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Support!

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It does shock me a little nowadays when I read the things I write. I didn’t know I could share like this. I don’t know who to tell except thank God for everything!

I can never share like this in real life face to face meeting. I cannot express myself well when I speak and can be very disorganize in my sharing and I really felt like a real fool most of the times after that. I cannot edit or correct my sharing unlike here.

I feel that I sounded like a fake, proud, arrogant, ignorant liar and self-glorifying a.s.s.h.o.l.e. in meetings

It does feel good to be given this chance to be honest about this in the open on this platform about how I felt. I can just be myself in here.

29th Gamble free days! Thank you GT.

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1. The salary is sitting nicely in the bank – Money

2. Today was my off day, I have free time – Time

3. There are many football matches around the clock available for punting today and the betting house is like the 7-11 convenient stores conveniently found nearby. – Place

There have been 2 passing thoughts to gamble in the last 28 days but today was a little stronger and uncomfortable. Is this the thorn in my flesh that I have to learn to live with for the rest of my life?

The problem is not the “free time” I have, the “access to gambling places” or “excess money”, the problem was me.

The first layer of protection is always the barrier, but anyone can go around it, it is not fool proof. It is what I do when no one is watching that determine whether all this recovery is going to work for me.

I have cheated countless times in the past, gambling is not like drugs where you could see the physical sign of a relapse. Sometimes I can escape because I did not lose in the beginning, but the ending was different, the result is always the same like every addiction and self-destructive behavior, it will wreck a person.  It is a progressive illness and causes a person to lose the thing most important to them. The price is too heavy, it is not worth it to gamble. Gambling comes to rob, steal and destroy! This is the truth.

I need to remind myself to be more mindful all the times otherwise I can forget easily. I am human and not perfect. Apostle Paul talks about asking God to remove the thorn in the flesh 3 times but God did not remove them.

2 Corinthians 12:8-10

8Three times I peaded with the Lord to take it away from me.

9But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is perfected in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly in my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest on me.

10That is why, for the sake of Christ, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

I have a God watching what I am doing, I have the bible and the 12 steps recovery program to direct me what is the right thing to do, I have recovery places and support group meetings to attend, I can meet up and spend time with recovery people, alternatively, I can replace habitual self-destructive behaviors with sleeping, watching movie, exercise etc.

The more I practice and apply what was suggested, I will develop an honesty which can help me to stop cheating and listening to my self-deceit and lies. I will become less selfish, self-centered and self-seeking, I would place the interest of others before me, I would be willing to sacrifice my desire and interest, inconvenient myself for them, it is a gift of love. I stop feeding my selfish thoughts and desires.

The more I practice and apply it, the more I would grow spiritually, emotionally, mentally, physically and better at walking away from all these slippery situations.

Why do I believe God and the teaching in the bible and the 12 steps recovery program?

There are 9 fruits of the Spirit mentioned in Galatians 5:22: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

These are changes inside a person that we always talk about when we mention nothing changes if nothing changes.

This is a very beautiful program, it does not forces me like a robot otherwise this is a very cruel program, I was given a free will to make my own choices right from the beginning.

I have learnt the long hard and painful way that it does not work when I was at the centered of everything, nothing changes if I was still controlling the steering wheel.

It is not a program about me, I and myself. It was not about my power, my ability and what I can do, it was this false belief, this arrogant and ignorant, this power, this ability and what I did that send me to the deepest rock bottom in the first place.

Recovery teaches me the truth and humility. It does not teach me to glorify myself.

God did not answer my prayer by giving me what I want. God answer my prayer by giving me all the things I need in order to help me get what I want. God help me to do what I cannot do for myself. All glory goes to God alone.

I came to believe that God can restore me to sanity!

God is everything, I am nothing without God!

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Dear sister

Watch you take one baby step at a time and saw how hopeless end become endless hope.

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I admitted that I was powerless over gambling – that my lives had become unmanageable.

I came to believe that a power greater than me could restore me to sanity.

I made a decision to turn my will and my lives over to the care of God as I understood Him.

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I admitted that I was powerless over gambling – that my lives had become unmanageable.

I came to believe that a power greater than me could restore me to sanity.

I made a decision to turn my will and my lives over to the care of God as I understood Him.

28th gamble free days

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In the past, I was quick to judge and condemn but slow to forgive . It was easier to forgive now, but I am still learning to be humble, merciful and graceful.

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Change everything outside me, nothing inside me change. Change me on the inside, everything about me on the outside would change.

I can stop gambling and set up all the barriers to prevent me from gambling but if nothing inside me change, I am still the same person. If nothing about me change, I will still gamble one day. 

I need God, the bible and the 12 steps recovery program to change me on the inside. I wanted to learn God’s word in the bible. and use the 12 steps recovery program to navigate the bible, one step at a time. I was interested to find out what God says in each step.

God help me to do what I cannot do for myself. Amen!

God is good all the time. All the time God is good. Amen!

Today is my 26th gambling free day.

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Hi Lizbeth4,
I was so glad to read your last post. There is hope in your message.

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not numb it with gambling.

25th gamble free days!

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Fear, worries, sadness, disappointment, frustration, anger, pressures, stress, anxiety, panic, loneliness, tiredness, boredom, pain, hardship and suffering…They are not a good excuse to gamble!

Accept and live with it, not numb it with gambling.

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Many experience recovery people say the same thing;

you only stop gambling but nothing else about you have change. You are still the same a.s.s.h.o.l.e. who did not gamble

In the past, when I was gambling, I did not provide a single cent to someone I love to show her I care.

Even when I am not gambling, I was the same. I have kept all the money to feed my desires and my feeling. I still did not provide others. I was still the same selfish, self-centered, self-seeking a.s.s.h.o.l.e.

This month will be the tenth month of the year that I have provided. I could see and feel an obvious change this time. I really feels very uncomfortable if I did not provide, it has become something very important to me otherwise the whole recovery thing will become meaningless to me.

The progress has been gradual and slow, but it was all worth it.

I had a relapse recently, it did cross my mind to convenient myself at the expense of my love ones, but I feel lousy, they did not do anything wrong and did not deserve this punishment, they should not suffer the consequences of my gambling so I had to really inconvenient myself this time to made up the difference.

Gambling losses jeopardize everything important to me.

[kin]

If you find yourself in a hole,
the first thing to do is stop digging!

[kin]

Hi Amy,

My mum was also a gambling addict, she is 88 years old now and still very active gambling on Wednesday, Saturday and Sunday, her drug of choice is lottery number. On other days she was busy studying what numbers to buy and it has kept her occupied. Mum has been gambling for so many decades and still strongly believe that she has not lost any money, she only remember her big winning and cannot remember all the money she had lost.

In the past, I feel sad, here I am trying to quit gambling, there she is gambling. Worst of all happens when she acted out on me, that was when she tried to control my life like a director saying certain things to manipulate me to do what she wants, this hurt the most.

We, problem gambler, know how and what this is like, we have done this so many times to people who love and trusted us.

Today, I learn to deal with the emotions, I learn to deal with the hurtful feeling; “learn to accept and live with it, not numb it.”

My mum is 88 years old now, her mind is not clear anymore, I do not take what she says too personal now, but her words still hurt the same sometime.

Today, I learn to be more responsible for my action and considerate to others, I do not blame her for my behavior anymore, and I do not try to control or force her to change but I try to change myself.

Stop the gambling, you will not lose your hard-earned income as a result.

Stop the gambling, all your hard earned, saving will not become smaller.

It is hard for a normal person to deal with gambling addiction, it is even harder for someone with a mental health issues to deal with the same thing, but it is not impossible.

Imagine all the struggle with feelings of fear, worries, sadness, disappointment, frustration, anger, pressures, stress, anxiety, panic, loneliness, tiredness, boredom, all the pain and suffering, it felt so real and so desperate…and the temptation that you can escape from them, forget everything and feel good for a few hours sounds too good to be true, isn’t it?

These feelings are not a good excuse to gamble. We can learn to deal with these problems in a more proper and healthy manner without gambling and hurting ourselves.   

Gambling did not help improve the situation, many times it made matter worst than it was before. Gambling comes to rob, steal and destroy.

There is hope! Recovery is the healing or process of becoming better emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually and financially.

I need a Higher Power to help me heal and recover, I need God and recovery friends, I need a mentor, sponsor, or teacher to carry the message to me, I need the bible and the 12 steps recovery program to be my compass and show me the way, I attend recovery support group meetings such as GA, OA, AA, NA, I learn to do things all over , replace the gambling with writting journal, movies, exercise, music, gathering with friends etc.

I was disappointed and frustrated after I pray to God to help me to stop gambling, not realizing that God is good all the times and has given me everything that I need to help me to stop gambling. These things can help me to do what I cannot do on my own.

There is a lot of support you can get here online, it can complement the ones you get in real life. Build up your support network and safety net so that they are always there for you when you need one.

[kin]

Hi Amy,

My mum is also a gambling addict, she is 88 years old now and still very active gambling on Wednesday, Saturday and Sunday, her drug of choice is lottery number. Other days she was studying what numbers to buy and it kept her occupied. Mum has been gambling for so many decades and still strongly believe that she did not lose any money, she only remember her big winning and cannot remember all the money she had lost.

In the past, I feel sad, here I am trying to quit gambling, there she is gambling. Worst of all happens when she acted out on me, that was when she tried to control my life like a director saying certain things to manipulate me to do what she wants, this hurt the most.

We, problem gambler, know how and what this is like, we have done this so many times to people who love and trusted us.

Today, I learn to deal with the emotions, I learn to deal with the hurtful feeling; “learn to accept and live with it, not numb it.”

My mum is 88 years old now, her mind is not clear anymore, I do not take what she says too personal now, but her words still hurt the same sometime.

Today, I learn to be more responsible for my action and considerate to others, I do not blame her for my behavior anymore, and I do not try to control or force her to change but I try to change myself.

Stop the gambling, you will not lose your hard-earned income as a result.

Stop the gambling, all your hard earned, saving will not become smaller.

It is hard for a normal person to deal with gambling addiction, it is even harder for someone with a mental health issues to deal with the same thing, but it is not impossible.

Imagine all the struggle with feelings of fear, worries, sadness, disappointment, frustration, anger, pressures, stress, anxiety, panic, loneliness, tiredness, boredom, all the pain and suffering, it felt so real and so desperate…and the temptation that you can escape from them, forget everything and feel good for a few hours sounds too good to be true, isn’t it?

These feelings are not a good excuse to gamble. We can learn to deal with these problems in a more proper and healthy manner without gambling and hurting ourselves.   

Gambling did not help improve the situation, many times it made matter worst than it was before. Gambling comes to rob, steal and destroy.

There is hope! Recovery is the healing or process of becoming better emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually and financially.

I need a Higher Power to help me heal and recover, I need God and recovery friends, I need a mentor, sponsor, or teacher to carry the message to me, I need the bible and the 12 steps recovery program to be my compass and show me the way, I attend recovery support group meetings such as GA, OA, AA, NA, I learn to do things all over , replace the gambling with writting journal, movies, exercise, music, gathering with friends etc.

I was disappointed and frustrated after I pray to God to help me to stop gambling, not realizing that God is good all the times and has given me everything that I need to help me to stop gambling. These things can help me to do what I cannot do on my own.

There is a lot of support you can get here online, it can complement the ones you get in real life. Build up your support network and safety net so that they are always there for you when you need one.

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