[kathryn]

Hi All,
Well today was ‘D’ day…off to the accountant.  I have not had as strong a gambling urge as i had driving in there.  I actually got the pain in my stomach.  My accountant is a lovely man, totally understanding and helpful and of course, he gave me some great advice on what to do about my debt.  He said just to start making payments, make them for a couple of months and then ring the tax office and speak to someone, so i was really relieved that there is a weeny light at the end of the tunnel, although it will take years and years to pay off.  But, thats the price.
Driving home, i thought about gambling, but only in the context that i didnt have the urge anymore.  The panic was gone, i had faced the demon now i just have to start making regular payments and get this thing on the move.
One bonus is that here, in Oz, we have a family payment, it is given to every family.  We have to estimate how much we earn in the year and the amount is calculated by them.  Once the tax returns are lodged, the family payment office check against what you earned to what you estimated and you either get a debt, a payment or break even.  It turns out that i overestimated our earnings by almost $20,000.  This means we will get a payment from them, and it should be a nice little bonus that i can pay off the tax in a lump sum so that will reduce the debt a bit. (not much but anything will help)
So all in all, i was petrified for nothing, now i need to go and eat, im starving!!!!
Have a great, gamble free day all,
Bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

[kathryn]

Hi All,
Well, i am a little under the weather (what an understatement) after last night. I laughed till my sides burst, it was a great night.  I only drink a couple of times during the year, and unfortunately i got a bit carried away with the vodka/jelly shots….. Never mind, we played musical chairs, did the limbo (im so not flexible),  played a ‘sort’ of pin the tail on the donkey, without the tail or the donkey (use your imagination), and played the Wii.  It was a great night, my sisters in law are just hysterical, we laughed and laughed. 
I was home by midnight, just managed to find the front door without breaking my neck and slept until lunchtime.  I did manage a walk with Jode, although we did get rained on but i felt much better.  I weighed myself on her scales, and the last time i did it was about 6 weeks ago.  Well, i have lost 2kg since then, i only need to lose about 3.5kg to be at my happy weight, so that was a nice surprise.
No thoughts of gambling, my head has been too sore!!! Even last night, it didnt enter my head, we were having too much fun.
So i hope you all had a lovely weekend, bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

[kathryn]

Hi All,
I am having a lovely lazy Saturday morning.  I love Saturdays…well, i work on 1 but the other one i sit and read the paper, drink lots of coffee and just relax. 
I have my hens night tonight so that should be fun.  Im sure there will be all the usual games, but i am looking forward to catching up with Damians sisters and sister in laws.  They are all great, i married into a good family. Harry had woken up with a bad cough this morning, its going around so im keeping him inside, nice and warm.  He is not a complainer, he never whinges when he is feeling unwell, god bless him.
Im going to go for another walk today, although it has just started raining, the weather here is so up and down at the moment, yesterday was bordering on hot!
I knew that my 100 days must be coming up, i really stopped counting them but i wanted to know when it was so i got the calender and guess what? It was yesterday! I didnt even know, so my big 100 came and went, but boy, does it feel really good.  I just told Dames, he is 100 days too, we high fived each other!!!  Corny i know.
Anyway, i hope you all have a wonderful weekend, ill let you know how the hens night goes!!!!
Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

[kathryn]

 
Hi All,
I just have to say, that my boys the Saint Kilda Saints won by 7 measly points to get into the Grand Final Next week.
WOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Fighting the good fight…One day at a time

[kathryn]

Hi All,
I had a lovely day today, i went to my girlfriends, we were in high school together and she has a new baby, well he’s 10 weeks now but just lovely.  Harry and i spent the day there, she also has a 3yo so the boys had a great time. My friend and i never shut up, it was just like we were back in high school, its interesting, i see her and dont think of her as nearly 40, all i see is the beautiful 15 year old that i told all my secrets to. It was great.  I then had to come home early as Bailey had his last day and they finish a bit early.  Jodie and i went for a big walk, it wasnt as painful as the first time, although she has really short legs and i have really long ones so i backed off a bit so she could keep up without running!!!!! (if you ever read this Jode, sorry love but you know its true)
Tonight my football team is playing to get into the grand final…i so hope they win.  I have sent dames out to the shed to watch it, he makes me too nervous and he gets very agro when we are losing so he is banned from the house. I will proboably get all my ironing done, i can never sit still when they are playing.
Anyway, no thoughts of gambling today, i was just too busy and my body is very heavy tonight from the walking, i can hardly type!!! I am sooooo unfit. I really just want to be in a good headspace for the wedding and not feeling all flabby and yuck. 
Dames made an interesting comment tonight, we havent spoken of the ‘drama’ since it ended but he said to me..’ can you believe we went through all that?’ Now, i think it has taken him all this time to get his head around it, poor bugger.  I think women are lucky as we can deal with our emotions as they come, where as men (i think) tend to bottle them and let them build up.  They dont express themselves as well as we do.  I thought it was funny just coming out of nowhere like that.
I hope you all have a wonderful gamble free day, take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxx Fighting the good fight…One day at a time

[kathryn]

Hi All,
Im feeling fantastic today, not sure why, i feel full of hope.  A wierd feeling to wake up to but im taking it, my neck pain has gone so thats proboably part of it.
I know this is going to sound strange, but today i realised the enormity of this site.  I have posted quite a bit this morning but ive been thinking about every post i write and recieve.  It is an amazing thing, to know that someone, on the other side of the world, who you have never met, has taken the time to sit down and not only read but reply to something i have written.  I think that is HUGE.  Its never quite hit me before, and i find it one of the most comforting feelings.  Maybe thats it…maybe its not hope, but contentment i am feeling? Whatever it is, i wouldnt mind waking up with it everyday.
Gambling is always in the back of my mind, i think it always will be, but i am truly becoming (Harry, you will love this) AWARE.  Its almost like a wave washing over me, i have a thought, and my mind tells me to let it go.  Its extrodinary, considering 3 months ago i would have a thought, and i would be in the car 5 seconds later and within 2 minutes i would be sitting at a machine, pumping in the money.
I dont know how this happened, i just know that i will not gamble today because i want to keep this feeling, the one i have right now.  Maybe im also realising just how lucky i am, to have such wonderful caring friends here, and on the homefront, my family is ok, so im ok.  I was always so used to a drama, a drama i created that it has taken me a long time to learn to cope without one, although i did have a major one as you all know, but really it was the first one that was not related to gambling and i got through, only just at times.
Anyway, maybe im being nostalgic, maybe im having a lightbulb moment, maybe today, im just glad to be alive, healthy and yes, i think i can say happy.
Have a great day everyone, take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

[kathryn]

Hi All,
 I am excited.  One of my favourite authors, Dan Brown has just released his new book.  I didnt even know he was writing another one so imagine my glee when i got the catalogue today with his book on the front.  I am treating myself tomorrow, going in to get it after the mono wax (yes, we have been here before!!!)
So not only will my weekend be busy, but i will have a lovely new book to occupy my time.  Who needs gambling when Robert Langdon is off on another adventure.  WOOHOO!!!
Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

[kathryn]

Hi All,
Well im on a bit of a health kick.  Dont get me wrong, im still eating chocolate (just not as much) but i have been walking the last couple of days, power walking.  Its amazing how nice weather makes you want to get out and do something.  So yesterday i decided to walk down to Harrys kinder and pick him up and walk home.  I walked down by the beach, along the esplanade.  I must get myself some music, its strange when all you can hear is your own heart, pulse rate going up and up…and the huffing and puffing.  So when i decide to do something,  it is never without incident.
I was just about to tackle a big hill, head down breathing in the nose and out the mouth, i then hear this woman yelling and the sound of something running towards me…..a big, and i mean big, dog.  Im not a dog person, never have been, but i look up to see this huge, wet dog bounding towards me.  It starts jumping all over me, wet, dirty paws.  Im standing there with pleading eyes for someone to save me.  Then the dog finally runs off and the owner yells out ‘dont let her jump on you’????? Short of hitting it on the head with a very big stick love, what exactly would you like me to do?
Anyway, i surge ahead, make it to kinder on time and pick up my little man.  We had a lovely walk home (no dogs in sight) listened to the birds, there were millions of dragonflies everywhere, they were massive.  We avoided any attack from them and had an uneventful walk home.
I have woken up this morning, not only very sore but with a shocking neck…i feel like someone is standing on my head and pushing my verterbrae in my neck together, which has also given me a massive headache.  Not a good way to start the day.  Im working today, then im off for 4 days.  I have a hens night on Sat. night, that should be fun??? I dont know what they do at hens nights anymore, but a couple of drinks should have me relaxed enough to tackle anything!!!
I havent really had any thoughts of gambling, im sure im nearly at the 100 day mark now, i have stopped counting days and decided that months will do.  Still taking it one day at a time of course, but the 11th of each month is a milestone for me.
Only 2 more sleeps and my children are home for 2 weeks break.  I admit, i do love the sleeping in of holidays, not rushing around, just lazy days.
Anyway, have a great gamble free day, i will try for another walk today, but Harry is home and i cant power walk, just stroll.  Im sure thats better than nothing.
Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

[kathryn]

Hi All,
I have just made an appointment to have Damians yearly tax return done.  Why does this scare me? Damian has a tax debt of approx $28,000.  Its the only debt left.  I was paying around $1000 a month off this debt, but what i wasnt doing, and didnt realise i had to do was also pay his quarterly installments. When that wasnt paid, the payment arrangement defaulted.  I was supposed to send in these forms, with a reduced payment plan so that we could pay both the debt and the installments.  Did i do that? We all know the answer.
This was back in May.  I am now, this week going to send the forms in to the tax department.  The stuff i have to send with it is horrific, i dont know where to start and im terrified.  Im terrified they wont agree to the arrangement, i want to drop the debt payment by $400 a month so that should also almost cover the quarterly installments.
In reality, my bling  money should have gone towards the tax. We have been living a pretty good life at the minute, ignoring this debt. Its time to face the music. I feel physically ill about it all, but i know that it wont change until i change it. Its the last hurdle and im having a very hard time getting myself over it.
Apart from that, i have been busy, worked all weekend, went and did the grocery shop this morning, its a glorious day here, spring has finally arrived.  I hope you have all had a lovely weekend, im going to go and have a look at the papers now and see what i need to do. 
Bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

[kathryn]

Hi All,
Well thank you for your wishes, i have had a lovely day.  Jodie and i took the kids to one of those indoor jungle gyms…they had a blast and we could have coffee in relative peace!
My bling looks f-a-b-u-l-o-u-s, i shouldnt wear it to work but im going to just because….i went and got my dress back for the sale price…lol… although the one i took back had been sold so i had to order another one to be delivered, but its coming.  I had a fantastic time with my sister last night, she spoils me rotten, the show was hilarious, i never knew people sitting on a stage saying nothing at all could be so funny.  So all in all i have had a lovely birthday, oh, and Brea bought me a beautiful blingy clutch bag for the wedding…im all set!
So 3 months gamble free today.  I actually had an urge driving home last night and i know exactly why…it was because i didnt tell Damian (well i didnt know) what time i would be home.  I used to love it when i was going somewhere and i wasnt sure when it would finish, i could always pop in for a quick gamble.  The urge lasted all of 2 minutes, i put the radio on really loud and started singing, it did the trick.
So i hope you are all having a lovely gamble free day, thank you all for your wonderful support over the last 3 months, im sure without you i wouldnt have done so well.  Everytime i look at my bling finger, it will remind me not only of how much i am loved, but that life without gambling makes everything else that little bit more enjoyable.
Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

[kathryn]

Hi All,
Well, i did take the dress back, and im going in tonight to re-purchase it.  In reality, $50 used to be a drop in the bucket, i would put 10 of them in a machine in an hour and not give a rats.
I always remember leaving a venue thinking, i could have filled my cupboards with groceries for a month with what i just spent, i could have taken the kids to the movies 5 times, i could have, i could have, i could have.
I am also picking up my ‘bling’ for my birthday tomorrow, i have to wonder, if all this hadnt happened if i would be getting it but hey, WHO CARES, im getting it anyway and i think i am a most deserving recipient!!!!!!!
I am going to a show tonight with my sister, its a comedy show, i have never been to one so it should be good. My sister has a great sense of humor, we always have a laugh together, she is the quiet one while im loud and dramatic.  We get on really well, im really looking forward to it. The last few years we have been doing quite a lot together, we have a few things coming up in the next 6 months, another comedy show, the Australian Open Tennis, Mamma Mia.  Im lucky to have a sister that im so close with, although it wasnt always like that, she was really close with my eldest sister who died, and when that happened we were drawn together.  Something good comes from something bad.
My mother in law sent me $100 for my birthday!!! I was shocked.  She sends Damian $50, how funny is that….she knows who to stay in the good books with.  I will put it in the bank, with everything i have coming up, it will come in handy for something!
Well, tomorrow is my 3 month mark, although in reality it is just another day i will not gamble.  I wish i didnt have to work, but ive been lucky in that ive had the last few years off, just by chance with the roster.
Anyway, have a great gamble free day, id better go and wash my hair,  have to look nice for tonight!!!
Take care all, bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

[kathryn]

Hi Al,    
Sure, sure the dresses are for Deb, thats what they all say!!!!!!! Take care my friend, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

[kathryn]

Hi All,
Well, today i am wild!!!! You know how i went shopping and bought my beautiful dress on Friday…well Monday the catalogue comes out and heres my dress…$50 cheaper. I have rung the store and they are unprepared to refund my $50.  I told them that they would have known that the dress would be on sale Monday, to which the sales girl agreed, but i have to return the dress and wait 24 hours to go get it at the cheaper price…which i am going to do. Its the principle.  What disgusting customer service, i told her so too.  So on my day off im traipsing into town to return it.  I know it may sound petty, if the sale was on in 2 weeks well thats the luck of the draw, but 2 days????? Its the principle to me, and hey, if it happens to sell before then, well ill just have to find another one.
Anyway, coming up to my 3 month mark….woohoo.  It feels good to not have that strong, painful urge anymore.  The thought is still there, proably always will be, but i will just keep coping like i have been, whatever works i say.
I am starting to relax a lot more now, trying to get back to my happy self, and its coming along, slowly. Im breathing out before i say anything, i have been biting heads off everywhere, its time to stop.  Life is good, i am a very fortunate person to have such a wonderful family.  I can feel the emotion draining out of me, my shoulders are starting to relax, its time to enjoy my life.
Thanks everyone, have a wonderful day.
Bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

[kathryn]

Hi All,
I am going to sound CRAZY.  Yes all is well in my life after the big drama.  But i have been quite cranky since it all ended.  I have been trying to work out why and i think i know what it is.
As horrendous as the whole situation was, and you all know how hard it was for me to get a grip on it, i actually think that it was the closest thing i have had to a gambling ‘buzz’ for a long time. All the drama, tears, meltdowns were actually feeding my adrenalin, it was racing through my body every 10 minutes and now…
I think i have a gambling hangover without gambling.
Do you think thats possible? You know the feeling of walking into a venue to gamble, well i was getting that feeling every time i thought of what ‘may’ happen, it was a rush, an awful one but a rush just the same.
Now its all over, and dont get me wrong, i am soooooo happy with the results, i feel really flat, tired, lethargic.  I dont quite know how to snap out of it.  My mind has gone from everything to nothing in one milisecond, the second i read the result.  Its the wierdest thing. 
Anyway, any thoughts would be appreciated,
Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

[kathryn]

Hi All,
Well, i have my dress for the wedding! Im soooo pleased, for all the ladies, its black and white and long to the floor, flowing and gorgeous.  I have booked my hair to be done on the day and will have it up, with a white liily in it i think.  Jode is paying for my makeup to be done(its my birthday coming up) so i will be looking mighty fine i think!!!!! I havent had my make up done since i got married, 17 years ago so im looking forward to that.
As for the home front, i have been feeling a little wierd about the whole thing (you know), I feel like Dames has pulled away a little bit, but a wise man told me that men tend to deal with their feelings on the inside.  Or it could just be me reading too much into things, who knows.
Im having a very quiet weekend, tomorrow is Fathers day so we will be doing the rounds of the papas.  Im cooking a roast lamb for tea for the father of honour and generally getting ready for the week ahead.  I have been very lazy on the homefront since the whole sa****ate, so im going to do some baking (from a box!)
My mother is the master baker, unfortunately i never got her culinary skills.  But no one complains when the chocolate cake is dished out! Last night i had my first gambling related dream since i have stopped.  I can only remember parts of it but i know i was in Ireland, and i got thrown out of a venue.  I woke up in a hot sweat, i was going to get up and write it down but it was too cold! I think i may leave a pen and paper next to the bed.  I havent had a dream that ive remembered for i dont know how long, but it was very strange.
Anyway, i hope you all have a wonderful, gamble free weekend, and for all the fathers in Australia, Happy Fathers Day!
Take care all, bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

[Author]

Posts