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Without the alcohol in my body, there is more clarity in my thought and feeling. I can see the difference between what I want and what I need more clearly.

The alcohol certainly have affected my ability to stay stop in other addiction. I used to binge on alcohol every week in the past but only drank twice in 2017 and 3 times in 2018 in my recovery.

Thank God for the calm, peace and manageability in my life today.

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Sleep and proper rest was my medicine. The self-discipline and self-control returns, I could focus and concentrate at work and home. My mind was not drifting and I was vigilant and alert. I am not saying or doing thing that I was not suppose to do.
Thank God for the peace and joy today.

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I cannot describe how I feel, I am not my normal self, I am not in total control of myself, I would do or say thing that I dont normally do everyday. 

Sometime, I suspect that I am crazy, something in the head is not right, it could be some chemical or hormones imbalance in the brain, I really dont know , I do feel mentally exhausted.

It is time like this that I will do something to correct my feeling, the first drink, the first gamble, the first everything when all I need to do is nothing and rest.

I will feel better when I wake up. I am sleeping early tonight.

first sensible thing I do in a long long time.

Update: feeling better now after 5 hours sleep

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Hi Russrllynn,
Just wanted to say hi and a big welcome to Gambling Therapy!

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Doing both alcohol and drugs is bad but doing both alcohol and gambling is no better. The price is very heavy. Any person can be sober for many years but one heavy binge lasting for many days can risk losing everything and lasting damage. Not everyone is so fortunate to live to tell their story.

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Problem gambler made the foolish mistake to gamble with money that do not belong to them. They would borrow, cheat, lie and steal to place their next bet. They could not stop gambling.

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For you are a people holy to the LORD your God. The LORD your God has chosen you out of all the peoples on the face of the earth to be his people, his treasured possession.

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Hi Jen,
I am just taking one day at a time, trying to work hard to keep my job and manage the current situation.
It helps when I can remember my vulnerability and weakness. I was trigger by fear and insecurity around this time last year and trying to stay mindful this year not to repeat the same mistake.
Hoping this year will be a better one than last.

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I am from another side of this planet, I have gambled for more than 30 years…your story describe my struggle and I use your words to describe my story.

I started out casually with my friends…over time it progressed…but it didn’t take over my life like the way it has now… It slowly got to the point where… my mind is always focused on what games I can bet on and how my bets are doing… I try to bet small, but after a few days I go back to my old ways… I was up big, loss a tiny portion of it, and threw double to get back to where I was. It doesn’t matter how much I am up, when I lose I want to get back to where I was…

I’ve had weeks where I have lost a few thousand bucks and decided it wasn’t worth it, but a week or two later I am back…I said I was done for good…I lasted only two weeks and then I am back to my old ways…It’s like I TOTALLY FORGET ABOUT ALL THE PAIN I feel when I lose all of my money, and just continue to repeat the process…It wasn’t worth the constant stress.

I didn’t bet for a few weeks and then I started again…I was fine. I was up $X,XXX…but then I lost $XXX of my $X,XXX…I felt like I had to get back to $X,XXX but continued to lose. Eventually I…fully lost control. Yesterday, I tried doubling and went back down to zero, and that was the end of it. In one day I lost $XX,XXX.

All of this after promising myself I would never put myself through that agony again … I finally realized I can never place another bet. I am sick of my life revolving around sports betting…I am sick of allowing losses to ruin amazing times in my life…I have decided that I am going to enjoy the truely great things in my life instead of chasing a quick buzz from betting.

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Everyone is like a pot that carries life. But not everyone carries a presence that blesses others. Religion tries to force people to follow laws to make them perfect, like pots without cracks. But if a light is put within a flawless pot and then covered, no one can see the light inside the pot. Perfect pots are not able to reveal internal light to illumine the way for others.

God chooses to shine through imperfect, cracked pots. People are blessed when their cracked pot let the light of God shine through into other cracked pots.

Hi I-did-it,

Thank you for your kind thought and post on my thread. I read your questions and only have this to say that I have learn to accept and live with this imperfection in my life. Not every day, every week, every month was good but I try to remain positive and hopeful. It help me to move on with life and not get stuck living in a time from the past. 

Those people in AA and GA says that we are like cucumber that has turn into pickle or we are allergy to alcohol and gambling. Before I have true acceptance of my addiction, I approach this problem like I would with any problem in running a business, office or company. It has proven to be a useless and fruitless for me to fight a devil more powerful than me.

It was only after I find the bible, the 12 steps recovery program and a higher power in Jesus Christ that I find a direction and a power greater than anything else I know that can help me do what I cannot do for myself.

You are in my prayer today.

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I can remember that feeling I had in December 2018 but could not find the words to describe them.

Today I found these words to describe those feeling. I was disconnecting to God and connecting to the world. I could sense something is wrong but I could not tell or see what was wrong.The feeling was strong and growing stronger until the day I cannot stop what I was doing..

The message and solution I receive today. Prayer is connecting to God and fasting is disconnecting to the world.

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The devil will use every way to find one that works. Food, porn and alcohol will open the floodgate to gambling for me in the end. These activities was comforting, look harmless to others but it does the same to my mind, exactly like what drugs and gambling do to my brain, you can see what is happening if you do a brain scan as proven in many studies.

Studies have shown that the same does not happen to a normal person on the street when they did the same brain scan, it only work on an addict.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BF5SzIN63w8

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5f1nmqiHIII

“Gambling is not a failure of will.

It is a brain disorder, which is preyed upon by the gambling industry.

Once you have become addicted, it is very hard to stop because you have changed your brain.

Addiction is a brain that has changed.”

~ Expert of addiction Professor David Nutt

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I am not making the same mistake I made last year. When I was not happy at work around this time last year and knew I will soon be out of a job and income. I was worried that the money is not enough. I used the 3K I had to gamble at the baccarat table in the casino, I turn 3K into 10K “again”. I used those money to clear my credit card bills and gave some to the family.

The story doesn’t end here. I resign from the company in April and I continue to gamble after that. I loses everything I won and everything available to me. I used up all my credits and loans. In the end, I lost more than I win “again”.

The story was the same every time, gambling was a progressive illness, slowly I will become more and more impulsive and compulsive until one day I cannot stop and loses everything.

I took the wrong way to find money and pay the price for my stupidity and foolishness.

There is Hope.

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For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

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Sometime I have more but I worry that it is not enough and fall into the devil ‘s trap. Today I have so little but it help me to pay my bill and I still have some leftover, they are enough.

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