[kin]

Do you like to stop your gambling or the problem that leads you to gamble?

If you stop your gambling, those problem that leads you to gamble are not going to stop

What are those problems that lead you to gamble?

[kin]

This is a follow up post.
I am learning to trust my Higher Power.
Trusting that my Higher Power thought and way is higher than mine.

I see no way, no solution and no hope for my situation.
I was afraid and fearful that my plan is falling apart.
I can easily suffer from strong anxiety, panic and gamble after I lost my job.

I am learning to have faith in my Higher Power.
I am learning that following my Higher Power will not put me to shame.
I prayed to my Higher Power and this has keep me still, quiet and gamble free.

There was a turn of event last week, I did not expect my supervisor to go on annual and medical leave for a week. This changes everything. His manager took over his duty and this give me hope. My supervisor could have conveniently put me in any available job site which may be unsuitable and tough. My manager is more helpful and hardworking, he is trying to help me search for a suitable site in the company many projects.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 8 months ago by kin.

[kin]

The next time your mind tells you it is ok to gamble or your heart tells you to gamble
Following your mind or heart, both will lead you to act out in gambling
What are your plan or strategy when this happen next time?

[kin]

Isaiah 55:9
As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Isaiah 54:4
“Fear not; you will no longer live in shame. Don’t be afraid; there is no more disgrace for you. You will no longer remember the shame of your youth and the sorrows of widowhood.

Romans 10:11
For the scripture says, “Every man who believes in him will not be shamed.”

Dear diary,

I lack confident in facing the challenges ahead with the new changes now.
I am very uncertain and unsure whether I can still do my job.
I was afraid and fearful that I cannot cope physically and mentally in something that I can do when I was younger.

I am so stressed whenever I take the next step into the unknown.
I know my weakness, “in the face of stress, I do not care what happens in the future, I want my reward now.”
“I will do the wrong things until the anxiety and discomfort goes away.”

I want to stay in recovery, “whenever both my heart and mind are telling me to do wrong, I really need to listen to my Higher Power.”

I had to encourage myself to seek long term happiness, and not seek short term pleasures.
I need to be determined and continue with doing good despite the difficulty.

I was afraid of failure and shame.
I manage to find comfort and encouragement in the scriptures above today.
I need to stay focus on my Higher Power.

I fear that bad things will happen to me and a reality check tells me that if they really do happen,
I only need to find a new job. Income may be lower but I should be able to manage. I should not worry too much.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 8 months ago by kin.

[kin]

How do I describe my misery in the past?

In the presence of chronic stress, I do not care what happens in the future, I need my reward now.

I become very impulsive and compulsive.

A behaviour is compulsive when you have the urge to do it repeatedly — until a feeling of anxiety or unease goes away.

A behaviour is impulsive when you do it without forethought and without considering the consequences.

I have self-destructed many times despite knowing the consequences when I go ahead to act out in food, sex, alcohol, drug, gambling, surfing internet, gaming, pornography. I have lost almost everything from precious time, money, health and relationships with people.

This is how a person ended up in mental, emotional, physical, financial, spiritual bankruptcy…prison, hospital and institutions.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 8 months ago by kin.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 8 months ago by kin.

[kin]

I was afraid a change of job will lead to lower income and affect my ability to save.
I fear that my plan to stay employed for the remaining year will fail.
I am worried.

How many times did they not come true?

If they do come true, it is not the worse that can happen to me
I did not gamble and did not get into more debt.

It only mean that I need to take a longer and harder route to get to my financial destination.

I am encouraging myself to march on regardless the condition, it is worth it!

[kin]

24 months ago, I consulted a counsellor, lawyer, social worker, and spoke with my mentor when I felt inadequate, fear and worried before I take the next step.

24 months has passed, I was glad all was well and everything is fine. However, I just lost my stable and comfortable job due to a new posting. I did not have any reserve due to my relapse. I continue to fear and worry. I feel very insecure.

I turn to these words in Matthew 6:26-27 niv
26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?
27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

I was reminded to trust and stay focus on my Higher Power. I need to do the next right thing. Worrying is not going to help. I can talk to my Higher Power and pray.

[kin]

It was late for me but it is better than never.

These newly acquired knowledge and information has been able to help me change and make some correct decisions.

In the past I was confuse because I thought they are the same but they are not:
Sometimes my heart wants to do one thing and my mind wants to do another thing.
Sometimes both are not reliable and tells me to do the wrong thing.
Today I learn to follow my Higher Power who is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow.

For many years, I have seek pleasure when I really wanted happiness.
I did not know they are not the same.
Today I have learn to stop some unhealthy pleasure seeking ways.

I wish that others do not have to go thru the same pain and suffering due to ignorant from lack of knowledge and wisdom.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 8 months ago by kin.

[kin]

Happiness and pleasure, are easily confused, as they both feel good.

It’s important to note that happiness and pleasure are not the same thing.

Fortunately, Dr. Lustig shared seven differences between the two.
1. Pleasure is short-lived; happiness is long-lived.
2. Pleasure is visceral; happiness is ethereal.
3. Pleasure is taking; happiness is giving.
4. Pleasure can be achieved with substances; happiness cannot be achieved with substances.
5. Pleasure is experienced alone; happiness is experienced in social groups.
6. The extremes of pleasure all lead to addiction, whether they be substances or behaviours. Yet there’s no such thing as being addicted to too much happiness.
7. Finally, and most importantly, pleasure is tied to dopamine (the pleasure biochemical/neurotransmitter), and happiness is tied to serotonin (the happiness biochemical/neurotransmitter).

Dr. Lustig explains WHY understanding these differences is of vital importance.

One chief reason is: excess dopamine can lead to addiction, which erodes both present and future happiness.

In simple neuroscience terms, dopamine downregulates serotonin resulting in “the more pleasure we seek, the more unhappy we get.”

• This reply was modified 1 year, 8 months ago by kin.

[kin]

Happiness is a state of being that is characterized by an overall sense of contentment, satisfaction, and well-being.
Happiness is a long-term emotional state that is not dependent on external circumstances or material possessions.
Happiness is an internal state that is cultivated through a combination of positive emotions, meaningful relationships, and a sense of purpose and fulfilment in life.

Pleasure, on the other hand, is a short and temporary experience that is often associated with physical sensations or external stimuli.
Pleasure is a short-term feeling of fun and enjoyment or gratification that is often triggered by things like food, sex, alcohol, drug, gaming, gambling or other pleasurable activities.
While pleasure can be a positive experience, it is not necessarily indicative of overall happiness or well-being.
Seeking pleasure at the expense of other aspects of life can actually lead to negative consequences in the long run, such as addiction, poor health, and a lack of fulfilment or purpose.

[kin]

I visited the recovery drop in center today and attended a meeting there.
My heart was heavy before I came but after hearing the sharing of others.
I felt better and ready to face my challenge.

In the other gambling support group that I attend at another place
we also go around taking turn to praise God and this is very new to me
I realize this teaches me and help me to remember to be grateful

[kin]

The picture is very clear.
Once I lose my employment, I will have problem with the following:

providing the family every month
servicing my bills and loans every month
making the final payment to purchase a new flat
saving every month

It was the same concern 17 months ago and everything was fine today.

I am very grateful for everything.
I am living life.

Good things and bad things happen in life.
I need to accept both.

I must be grateful to be alive today.
I must be grateful for this gift.

[kin]

Many people including myself have confused with pleasure and happiness because both feel good. I heard this and it made me stop and think.

Pleasure is fueled by dopamine and can give rise to addiction; happiness is linked to serotonin.

Serotonin is a chemical that affects body functions such as regulate moods, digestion, and sleep.

Serotonin is associated with happiness, focus and calmness. This feels good, I don’t want or need any more.

In the presence of chronic stress and less serotonin leads to depression.

Happiness is long term. Happiness is giving. Happiness is achieved in a social group. Happiness cannot be achieved by substances. Contentment and Happiness goes together. Happiness is serotonin.

Dopamine is a chemical that causes you to want, desire, seek out and search pleasure.

Dopamine is associated with rewards and motivation. This feels good, I want more.

In the presence of chronic stress, I do not care what happens in the future, I need my reward now.

Pleasure is short term. Pleasure is taking. Pleasure is achieved alone. Pleasure is achieved with substances like food, drugs and alcohol or behavior like internet, social media, gaming, pornographic, sex, gambling, pornography… Reward and pleasure go together. Pleasure is dopamine.

Reward and contentment are not the same.
The more dopamine you seek, the less happy you become.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 8 months ago by kin.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 8 months ago by kin.

[kin]

Renovation.
I was unable to rest or sleep properly at home for the whole month of May due to noise from hacking and drilling from renovation work in my area. I have fallen sick twice during the month.

I also have to face unexpected additional expenses from new installations and new paint work at home because my family wanted it.

Work
My company has lost the contract to my work place due to expensive quotation. I will be leaving this nice and comfortable place in June. I have settled down and worked here for 17 months and I have to leave this place soon, it feels like losing a job. It is not due to my performance at work or my gambling so there is no need to self-beat or sink into self-pity.

Recovery
It was stronger than ever with the support I get from a new support group I just joined in May. I am connected to people who is serious about quitting gambling and they are practicing a recovery program and following a Higher Power. They have meeting on Tuesday, Friday and Sunday and it has kept me safe.

Current situation
Having an income every month is very important to me. I am living from pay check to pay check every month. I hope that I can adapt to my new working environment after new posting and stay employ.

Taking one thing and one step at the time, my top priority in the month of May has been my home and family, they have come first. Next was my job and financial health, it is currently very uncertain and not clear now. I am fearful and need to be courageous.

I have to turn to God and gambling support group more for support and comfort during this difficult and hard time. I have found rest for my soul there. I do not need to seek entertainment in gambling or other self-destructive behaviors to feel good and escape reality.

It is very important for me to live in the presence moment; I must stay focus on living today fully; I must not be distracted by worrying about the past or fear about the future.

The advise I receive from my addiction counsellor in our first session long time ago was read the bible and pray to God; talk to God and ask God for help.

[kin]

When I shared I did this and I do that with my new group this month. Even when I was sharing about doing the right thing.

I get a very strong feelings of remorse, guilt, shame and pain later; I felt like a hypocrite after recalling the sinful things that I had done.

I feel very unworthy and ashamed to face these brothers and sisters.

Did I regret sharing in the house of the Lord? Yes, I felt like a liar showing off.

I have never felt like this in other support groups elsewhere.

Isaiah 64:6
All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags; we all shrivel up like a leaf, and like the wind our sins sweep us away.
/ we dry up like leaves; our sins are storm winds sweeping us away.

Romans 3:10
10 As it is written: “There is no one righteous, not even one

[Author]

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