[kathryn]

Hi All,
I had a great day today, it was meant to be 34, so Jode and i had decided to take the boys to an aquatic centre.  We had heard it was really good….my goodness they were right.  It didnt get to 34 by the way, but we went anyway.  This place was amazing, 4 pools, a great big kids area with waterslide, hoses, all sorts of stuff, it was brilliant.  We all had a ball! Me and my 2 boys and Baileys mate cost me a whole $11.  What a bargain.  They swam and played for 2 hours.  I was hoping they would be asleep by now, alas, no luck, but im not too far off hitting the pillow!
Now, i have a question for the ladies, it has nothing to do with gambling but its for my friend Jode, i told her i would ask for some advice on here.  Sorry if anyone cracks it, but we only have each others opinion and outside views are definitely needed here so here goes:
Jode is a bridesmaid in her brothers wedding, there are 4 bridesmaids.  A couple of girls went in to have a look at dresses last week and the bride decided she really liked them and took Jode in last night to try it on.  It was absolutely hideous (she sent me a picture), one of the most unflattering dresses i have ever seen, satin to boot so its nice and clingy on the blubbery bits.  The bride decided Jode looked good in it (she has to be blind).  Now, Jode is devastated and doesnt want to be in the wedding as she feels she will be humiliated..(she really didnt want to be in it in the first place but felt she had to say yes)  She has hinted to the bride about the dress, but the bride is obviously ignoring it as she has decided that is the one.  We believe that the bride really didnt care, she just wanted to get the dress picked so she would not have to worry about it anymore.  The other bridesmaids dont look too flash either mind you, but they are all in their mid 20’s. What does she do, tell the bride the truth and try to get the dress changed, try to get out of the wedding alltogether, or bite the bullet and wear the dress?
Any advice would be apprecieated, sorry its non gambling but i thought someone may have been in this situation before.  Anyway, as for me, no gambling today, i can barely keep my eyes open, and these boys are hysterically laughing on the lounge room floor watching some movie.  Damian is off fishing very early tomorrow, i want to try and get some groceries done at some stage, apart from that, a pretty lazy day…oh, i do have another basket of ironing to tackle..sigh!
Take care all, enjoy your weekend, only 5 more sleeps till Sydney!!!
Bye for now, Kathryn xxxxxxxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

[kathryn]

Well done Larry, 90 days is wonderful, keep up the good work.
Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

[kathryn]

Hi All,
Well, i had a real up and down day today.  This morning i dropped the boys off and went to Jodes for a coffee.  Then came home and Jode rang me to go and have coffee at one of my old workmates, which by the was was lovely.  Came home, ran around hung out washing, dishes etc and then i babysat Jodies littlest boy, hes just over 1 and absolutely gorgeous. He was as good as gold, Jode got her hair done.
Ok, thats the little pidly things out of the way, not that the baby is pidly of course!!! I went to pick up Bailey from school, only to be met by his teacher, he isnt doing his work…grrrr.  That boy is so hard to motivate!  Anyway, Bailey was sobbing, it was a bit distressing really although Mr gorgeous teacher was really nice.  We decided to have a better structure for him at home, i went and bought a big whiteboard and we are going to make a list of things he can do at home to help with his concentration. 
I then had to pick up Brea from her exam, on the way home she asked me about the dog.  Now, she has been wanting 1 for about 2 years and i keep saying no because i know what will happen,  it will be my dog and in truth, im not really a dog person, love cats, but not dogs. She will be off at work, at uni, living her life and the poor little dog will be stuck with me…the cat lover.  So i said, for the 5 millionth time….no.  And she has cracked it with me big time.  Isnt it interesting, we bought her a car, im taking her to Sydney, we have given her that much money this year, and yet, she is still going on about the dog.  I am sticking to my guns on this one, when she moves out, she can get heaps of dogs.
Then Dames came home from work, his boss was meant to drop his pay at home but hadnt, so of course that was my fault.  He called me a very nasty name and stormed out.   I had a big urge to gamble. It took me by surprise, that feeling of really wanting to go, being so angry at him, wanting to zone out.  My self exclusion, thankfully prevented me from doing so.  It went away after a little while.  Interesting though, when he came home i mentioned to him about us rearranging our bedroom so we could put the tv in there….low and behold, half an hour later, it was done, bed moved, tv in place and the carpet vaccumed (it was horrendous under our bed, i cant get in there with the vaccum cleaner) and this man does not vaccum…EVER!
Actions speak louder than words sometimes.  
Anyway, i hope you have a great, gamble free day.
Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xx Life is about falling….living is about getting up!

[kathryn]

Hi All,
Marcus just made and interesting point on his thread about wanting to lose, and i wanted to explore it a little further.  That remark really hit home for me this morning, i had forgotten, putting in note after note, wanting to win, but in reality just wanting to be rid of this money so i could go home, so i could be free from it.  And then the cycle would start again the next day.  Where i am, depending on the season, the venue closes from between 1am and 3am.  I called it my panic poke, once they said the time they were closing, i would run around like a lunatic, shoving money in wherever i could, because there would only be half an hour or so left.
My adrenalin would be rushing through my body, only a little more time to win big!  And then it would be time to leave, with nothing of course….
Its a great reminder of the insane nature of this addiction, like when you think a machine is ‘lucky’.  Or god forbid, there is a new machine i had never seen, i was on it like a seagull to a chip!
All i can say now, is that i dont feel that way today.  I know, that i cant gamble today and if i do, i would imagine it would be 10 times worse.
Better go, my bestie is here for coffee.  Have a great day all, bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

[kathryn]

Today i have not gambled for 5 months, 154 days to be exact!
I see something good in every single day. Thank you all for supporting me through this, i could never have achieved it without you.  As always, today is just another gamble free day for me, but its nice to count the milestones!
Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

[kathryn]

Hi All,
I wrote a post earlier and my screen froze….bugger.  So ill try again.
Today was Harry’s first school orientation.  It was gorgeous, he was so cute, all those kids sitting cross legged on the floor looking up at the teacher.  It would have bought a tear to my eyes, but i was more excited than he was!!!
All the mothers were sent into the staffroom for a meeting, in which we had to go around the room and introduce ourselves, i absolutely loathe that so i went first so i could get it over and done with.  In the course of the chat, it was brought up many times about community, the closeness of the students and the huge involvement of the family.  Now, i was feeling very guilty….school time has always been my gambling time.  I have thought a lot about it this afternoon, and, i have never ever done one thing at that school…..NEVER.  So, next year i am going to join in a little bit.  Im not really a ‘school mum’, but im sure there are quite a few things i can be involved in.  They have a breakfast club, im sure i can go a couple of days and help with that.  They are always looking for help with this and that.  Now im not gambling, i can give my time to them, after all, i work evenings, what am i going to do all day.
I have also found out that there is yoga and tai chi on in a little hall just up the road from me.  It has been going for years apparently, im going to try it out as soon as my back is better, which should be next week.  I think it will be good for strengthening my back and filling in some more time.
I took the boys to the beach tonight.  It has been hot here all week, with more to come and i decided to take them down after dinner.  It was magnificent, the sand was so soft, the water was as clear as anything, the sky was every shade of pink, just glorious.  The boys had a great time, we were there about 45 minutes when the mosquitoes decided to crash our party.  They were horrific, they were attacking from every side, we had to do a runner to the car and of course i had left my window open…..MORE MOZZIES.
I have bites all over my legs, the boys were ok as they were running around and the buggers couldnt catch them.  Poor mum with her sore back couldnt run anywhere.
So we came home, the boys had a shower and told me what fun they had, it was worth the scratching and itching!!!!
Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

[kathryn]

Hi All,
Ok, i had a thought tonight on group, its a bit soppy but i thought it was a beautiful thought and wanted to share….
I am thinking that this site is a garden.  And we are the flowers, all in different stages of bloom.  Some are buds, struggling towards the light, some are just starting to open, a little more each day, and some are in full bloom, enjoying the day and the sunshine. 
I think our boys on the helpline are the gardners, tending to us when we need them (imagine Tim and Harry in overalls!!) .
Anyway, i just wanted to share my thoughts with you,  i found it to be very comforting.
Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

[kathryn]

Hi All,
Thanks Marilee, what a crack up you are.  Thanks for your post.  Well i got a call from the woman who, at work organises the workplace injury stuff.  She was really rude to me, they are very good at trying to make you feel guilty.  I had already made a doctors appointment today as i woke up this morning and knew that i would not be able to push that trolley tomorrow.
So i am now off for the rest of the month…i only had 2 more days of work, then annual leave so i have lots of time to recouperate. The doctor was lovely, i told him about my phone call and he said that he hated dealing with them too. I now have to fill out 500 forms about it all, what fun!
Well Breas trip to the dentist was a costly one, $266 to be exact…for just 1 tooth!!!  You know when you are standing there and they tell you the cost and you have to try really hard to stop your jaw hitting the floor?  That was me!  Oh well, at least i could pay…we have to go again next monday, but this filling she had today was a whopper, they should get cheaper from now on.
Its really hot here, in the mid 30c all week, we have gone from really cold last week to boiling.  This weather is unreal!
Anyway, i hope you all have a great day, bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

[kathryn]

Hi All,
Well i just said goodbye to my sister, i proboably wont see her for another 6 months but we spent some great time together, its always like i just saw her yesterday.
Jode and i are in talks about going up there next July, for a 4 day weekend, to see the baby (my neices), what a good excuse…we are still in the pipeline but im pretty positive we will go.
I am taking Brea to the dentist shortly…she lost a filling on Thursday.  Thank god i have the money to pay.  Colin, you are right, it is these small things that mean the most.  I know we joked on your thread about the dentist but it is so true.
I too am off to the Doctors this afternoon.  My back still isnt right, and whilst its a lot better i dont fancy standing up for 5 hours tomorrow, i can go about half an hour and then i need to sit down, so hopefully he will give me another certificate.  Im just not prepared to risk it when it is still sore. My abs (i know they are there somewhere) are really sore too, i think im overcompensating.  Anyway, ill see how i go.  I think its at about 70% right. So i just need a few more days of resting it.  I am not having a bad back in Sydney…no way!
Anyway, i hope you are all having a good gamble free day, i had better go, we are just about to leave.  Poor Brea, she has an exam tomorrow, i hope the tooth is ok.
Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

[kathryn]

Sorry, just a note for those of you who dont know what a thong is, its like a flip flop..i just realised you may be thinking of the underwear kind!!  lolLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

[kathryn]

Hi All,
Well, having a sore back has done wonders for my social life!!! I blame all on my sister, who is a very bad influence, but i had to write about my day yesterday, it was a hoot!
Ok, so firstly, the birthday party, Harry’s little kinder friend had a McDonalds party, all lovely and good, he had a great time, i went and visited my other sister while he was there, dip, cheese…yum.
I got home and had to head straight back in to drop Brea at a friends, i am such a good mother!!!! When i got home Jen (my sister)wanted to go to the pub for a beer, i wasnt really fussed but rang Jode and we headed down for ‘an hour’.  As it was a hot day, it was beautiful sitting on the balcony with a vodka, now im not a big drinker at all, but in the 3 hours i was there i had a whole 4 drinks.  So we had one lady come for a chat, im not even going to go into what she was saying about her thongs and what they did for her,she is the most manly woman i have ever met, loud and crude and swears like a trooper, needless to say i was horrified, i couldnt look at her and i couldnt stop laughing.  On the way home i asked Jode if she wanted to come for a coffee.  She is going to a show today and said she had better go home and be the ‘good wife’, as she will be gone all day today (you know what i mean) .  I got home and snuck in the house, everyone was asleep, so i turned on the hall light…and woke up Dames.  That wasnt bad, but then i got into bed and elbowed him in the head, he’s so not impressed at this stage.  Then i get a message on  my phone from Jode…she will kill me if i tell you what it said, but it was hysterical.  I was laying in bed, laughing my head off, Damian is screaming at me to get out, to which i couldnt as my back was sore and i had just got comfortable.
It was a great night, i had a ball and my back is not too bad today, mind you i wasnt boogying around or anything.
I have been laughing all morning, although at the moment, Bailey has just gone to his friends and Harry is on the floor bawling his head off…as soon as i get out of earshot he screams louder!!!! Oh the joys!!!
So, as for gambling, no worries there, i have had so much going on and im still bent over so i havent had time to think about it, although i have been reading a lot this weekend.
My sister leaves tomorrow, im sure Damian will be pleased as i will be home.  He is fishing at the moment, his boat got a hole in it yesterday, but he had it welded up…$100 later, i could give him a bucket for $1 and he could just bail the water out!!!!!
So i hope you have all had a great weekend, i sure have, even with this back problem!!!!
Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

[kathryn]

Hi All,
Well i thought i was feeling a little better, i woke up this morning and  was pretty good but as the day goes on its getting sorer.  I think maybe i did too much this morning, so i have taken some medication and im sitting here with the heat on it.  My sister is down from Darwin so i have been sitting with her and mum all morning, which has  been lovely, but proboably not the best thing for my back.
Anyway, ive still got 3 days off, so ill try and get lots of rest. Its very frustrating but theres not much i can do and i dont want to aggrivate it.  Thank you all for your posts, its really appreciated. Looks like Brea will be hanging out the washing today!!! She is great though, im very lucky.
No gambling thoughts, im too focused on not making this back any worse.  Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

[kathryn]

Hi All,
You wouldnt read about it, i hurt my back at work last night.  And i still cant work out what i did.  I had given a resident, who was in bed her medication and she was looking for her alarm clock.  I found it on the floor with an unsafe tag on it so i told her she would have to get a new one.  She’s quite deaf and asked me to repeat it.  I leaned over and told her again and when i straightened up…ping…i felt my lower back go.  I could barely move. 
I have had back problems in the past when i had the kids but have had no problems for a number of years.  It was so out of the blue.  I went and told my Div 1 straight away and filled out an injury form, just to cover myself.  Mind you, the Div 1 didnt tell me to go home, she told another meds nurse to give me a hand.  Was i wild…YES.  She then proceeded to tell me all about her arthritic hips.  I could barely stand up straight by the time i got home.
It feels a bit better today, i am going to the doctors in an hour, thankfully i have the day off so i will be resting. Im walking like a duck as im terrified i am going to make it worse.  Anyway, ill keep you posted, im very annoyed this has happened, but it has so ill see what the doc says. 
Take care , bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

[kathryn]

Hiya Larry,
Your honesty and openess about this addiction and your dealings with it makes for a very interesting read, i do really enjoy it.  I think we all have our own way to deal with compulsive gambling and i for one believe that whatever works…do it.  We are all different, and have our own ways of coping, i for one, do not attend GA, not because i am embaressed, i have been to several meetings but have found that the GA way is not for me.  I really admire people, one being my sister, who live by the 12 steps and i have seen it work with my own eyes.  Personally, for me, it is not something i have delved into, i am making my own way, as are you.
I think we all benefit from each other here, i dont think i would have ever self excluded if not for this site, i hadnt thought too much about it before coming here, although i did attend gambling counselling a few years ago and when it was mentioned i freaked out.  Not ready? I think so.
I am glad you have spilled your ‘secrets’.  I dont think you should feel the need to withhold anything here, i take what i need from each post and move on.  You are moving forward Larry, and if you can go into a casino without gambling, well, more power to you.  I know i could not do that, but then, i am not you!  I have had your feeling of doing this too easily, but in reality i think it shows the readiness to change, the willingness to accept what we are and deal with it.  I know for me i had simply had enough and i was more than ready to give gambling the flick.  Take me back 2 years ago and there would be no way.  In saying that, my guard is constantly up, and i like it that way.  Im not going back, and from reading your posts, neither are you.  Well done.
Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xx 
 Life is about falling….living is about getting up!

[kathryn]

Hi All,
I dont have a lot to post today, yesterday was a home day, which was nice although i did go and visit my mum and my bestie for coffee.  I spent a lot of time here reading and posting, i seem to have days when i do a couple, and then days i do 15!  Most of my work was done so i had a fairly lazy one. 
Brea is off for another exam today, its interesting, i have been watching what she is wearing to her exams because when i did mine for my nursing, i would dress according to my mood/confidence, and she is exactly the same.  The first one last week she looked awful, dressed in big clothes (which isnt like her at all) but as she has been going along, her dress is getting better and better.  She’s quite the looker today, hair and makeup done, im sure by the last one she will be wearing her 10" heels!!!!
Im working this afternoon, and i have Harry home with me today, no kinder so im sure once i get my backside into gear we will be visiting someone, he loves going for a visit!
I have been talking to my sister quite a lot lately, we are very close now, which i love and when we get on the phone its always for at least an hour! We never run out of things to say, i know, shocking for me!
My other sister is coming down from  Darwin for the weekend to see her mother in law who has terminal cancer.  Unfortunately im working for the most of it, but we will catch up.  Her daughter is due for her 2nd child in just under 3 weeks.  We were going to go for a holiday next year, but i think i am going to go up for a few days on my own, i seem to be having trouble working out holidays, so that will be lovely!
I only have to work 6 more shifts until im on holidays, 1 week to go! As for my first line of my post, i take it back, seems i underestimate my life, i started this post thinking it would be a 1 liner!  Hah, i should know myself better.
Anyway, no urges of gambling, although it is always in the back of my mind…im sure Mr. addiction is just waiting for me to lower my guard…sorry mate, not happening!!!
I hope you all have a wonderful day, take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

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