[kin]

I am attending Sunday church service with this group of recovering people today.

[kin]

It is a very small thing for others but a very big thing for me who can only wish about it. It Is very important for me to do something for the family.

I handover my excess cash plus contribution to the family and the money was used to pay for the additional charges for our home renovation. I am sure it was a big relief for the family.

There was no rush, I did the laundry for the family during my free time. I was not thinking about anything else; I was just happy to do something for the family. There is no water for the washing machine at home due to the renovation and have to do it at the shop.

I have already connected to an active recovery support group, I have formed another layer of protection now, I can join them on Saturday if I need to stay away from danger and move away from risk on this day.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 9 months ago by kin.

[kin]

Everything is normal. I do not have any thought or feeling to gamble on sports. It is not difficult for me to stay gamble free.

But when I am very stressed or when I am sick, confused and lost, I may gamble for fun or gamble to feel good.

I have build another protection barrier by connecting to another group of recovery people;
I intend to tell these people if I plan to gamble; I intend to confess to these people before I gamble.
I want to repent before it is too late.

[kin]

Hi logan,

Welcome to this recovery site. You may like to start your thread so that others can reply to you.

[kin]

I am very concern about potentially becoming confuse, lost, careless, reckless, foolish when I am sick or stress in my senior years. I do not wish to bring harm and hurt to my family. I do not want to be a danger to them.

It is very sad and terrible to lose all your life saving or all the saving accumulated during your gamble free days in a relapse.

It is very depressing and scary to watch the total destruction when you are in the auto pilot mode.

I am putting in place additional accountability and commitments into my routine and recovery. I wanted to check and report my well-being to a physical group regularly.

I must do whatever it takes to keep others and myself safe and out of danger.
I need to love and protect others getting hurt and harm from me.

I see my senior years getting more challenging in this area.
It shall be done out of love, not out of selfish, self-centered and self-seeking ways

• This reply was modified 1 year, 9 months ago by kin.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 9 months ago by kin.

[kin]

I wanted to be like the people in recovery who was able to contribute to the family every month. I could not do it in the past and I have learn to do it now.
I wanted to stop alcohol and slot machine. I could not stop in the past and I have successfully done so for many years now.

One thing at a time.

[kin]

I am putting down my pride and ego. I may have multiple years clean time on alcohol and slot machine, but I can only manage to stop sport betting for 6 months each time. I am seeking help.

I confess to the people at this particular support group and tell them that I really do not want to gamble.
I really find gambling very meaningless in my life now.

This group has more activities and the people stay connected after the meeting, they do things together. Something missing in my recovery. I am seeking this bonding, this connection, and their common interest in seeking God’s help.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 9 months ago by kin.

[kin]

My relapse shows that what I am doing is not enough.

Tonight, I have reconnected with a faith-based gambling support group meeting.
This group was not new to me. The people there are always so joyful.

I am confident that they will strengthen my support system and recovery.
I am willing to do whatever it takes to stop gambling!

[kin]

Hi Cruising

Thank you for your presence and support.

[kin]

My attitude towards the operator changes today.

The authorities will arrest the narcotic producers, traffickers, pushers and users but they never arrest the casino operators and the gamblers, the brewery manufacturers and drinkers. They only arrest the illegal ones that does not produce money for them. They are destroying the lives of vulnerable people prone to using them. Blame it on the users but if they stop the producers, they can save the lives of so many users.

One famous politician once says if you cannot stop them on your own, I will stop them for you. That is why the country I stay in have so many bans, restrictions, fines, caning and death sentence.

I never see the operator as evil and wicked; I never see them doing something wrong.

Maybe I was wrong. I was a victim too.

I cannot control using the drug, alcohol and the gambling
The operator is in every corner here

The only way to stop and save me is not to be near them;
I need to learn to walk away from them

• This reply was modified 1 year, 9 months ago by kin.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 9 months ago by kin.

[kin]

I am currently on annual leave until the 7th May 2024 due to renovation upgrading works at home.
This is the much awaited rest and break that I needed in the last 16 months on this job.
I do not want to lose whatever I have chasing after whatever I do not have.
I am thankful for everything.
I really look forward to starting another phrase on this journey when my annual leave ends.

In the meanwhile, I am finally ill from the unforgiving heat and weather.
I start to suffer from sore throat and phlegm yesterday.
I hope to recover soon.

[kin]

Hi Cruising

I can understand how you feel when I read in Romans 7:18

“…I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out.”

[kin]

Hi asd,

Thank you for the encouraging words. How are you doing?

I attended a facilitated smart recovery meeting at the local recovery drop-in center today and I raise the topic: What happen if my mind wanted to do one thing and my heart want to do another thing. What should I do?

There were more than 20 participants.

I find some pointers shared by the participants worth taking note.

1. Consider the consequences of following the mind or the heart. Can we afford to bear these consequences before deciding?

2. Many decisions are reaction which we later regret. Decision do not have to be immediate; we may choose to delay or postpone the decision making and many times the decision was not the same after the break.

3. No one made the correct decision all the times. The most important thing after the relapse was to pick themselves up again and carry on.

4. If I cannot follow the mind and if I cannot follow the heart; I follow the law.

Start: 23rd April 2024
Today: 25th April 2024
Gamble free days: 2

• This reply was modified 1 year, 9 months ago by kin.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 9 months ago by kin.

[kin]

I will be on annual leave for the next 2 weeks due to some renovation upgrading work at home.
I will have the opportunity to visit the local recovery drop in center.
I will have ample time for rest and sleep to recharge and restore my energy.

Meeting so many new recovery person at a recovery drop in center makes me reflect on myself today.
I must not talk the walk and not walk the talk myself.
I must constantly remember why I should not relapse.

Start: 23rd April 2024
Today: 24th April 2024
Gamble free days: 1

I will be grateful and contented not to hold on to excess cash for the rest my life.
I need to stick to the plan all the way to the end.

Thank God for the mercy and grace.
I must repent before it is too late.

There will be times when my mind and my heart wants to gamble;
I must not follow my mind and my heart who wants to stop gambling today and gamble tomorrow.

All glory goes to a Higher Power who was the same yesterday, today and tomorrow.
If I follow my Higher Power, I need to deny myself and not gamble yesterday, today and tomorrow.

I trust that my Higher Power will straightened my path
I only need to stick to the plan all the way to the end.
May God’s will be done, not mine.

If I gamble, I am not following my Higher Power.
My Higher Power never tell me to gamble.

[kin]

I really have no answer for someone like me; I cannot pick up my first drink, I cannot place my first bet; I cannot act out in compulsive sex and food. At times I really feel that it was very meaningless for me that I cannot do many things that a normal person can do to have fun and feel good.

A wise person replied me that many normal person do not do the things that I mention.

This wise person follow up next by telling me that there are many other healthier things that they do to feel good.

[Author]

Posts