[kin]

There are sugar and carbohydrates in most food, for me, they are addictive, and I hunger for more after a few hours. They taste good and delicious but they can be harmful to me.

The same apply to my alcohol, gambling and other entertainments. Every one of them costing me lots of money and sucking me dry but profiting the businessman.

[kin]

God refuses to enter forcibly. He will only knock on my heart, wanting to gain admittance. God has given me the ability to choose.

What ‘s next for me?

I continue to get tempted till this day, yes even today on the last day of my fast, the thought was there.

Matthew 16:24-26 (ESV)

Take Up Your Cross and Follow Jesus

24 Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.

25 For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.

26 For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul?

[kin]

On Palm Sunday, I had this thought:

Why did Jesus weep when He saw Jerusalem? Looking ahead 40 years, He saw the destruction that would come upon the city at the hands of the Emperor Titus and his Roman legions.

I see my life like the city of Jerusalem, when I did not change and did not believe that I need to stop gambling and choose to do the wrong thing to gamble again.

God knows the repercussions that will follow – my life will be destroy by gambling.

[kin]

Thank God, I will break my fast soon,I have not eaten rice, noodle and sugar for 45 days now..

[kin]

Dear diary

Twice I felt rejected, judge and condemn by others on two separate incidents, both are painful because they are unexpected and come from people I trusted and look up to at work and in recovery.

By the grace and mercy of God, I did not go off like an explosive bomb…I like to think that I was protected by a power greater than me which gave me the wisdom, courage and strength to accept the pain of injustice and unfairness. It still felt very painful.

In the past, I would have sink into self-pity, self-beating, anger, resentment and helpless mode, I would have easily drink to drown my sorrow and gamble to escape reality and numb myself.

I didn’t make it any easier, all these happen at a time when I was in the middle of my fasting…I was  getting all sort of crazy urge and craving thought to act out in food, alcohol, gambling, porn and woman on top of the temptations from everyday life, somehow I manage to stay stop.

Through the power of a Higher Power greater than me, my fasting continues.

I remain hopeful in recovery…one baby step at a time, I will finish the race.

As long as I did not stop trying to stay stop in my addiction, I have not failed.

[kin]

O Jesus! Meek and humble of heart, hear me.

From the desire of being esteemed, deliver me Jesus

From the desire of being loved, deliver me Jesus

From the desire of being extolled, deliver me Jesus

From the desire of being honored, deliver me Jesus

From the desire of being praised, deliver me Jesus

From the desire of being preferred, deliver me Jesus

From the desire of being consulted, deliver me Jesus

From the desire of being approved, deliver me Jesus.

From the fear of being humiliated, deliver me Jesus

From the fear of being despised, deliver me Jesus

From the fear of suffering rebukes, deliver me Jesus

From the fear of being calumniated, deliver me Jesus

From the fear of being forgotten, deliver me Jesus

From the fear of being ridiculed, deliver me Jesus

From the fear of being wronged, deliver me Jesus

From the fear of being suspected, deliver me Jesus

That others may be loved more than I, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be esteemed more than I, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it

That in the opinion of the world, others may increase and I may decrease, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be chosen and I set aside, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be praised and I unnoticed, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be preferred to me in everything, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

Amen.

[kin]

Hi Vera,

Thank you. Your input is greatly appreciated especially for someone like me doing lenten fasting for the first time. I would recommend this to anyone as the benefit is immense – they really need to try it out to discover the power.

Completing my 37th day of fasting soon.

[kin]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pf4zJoKwpzs

[kin]

My first time fasting for a period of more than a month from a desirable thing through God was a wonderful experience for me on removing distractions in life to stay focus on God or possibly something we set our mind on.

Yes, there are many distractions along the way for me – some painful, some upsetting, some bitter, some dsappointment, each threatening to throw me off track. If there is not a Higher Power helping me, it just make it that much more difficult to finish the distance.

What should I do when I get punish for doing wrong thing? Many recovery buddies will reply acceptance but what do I do when I get punish for trying to do the right thing? Good things can happen for doing the right thing but bad things can also happen for doing the right thing sometime. Good things can happen to good people but bad things can also happen to good people.

I am human, I was imperfect and I have sin a plenty. I listen to myself when I was tested during difficult times and carry out my will.

God was the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. Let God’s will be done, not mine.

[kin]

Hi Vera

This is my first time and 31st day of Lenten fasting. I have experience many type of temptations. Does other people experience all sort of attack and temptation from the devil during this period of fasting too?

[kin]

The worst thing that can happen to me is gambling and getting into unmanageable debt plus losing my job at the same time. The devil knows me and is trying all the times.
It is painful every time, but what doesn’t break me makes me stronger by the grace of God.

[kin]

I am fasting through God during this period, but I still wanted to quit staying stop after 21 days of abstaining from rice, noodle and sugar.

I did not know how to describe it best but I actually experience a new found strength outside me at the same time on the day that keep me staying stop..

I have stop for 31 days now and have 17 more days to go to complete this fast.In the past, when I did it for myself, I will experience feeling that I should not gamble, knew it was wrong to gamble, aware of the consequences and risk of gambling but I still go ahead to gamble and self-destruct. Doing it for myself doesn’t seem to work for me, I am speaking for myself.

If the same thing that happen to me during this fast apply to my fast from gambling in the future, it will be like, I feel like gambling, I want to go ahead to gamble but there is a Higher Power that help me to stay stop.

In that case, I will fast from gambling through God after the current fast ended for indefinite time after Easter Sunday.

I will not be doing for self anymore but for the glory of God.

[kin]

The center of the word anxiety and pride is the letter “I”.

[kin]

I still need to learn to trust and live by God’s grace alone.

Can I be grateful over what seem to be “not enough”?

Can I be thankful over what seem to be not enough?

John 6:9-13

9 “Here is a boy with five small barley loaves and two small fish, but how far will they go among so many?”

10 Jesus said, “Have the people sit down.” There was plenty of grass in that place, and they sat down (about five thousand men were there).

11 Jesus then took the loaves, gave thanks, and distributed to those who were seated as much as they wanted. He did the same with the fish.

12 When they had all had enough to eat, he said to his disciples, “Gather the pieces that are left over. Let nothing be wasted.” 

13 So they gathered them and filled twelve baskets with the pieces of the five barley loaves left over by those who had eaten.

In Christ, it is never not enough!

[kin]

It was God’s plan to prepare me for something, and God’s timing to get me ready. I saw God’s plan and timing. All glory to God!

[Author]

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