[kin]

Today I focus on the problem that has cause me to gamble.

What is one of the most important lesson I learn?

I am no difference from the others and not better than anyone;
I must not stop doing the things that has help me stay gamble free on my first day.

If I have stop working at the beginning of the river;
if I have stop doing all the things that has help me to stay gamble free in the beginning.
It is only natural for the same problem to occur at the river end one day – since nothing has change.

It is very risky that the same problem may return or re appear in the end – one day.
This serve as a warning – “not to stop doing the things that help me stay gamble free on my first gamble free day.”

I am always a work in progress and under construction.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by kin.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by kin.

[kin]

Hi maverick,

Don’t lose heart!

Just because you lost a battle does not mean you lost a war.
You may have to fight the battle more than once to win the war.
Sometimes by losing a battle, you find a new way to win the war.
Never confuse a single defeat with a final defeat.

When life gives you a second chance
Don’t take it for granted
Don’t waste the chance
Don’t repeat the same mistake.

Don’t give up
You will find a way
You can do it
Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying
Never give up on yourself

Don’t give up
It won’t be easy
It will be worth it

• This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by kin.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by kin.

[kin]

I am grateful for the sleep I get today.
It is 6 am here as I do my self-reflection over a cup of hot coffee.
Today is the start of a few working days before I get the next break.

When I was mentally and physically tired and exhausted,
I find it real hard to be patient and tolerant to manage all those anxious, nervous, worried, stressful, unsatisfied feeling.

In difficult times, it was tough, it was like having strong temptation in the hot and dry desert.
Obviously, I have lost my focus and sanity.

I have turned my back from the Lord, I forget that “The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want” in Psalm 23 until I repent.

I was tempted and attracted to the instant and immediate reward, and the satisfaction that gambling is offering me.

In my good times, it was easy for me to be faithful and trust.
In difficult times, it was tough and a real test for me to be faithful and trust fully.

I hope that I would not forget today lesson.
I have become lazy compare to my first gamble free day.

I realized that I was turning to YouTube and tiktok video every day.
I have stop reading the Bible and listening to songs.

Dear God, I am a sinner, please forgive me.
I pray for your mercy and grace.
In Jesus name I pray. Amen.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by kin.

[kin]

I am writing this post after surviving another challenging day.

I was very vulnerable and weak in my previous two posts. I was in the mental and emotional relapse stage. I was really digging very deep for that last energy “not to do anything else except sleep”.

After 7 hours of sleep, I have recharge and restored my energy now. My mental and emotional well-being has change. I woke up not thinking or planning to place my first sports bet.

I am no better than anyone because I was this close to gambling today. I knew it was wrong to gamble yet I still want to gamble. If I did not change course, I am heading for a gamble.

I knew it was time to do the walk and not the talk. I remember to repent today

I knew it was wrong to gamble. I am heading in the wrong direction and getting closer and closer to placing my first bet.
I make a U-turn back to change my direction; I am going to force myself to sleep.
I knew if I do anything else, I will choose to gamble. I must not do anything else.
It was hard to do the right thing when I cannot think straight.
It was never easy to walk the walk.

My previous posts were a collection of information that I can use in vulnerable times like today.
I simply follow what I need to do to “stick to the plan all the way to the end today.”

I walk away from danger; I went home; watch a movie that I cannot finish online to put me to sleep.

I was feeling so sick at that moment.
I was not sure whether I will still think and feel like gambling after the sleep.

I woke up from my sleep a totally different person.
I have regained the energy to function like a normal person.
I was not thinking of getting money to gamble.

I cannot promise to stay gamble free for life but I can stay gamble free today.
I did not win anything today but the sense of security, safety, peace, happiness and freedom that I received was priceless.

I am grateful to be gamble free today. It did not come easy.

I will always be a work in progress and under construction.

[kin]

Hi Maverick,

Thank you for your kind words and support.

[kin]

Hi Maverick,

I have miss your presence here.
The past is history, it is over.

I am very glad that you are back.
You have abundant experience journaling here

I am really looking forward to your latest update on your progress.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by kin.

[kin]

1. I need to stick to the plan all the way to the end today
2. I need to be honest – obedient
3. I must not leave any loopholes for me to gamble today.
a) I need to remove any risk today – not giving myself access to excess money
b) I need to stay away from danger today – staying away from places that accept sports bet
c) I only need to stop gambling today – using my free and available time only for sleep
4. Tomorrow, I do the same.
5. One day at a time.

[kin]

Be Watchful –

Once I become physically and mentally “exhausted and tired” or unwell, it is my weak moments.
I will become vulnerable to temptation and find it really hard to stand firm.
I will lose my awareness and slip into my old familiar “selfish, self-seeking and self-centred” ways.

make a choice: REPENT BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE or RELAPSE

Whenever I feel very strongly a lack of money and wanted more.
I will be heading in the wrong direction to place my first bet.

I lost the mindfulness that warn me it is time to make a U-turn back to the correct path.

Journaling about my thought and feeling help me checked my motive and intention.
Journaling has help me “remember to repent”.
Journaling has help me “stay stop” today.

Every thought to gamble gave me an opportunity to practice repentance.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by kin.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by kin.

[kin]

Hi gustav,

Thank you for your post.

[kin]

Hi marcus,

Thank you for your kind words.

I am glad that this jay-walking story is helping you as much as it is helping me to stay stop.

Not everyone is bless by this story.
Some people think they are different from the jay-walker
Some people think they are better than the jay-walker

I learnt that I was no difference from the jay-walker and not better than anyone.
I must not stop doing the things that has help the newcomer to stay gamble free on the first day.

1. I need to be honest and not leave any loopholes for me to gamble today.
2. I need to remove any risk and stay away from danger today.
3. I only need to stop gambling today.
4. I need to stick to the plan all the way to the end today.
5. Tomorrow, I do the same.
6. One day at a time.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by kin.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by kin.

[kin]

Sometimes when you are in a dark place, you think you have been buried.
but actually, you have been planted

I could not see any light.
Gambling has wipeout and destroy everything.
Any wish, dream and plan I have, they never come true.
After many years, I stop believing.

One day, I stop using the slot machine in my free time;
I started to have money to contribute to the family every month.

Later, I stop placing bet on sports whenever I am greedy or stress for more money.
Not only can I contribute to the family every month,
I started to have extra money for saving.
It was simply unbelievable for me.

I only wanted to do what a normal functioning person can do
But I failed to do so for many years
So, I could only keep on trying.

As I watch this rebuilding slowly taking place with my own eyes.
I saw a transformation and change.
It has certainly taken a long time before it happens to me.

Grace carried me here
And by grace, I will carry on.
I will always be a work in progress.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by kin.

[kin]

Gambling has made me lose control of my emotions. Gambling has this mood-altering capability; it can made me feel so nervous when I am losing and so happy when I was winning.

Horse racing was for me the most exciting and thrilling. Next was baccarat and sport betting. I could really feel the adrenaline rush. Adrenaline, also known as epinephrine, is a stress hormone.

An adrenaline rush feel like anxiousness, nervousness, or pure excitement as your body and mind are preparing for the result. The short wait for the win or loss result feels like forever. It was the most intense physical feeling of excitement; my heart was beating so hard and fast.

I was attracted to these high-risk situations for the adrenaline rush that accompanies the gambles. If no money was involved, there is no risk of losing and excitement of winning. It becomes so dull and boring.

Today I do not wish to have any roller coaster emotions and stress from gambling.
I prefer simple joy in peace, quiet and calm.
I am really grateful and appreciate each gamble free day.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by kin.

[kin]

I am expecting a flare up of my eczema very soon in the coming weeks as the weather change and trigger my eczema.

I will experience irritation, discomfort and stress. It happens every year.

I have learned to accept and live with my condition. I just let the condition come and go.

I have stop pressing the self-destruct button.

In the past, I used to listen to my feelings. When I feel bad, upset or struggle with stress, I will escape or self-medicate to fix my bad feelings and strong emotions.

I have stop depending on substance like alcohol, and doctor prescribed drug, or behaviour like slot machine, and sport bet to alter my mood. I used the fan and air-con or take shower instead.

I have learned to stay calm and be patient; I am learning not to panic; I have learn to wait for those bad feeling and strong emotions which are like dark clouds to go away.

They say, “this too shall pass.”

There will always be test and trials, temptation and distractions in life.
I just need to stay focus on my recovery today and I do not need to press the self-destruction button.

[kin]

In the past, when I was stress, I can be rebellious and disobedient;
I would resist any control or behave in a way that is expected;
I refuse to obey rules to get what I want.

Now I am learning to give up my old familiar ways and learn to have faith and trust in a new way; the truth and a new life.

My life only become more manageable after I force myself not to listen and not to follow everything that my head tells me to do.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 12 months ago by kin.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 12 months ago by kin.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 12 months ago by kin.

[kin]

This jay-walking story makes an excellent story for recovery from addictions.

“Our behaviors was unreasonable; unsound; and hard to understand with respect to the first bet.

It is like the man who likes to jay-walk. This person likes to rush across the road in front of fast-moving vehicles, instead of using the traffic light or zebra crossing.

He has been doing this for years despite warnings. Up to this point you would label him as a foolish person.

Luck then deserts him and he is slightly injured several times. You would expect him, if he were normal, to stop but he is hit again, this time he has a fractured skull.

Within a week after leaving the hospital a fast-moving car breaks his arm. He tells you he has decided to stop jay-walking for good, but in a few weeks’ time he breaks both legs.”

“Through the years this behavior continues, accompanied by his continual promises to be careful or not to do it again.

Finally, he can no longer work, and his wife gets a divorce. He tried to stop jaywalking and shut himself up in an asylum, hoping to mend his ways.

Once he recovers and comes out, he races across the road in front of a fire engine, which breaks his back.

Is this man crazy?

But if we substitute gambling for jay-walking, this illustration would fit exactly.

[Author]

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