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I have kept myself occupied with activities since last Friday after I was accused by a customer of cheating…of cos I did not do that.

It was just another irresponsible accusation by a customer. It can happen to anyone and is normal but when it happen to me on the last day of the work week, I was very tired, I get triggered. I was badly affected emotionally.

I fear losing this job, if I lose this job, my repayment plans will be in deep trouble and I was angry to be accuse of something I try very hard not to do.

Step 1 of Emotional Anonymous:

We admitted we were powerless over our emotions, that our lives had become unmanageable.

Imagine what could have happen when such thing happen on Friday morning? What could have happen to me on Friday after work, Saturday or Sunday? I could be checking my damage on Monday. I was glad this did not happen.

On Monday, I received the good news that the company is renewing my employment contract for another year. 

By the power, mercy and grace of God in the name of Jesus Christ, I was saved! 

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Thumbs Up!

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People in recovery from addiction need to identify the problems that caused relapse.

There is seldom just one warning sign. Usually a series of warning signs build one on the other to create relapse. It’s the cumulative effect that wears them down.

The final warning sign is simply the straw that breaks the camel’s back.

Unfortunately many of relapsers think it’s the last warning sign that did it.

They never look for the earlier and more subtle warning signs that set the stage for the final disaster.

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The state of living in abstinence without “a suitable substitute” causes discomfort and a terrible psychological pressure
It can be so bad that the addict feels gambling can’t be any worse than the pain of staying gamble free.

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What are the steps a person goes through to get to the actual relapse?

Terrence Gorski developed the Relapse Syndrome and Relapse Progression lists itemizing the steps a person goes through to get to the actual relapse.

These phases involve all three elements of a relapse: internal dysfunction, external dysfunction, and loss of control.

Since understanding and being able to spot the phases and warning signs of relapse are critical to long-term sobriety, we who are in recovery would do well to pay close attention.

The relapse process in and of itself causes the addict to feel pain and discomfort when not gambling. 

This pain and discomfort can become so bad that the addict becomes unable to live normally.

In Alcoholics Anonymous this is called a dry drunk but the syndrome is recognized in all areas of addiction and is in essence, abstinence without recovery.

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it has a set of phases and characteristics that — when taken together — accurately predict how close a recovering person is to taking that first gamble.

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The relapse process does not only involve the act of gambling.

It is a progression that creates the overwhelming need for gambling.

Relapse does not happen when the addict takes the first gamble.

Relapse is a process, not an event.

Relapse begins long before the addict returns to gambling.

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You don’t have to do anything.

Stop gambling,

but continue to live your life the way you always have.

Your disease will do the rest.

It will trigger a series of automatic and habitual reactions to life’s problems

Problem that will create so much pain and discomfort

A return to gambling will seem like a positive option

Doctor Terence T. Gorski.

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I attended an NA meeting today. I saw the NA STEP WORKING GUIDE right infront of me on the table. I feel that the Higher Power is telling me to pass this to a newcomer that I met for the first time yesterday. He was 9 months clean and very hungry to learn, he was unhappy and impatient that the sponsor is holding back something from him. I hear him out and knew the Working Guidebook is what he needed. After the meeting, I bought this book and give it to the newcomer with the blessing of his recovery sponsor.

He was so excited to receive the Working Guidebook, I told him it was OK to underline or highlight the book, he told me he does that and took out his NA basic textbook to show me all the highlighted important messages.

His finger pointed to the highlighted sentence on Reservation and he became my messenger on what to share here today. I have change drug use to gambling below.

NA Basic Text, p. 79

Reservations

 “Relapse is never an accident. Relapse is a sign that we have a reservation in our program.”

A reservation is something we set aside for future use. In our case, a reservation is the expectation that, if such-and-such happens, we will surely relapse.

What event do we expect will be too painful to bear?

Maybe we think that if a spouse or lover leaves us, we will gamble.

If we lose our job, we will gamble.

If we do not have enough money to settle all the bills, we are stress and will gamble

Or maybe it’s the death of a loved one that we expect to be unbearable.

The reservations we harbor give us permission to gamble when they come true.

We can prepare ourselves for them instead of relapse.

By examining our expectations and altering them where we can. Most of us carry within us a catalog of anticipated misery closely related to our fears. We can learn how to survive pain by watching other members live through similar pain.

We can apply their lessons to our own expectations.

Instead of telling ourselves we will have to gamble if this happens, we can quietly reassure ourselves that we, too, can stay clean through whatever life brings us today.

Just for Today: I will check for any reservations that may endanger my recovery and share them with another addict.

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I had coffee with many newcomers over the years.

I realized that I have grown with them too. They will always talk about what the devil in the form of alcohol, drug, gambling, sexual partner can do for them. I didn’t know the destructive power of such talk until I relapse later.

It can affect the listener too if they are also a recovery person and not in the safe environment of a support group meeting. It can bring back the memories of my romance with the devil.

Yesterday, I tactfully and gently interrupted the process by asking the person what has the devil done to him. I manage to convince him from glorifying the devil and see the real damage that the devil has achieve in the end.

I need to do this to save myself, this glorifying the devil talk can harm both of us in the end.

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When my mind keep thinking of what gambling can do for me and what are the disadvantages of staying stop in gambling. I get trap and it keep me addicted and gamble, I cannot stop.

I need to attack and replace these thoughts. I will start asking myself and thinking what can gambling do to me and what are the advantage of staying stop in gambling. I keep a list to look at them and remind myself.

I will not sit and do nothing, I will replace gambling with other more healthy activities and places if I need to act out.

This is helping me stay stop but I am still very afraid of getting complacent and thinking that I am strong enough and in control of everything; I will be more careful this time; I will not spend more than this money; I can stop after this time.

I am human. If I am not careful, I am fallible I will treat today as if it is my first day in recovery.

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There are many things you can do after you stop gambling; you can learn about cognitive behavioral therapy, rational emotional behavioral therapy, 12 steps recovery program, smart recovery program just to name a few therapy or program to help you stop gambling on top of keeping a journal here and attending gambling support group meetings.

May you find that Higher Power. A Higher Power is a power greater than you, it can be a person, place, group or thing, it can be a God, a more experience recovery person such as a sponsor, a gambling support group such as GA or a recovery program such as the 12 steps recovery program.

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Had a long day. Feeling tired. Sleep is the best cure. Not alcohol not gambling.

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Step 1 of Emotional Anonymous We admitted we were powerless over our emotions, that our lives had become unmanageable.

Thank God, I feel normal today after a good night sleep. I am not affected by what happen yesterday. I have gambling thoughts but did not gamble yesterday.

I receive my salary yesterday and going to pay every bill via internet now. Not making the same mistake of holding on to these money.

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You show me this is possible. I have tried for 14 years and 53 years old this year, I will keep on trying till the day I die.

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