[kathryn]

Hi All,
Ive started my 4 day break today, which i feel i need.  Im so tired!  Brea and i are going to have a look at some cars today.  She has the day off from school, next week she will be finished all together except for her exams.  She’s doing really well, im so proud of her.
So my worry about the car hunting is that i know absolutely nothing about cars…except how to drive one and put petrol in! Im terrified we will buy a lemon.  I know what we can afford to spend, how many kms i will get for a 12yo car (which is what we will be looking at) but pop the hood and i havent got a clue.  Im going to try to go in very confident, like i know what im doing.  They are going to see a woman walking in and start rubbing their hands together.
One thing i can do is bargain.  Damian hates doing stuff like that…he wont even go to the shop if he doesnt have paper money, whereas i will use all the coins in my purse if i have enough.  Im glad he wont be there, if we do find something we will take him in tomorrow and see what he thinks.  I am also going to get some material for our much neglected dining setting.  The chairs are shocking so that will be a weekend project for us, a bit of a re-cover and they will be just like new.  I have to say, i have had some gambling thoughts, imagining walking into the venue, what will i play….then i slap myself and snap out of it.
Ive been a bit neglectful on the posting…but dont worry, ill be back with a vengance.  I feel a little lost for words at the moment (i know, you dont believe it!) and im not sure why, but i know they will come once i start posting.
Take care, bye for now, kathryn xxx
 Fighting the good fight…One day at a time

[kathryn]

Hi All,
So today was an ordinary day…till i really sat down and thought about it.  Today i went grocery shopping.  Not a big deal right?  Well, when i think about the shopping i used to do, compared with what i bought today, there is a massive difference. 
How fantastic to be able to walk down the aisles and grab whatever i wanted.  To not have a list with 10 things on it, and even then to be looking for something cheaper, to be able to buy decent meat, not just mince, mince, mince.  I can do a million things with mince.
To buy treats for the kids, fruit regardless of the cost, my god it was nice. 
Who would have thought that something as everyday as grocery shopping could be so uplifting!!! 
So my ordinary day became something extraordinary, when i really stopped and thought about what i would have  bought only 4 months ago.  The cupboards and the freezer are full.  There is money left in my purse for the week,  4 months ago this would never have happened. 
Another gamble free day has come and gone for me, i can look at today and be happy.  Now, if only i could decide what im going to eat………
Have a great day everyone, bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

[kathryn]

Hi All,
I have had a frantic weekend at work and i thank goodness its over.  Problem after problem….
Anyway, the good news, actually the best news is that today i havent gambled for 4 months.  Things are going pretty well in my household, its strange, only 4 months ago i was a total wreck, i have had my fair share of dramas along the way but to say ive got to 4 is wonderful.  If it werent for all you here i dont know where i would be, so as always i will be grateful to each and every one of you!!!! In the grand sceme of things its just another day, i didnt gamble today.  I wake up each day and say those words, and do my best to live each day as it comes, although today was a stretch at work!!! Oh well, tomorrow is a new day, and, its a day off…woo hoo!!!
I hope you all had a great weekend, take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

[kathryn]

My day from  hell…..
Doesnt karma have a way of catching up with you??? When you do something you shouldnt, the universe always has a way to make you pay…..always.
So last night i decided to have a look at cars for Brea. We found a ripper, it looked fantastic, had a years warranty, roadworthy, registered for a year, what more could i ask.  Today, i did a bad thing.  I took a sickie. I never take a sickie but we decided to drive to Melbourne to look at the deal of the century.
The first sign that things werent going well was that Bailey woke up and was unwell and had to stay at home…hmmmm, unwell??? Actually, that was the second sign, the first was that the power went out at 9am. Anyway, we decided to go ahead with the big trip, Damian, Brea, Bailey and myself all jumped in the car and headed off to the big city.
We got hopelessly lost, even with the gps system, i think the lady inside didnt have a damn clue where she was going and we ended up…i dont even know where.   We finally got to the caryard and the next dodgy thing was that it was out the back, not even in the lot, but we pressed on in hope.  The car looked ok, isnt it amazing what they can do with computers now, not only do they airbrush supermodels, but also cars. Still, with hope in our hearts we went for a drive.  I dont know what was worse, the back of the  boot falling off or the thick black smoke that  engulfed the car as it started.  I had rung the dealer beforehand and checked that it was there, but on arrival he informed us that the roadworthy had not been done yet and that it would be days before it would be ready.
The big oilslick underneath the car was a worry, the wonky bonnet (hmmmm,,,accident perhaps?)
Anyway, as im sure you have already realised, we didnt buy the car, but dont worry, mr slicko carsalesman chased us all over the lot trying to sell us anything he had!!!!!
Moral of this story…..dont take sickies!!!!
Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xx
Fighting the good fight…One day at a time– 9/10/2009 7:45:24 AM: post edited by kathryn.

[kathryn]

Hi All,
Ive had a good last few days.  Took my mum to town shopping on Tuesday and met up with my sister in there, we had a lovely time, mum was gorgeous, she just couldnt believe how many clothes there were in the shops!!!! I had to buy a birthday present for my bestie, she wants a tri-pillow, not very exciting im afraid but i got it for her.  Im going to buy her something special in Sydney when i go next month, im not saying what it is in case she comes on here and reads this post!!!
Yesterday was a good home day, although i worked last night (had a great shift for a change) i got a lot of cleaning done, and Jode took Harry to a big play gym for the day and then he had a sleepover at her house, so that was nice.  I am getting his kinder photos today, they are so cute, as he has his 2 top teeth missing his big toothless smiles are gorgeous and im really looking forward to seeing them.  Ill have to buy a frame, i have done it for all the kids and every photo, from kinder to school goes in the one frame. Then every year when i get a new photo we get all the other ones out from behind and see how much they have changed.
I have today off, Harry has kinder at 12 so i have the afternoon to myself.  I have to go and visit mum, and i think i will go and have a look at the local thrift stores and see if theres any bargains.  Tonight i have my night with Jode and im looking forward to that.  Im going to go early so we can go for a walk beforehand. 
We are currently looking to buy a little car for Brea.  Nothing flash, just something reliable for her for next year with Uni. She’s pretty excited about that, so hopefully we will get something soon. 
I have to say, yesterday when Jode took Harry my first thought was…gee, if i was gambling i could go now and no one would know.  But i would know.  I came on here instead and had a big read, lazed about and finished the housework.  Its funny to have a life without that constant feeling of dread.  Dont get me wrong, i love it, but it does take some getting used to.  I thank god every day that i am here, that im not gambling.
Anyway, i think ive rambled enough,
Have a great day everyone, bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

[kathryn]

HEY AL,
I see you are posting at the moment and if you happen to come across mine can you please hurry up and start a thread.  As Vera is missed, so are you…where are all the irish going?  Do you have a better offer? Do you know something i dont? Hope all is well, only 2 more sleeps till the little wee one!!!! If you read this, i am sending all my best wishes to you, Deb, Jack and the little angel that is about to enter our world.
Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

[kathryn]

Hi All,
Well, the wedding was amazing, i had a wonderful time.  I felt like a princess in my beautiful dress, and the hairdresser did an unbelieveable job on my hair and makeup, i cant quite believe she curled my hair and then all of a sudden there was a magnificant style on my head! The fascinator was a huge hit, i have to say, i think my hair looked better than the bridesmaids!
There were a few dramas as always, but the funniest one was when we went back to the bar after the ceremony.  My mother in law and my father in law get on really well, although they have been divorced for over 20 years, they do have 5 children together.  My FIL’s girlfriend has always been jealous that they still get on.  We were sitting at a table, the gf and me and my mil was hugging my fil and having a laugh.  My mil asked my fil if they were going to have a dance at the reception.  The gf, who by this time had a few wines in her screams out, in front of everyone in the bar ‘he’s dancing the bridal waltz with me!’.  I was sooooo embaressed, it was hysterical.  Amazing that they have been together for years and years, and she still is insecure with my mil.  She carried on about my mil all night, at one stage saying she was going to punch her in the nose.  Good grief!
Anyway, Dames and i had a ball.  We laughed and laughed, danced and drank and had a great time.  The bride was beautiful, her and her new husband were like the only 2 people in the room, it was beautiful.  They did have a dance off though, and i cant believe the moves the bride made in her magnificent dress.
Our room was lovely, with a bay view and a king size bed.  I love hotel linen, i slept like a baby.  Yesterday we went to my sister in laws for a bbq, the bride was there and we got to catch up with all the family.  It was a great day.  Then i came home and had a big sleep.  So all in all i had a fantastic weekend.  I will try and catch up on everyones threads in the next few days.  i have to work tonight so bear with me people!!!
I hope you all had a great weekend, i have a few more stories that i will get to later….
Take care, everyone, bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

[kathryn]

Hi All,
At present it is 10.41pm.  I am sitting in my lounge listening to my mother in law.  She is snoring…..extremely loudly.
My day was full on, i went and got all my bits and pieces in town, went and had lunch and came home to a house full.  I dont normally mind, but when im busy i have difficulty coping.  My MIL is very unorganised.  Whereas i am not.  I know every single thing that is happening tomorrow for this wedding, she on the other hand knows nothing and is blaming everyone else for it.  No one cares she says.  Well, im sorry, but i have spent 2 months getting ready for this and im not having you come in the day before whinging. 
Dames and i have been planning this for a long time, as we dont get out that much and to have a night away is a big thing for us.  She told me tonight she’s coming to the hotel with us….ummmmm, no.  She will be going with her daughter, whose room she has paid for and who she is staying with.  We on the other hand are going in early, having a quiet drink before getting ready to go.  She had been extremely drunk, hence the snoring.  I dont have a lot of time for her when she is like that as i cant deal with her loud, opinionated conversations.  I know im being a b**ch, but i have had this woman stay here for the last 20 years, ive learnt to tune off.
She complains about the children, they are too noisy, too rowdy, to loud (hmmmm).  She has 4 other children, all with grown children who are not noisy, rowdy or loud.  Why does this make no sense to me.
Anyway, i just really needed a vent, a rant, a whinge.
I am so looking forward to tomorrow, all being well we will have a fantastic time, well, im going to anyway.
I hope you all have a wonderful gamble free weekend.  Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

[kathryn]

Hi All,
I went to work last night, there is a resident there on respite and she is having some personal problems.  She is a beautiful soul and i tried my best to help her, or at least to give her some comfort.  I dont know if i succeeded but i did my best.
I came home to the boys, Bailey had lost a great big molar tooth that for the last 2 weeks was being pushed sideways into his mouth by the tooth underneath, he finally pulled it, very exciting.  Harry came running out in his jocks telling me he needed 5 dollars as he had cracked his dads toes (dont ask) and hes promised him a fiver.  He wanted to go to the shop and buy a drink.  He is so skinny and scrawny, as white as a sheet, i couldnt stop laughing, so i just took them up to the shop before and he got his wish.
I went for a big walk this morning with Jode.  Today we took her 2 boys with her, one is 2 1/2, the other is 1 and my goodness are they heavy.  Here we were, the two of us, pushing the pram up these big hills, i was nearly dead when i got home.
Im just going to potter around the rest of the day, so much for taking the boys to scienceworks, but i will save that for another time. They have had a great break, lots of friends around, visits, shopping, they did ok.
The only thing that drives me crazy is the movies….my kids watch them over and over, i have to tell you, the Indiana Jones themesong makes me cringe!
No urges to gamble, i have been reading a lot on here, staying busy and getting ready for Saturday. 
Take care all, bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

[kathryn]

Hi Larry,
Wow, you have an amazing memory and a great way of telling a story, if only there was a fairytale ending?
Firstly, well done on your 48 days, that is a fantastic effort.  As for your family, im so sorry things have turned out the way they have, i went off the rails when my father died when i was 16, and must agree that if only counselling was sought, things may have been very different, but alas, they are not.
Things happen in our lives for a reason, well, thats my belief.  I also believe that something good comes from something bad, i have learnt that the hard way in the past few months.  I remember September 11, its my birthday, so its hard to forget, but i remember my husband running in the room screaming that America had been bombed.  I cried for hours, thinking that the end of the world was nigh.
No, i was not being nosy, i do have genuine concern for each and every person here, and im so pleased you were able to write your story.  Regardless of what is happening, i take a little of each and every post i recieve and read here and it becomes a part of my recovery, so i will thank you for sharing your life.  I have to say though, i am thinking of your daughter and her little beanie baby, that bought tears to my eyes. 
I hope you get the opportunity to one day tell her your story, she may not understand, but she may gain some insight into her daddy, from what im reading here, you will be able to explain in a way she will understand. Im sure she holds some secret special memories of you underneath her hurt. 
Take care Larry, thank you for replying, if nothing else it may be a small weight off your shoulders to get it out and you may feel a little lighter today. As for me, im still fighting the good fight, trying to live every day as best i can, and the simple fact im not gambling makes each day better than the one before.  We all have our own crosses to bear, but isnt it nice to be able to come here, be accepted for us, understood and supported.  Im certainly sending you all those things.
Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

[kathryn]

Hi All,
I had a great day today, well maybe not great but pretty good…went for a big walk with Jode, (are you reading that RG?) did a heap of housework (but quite a lot to go) and Brea and i played hairdressers.  We looked on the internet at up do’s for the wedding and found one (if anyone cares you can google Hayden Pantteire Emmy hairdo) and then Brea did it.  She just did it, i was quite amazed what a fantastic job she did, curling and pinning and the like.  I dont know why i bothered to book into the hairdressers, its too late now and they are doing my makeup as well. So im going to pay for a do that my gorgeous girl could have done for free…and the fascinator looks great with it too so im really happy.  I have the photo to take with me on Saturday.
Im going to work tonight, yes, with my gorgeous hair, i think its hilarious…all the oldies will be wondering whats going on????
The boys have been brilliant today, the made a ‘game club’ in their bedroom, whatever that is…it has kept them busy all day and now Baileys 2 friends have turned up so they are happy, which makes me happy.
Quite a few gambling thoughts, just little flashes in my head, nothing that makes me want to go, i just think i am being aware of whats happening and stopping it before it starts.
Anyway, i hope you all had a great day, take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

[kathryn]

Hi All,
My weekend from hell is over, well it wasnt from hell but i was so tired last night i feel asleep on the floor in front of the heater!
I have a really busy week this week.  Today i am going to meet my sister.  She is taking the boys to KMart to buy them a ‘prize’.  She spoils them rotten, they are driving me crazy "when are we going?".  We are going to have lunch in there too. I am really looking forward to seeing her, she barracks for the team that beat mine in the grand final on Saturday.  I have to say, i was happy for her, she went to the game and i know its something she’ll never forget.  She is coming up to her 11th year gamble free, which i find amazing, and inspirational.  We didnt talk about it a lot as i was still gambling and didnt want to tell her, although i think she knew.  Now though, the conversation runs freely and i love listening to her advice and wisdom, she is a very smart woman, very insightful so i cant wait to see her today.
I am only working tomorrow and Wed this week.  Thursday im going to do something with the boys, Friday im going to town to get the brows done (no, they are not mono this time!) and get some things i need for the big day on Saturday…the wedding. I am also going to a work lunch on Friday, we dont do it very often, just a social thing so that will be nice.  Its at a pub with no poker machines so thats even better, i dont have to think about it at all.
My mother in law is coming Friday so i need to do some MAJOR cleaning this week. Tomorrow and Wed are dedicated to scrubbing…bathroom, toilet, floors…she doesnt care, but i do and i also know that she bitches to the other members of the family so im not giving her an inch!
I often get overwhelmed when i have a busy week, and go into meltdown.  I think ill write myself a list and cross off the jobs when i get them done.  With the kids home its harder to get the work done and i dont usually worry that much, as long as the house is tidy. 
Well, i had better go, i have a mountain of washing to fold, when i work on the weekend, nothing gets done so im in catch up mode.  I also had better find some time to go walking, Runninggirl has set me a challenge and im going to do it, no matter what…if it kills me, which it proboably will!!!!!
I hope you all had a great weekend, bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

[kathryn]

Well its over.  We lost. By 12 measley points which is 2 straight kicks in Aussie rules.  What a dissapointment. But we have decided to buy a family membership next year so we can go to all the games.  I could never afford it before so that will be something to look forward to.
The other thing is i have to go to work tomorrow and cop a ribbing from all the girls…gee, i cant wait!
I actually had an urge during the game, i wanted to escape and hide till it was all over.  I stayed on here instead.  So theres my positive.
Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

[kathryn]

Hi All,
Well, today i finished my book. Dan Brown is a GENIUS!!!!! It felt like it took me forever but i finally got through it and i enjoyed every single bit.
I worked tonight, not my greatest night but im glad its over.  I am also working all weekend, what a drag, but i wont be saying that when i pay for everything for the wedding next week…hotel, hair, accesories, etc etc. Im grateful for my job, although sometimes it sends me a bit loopy!  Im just waiting for next weekend, im pretty excited about the wedding and the night at the lovely hotel on the water, a bit flash for me really!!!! Im sure ill take it all in my stride…
As for gambling, since my urge on Tuesday, i havent thought too much about it.  Its easy to forget when the children are home on holidays, its raining and yuck outside and they are under your feet all day!!!  Although now ive said that, usually i would be running to gamble as soon as Damian was home so i must be doing something right!!!
I hope you all have a wonderful weekend, i will be on and off here as usual, my football team is playing tomorrow, please send all your good vibes to the St. Kilda Football Club at 2.40 Aus eastern standard time.  Im thinking that if we all think about it at the same time, we will definitely WIN…. I will be a bawling mess if they do, and i will be a bawling mess if they dont so i have to buy some tissues on the way home from work!!!!
Take care all, bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

[kathryn]

Hi All,
I had a few lightbulb moments yesterday in terms of my memories.  I finally made the connection that because i had been lying all those years, they pushed the ‘real’ memories to the back. The lies became my truth…..those words have actually changed the way i see my life and i find it to be rather amazing. I am accepting that i may never really remember the details of the last 20 odd years and im ok with that.  Today is what counts, and my new memories, ones that are not tainted by lies or gambling are the ones i treasure.
So, yesterday was boring!!! I didnt do a lot, went and visited my girlfriend, and my mum, then had to work last night.  I had a really good night at work.  It helps when the residents are calm, and it really does depend on the staff working.  When i got there i had a coffee before i started and sat out with the girls and had a good laugh, it was really nice.
Today is a dreary, rainy day.  Bailey has a friend over so he is keeping them sufficiently occupied.  Im having a home day, pottering around getting some jobs done.  Tonight i have my girls night with Jode, its the finale of our show so we always have some yummy food and a good yak.
Not much else to say except that i havent gambled, im always grateful for that.
Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

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