[kin]

What is it like when I am obsessed with something? Does my thinking follow a pattern? Describe.

When I am obsessed with gambling, I cannot stop thinking about going back to gamble, I lose control of my thought. My mind is on the subject all the time and lost interest in other things. Pattern: Weekend, midweek, payday.

[kin]

Has my disease been active recently? In what way?

Has been binging on food recently.

[kin]

What does the disease of addiction mean to me?

It means that when I start the first gamble, I want to continue, even when it is doing harm to myself, I could not stop and want more.

[kin]

I just read it

[kin]

A dear friend in Gambling Therapy always said that we are ONLY powerless over gambling when we make that first bet.

I ask myself what is the advantage of staying stop in sport betting?

I speak for myself – I regain the freedom and peace back into my life. I will not die if I did not listen to my head to go ahead to place the bet. I free myself from the anxiety to place the bet, the anxiety from waiting for the result, the anxiety from checking the results, the fear from not placing and missing a winning bet, the fear of losing. I have more time to do other things when I don’t need to check the matches and the odds. I have more money to spend on the family and myself. I do not have the emotional roller coaster from gambling, you no longer experience the high and low of gambling. There is no more regrets, disappointment, shame, guilt and depression due to gambling.

This is a simple program for complicated people. I only need to stop today. Tomorrow I do the same. One day at a time.

[kin]

Один дорогой друг из Gambling Therapy всегда говорил, что мы бессильны перед азартными играми ТОЛЬКО, когда делаем первую ставку.

Я спрашиваю себя, в чем преимущество остановки в ставках на спорт?

Я говорю за себя – я возвращаю свободу и мир обратно в свою жизнь. Я не умру, если не послушаю свою голову и не сделаю ставку. Я освобождаюсь от беспокойства, связанного с размещением ставки, беспокойства от ожидания результата, беспокойства от проверки результатов, страха от того, что я не сделал и не пропустил выигрышную ставку, от страха проиграть. У меня больше времени для других дел, когда мне не нужно проверять совпадения и шансы. У меня есть больше денег, чтобы потратить на семью и на себя. У меня нет эмоциональных американских горок от азартных игр, вы больше не испытываете взлетов и падений, связанных с азартными играми. Больше нет сожалений, разочарований, стыда, вины и депрессии из-за азартных игр.

Это простая программа для сложных людей. Мне нужно остановиться только сегодня. Завтра сделаю то же самое. Один день за раз.

[kin]

If such a thing and a such a thing happen, this will happen.

If my mind tells me not to gamble but my feeling tells me to gamble, I will gamble.

Tonight, my mind told me I should not place the bet on a football match, but my feeling is telling me to go ahead to gamble between 6.30 pm to 8pm.

I postpone the bet a few times until the feeling goes away and I was not interested to gamble anymore at 8 pm.

I survive today. Another gamble free day

[kin]

Slowly and Carefully

May God’s will be done, not mine

[kin]

Hi I did it,

You are the third person who share with me the same feeling over this weekend, the other two are newcomers I met in recovery support group meetings.

We can be the most critical, judgmental person on our imperfections in early recovery. I have very unrealistic expectation, I need a solution to my suffering fast. I was impatient and a perfectionist. I have this problem for many years until I find comfort in The Lord’s Prayer.

Today I pray for God’s will to be done, not mine. It is all in God’s timing, not mine.

I ask God to forgive me for my sins and forgive others for the sins they do to me.

In the prayer I also ask God to protect me from the evil ones and not let me fall into temptations.

I shared with one newcomer that all is done in God’s timing because he was very critical of himself and impatient, I have no chance to tell the other suffering newcomer to turn to God to ask for forgiveness for all the harm we have done to others and to forgive others for the harm they done to us.

In recovery, I have learn to seek progress and not perfection.

If all I did was stop gambling, I was going abstinence without recovery.

[kin]

Hi I did it,

We cannot control what others think, feel or say about us.

I hope you can concentrate on your personal recovery, there is no need to be a people pleaser or door mat. We need to protect our recovery.

I wish you all the best in recovery and love to see you healing and getting well.

[kin]

I may sound very unfilial but it is the truth. It seem like every time such and such a thing happen, this will happen.

When my mum say or do such and such a thing, I will walk out of the house and drink or gamble. My sis choose to stay inside her room.

I learn to replace the drinking and gambling with something else like praying for wisdom and strength, stay inside my room, spend some time away from home at the nearest café over a cup of hot coffee or window shopping in the nearest mall until I calm my emotional down and find peace.

Recovery is an action plan, it is not about how much I know or how much experience I have, it is all about what I do in difficult times instead of self-destructing.

It is like every time such and such a thing happen, I will do something else instead of self-destructing. No more pressing the self-destructive button.

To be successful, I need to uncover all my hidden reservation or blind spot to self-destruct.

I need to know what they are (trigger) and plan what to do when they happen. I need to write down every single reservation. I need to know my hidden agenda and excuses to self-destruct.

[kin]

I thought gambling can made me feel better but …

Gambling threaten to made my problem 10 times worst!

[kin]

In 2016, I wrote in my journal here;

I have stop attending support group meetings at We Care Community Services and the hospital, Blessed Grace Church and One Hope Center for 2 months and I had my first setback on 9 April 2016, I return to drinking and I was suddenly struggling with alcohol, slot machine, sport betting, pornography and food etc.

In Mathew 12:43-45
An Unclean Spirit Returns
  43 When an unclean spirit comes out of a man, it passes through arid places seeking rest and does not find it.

44 Then it says, ‘I will return to the house I left.’

On its arrival, it finds the house vacant, swept clean and put in order.

45 Then it goes and brings with it seven other spirits more evil than itself, and they go in and dwell there; and the final plight of that man is worse than the first.

My turning point in recovery start after I learn the teaching below

In Mathew 16:24
Take Up Your Cross
  23 But Jesus turned and said to Peter, “Get behind Me Satan! You are a stumbling block to Me. For you do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men.”

24 Then Jesus told His disciples, “If anyone would come after Me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow Me.

25 For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.

One baby step at a time, I start to deny my selfish, self-centered, self-seeking ways. It was difficult in the beginning, but slowly and surely, my life really begin to see changes.

It was unbelievable to me, it was  exciting to uncover the truth and find out that the reading of the promises in all the meeting was true.

The first promise says that If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are halfway through.

This promise states that people who works the 12 steps recovery program and make a sincere effort will begin to see changes in their lives even before they are halfway done.

It is already middle September 2019, I attend alcohol, gambling and narcotic support group meetings here in Singapore but I really do not have a burning desire to go to one.

If I did not read my old journal, it is only a matter of time that I will attend less and less support group meeting until I stop going completely. My last relapse will always be a lesson and teacher. Let this be a warning to me!

Thank you God, GT, the group and everyone here.

[kin]

Someone posted this here many years ago.

All you can do is “do the best with the hand you’re dealt.”

What you can do is “make the most of what you still have.”

What you still have to offer to this world.

I’m certain you can “make a positive impact on not only yourself but those around you.”

The same person also wrote to me:

Never forget your value to this world and

don’t let gambling be the answer to any stresses you face in life.

I had to learn this the hard way as well.

The addiction is your self-destructive side wanting to make a negative situation in your life 10x worse.

It’s the escape mentality, not wanting to face reality.

You can do it kin. You know this addiction well and you know what triggers you.

 

[kin]

Hi Vera,
You wrote to me after I had a relapse on 14 June 2016

“Postpone the next bet” was the first bit of advice I got on GT when I joined in 2008 (from Lee).

If every CG did that, it would be the answer to our problems and it would prevent a lot of misery.

I’m so sorry to hear you had the relapse, Kin. I know you will get back on track fast.

You have a lot of experience with gambling. And even more with Recovery.

Use the skills/tools that you have learned over the years. They work!

[Author]

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