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“I cried because I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet”

“I thought I had a bad life because I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet”

“I felt sorry for myself because I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet”

I sink into self pity, shame and guilt because I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet”

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40th gamble free day

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This is the first time I am quoting this 12 steps workshop trainer in here. Last Saturday, he pointed to Step Two and say our changes start here:

Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity

Step 2 is a step of hope, faith and realization. It is a big step towards God.

In spite of all of the failures in my own life – all of the broken promises, hard feelings, disappointments, failures, destructive behavior, hatred, anxiety, depression or guilt in my life – there is still hope.

There is hope because there is a Power greater than myself. And this Power has the ability to restore my life to a life where there is freedom from the insanity of addictive behaviors.

I begin to realize that such a Power exists and this Power is able to set me on the road

Through believing that a Higher Power can help, a man or a woman formerly eaten up with raging fear, anger, shame, doubt, guilt, and frustration may become calm and begin to grow spiritually by focusing on doing some simple steps, going to meetings, reading the Big Book, and talking to a sponsor.

This person is not alone; there are other caring brothers and sisters who really do understand because they are dealing with the same problems the newcomer has. The simple act of believing that a Higher Power can restore us to sanity leads us into a family and into a new life where we can begin to see and experience a little sanity to recovery and freedom.

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Roman 3:10

As it is written: “There is no one righteous, not even one

Hi Sister Vera,

I made mistake too. Let’s walk this recovery together carefully and slowly, and enjoy the journey.

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I watch others in real life. They reminded me that I was “no different.”

I have really forgotten my darkest and deepest rock bottom.

I no longer remember the pain, helplessness, hopelessness and fear today.

In the begining, I was willing to do anything and whatever it takes to get well. Today everything changes after my life has improves. I no longer keep these promises. 

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Stop judging and condemning others

Judgment is a sentence. Judgment brings shame and guilt on others

Extend Grace an Love. It attract people and help them grow.

Have mercy instead of judgment

39th gamble free day

Jesus Christ was the mediator between God, the judge and us, man the sinner. ~1 Timothy 2:5

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Hi Lizbeth,
I really look forward to reading the thing you do nowadays. I share your joy when you tell us what you do with your grand daughter.
I really respect you and all the ladies in here for everything you do for your family.

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It takes a lot of courage and strength, not weakness for what you have just did.

STEP 1 – Honesty

STEP 2 – Open-mindedness

STEP 3 – Willingness

Thumbs Up!

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It was so nice and sweet to see you counting your blessings

fyi, I have been following and reading your journal.

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One day 6 years ago over breakfast, Bro Jordan’s wife, sister Rina shared this with me. I was a happy and grateful cracked pot ever since.

Light Shines Through Cracked Pots

Psalm 69:6

Everyone is like a pot that carries life. But not everyone carries a presence that blesses others.

Religion tries to force people to follow laws to make them perfect, like pots without cracks. But if a light is put within a flawless pot and then covered, no one can see the light inside the pot.

Perfect pots are not able to reveal internal light to illumine the way for others. God chooses to shine through imperfect, cracked pots.

People are blessed when their cracked pot let the light of God shine through into other cracked pots.

Choose to be a glory filled, cracked pot rather than an empty, pretty vessel.

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There are 2 instances in the New Testament when Jesus told someone to “sin no more,”

John 5:1-15

The Healing at the Pool

5 Sometime later, Jesus went up to Jerusalem for one of the Jewish festivals.

² Now there is in Jerusalem near the Sheep Gate a pool, which in Aramaic is called Bethesda and which is surrounded by five covered colonnades.

³ Here a great number of disabled people used to lie—the blind, the lame, the paralyzed.

⁴ From time to time an angel of the Lord would come down and stir up the waters. The first one into the pool after each such disturbance would be cured

⁵ One who was there had been an invalid for thirty-eight years.

⁶ When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him, “Do you want to get well?”

⁷ “Sir,” the invalid replied, “I have no one to help me into the pool when the water is stirred. While I am trying to get in, someone else goes down ahead of me.”

⁸ Then Jesus said to him, “Get up! Pick up your mat and walk.” ⁹ At once the man was cured; he picked up his mat and walked.

The day on which this took place was a Sabbath, ¹⁰ and so the Jewish leaders said to the man who had been healed, “It is the Sabbath; the law forbids you to carry your mat.”

¹¹ But he replied, “The man who made me well said to me, ‘Pick up your mat and walk.’”

¹² So they asked him, “Who is this fellow who told you to pick it up and walk?”

¹³ The man who was healed had no idea who it was, for Jesus had slipped away into the crowd that was there.

¹⁴ Later Jesus found him at the temple and said to him, “See, you are well again. Stop sinning or something worse may happen to you.”

¹⁵ The man went away and told the Jewish leaders that it was Jesus who had made him well.

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John 8:3-11

³ The teachers of the Law and the Pharisees brought in a woman who had been caught committing adultery, and they made her stand before them all.

⁴ “Teacher,” they said to Jesus, “this woman was caught in the very act of committing adultery.

⁵ In our Law Moses commanded that such a woman must be stoned to death. Now, what do you say?”

⁶ They said this to trap Jesus, so that they could accuse him. But he bent over and wrote on the ground with his finger.

⁷ As they stood there asking him questions, he straightened up and said to them, “Whichever one of you has committed no sin may throw the first stone at her.”

⁸ Then he bent over again and wrote on the ground.

⁹ When they heard this, they all left, one by one, the older ones first. Jesus was left alone, with the woman still standing there.

¹⁰ He straightened up and said to her, “Where are they? Is there no one left to condemn you?”

¹¹ “No one, sir,” she answered.

“Well, then,” Jesus said, “I do not condemn you either. Go, but do not sin again.”

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Until the next time, I shall not worry about tomorrow but what help me today?

What stops me?

One

It was this thread; this thread is different from all my other threads because I c.o.u.n.t. gamble free days here.

I have made myself a.c.c.o.u.n.t.a.b.l.e here to God and the 12 steps recovery program, GT, my recovery buddies and myself.

Unless I have been lying all these while and not serious about quitting, I can go ahead and gamble now.

Two

I have a clear goal in my life. I plan to make amends with the money I earn now.

The monetary losses this time if I gamble and lost is not big but it will still affect my repayment plan, some thing will remain unpaid this month or maybe forever unpaid if I remain stubborn and willful and continue gambling.

Gambling comes to rob, steal and destroy my peace, freedom and joy. The price I need to pay is too heavy, it is not worth it.

Three

God give me a free will. I was allowed to choose what I want to do. I must put this free will to good use.

I must remember these words from Vera;

“God won’t be mocked. I have spat in His Eye once too often.”

This is exactly what I did every single time but not this time.

Four

I was listening to praise and worship songs. Before the first song ended, something inside me change. All of  sudden, my thoughts and feelings flow, it was like a choke inside me has clear. I immediately put down my thoughts in writing before I lose them.

I have gambled all the times when I was mentally, spiritually, physically and emotionally tired but not this time.

I did not forget you sister Vera, and Monica, it really feel very enouraging to know that I am not alone in this journey. I am sure very soon there will be more brothers and sisters joining us. Thank God for gathering us here.

As I finish posting for today, the praise and worship songs is still playing, Amen! 

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I have gambled all the times when I was mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally tired but not this time.

Today was a slippery day, the first sign was my inability to identify and describe all my feelings at all. I wanted to write but nothing is flowing.

Today is Sunday here, it could have ended in a disaster for me after Friday and Saturday.

Last Friday was my newly joined company dinner and dance event, it was a long day, my day started at 7 am and by the time the event ended, I reach home at 11 pm. That was not all, Saturday was another long day for me, I have 12 steps workshop and all addictions anonymous meeting to attend in the afternoon and I continue to do my part time work at 8 pm on Saturday evening until 8 am in the morning on Sunday.

It is rare for me to keep 2 back to back long day nowadays, because it can put me in a risky situation. I could not think properly and cannot depend on my unreliable feeling after that. Today was such a day.

I was not the same today, my feeling was not straight, all I can only feel was tiredness. Everything else was the same, there are football matches in Asia and Europe for the whole day and I have some remaining money for the rest of the month, Sunday was my off and rest day. The same temptations in life are always there all the times every day but I was more vulnerable and weaker to deal with them today.

My head is telling me that it was ok to gamble on the Australia match at 2 pm, it was against everything I set out to do in this thread and look like my gamble free days will end today as usual, I have never finish the race.

I was a little shock that I suddenly cannot feel the reason not to gamble today, but I knew I was stronger than I think, I have all the tools and experience to not gamble, I am not suffering from withdrawal from not gambling, I can don’t gamble if I do not want it, BUT the big problem was I want it every single time in the past. I allow it to happen. I had a choice every single time not to gamble but I choose to gamble.

It was a habit to listen to me, I, myself and a great opportunity to love myself, feed my desires, and selfish, self-centered, self-seeking thoughts.

The addict mind was so cunning, I was strong enough not to gamble but it is so sneaky, it wants me to go watch and enjoy the game instead of sleeping, I can still gamble in the middle of the game while I am watching the games.

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Sunday

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