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Love God, love others, love yourself unconditionally just like God love you.

48th gamble and alcohol free days

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The 12 Steps are use to solve problems.

I have become less selfish, and not hurting so many people.

I was more honest, and not getting into hot water all the time.

I was a little more courageous and less fearful of quitting doing some of those things I used to do.

I was more considerate to other people, and my relationship with them is better.

When I am in less conflict, I will have more peace of mind, serenity, and happiness, and less chance of taking, a gamble

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Galatians 6:3

For if anyone thinks he is something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself.

Philippians 2:13

for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure

John 15:4-5 

Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.”

John 5:19

So Jesus explained, “I tell you the truth, the Son can do nothing by himself.

John 1:3

God created everything through him, and nothing was created except through him.

Philippians 4:13

I can do all things through him who strengthens me.

Matthew 4:4

But he answered, “It is written, ‘Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.’

Matthew 6:33

But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

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God has send Vera and Monica to light up the path for my next step. Their transformation has given me strength, hope, faith and belief in what I have been doing. Witnessing Lizbeth today remind me of Vera and Monica in the early days.

May God bless all of you with good health, wisdom, inner peace, joy, freedom and happiness. God is good all the times. Amen!

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I watch movie tonight

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I did not know what was happening to me suddenly on Friday and Saturday. I can only record them in this journal.

Feeling glad, thankful and relief that everything was normal today, they are just dry drunk attitudes.

In the past, I would have gamble but I did not have to gamble today.

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Emotional sobriety describes the transformation a recovering addict makes beyond attaining physical sobriety.

Physical sobriety refers to giving up gambling, drugs and alcohol, a fairly straight-forward pursuit.

Achieving emotional sobriety involves the ability to feel and cope with emotions, particularly those attached to gambling, drug and alcohol use.

As a defense mechanism, we are prone to protect myself from painful realities.

The difference between the general population and addicts is that the addicts are very good at ignoring their feelings by masking them with gambling, drugs or alcohol.

Being emotionally sober means getting in touch with your emotions, whether positive or negative, and allowing yourself to feel them.

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 Sunday was my rest day. What a world of difference having sufficient sleep and rest can do to me. I could see what I cannot see on Friday and Saturday now.

I was suffering from dry drunk on Friday and Saturday.

Dry Drunk for me is a condition where I was displaying the same mental and behavioral traits associated with drinking and gambling even when I was not drinking alcohol or gambling.

I had the same euphoria feeling on Friday and was beginning to tell lie on Saturday. 

The presence of this syndrome is actually an indication that I am in danger of relapse. I remain emotionally disturbed, mentally unstable and spiritually skewed despite not gambling or drinking. Signs of dry drunk syndrome is a red flag that should concern a recovering alcoholic.

it is important to recognize that dry drunk syndrome is a legitimate psychological phenomenon that can happen to anyone who is struggling with an addiction.

The term dry drunk syndrome was originally written by the creators of the 12-Step program, Alcoholics Anonymous. While the phrase dry drunk has been used by members of the 12-Step community, it is not a result of “not working the program,” nor is it a sign of failing. It was the presence of actions and attitudes that characterized the addict prior to recovery.

Dry drunk syndrome operates almost exclusively within a person’s mind.

Dry drunk syndrome is more common among individuals who quit their addiction on their own, as they do not have a strong support to guide them through this difficult change in their life.

Just like any other psychological phenomenon, it can be overcome with the right assistance and support uncovering the root causes of the struggle and having healthier coping mechanisms.

Thank God for this information.

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Lying is a huge issue for many people, including Christians. “Thou shall not lie” is one of the ten commandments, but even Christians have trouble with this commandment.

Proverbs 6:16-19 ESV

There are six things that the Lord hates, seven that are an abomination to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that make haste to run to evil, a false witness who breathes out lies, and one who sows discord among brothers.

Proverbs 19:9 ESV

A false witness will not go unpunished, and he who breathes out lies will perish.

1 John 2:4 ESV  

Whoever says “I know him” but does not keep his commandments is a liar, and the truth is not in him,

Psalm 58:3 ESV  

The wicked are estranged from the womb; they go astray from birth, speaking lies.

Proverbs 13:5

The righteous hates falsehood, but the wicked brings shame and disgrace.

1 John 1:9 ESV

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

John 8:32 ESV  

And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

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First, I get the same feeling when I had a big fat win in gambling at work on Friday.

Second, I lied, I call my hirer for the part time job on the phone that I had fever, but this hirer just didn’t care, he still wanted me to work on Saturday.

I can see what is happening, it was like the dark cloud and wind before the storm, hahahaha. Whatever happen this time, I will not gamble or drink.

44th Gamble Free Day

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Thank you for the moral support, I really appreciate it very much.

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I lost my calm, cool and steadiness after a successful day in sales at work on Friday, It felt the same as a big fat winning gamble and I wanted to chase some more, I wanted more.

Workaholism is just another form of acting out.

This is the first time in my life that I was mindful enough to identify the same feeling I get at work and gambling.

I wonder if I had relapse as a result of work..hahahaha…I think and feel that I have relapse. 

Oh my god, I definitely have relapse. I wanted to chase somemore, i wanted more. I have relapse in food too…hahahaha

That is why I say fasting was the best thing to happen to me this year when I learn how to give up doing the things I love to do most.

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I have no shame to be 13 years in recovery and only started counting 41 gamble and alcohol free day recently.

It is saving and helping me because it force me to stay humble. I do not care how and what other people I knew in recovery look and say about me in real life because it did not matter one bit to me. Their words cannot help me do my recovery and definitely cannot hurt my recovery.

Staying humble in the heart was really something I struggle with all these years and all the times.

Losing this HUMILITY, HONESTY, VULNERABILITY and SELF-AWARENESS makes me CARELESS, it made me think that I am safe when I was not, feel that I am in control when I was not.

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My schedule on a Saturday:

attend the 12 steps workshop at 1.30 pm to 3 pm,

attend all addiction anonymous meeting between 4 pm to 5 pm,

work part time doing security work from 8 pm all the way until 8 am on Sunday to earn the money to pay for my living expenses next week.

I kinda miss Vera ‘s sharing every day! I miss P, Hope, Maverick, Bettie too. Thankful to be reading the thoughts and regular sharing of Lizbeth, Monica, Laura, Kathryn, I did it nowadays. It help a lot. 

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I notice that I am spending more money on new recovery person this month, it can be worrying because I do not have any extra money.

God again, provided me everything I need to get what I want.

I receive shopping vouchers all the time on this new job, which I can sell them off at a discount to get cash.

Maybe I should budget myself every month how much I should spend helping others base on this extra income and not allow it to affect my personal repayment plan and recovery journey.

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