[kathryn]

Hello everyone and Merry Christmas!!!!!!!
Well, my day is over, Christmas is done in my house and i have to say, we had a fantastic time.  Christmas eve was spent catching up with my extended family, my great neices and nephews who are just gorgeous and having a meal and a laugh, i got some lovely gifts, my neice who went on her extended honeymoon around the world gave me a framed photo she had taken in machu picchu which is absoulutely beautiful.  I got jewellry, a dinner set, all sorts of things, all lovely.
This morning i got a screaming wake up call at 5.50am, which of course sent me flying out of bed and screaming myself…..ITS CHRISTMAS!!!
The kids had paper flying everywhere, it was fantastic and they loved all the presents, i was really pleased with what i had given them. My sister and nephew had stayed over last night so i had lots of helpers with the wrapping, it really didnt take long at all.  After a big breakfast we headed to the besties and saw her kids, then mums for lunch.  On arriving home, i headed straight to bed and had a 3 hour nanna nap!!!!! so now im sitting here in my pj’s, Dames is making something for dinner and im reflecting on the last year….i know it didnt happen, but i cant help but wondering what our christmas could have been like if things hadnt gone our way in the DNA test.  It would have been a very different Christmas i think, so i have enjoyed this one all the more as you really never know whats around the corner.
As for gambling, or not gambling i should say, it has been a special Christmas, the first one that i havent gambled for so long.  I didnt miss it at all, in fact, it never entered my head for one tiny millisecond.  Seeing the kids faces, hearing them say it was the best Christmas ever made it all the better, and i have given myself the best Christmas present of all, my sanity, my self worth, my happiness, my life.
I hope you all have  a great day, im thinking of you all right this very second.
Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

[kathryn]

Hi Larry,
Firstly im sorry for the loss of your brother, rejoice his life, he obviously bought a lot of joy to a lot of people.  I wish him God speed.
Secondly, i wanted to explain about my description of my job being ‘boring’.  Truly, that could not be further from the truth, but in comparison to lying on a beach with my bikini on (yeah right!!) it seemed a little on the boring side.  You are an amazing contributor to this forum Larry, we are very fortunate to have you and your wisdom here.
Lastly, i want to wish you a Merry Christmas.  It is usually a time of reflection for me, and every year my reflection has been pretty bad..until now.  Take care, have a lovely day and make sure you toast your brother, his tough love has bought you to us, and i think we should all be thankful for him.
My thoughts are with you,
Bye for now, Kathryn xxxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

[kathryn]

Hi All,
I had an unbelieveably busy night at work, we have lots happening and i got home quite late, tonight we are having a Christmas dinner, we all take a plate and try to sit down together for a minute, which is lovely. My mum is making a pavlova for me to take, only because she made me one last time we did this and everyone raved about it so i went to her place and begged her for another one (which of course, she loved!!!)
I have lots of running around to do today, Brea to work, Bailey is having a friend over so i have to go and pick him up, i need to get to the post office and pick up some stuff (postal strike here at the moment!) i need to get into town at some stage (so much for being finished..are you reading this RG???) although i dont have to get much, more cleaning at home, i have to clean out the fishbowl…one died yesterday and the other one is in a weeny bowl until i can clean the big one, i need to do a bit of shopping for Christmas morning, food wise, it just goes on and on.  And i have to work tonight!!!
Im also having trouble sleeping and that NEVER happens to me.  I can go to sleep anywhere, anytime, but i think im overloaded with things i have to do.  Once Christmas is over im sure ill be fine.
Well, lets look on the brightside, at least i dont have time to think about gambling!!!!!
Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

[kathryn]

Hi All,
Well ive had a busy couple of days, yesterday i got a phone call from Jodies husband, she had gastro and he was at work, so i went over and helped with the kids, im just praying to god i dont get it, i have an iron stomach so hopefully ill be safe.  I had to take Brea to her girlfriends for a lunch, i really need that girl to get her licence, but we have to wait until the 28th Jan.  I will have so much more time, not having to run her around everywhere.
Last night we took the boys for a drive to see the Christmas lights, it was really lovely, although not as many as usual.  They have a competition in the paper for the best around the Peninsula, and i voted for the one in my town (of course)
The boys have been scarily good, I LOVE SANTA…he is the best threat, im always telling them there are elves hiding in the garden watching their every move.  They are too scared to do anything in case they are spotted by the elves!!!
Im really looking forward to Christmas, my sister and nephew are coming to stay Christmas eve so that will be lovely, she can help me wrap the 500 presents i bought!!!  Harry and i are going to stay with her on New Years eve, as Dames and Bailey will be away and Brea is going partying.  I have quite a bit to do in the next couple of days, cleaning wise, so that will keep me busy and the thoughts at bay.
Anyway, i do hope everyone has a safe and happy Christmas and new year.  Thank you all for being my friend, i feel absolutely blessed to have found you.
Take care, bye for now,Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

[kathryn]

Hi All,
Nancy and RG, if you only knew…..i hate disapointing you but ive been working. I know, how boring, wiping bums, making beds, helping with meals, wound dressing, writing care plans, handing out pills.  The sun has definitely been out, but alas, no bikini wearing for me!!!!
I have been reading, but i have been too tired to post, its the next thing i do in the morning after making my coffee, but i havent had a lot of time before work unfortunately.  I did go out for dinner last night for Damians work break up, his boss is really good to him, he got a magnificent ham, a slab of been and a $500 bonus!!! How good is that?  He took $200 as he needed ‘stuff’, including my Christmas present so that wasnt too bad, i scored $300 towards bills for Christmas. We went to a really nice local restaurant for dinner, views of the pier and the bay, lots of wine flowing and the meal was magnificent (all paid for, even better!!!) I of course had 3 courses and could barely walk afterwards (nothing to do with the wine…read on)
I ordered a glass of wine (note the ‘a’) as i had to be up at 5.30 this morning, but they bought a bottle.  Now, i dont like to be rude…lol, so i couldnt just have 1 glass.  I had a whole 3!!!! I was quite tipsy as i dont drink wine a lot and i have to say i am absolutely exhausted and feel like i could go to bed and sleep for a week.  Work was really busy today (of course) but all in all i have had a good weekend.  No time to think of gambling, by the time i got home from work yesterday, coloured Breas hair, she straightened mine, shower, make up, quick coffee, it was time to go. 
Damian is making me roast lamb for dinner tonight, like i need more food!  Ive come home to a clean house, washing done, dishes done, boys playing lovely, what more could i ask for.  I can now relax as i have tomorrow off.  
I hope you all had a great weekend, dont worry, ill get to you all eventually!!!!
Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxx
Oh, by the way, no sightings of the spider, although i am still carrying the slipper in the car just in case!!!! 
 Life is about falling….living is about getting up!

[kathryn]

Round 2…..
I was driving home from work last night when i happened to look up and saw 8 hairy legs disappearing over my windscreen onto my car roof.  The beast has not left the building!!! so its outside of the car, and i pull over in the dark and jumped out, trying to see if i could see it, to squash it into kindgdom come, but alas, nothing.
I had the heebie jeebies all the way home, i had to drive home knowing that it was on my car…AAAAHHHHH!  Sheer terror!  I kept feeling like something was crawling on me, i had my shirt pulled tight around my neck and i kept letting out little screams every time i felt the tiniest thing.  It was awful.  Why wont it go away, what is it about my little car that it loves so much.  I dont know how im going to drive it today.
I have a spider stalker!!!
When i got home Bailey tells me there was another one in the house and im standing right near it! I nearly had a coronary, but i think Dames got it with the flyspray.  I always find them when we have had hot weather and there is rain on the way.  I am freaking out!!!
Im thinking of spraying the whole car with flyspray, inside and out, just to ease my mind, if its there, the flyspray will surely do its work.  Spiders terrify me, im ok with the little ones but this is the BIGGEST one i have seen for a long time. 
I have to go to town today to meet Damian, in my car!!!! If i dont post in the next few days you know that the spider has won the battle, im just thinking, ill take a spare shoe with me and i can squash it if it is inside the car.  If that man had done it yesterday i wouldnt be writing this so i blame him!!!
Anyway, enough ranting, i hope you are all having a wonderful gamble (and spider) free day.
Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

[kathryn]

Hi All,
Well i am traumatised!!!  I was driving Bailey to school and a great big massive whopping furry grey spider ran across my window, my drivers window, 10cm from my face on the inside of the car!!!!  I was screaming, poor Bailey started screaming because he didnt know what i was screaming at…till he saw the beast.  I pulled over and opened my door, still screaming and told him to get out of the car.  It ran to the outside of my door and luckily for me there was a man there who came over and knocked it onto the ground, and then it ran under my car. I wanted it dead dead dead.  We couldnt see it so i got back in the car and took Bailey to school.  When i got home, i hosed all under my car and the wheels, i swear, i have never been so scared!  It was awful. I have to believe it is not there or i wont be able to drive my car.  My whole body was shaking.
Damian apologised to me last night so until next time i guess all is well.  We have never had a real conversation about money, i always had control and of course i lied to him all the time with my addiction so i think we need to have a chat in regards to talking about the finances. I need to pick my time though, i dont want it to end in an arguement.
Today is going to be 40c, and a north wind, yuck.  So i have prepared the house for the heat and will pop on the air-con later.  I will get my washing dry though, one benefit of the heat.  I am working tonight and im hoping the change will come through before then, it gets very hot in there as the residents dont like the air conditioning, they get too cold!!!
I hope you all have a wonderful gamble free day,
Bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

[kathryn]

Hi All,
Well Dames lobbed in at 5.30am (i was dead to the world) and woke me up.  He had been to the bank and got some money out and wanted to know where his pay was…did i put it in the bank.  I said i did, and he said, well, where is all the money?  Now, i have made a list of bills that need to be paid over the next 2 weeks, so i can spread them out a little, we have normal car payments, rent, but there is a big electricity bill and phone bill.  I have been paying a bit extra out so that it doesnt seem so daunting at Christmas, plus the presents.  I looked on the statement when i got up and i cant see that there is any problems. Everything is accounted for.  I actually thought we were going really well!!!
I dont know if he thinks im gambling, im assuming yes as my track record up until the last 6 months has been shocking.  But…this time im telling the truth.  Im going to show him the statement when he gets home, but usually he fobs me off and wont look at it, after all, its easier to be mad at me!
I dont know what he wants.  We have to live, we have to eat and pay the bills and im doing that as best as i can.  We are up to date, and its still not enough.  It frustrates the hell out of me.  Not to mention being woken up at 5.30 (i am NOT a morning person) I dont quite know what to do about it.
Anyway, just wanted a vent,
Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xx
 Life is about falling….living is about getting up!

[kathryn]

Hi All,
I need to brag…..my clever daughter got her enter score, after a year of hard work.  It is 74.2 which is fantastic. It also means she got enough to get into her University course. I am so proud i could burst!
Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

[kathryn]

Hi All,
Ive had a really busy weekend.  I have the MIL down so of course theres busyness in itself.  But i went shopping Friday as you know, then i went again Saturday, it was insane but i managed to finish my shopping, thank goodness.  I was so tired i came home and had a nanna nap!
This morning Dames and MIL went shopping.  Now, this made me nervous, i was having a few urges as they always have done the sneaky gamble in the past.  I was imagining them, having a lovely time…little did i know she was dragging Dames from pillar to post shopping…LOL.  As usual, i was making an assumption, will i never learn??
 We had the BBQ lunch at my SIL for the family Christmas which as always was great, they are so funny when they all get together, the 3 brothers (dames included) do nothing but laugh, and im usually laughing at them even though i have no idea what they are talking about.  We got home about 4.30, i then had another sleep on the recliner (im sure it was post shopping syndrome!)  Anyway, it was a good weekend, although i didnt really feel like i had any time off as i was shopping so much. Back to work tomorrow, my goodness, its nearly Christmas!!!!
Hope you all had a good weekend, take care, Kathryn xxx
Oh, by the way, i found out im going to be a great aunty again…remember the wedding and my fabulous dress?  Well, the bride is pregnant, turns out she was at the wedding and we have all just found out!  Baby due end of June!!!Life is about falling….living is about getting up!

[kathryn]

Hiya,
Colin and Meg, thanks for your posts.  I wasnt going to post till tomorrow, but considering my MIL is here i may not have a chance so ill do it now while its fresh in my mind. And yes Meg, i was tested…. 
I went for dinner for work tonight, at a venue i used to gamble in.  Its the first time i have been anywhere near machines since i have stopped and while i wasnt stressed at the thought, it did make me a little nervous knowing i would be in such close proximity to them.
Anyway, dinner was lovely, enjoyed the food (when dont i?, especially the brandy snap basket dessert…..to die for!!) I was chatting with 2 of my co-workers and they wanted to go and play the pokies.  I said i didnt play.  Well, they wanted to know why and asked, and asked…so i told them. I am excluded and i cant go in. They started laughing, thought i was joking until i said, no, seriously, i cant go in, i have a gambling addiction.  They said, lets go for a smoke, so we did and i told them about my addiction, i didnt go into huge detail, but enough for them to know how bad it was for me.  They (one in particular) started telling me how much they liked the pokies, and this is when i started to feel a little, i dont know, pang, chest tightening, something that made me very uncomfortable.
I told them i didnt advertise it, and i know one will not say anything…the other is a different story and it will proboably be all around work next week but…i told them i am not ashamed of it, that i am a cg and its made me who i am and i have to deal with it every day. And i am dealing with it.  I told them when we went back in that i would be going home.  I didnt enjoy hearing all about their experiences, all good of course.  The mouthy one told me that if her husband didnt have control over the finances she would be in trouble.  She was the one that laughed the loudest.  I dont know if she has a problem, but that is for her to decide.  Anyway, we went in and i left, but not before they called out to me and walked into the pokies smiling and waving.  Now, i dont think it was malicious, but i had quite the urge on the drive home, thank goodness Rick James was singing SuperFreak on the radio, he certainly got my mind off it!! lol.
So, i survived.  I am not planning to go to dinner at a venue any time soon. I wouldnt say im glad i went, i never want to be in a position to test myself, but this is reality, these things come up.  Its nice to know that i went and walked out without gambling.  I really think if i had gone in they wouldnt have known who i was, with my hair done and make up done i proboably looked completely different from the miserable photo taken of me when i excluded.  Im not willing to find out.  I can now go to bed with a clear conscience, knowing i had enough tools to get me through. 
I hope you all have a wonderful, gamble free day.
Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

[kathryn]

Yes Larry, you are spot on!
Today i am 6 months gamble free!
Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

[kathryn]

Hi All,
Firstly RG and Laura, thanks for your posts.  There has been a lot of press the last 2 days into DNA testing.  Apparently a man was jailed for a crime he didnt commit and the DNA test was wrong.  Im guessing you all know where im going with this.  Ive got just a little pit in my stomach, because i know they will have seen it and i cant help but wonder if they are thinking that our DNA test was wrong and we are going to get a phone call.  Now, in saying that, we did ours from Canada and they are talking about the Australian DNA testing.  I do not doubt that ours was right, but im just a tiny bit nervous that things may be dredged up once more, especially with Christmas and all.  Well i guess its out of my control for the moment and hopefully the phone will not ring!
On a lighter note, yesterday Brea wanted to make a lamb casserole.  I went to the butchers and the lamb was soooo expensive, i didnt want to pay that for a casserole.  So i talked to the girl and asked her if i thought they would know if it was beef instead of lamb.  She said no, so i bought the beef (at less than half the price) and took it home without a word.  Before i went to work, Brea started making the dinner, i couldnt look at her for fear she would know.  On my tea break i called home and spoke to Damian.  I casually asked him how his dinner was.  He said that the lamb just fell apart and it was delicious!!! LOL. It was very hard not to laugh.  Im not telling them, just in case i have to do it again!!!!
Im babysitting this morning and tackling my bathroom before the MIL comes tomorrow.  Im taking mum to do all her Christmas shopping, theres a big shopping center with every store imaginable about an hours drive away so we are going there as she cant walk really long distances and she can have a sit down if she needs it.  Im quite looking forward to it.  Im going for my work breakup tomorrow night, its at a venue.  Its the first time i will go into a place with machines since i stopped gambling.  Now i know i can have dinner without looking at them (ill sit with my back to them) so im not too worried.  Im just not going to look. I dont want to tempt myself whatsoever.  Im just going for dinner and coming straight home again.
I hope you are all well and having a lovely gamble free day.
Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

[kathryn]

Hi All,
I have a busy day today.  After Harry goes to pre-school he has his last orientation for school.  Im buying his uniforms today and even though i have said over and over i cant wait for him to go, im feeling a little sad that my baby will be a really big boy.  I am also dreading the ‘talk’ we will get today.  Last time it was how to pack a healthy lunchbox.  An hour of it, a video of a lady doing it…BORING.  i have been packing lunches for years, i dont need a lesson in it.  So who knows what we will get today.  Im hoping to sneak off for a while if i can, i have to work this afternoon so i need to be a little organised. 
He is having lunch at the school and they get to play outside, which he cant wait for but…i have not long got up and its raining.  Hopefully it will stop by then or he will be very dissapointed.  His last day of kinder is next Tuesday, my god the year has flown.  And to think, at the start of it i was gambling every time i dropped him off.  4 hours was never long enough.  Anyway, i hope you are all having a great day. 
Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

[kathryn]

Hi All,
Today i cleaned my oven, i know, not a big deal…but, it was sooooo dirty i had to clean it twice.  I was disgusted that i had let it go for so long, and i got to thinking.  Since we have been in this house i have not cleaned the oven (im ashamed to say it….2 years)  I was wiping all that black goop out of it and i thought to myself…this oven represents my addiction, in that i didnt have time to clean because of it, that i only did the things that could be ‘seen’.  That i would only do the essentials as i was too busy thinking, planning, going gambling.
Its taken me a while to build up to cleaning that stupid oven, the job was overwhelming, but now its done.  Something else out of the way, something that my addiction can no longer touch (or not touch really!!!) Mind you, the oven racks are a different story, i have them soaking in washing powder as we speak!  I need a tough scrubber to tackle them so im off to get Brea from work and pick some up.   I feel so much better for getting that revolting job out of the way.  I have to wonder though, if the MIL wasnt coming would i have done it?  Id like to think yes.
Take care all, bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

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