find more important things than money
I can find more important things to do than gambling

If today was my last day alive,
gambling is not important,
I will not gamble.

[kin]

While I am alive
I can afford not to win everything
I cannot afford to lose everything

If today was my last day alive
I can find more important things than money
I can find more important things to do than gambling

If today was my last day alive,
gambling is not important,
I will not gamble.

• This reply was modified 2 years ago by kin.

[kin]

Hi sarah,

It was such a joy to watch your progress and change.

Thank you for sharing.

• This reply was modified 2 years ago by kin.

[kin]

my love for reward and risk taking; my irresponsibility and impulsiveness; my impatience and bad judgement have all contributed to my first bet but after I start to remove the risk and stay away from danger; after I start to prioritize giving, providing and taking care of love ones and giving up my selfish, self-centered, self-seeking ways; after I learn to fast and practice abstinence giving up my self-will; after I seek, focus and pray to a Higher Power…things start to change and my gamble free days start to grow.

[kin]

What would I like to tell myself?

1. Don’t be distracted by problems
2. Stay focus on recovering
3. Don’t give up trying to recover

• This reply was modified 2 years ago by kin.

[kin]

I was working on the problem that leads me to gamble and today I read…

Two things drive us: necessities such as food, sleep, avoidance of pain; and rewards.

Our brains are wired to pursue rewards. Adults and kids will pursue anything that seems like a reward.

When our brain identifies a possible reward, it releases a powerful neurotransmitter called dopamine. This dopamine rush propels us toward the reward.

I also read…

Psychopaths are often thought of as someone who take what they want without thinking about consequences, they lack emotions like empathy, fear and remorse and exhibit defiant social behavior.

Psychopaths’ brain appeared to be wired to keep seeking reward no matter the consequences at any cost.

The anticipation or motivation for reward overwhelms those concerns with potential threat, risk and danger.

Once they focus on the chance to get a reward, they are unable to alter their attention until they get what they are after.

They have in abundance – impulsivity, heightened attraction to rewards and risk taking.

A hyper-reactive dopamine reward system maybe the foundation for some of the problematic behaviors.

Certain mental health condition may also contribute to an increase in risk-taking.

People suffering from attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder ADHD are likely to engage in risky behavior because they tend to be more impulsive while people suffering from PTSD were likely to engage in risk-taking behavior when in a negative state.

Example of risk-taking behaviors include:

1. Gambling more than they can afford to lose.
2. Criminal activity such as stealing, vandalism and trespassing
3. Having sex with strangers or engaging in sex without protection against sexually transmitted diseases or unplanned pregnancies
4. Driving under the influence of alcohol or engaging in dangerous driving
5. Skipping school

I was disappointed and sad to find some answer to the questions I have ever asked. My reward and risk-taking behavior was so similar to that of a psychopath or person with mental conditions. The truth hurts…

I will not sugar coat my journal to make my post attractive and acceptable. Uncovering my wrongful and sinful, lawlessness acts was shocking, foolish, stupid, irresponsible, embarrassing, shameful, guilty and painful. I have lost all my self-control at that time.

• This reply was modified 2 years ago by kin.
• This reply was modified 2 years ago by kin.

[kin]

Everything is not ok but I am ok today.
I was mindful that I suffered from impulse control disorder and obsessive compulsive behavior.
I was triggered but kept my impulse and emotion under control, I did not allow myself to act out.
It is like taming the beast.

After I have stop gambling
I continue to deal with the living problem that has lead to my gambling.

Unlike in the past when I was active gambling
I have to deal with the problem brought by my gambling.

I am grateful to be gamble free for another day.

• This reply was modified 2 years ago by kin.
• This reply was modified 2 years ago by kin.
• This reply was modified 2 years ago by kin.

[kin]

My willpower and self-control

13 months has passed since I found this current job. Every day was a constant battle to stay awake and alert because I am working the graveyard 12 hours shift. Some days are harder because I was feeling sick or I did not sleep well and become very tired. On my bad days, the brain just switched off and my eyes closed on the job.

I no longer doubt myself anymore. l can see how my willpower and self-control regain strength after I have recharge and restore my energy with sleep. After the third day on the job, my willpower and self-control will normally become weaker. My willpower and self-control are the like fuel in a car, the car run out of power when the fuel was used up. I have to be very determined and work very hard to handle the temptations and distractions at these times.

When I cannot find the strength to face these test and trials, I learn to depend on a power greater than me. I learn to have faith and trust on a Higher Power. I learn to pray in recovery.

Today will be the first working day of a four days cycle. I am very grateful to have a job.

Be kind and humble always. One day at a time.

• This reply was modified 2 years ago by kin.

[kin]

Hi marcus,

Thank you for sharing your plans.

[Author]

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