[kin]

Hi Don,

Thank you for sharing that you can suffer the pain of change or suffer remaining the way you are.

Change happens when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by kin.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by kin.

[kin]

Hi jvr3419,

I just wanted to drop in to say, “Thank you.”

I was able to work on some unresolved issues in my step work recently after reading your last post.

[kin]

I focus on the problem that has cause me to gamble.

An ego is a person’s sense of self-esteem or self-importance.

“Ego” is the “I”, “me”” myself” part of any person that form the identity and personality.

Having a healthy ego means we can maintain a healthy sense of self, but an imbalance can lead to problems, including excessive self-centeredness.

The “it’s all about me, I, myself” approach comes from the ego, and this thinking distorts failures and successes.
With success, ego can blind us to our faults and sow future problems.
In failure, ego magnifies each blow and makes recovery more difficult.

The ego created a personal identity and a fixed mindset making us resistant to change and new ideas. We become stuck in our ways; limited in our ability to learn and adapt to new situations.

Most people think of the ego as the way we view ourselves and our relationships with others.

Research has shown that the ego can be held responsible for many negative human traits including but not limited to:

-criticizing and judging others,
-acting manipulative; the desire to enjoy at the expense of others; to think and act at the expense of others.
-being inflexible and rigid,
-having severe mood swings,
-possessing a constant need for praise and approval,
-need to feel superior to everyone around; dominating conversations; stopping others from expressing their ideas; rewarding those who support them (and punishing those who don’t); bullying, or trying to exert power they don’t really have; constantly talking about themselves and their achievements; ignoring or dismissing the opinions and feelings of others; belittling or putting down others to make themselves feel superior,
-feeling fearful, anxious, being uncooperative,
-taking things too seriously,
-taking offense easily,
-constantly worrying over little things,
-feeling resentful towards others,
-inability to live in the present moments,
-feelings of hopelessness and despair
-the need for power and control; how we use, hurt and harm people,
-being unwilling to take responsibility for their actions and blaming others instead
-disregarding rules and social norms for their own benefit
-being competitive and obsessed with winning or being the best

Such negative traits have very serious consequences and can easily make any person’s life a misery. They can cause the person to seek an escape, quick fix, relief and addiction to mind altering substances and behaviour to take away or lessen the unpleasant feeling.

Everyone has some degree of ego and self-interest; it is not always a negative trait.

However, when someone consistently prioritizes their own needs and desires over others, and shows a lack of empathy and consideration for those around them, it can be an unhealthy sign.

[kin]

I was at the drop in center yesterday.
I watched and notice my thinking, feeling and behaviors.

When I speak to a counsellor who is helpful and encouraging
I can feel that the person is helping me because the person want to help me.

When I meet a manipulative counsellor
I can feel that the person is helping me because the person is doing his job.
Sometime it feel like the person is showing off, pretending and not sincere.

[kin]

I did not have a good upbringing, it is not my parent fault.
We were poor and my mother was lowly educated.

Those days, it was always not enough and mum was always trying to make ends meet every month
She works extremely hard to feed and bring up her children.
She is a good mother, she did what she can with what little she had.

My father has more than one wife. He is not home all the times.
He drink and gamble. In his last days, he lost all his money.
I remember he need to borrow to pay for my youngest brother education.

I was given this embarrassing and shameful duty against my will to travel a long distance to collect this borrowing from people that I was meeting for the first time one evening, I was afraid and angry.

The poor neighborhood that I grew up did not provide me the environment and opportunity to pick up the skill I need in adulthood. I was not tough or smart enough. I have never talk about all these things before.

Working my character defect in the step work and journaling has given me the opportunity to release all these negative energy.

Repent before it is too late.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by kin.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by kin.

[kin]

An ego is a person’s sense of self-esteem or self-importance.

“Ego” is the “I”, “me”” myself” part of any person that form the identity and personality.

Having a healthy ego means we can maintain a healthy sense of self, but an imbalance can lead to problems, including excessive self-centeredness.

The “it’s all about me, I, myself” approach comes from the ego, and this thinking distorts failures and successes. With success, ego can blind us to our faults and sow future problems. In failure, ego magnifies each blow and makes recovery more difficult. The ego created a personal identity and a fixed mindset making us resistant to change and new ideas. We become stuck in our ways; limited in our ability to learn and adapt to new situations.

Most people think of the ego as the way we view ourselves and our relationships with others.

Research has shown that the ego can be held responsible for many negative human traits including but not limited to:

-criticizing and judging others,
-acting manipulative; the desire to enjoy at the expense of others; to think and act at the expense of others.
-being inflexible and rigid,
-having severe mood swings,
-possessing a constant need for praise and approval,
-need to feel superior to everyone around; dominating conversations; stopping others from expressing their ideas; stopping others from expressing their ideas; rewarding those who support them (and perhaps punishing those who don’t); bullying, or trying to exert power they don’t really have; constantly talking about themselves and their achievements; ignoring or dismissing the opinions and feelings of others; belittling or putting down others to make themselves feel superior,
-feeling fearful, anxious, being uncooperative,
-taking things too seriously,
-taking offense easily,
-constantly worrying over little things,
-feeling resentful towards others,
-inability to live in the present moments,
-feelings of hopelessness and despair
-the need for power and control; how we use, hurt and harm people,
-being unwilling to take responsibility for their actions and blaming others instead
-disregarding rules and social norms for their own benefit
-being competitive and obsessed with winning or being the best

Such negative traits have very serious consequences and can easily make any person’s life a misery. This can cause the person to seek an escape, quick fix, relief and addiction to mind altering substances and behaviour to take away or lessen the unpleasant feeling.

Everyone has some degree of ego and self-interest; it is not always a negative trait. However, when someone consistently prioritizes their own needs and desires over others, and shows a lack of empathy and consideration for those around them, it can be an unhealthy sign.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by kin.

[kin]

Character is defined as the mental and moral qualities distinctive to an individual. Character refers to our individual beliefs and values—both of which shape our personalities. Our life experiences also shape our characters and reveal our important and basic qualities and morals.

Personality refers to our thinking, feeling and behaviors. Our personality shapes our character and interpersonal interactions often help us realize someone’s personality traits.

According to Sigmund Freud, human personality is composed of three elements known as the id, the ego, and the superego. These elements work together to create complex human behaviors.

[kin]

I have been quiet for a few days for various reasons.

I manage to motivate myself to start doing something I was afraid of doing.
I am not fasting from gambling, alcohol and sex, but I tried fasting from food.
I encourage myself not to have any unrealistic expectation and just do whatever I can.
I quit on the fifth day when I struggle to stay awake on the job during the fast.
My eyes has closed and my phone drop out of my hand more than once.
It really require a lot more effort from me to be able to work and fast at the same time.

I was reading jvr3419 post and it inspired me to work on my unresolve issues.
It got something to do with the step work.
As I peeled the outer layer of the onion skin, I uncover something big inside.
I found my biggest character defect / flaw / enemy inside. It was my ego.

It took me a few days to prepare before I could make my first post.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by kin.

[kin]

I do not hate myself
I do not hate a sick person trying to get well.

[kin]

back to basic!

[kin]

Gratitude is the medicine for my discontentment and complacency in my recovery today.
If I did not want to lose my job, I need to work hard to protect my job today.
If I did not want to lose my money, I need to protect my money today.
If I did not want to relapse, I need to protect my recovery today.

[kin]

I must not stop doing all the things that has help me to stay gamble free on my first day.

1. I need to be honest and not leave any loopholes for me to gamble today.
2. I need to remove any risk and stay away from danger today.
3. I only need to stop gambling today.
4. I need to stick to the plan all the way to the end today.
5. Tomorrow, I do the same.
6. One day at a time.

Learning to stay focus only on today has help me to stick to the plan
I may not be able to stick to the plan all the way to the end in this lifetime
I definitely can stick to the plan all the way to the end today.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by kin.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by kin.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by kin.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by kin.

[kin]

Today I spend half a day at the recovery drop-in center in Singapore.

I am not going to set up myself to fail in my recovery
when I shared with newcomers’ face to face.

I needed to be reminded that I am an expert at creating my problem;
I am good at hurting myself and harming others with my gambling.
I am not better than another person.
There is nothing for me to be proud.
I should be ashamed of my embarrassing, irresponsible, unremorseful and wrongful deeds.

Pride goes before destruction.

For whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.” Luke 14:11.

Dear God, I am a sinner,
please forgive me,
please have mercy on me,
I pray in Jesus’s name,
Amen!

[kin]

Hi marcus,

Thank you for your good words.

I am just glad that you find the post is helping you as much as it is helping me.

[kin]

Hi sarah,

Thank you for your good words.
If I can remain healthy and retired in 7 years time, I would like to give back in places where I receives help.

In the meanwhile, I am still work in progress and under construction.
I still need to stay focus on staying gamble free today.

May God ‘s will be done, not mine.
I need to live life on life’s term, not my term.

I am just glad that my post is helping you as much as it is helping me.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by kin.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by kin.

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