[kin]

I continue to do the opposite. I gave any surplus cash I have this time to my 89 years mum to buy whatever she like, I choose to do this before I lose the opportunity and regret next time. I did not keep the money on me to fuel the fire inside to gamble or drink, the thorn continue to be in my flesh.

I have a little more money after the gamble. I used the surplus to reduce my credit card debt by 10 percent.

I am back to normal situation and taking one baby step at a time, one day at a time now

[kin]

Dear all,
Thank you for all the concern and support.
I have to make a few adjustment in my life now to cope with the new challenges at work. I need to be more vigilant and extra careful in recovery.
I need to accept the situation, live with it, not numb it with gambling or alcohol otherwise it is best I change work to something that doesn’t threaten my recovery.

Everyday is like my first day in recovery now.

[kin]

Hi Vera,

It was a tiredness and frustration combo

I was doing well at work but I am a minority in this industry in my own country.I was the only local in a team of 7 staff in the department in my company. I did not want to name which country these people are from in here. These people come to rob the local and are evil, but I have to love them to progress in my recovery, I will be disappointed if I expect them to return kindness with  kindess.

Tthey like to gang up on the local.  I have fallen victim to the lies and character assassination of this group of these foreigner a few times in the past in other companies, They will do or say whatever it take to keep their job. A new manager join our company a week after me, he is another unreasonable slave master and using me to do his work. The local manager strike fear in me because he use these foreigner and gets his power from them. He married a lady from the country.

God was good but I still choose something very predictable like a sporting event and alcohol to numb and manage my uneasy feeling.

I was so wrong. i could have cause an irreversible damage.

I punted on a sporting event and had one bottle of beer, 

[kin]

I luv your analogy that gambling can sneak in thru the tiniest opening. This is so true.

[kin]

Dear Vera,

When I read your last post on my thread. I had a feeling something was not right. God is awesome! Everything happen for a reason to help us learn from our mistakes.

It takes a very brave and courageous person to admit your mistake. Put the reputation, self importance, pride and ego aside, all is not lost, you kept your honesty and humility. That is very important and can help us progress one baby step at a time in recovery. Give up self-will and follow God’s will.

It is a walk to the end in recovery together for everyone of us here. I luv you all.

Vera, we care and luv you here. Your wisdom and experience advice and input  is so real and vital to everyone growing in here.

[kin]

Hi Vera, so nice to hear from you!

Today is all that matter, it was back to day One for me.

[kin]

Wishing you good health, wisdom, freedom, peace and joy always!

[kin]

Awesome!

[kin]

52th gamble and alcohol free day.

Question: Are there any thoughts to drink or gamble during these 52 days.

Answer: Yes there is, sometime they appear but they just come and go. 

What was it like now? It is no longer a struggle, I dont pay too much attention to them and I do not try to control them, the intensity is not that strong and I dont need to fight them .

[kin]

It does feel good afterward.

There was a church for recovering people in Singapore. Tonight, I remember 2 incidents when tears flood my eyes after the speaker say some things that touches me.

Mathew 16:24

Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.

Incident 1

Tears flood my eyes when I heard Pastor Don telling us not to come down from the cross with his authoritative husky voice. It describes my struggles in recovery, there are days when it was so hard and painful, I really feel like quitting and dropping the cross but cannot and had to carry on.

1 Corinthians 8:2

We know that we all have knowledge.  Knowledge puffs up, but love edifies.  And if anyone thinks that he knows anything, he knows nothing yet as he ought to know.

Incident 2

Mdm Ai Boon told us it does not matter how well and how much one know about God’s word and the bible, it was more important to walk the talk with the little one knows. Tears flood my eyes again, because that was all I can only do.

[kin]

1 Corinthians 8:2

Those who think they know something do not yet know as they ought to know.

I first heard that knowledge puffs up in a church service today. If anyone thinks that he knows anything, he knows nothing

The speaker says that it doesn’t matter how much I know about God’s word and the bible, it was more important for me to walk the talk with the little I know. I was not sad, and I was not crying but tears just started to flood my eyes when I hear this. Every time I found the words that describe what I was doing, I felt a relief, I felt understood, comforted and release. That God knows.

What I did and fail for many years help me prepare and complete this year. This year can be better but it was still fruitful and I was grateful and thankful, it was a breakthrough for me. This year will prepare me for next year, if I could fulfill next year, it would prepare me for the next 3 years. I need to finish this job.

Step 8 in 12 steps recovery program.

Made a list of all the persons we have harmed and become willing to make amends to them all.

Mathew 5:23-24

“Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother, then come and offer your gift.”

I also hear faith to faith, glory to glory for the first time today.

From faith to faith (Romans 1:17), from strength to strength, from glory to glory (2Corinthians 3:16-18), those words in the bible reflect the endless possibility for elevation, transformation, for glorification, and empowerment, that we have as the people of God. That is an endless possibility of more and more in God.

[kin]

Hi Lizbeth,
Glad to see things slowly improving in your life. Hope you will find time to have proper rest and sleep when you are really tired.

[kin]

God’s plan is better than mine.

Every time I decided to use my way, be it a gamble or a drink. They normally ended in a disaster.

[kin]

I have feed my thoughts and feelings, my desires and lust for so many years. It has not been an overnight change, it took a fool like me many years to become less selfish, self-centered and self-seeking. It has taken me years of one baby step at a time progress to do this but the sad reality and truth; it only need a moment of insanity to lose everything. I am still prone to fall anytime if I become careless and lose focus and vigilant.

When mature believers fail, they:

1. Acknowledge their failures and refuse to hide behind any lame excuses.

2. Confess any sin to God, another person and group when sin is involved in the failure.

3. Examine what happened so they can learn from the failure.

4. Put it behind them and move ahead.

[kin]

Yesterday has passed. Tomorrow has not arrive. Taking one baby step at a time is all I can do Today.

Delivered the money to my family and paid all my bank loan, phone bill today. Only have to do it one more time to complete a year.

This is a simple thing for any normal person to do but if you are an addict like me, you can do everything except these simple things. Maybe an alcoholic do not have this problem but I am more than an alcoholic, I am also addicted to gambling and other things as well.

50th gamble and alcohol free day.

Thank God for everything!

[Author]

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