[kin]

Мені шкода читати про твої листи. Ця подорож триватиме. Ніхто не програє у відновленні. Ви або виграєте, або вивчаєте урок.

[kin]

Fişlerinizi okuduğuma üzüldüm. Bu yolculuk devam ediyor. İyileşmede kimse kaybetmez. Ya kazanırsın ya da bir ders alırsın.

[kin]

ਤੁਹਾਡੀਆਂ ਸਲਿੱਪਾਂ ਬਾਰੇ ਪੜ੍ਹ ਕੇ ਮੈਨੂੰ ਅਫਸੋਸ ਹੈ. ਇਹ ਸਫਰ ਜਾਰੀ ਹੈ। ਕੋਈ ਵੀ ਰਿਕਵਰੀ ਵਿੱਚ ਨਹੀਂ ਹਾਰਦਾ. ਤੁਸੀਂ ਜਾਂ ਤਾਂ ਜਿੱਤ ਜਾਂਦੇ ਹੋ ਜਾਂ ਤੁਸੀਂ ਕੋਈ ਸਬਕ ਸਿੱਖਦੇ ਹੋ.

[kin]

Žao mi je što čitam o vašim lapsusima. Ovo putovanje se nastavlja. Nitko ne gubi u oporavku. Ili pobijedite ili naučite lekciju.

[kin]

Mi dispiace leggere delle tue sviste. Questo viaggio continua. Nessuno perde nel recupero. O vinci o impari una lezione.

[kin]

This journal will record all the struggle and challenges you face moving forward. It is your life story in recovery. You cannot see it now, but a few years later, you can read what it was like in the beginning. It will be a treasure of information for you. Enjoy your journey. One baby step at a time. One day at a time. Cheers!

[kin]

I am powerless

1. Many need a listening ear but some want more; they like to tell others what to do and do not like to be told what to do.

It feel like a hostage when near these people, they are aggressive and frightening, they bring terror and strike fear in the heart of others. They threaten others into submitting and giving in to their demands. It is a very typical terrorist, gangster behavior. Groups can also behave like this. You are either with us or not with us.

They feel that they are right and others are wrong, they are not ready to listen but they will try hard to convince others to be like them.

I have learn to manage these situations by setting up and building my support network so that I will not be overly dependent on any one group or any one person for my recovery. I have a right to protect my recovery and sanity by keeping a distance from these group and people. 

2. Some like to take advantage of other. These people have unrealistic expectation. They are very self-centered and selfish. They do not want to take responsibility and accountability of their problem, they let their problem become everybody problem.

I must let go and let the Higher Power, let the Higher Power do their work. I must not not interupt with their work of helping others. It is their duty and they are paid to handle these situation.

My recovery comes first. I have a right to say no to them.

3. They will try to convince me to give service just like them.

I am not them, I was reluctant to give something that I do not have. I am already offering my service to others in many other ways for many years. I do not wish to be like them.

4. I share the same problem as many newcomers and many are smarter, more highly educated, more successful in their career, more wealthy than me, their problem is also many times bigger than me.

The speed that brought them down was so quick that it shock me beyond my imagination about this reality.  

5. I need to work the recovery program harder. This may be my last chance. I do not know how many good years I have left. In my remaining years, it is important for me to learn and follow God, give offering to my family first, pleasing others and myself can come last 

6. I must remember all the times; Let go and Let God.

I am not God, not a doctor , not a psychiatrist, not a psychologist, not a counsellor, not a rich man. I must not act, advice and give like someone I was not.

I only need to learn to give and love others the way God give and love me unconditionally.

There shall be nothing to fear now. I do not need to be a people pleaser or a doormat.

Thank you God for the mercy. I must learn how to be merciful and mind my own business.

[kin]

What is their problem?

What is looking down on people? It is judging somebody. And judging harshly. 

They look down on you because they know they are better than you or 

They think that you are inferior to them in many ways.

Why do they look down on people?

Because of their insecurity. Putting down people somehow gives people a false sense of superiority. It helps them feel good about themselves and re-establish their self esteem

When they point out the flaws and wrongdoing of others they take the attention off of their own flaws and wrongdoing.

A lot of “bullies” have had little control in their life.

Since they have no control and are belittled. The only time they feel worthy is when they make others feel worse.

They want to bring people down to make themselves higher. It’s also about a sense of control.

Calling someone by a nasty, unkind name and judging someone hashly feels as if they have more power than the person they are insulting. 

This really does nothing for us, it only made the other person feel bad about themselves.

How do they make me feel?

They make me feel embarass, shame, pain, guilty, rejected, abnormal, ignored, and a failure.

In the past, I will get hurt but today I knew that my happiness does not rest on the things they say or feel about me. Many times, these are lies or judgmental criticisms. These people simply wanted to take full control of the situation because they have very strong feeling of insecurity and this is their instinct.

What should I do?

Confident and happy people don’t give a crap what other people think, whether other people are more successful than them, or what people do with their lives, because they are too busy being happy with their own lives to waste their time caring/thinking about the “faults” or “defects” of others.

Focus on the things that I can do and not on the things I cannot change or do. I can choose to be with people who can help me and stay away from people harmful to me.

[kin]

Why do I keep re-offending? Addiction is a chronic and relapsing disease.

In the first year of recovery, the chances of relapsing can go up to as high as 70 per cent to 80 per cent.

The longer an addict stretches out the period of abstinence, the lower the risk.

[kin]

It is easier to help a normal person. I will never go into the biz of helping a fellow addict.It was too demanding, and require special expertise experience, knowledge and training

plus these people are too unpredictable; they can get very violent and angry.

It is not their fault. Some are suffering from addiction while some are suffering from both addiction and a mental illness.

I am not train in these area, and I am not ready for these people. The experience with these people can be quite traumatic for me.

[kin]

What am I going to do differently this time?

Connection

I am going to trust God all the way

I am going to follow GA program all the way

I am going to follow the people in NA,GA,AA all the way

My weakness

It was the temptation to listen and follow me and my old ways

I trust myself more than anyone and any program

[kin]

“Making a big life change is pretty scary. But know what’s even scarier? Regret.” ~Zig Ziglar

I was drinking or gambling to numb the pain, but after a few drinks or gambles my emotional pain and gambling loss would explode into more anger and despair.

Drinking or Gambling was a quick fix with a long and heavy price.

Accept the pain, not numb it with drinking, gambling or sex and live with it.

[kin]

I was dumbfounded, frighten and shock by the sharing in meeting tonight.

I realize that God and the bible, Gambling Therapy, Gambler Anonymous and The 12 steps recovery program, people and meetings did not need me at all.

But I need God and the bible, Gambling Therapy, Gambler Anonymous and The 12 steps recovery program,  people and meetings.

Very Quick

Gambling can destroy and break up family and wipeout saving very fast

Very destructive and powerful

It can take away all your money and friends, destroy your career and put you behind bar in the end.

It is God’s timing, I will now attend and follow GA program and learn how to stop.

Pain and Hope

In meeting I want to hear the pain that gambling brought to a person and the hope that stopping gambling brings to a person.

I must share and focus on my recovery and not tell others what to do.

[kin]

I was evil in the past. I have harm and hurt many, some very deeply but very few people realize that if you take away the addiction, I can become a different man.

What was it like in the past?

My mum ask me why everyone die and I was not one of them.

My lover curse me to die

My sibling does not want to talk to me or have anything to do with me for many years.

What was it like now?

By the mercy and grace of God, the bible and the 12 steps recovery program was my compass and has given me a direction in life.

I was learning, and making mistakes at the same time, and making amend to people as and when possible.

My ex lover is someone wife now but my relationship with my immediate family is restored. There is hope.

My slogan: one baby step at a time 

[kin]

My Thoughts: If a person ever have many successes in making money, building a company, managing an organisation and managing people using his or her own way. It is not easy to trust others fully overnight. That person must have great wisdom and be very humble to be able to do that.

My Feelings: It is very tempting and easy to trust myself more than others. My way is familiar and predictable, any other new way is an unknown, a fear, no guarantee for me.

It takes so much faith believing in something we cannot see. It takes so much courage and belief to keep the faith all the way to the end.

Do I trust myself more than anyone and anything.

Can I give up my way if I do not have the obedient and keep returning to old ways from time to time.

I need to trust God and a new way of life for recovery people.

[Author]

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