[kin]

Hi sarah,

How was your week?

[kin]

I was no different from anyone.
My heart is heavy putting together this painful post.

Why not just stop gambling?

It is not so straight forward for many like me.
Telling us to use willpower to stop gambling is like telling us to use willpower to stop diarrhea.
Many do not understand the terrible feeling we had when we are not gambling.
We suffered from craving and urge that was so hard to control and resist.
We are so desperate to stop, yet we are repeating these destructive patterns.
So it is not just about stopping; it is about addressing the mental distress that leads to our first bet.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by kin.

[kin]

Hi Craig,

Don’t lose heart!

The stonecutter may strike a rock 99 times with no apparent effect. Yet with the 100th blow, the rock splits in two.

That doesn’t mean that the first stroke is useless.
Success is the result of continuous efforts.
It was not the final blow that did the trick but all that had gone before.

You will find a way; you can do it
It won’t be easy but it will be worth it.

[kin]

Hi jvr3419,

I am so sorry to read about what happen to this man. It is so sad.
May he rest in peace.

I am more concern about how this incident can affect you.
Please take care, stay safe and stay well.

[kin]

Today I am very grateful and thankful that I was not getting stressed, frustrated, disappointed and broken by not gambling. They are the reasons that has cause me to gamble previously.

Count my blessing

1. I am very grateful that I do not have stress from the daily gamble. I do not have to worry about missing a gamble.
2. I am very grateful that I do not have stress from finding more money to gamble. I do not have to borrow to gamble.
3. I am very grateful that I am not stress from disappointment, frustration, anger and fear after losing a bet.
4. I am very grateful that I do not have stress, worry and fear from more gambling debts.
5. I am very grateful that I did not lose my self-control today. I suffer from poor impulse and emotion control.
6. I am very grateful that I do not get stress from chasing gambling loss.
7. I am very grateful that I was not stress by inability to sleep due to restlessness and hyperactive gambling mind.
8. I am very grateful that gambling is not controlling my life today.
9. The money, and time that was not rob, stolen and taken away by gambling can now be wisely spend in areas loving others and myself.
10. I am very grateful that life was restored back to normal, and I start to have savings.

[kin]

To whom it may concern:

Don’t lose heart!

The Stonecutter may strike a rock 99 times with no apparent effect. Yet with the 100th blow, the rock splits in two.

That doesn’t mean that the first stroke is useless.
Success is the result of continuous efforts.
It was not the final blow that did the trick but all that had gone before.

This is so true with recovery!

Just because you lost a battle does not mean you lost a war.
You may have to fight the battle more than once to win the war.
Sometimes by losing a battle, you find a new way to win the war.

You will find a way; you can do it
Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying
Never give up on yourself
It won’t be easy but it will be worth it.

Victory is sweetest when you have known defeat.

[kin]

The weather is switching from the cooler months of December, January and February to the hotter months now. I am very poor and slow to adapt to these changes in the past, I am more mindful and aware now.

My eczema makes me more sensitive to the heat and stress. I used to react to the stress, frustration, irritability and discomfort automatically; I would be on auto pilot mode. The price I pay for the relapse was costly and the consequences is heavy.

Today I have moved from trying to fix my gambling problem to trying to fix the problem that cause me to gamble.
I have moved from trying to fix my problem at the end of the river to the beginning of the river.

I need to use the air-condition and fans more, and also shower more to keep myself clean and cool
I need to deal with the heat instead of drinking and gambling.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by kin.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by kin.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by kin.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by kin.

[kin]

Gratitude is the medicine for any discontentment and complacency in my recovery today.

If I did not want to lose my job, I need to work hard today, I need to protect my job.
If I did not want to relapse, I need to protect my recovery today.
If I did not want to lose my money, I need to protect my money today.

[kin]

I can stay gamble free during good times
but I need to stay gamble free during weak and vulnerable moments too.

To remain and stay the same;
To stop and stay stop;
I really need to stay focus on today, not on the future or the past.

1. I need to be honest with myself; I must not leave any loopholes for me to gamble today.
2. I must remove any risk and stay away from danger today.
3. I only need to stop gambling today.
4. I must stick to the plan all the way to the end today.
5. Tomorrow, I do the same.
6. One day at a time.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by kin.

[kin]

I cannot follow my thought because I wake up thinking about gambling. I was looking for an opportunity to gamble.

My thought changes every day; one moment I want to stay gamble free, the next moment I want to gamble.

The person who lies all the times say one thing and do another.

I need to find and follow a Higher Power to help me stay gamble free, and this Higher Power is not me.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by kin.

[kin]

Some things never change; our thoughts, feelings, emotions, and moods are constantly changing all the times but the truth never change.

If you have a change of heart, you change your opinion or the way you feel about something or someone. If you change your mind, or if someone or something changes your mind, you change a decision you have made.

The person who says one thing and do another is a liar.
This is like “me, I, myself” saying “I am not going to gamble; I have given up on gambling and I place a bet.”

Am I going to follow my thoughts, feelings, emotions, or moods that changes all the times or follow the truth that never change?

1. I need to be honest and not leave any loopholes for me to gamble today.
2. I need to remove any risk and stay away from danger today.
3. I only need to stop gambling today.
4. I need to stick to the plan all the way to the end today.
5. Tomorrow, I do the same.
6. One day at a time.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by kin.

[kin]

I was peeling the outer layer of the onion skin to find out what was the problem underneath.
I found my unhealthy ego deep inside; this is my character; my personality; my identity.
This is “me, I, myself” that has cause to me act out in evil, sinful, selfish wrongdoings.

I wanted to post something about my ego on my journal since 1 March 2024.
It must be simple enough to understand and help me
I have search online to find the right words
I have amended and fine tune my post a few times
It was one of the most difficult post on my character defect while making a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves in step 4 of AA.
I was blinded by this big problem and it has laid hidden inside me for all my adulthood; it is finally in the open now.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by kin.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by kin.

[kin]

Today I realize that my blood pressure was always very high on the day I visit the recovery drop in center.
I only found that out after I have kept a daily record of my high blood pressure measurements recently.

I do not have perfect health. Sometimes I maybe stressed by my eczema, chest pain and breathlessness, intestinal bleeding, high blood pressure. I also suffered from impulse control disorder and obsessive compulsive disorder.

I do not know I was unwell, but the staff there have noticed redness on my face or eyes;
I only knew that I feel different on that day compare to other day;
I thought it was just another harmless and normal day.

When I cannot sleep and have some free time; I would like to do something I like;
I choose to go to a recovery drop in center.
This is a habit much like my journaling, it did not come overnight.
It was something I pick up since month August year 2005.
Now I can imagine how that has helped me over the years.

If I did not decide to go to a recovery drop-in center;
I could be at risk of self-destructive behavior with all my free time;
I could have ended up in some places doing something that was not helping and harmful to me.

[kin]

I focus on the problem that has cause me to gamble.

An ego is a person’s sense of self-esteem or self-importance.

“Ego” is the “I”, “me”” myself” part of any person that form the identity and personality.

Having a healthy ego means we can maintain a healthy sense of self, but an imbalance can lead to problems, including excessive self-centeredness.

The “it’s all about me, I, myself” approach comes from the ego, and this thinking distorts failures and successes.

With success, ego can blind us to our faults and sow future problems.
In failure, ego magnifies each blow and makes recovery more difficult.

The ego created a personal identity and a fixed mindset making us resistant to change and new ideas. We become stuck in our ways; limited in our ability to learn and adapt to new situations.

Most people think of the ego as the way we view ourselves and our relationships with others.

Research has shown that the ego can be held responsible for many negative human traits including but not limited to:

1. criticizing and judging others;
2. acting manipulative;
3. desire to enjoy at the expense of others;
4. think and act at the expense of others;
5. being inflexible and rigid;
6. having severe mood swings;
7. possessing a constant need for praise and approval;
8. need to feel superior to everyone around;
9. dominating conversations;
10. stopping others from expressing their ideas;
11. rewarding those who support them and punishing those who don’t;
12. bullying, or trying to exert power they don’t really have;
13. constantly talking about themselves and their achievements;
14. ignoring or dismissing the opinions and feelings of others;
15. belittling or putting down others to make themselves feel superior;
16. feeling fearful, anxious;
17. being uncooperative;
18. taking things too seriously;
19. taking offense easily;
20. constantly worrying over little things;
21. feeling resentful towards others;
22. inability to live in the present moments;
23. feelings of hopelessness and despair;
24. the need for power and control;
25. use, hurt and harm people;
26. being unwilling to take responsibility for their actions and blaming others instead;
27. disregarding rules and social norms for their own benefit;
28. being competitive and obsessed with winning or being the best

Such negative traits have very serious consequences and can easily make any person’s life a misery. This misery can cause a person to find an escape, quick fix, and addiction to mind altering substances and behaviours to take away or lessen the unpleasant feeling.

Everyone has some degree of ego and self-interest; it is not always a negative trait. However, when someone consistently prioritizes their own needs and desires over others, and shows a lack of empathy and consideration for those around them, it can be an unhealthy sign.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by kin.

[kin]

Pain makes people change.

[Author]

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