[kathryn]

Hi All,
Thank you so much for your posts, i was thrilled to recieve them.  I have had a fairly quiet few days, today i didnt get dressed until almost 2pm!  That is the one thing i like the most about holidays, the lazing around!
Damian is going away tomorrow, for the weekend.  The boys at work put money in a kitty every week, which at the end of the year is used for a trip away, so im sure he will have a good time. They are going to the races on Saturday, which means that Dames will be betting on the horses, but im not concerned.  I have to say, watching horses go round a track has never interested me, considering i am terrified of them!  So in terms of gambling, yes, he is but i dont deem it detrimental to my recovery.  I am going to go out for dinner tomorrow night i think, and have a nice meal with my kids.
Brea has been a bit stressed the last couple of days.  She is worried about getting in to her University of choice, plus taking driving lessons and realising its a bit harder than first thought isnt helping either.  Im stepping back and letting her work through it, anything i say seems to antagonise her so im zipping it! ( i know, hard to believe for me!) Work has been fine, no problems there, and i have started counselling via email, which is an interesting concept in itself, but as ive said before, its time to work on the inside and its quite nice to be able to really think about things before writing them down. I have only just started, so im pretty excited about it all really. 
So thats my life in a nutshell at the moment,  next week i am the one going away, to Melbourne to the Australian Open tennis with my sister and her 2 daughters.  It should be great fun, we are staying in some apartment up there, right near the shopping!!! lol.  We are attending 2 night sessions, Friday and Saturday, so that leaves all day Saturday to shop…what a bummer!!!
Anyway, i hope you are all having a lovely day, thanks again for all your wonderful thoughts, you have lifted my spirits!
Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

[kathryn]

Hi All,
This is my third attempt at posting as my computer is playing funny buggers today.  So im going to keep it short just in case i lose it again.
I worked all weekend, and while it was fine, the weather, my tiredness and my hormones all contributed to me being a ‘little’ cranky.  Last night i had a lovely girls night with Jode, we watched 6 episodes of Survivor!!! We hadnt had a night for 3 weeks so we made the most of it.
Today it has been 7 months since i last gambled, im proud of myself, i feel i have worked hard and am still working everyday to improve my life.  This site has been a huge support to me, and although im still a ‘little’ cranky, that is the one thing i have to be truly happy about. I look forward to group tonight when i get home from work, provided my computer decides to be nice!!!
I hope you all had a lovely weekend, take care and bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

[kathryn]

Hi All,
Well i had a very, very lazy day today, it took me all day just to hang out the washing!!  Damian and Brea went to the movies tonight, so i thought i would take the boys and get all their stuff for school.  Now i dont know if i just wanted to get it over and done with, or that the thought of getting all their clothes means they may go back sooner…yeah, wishful thinking i know!!!
So in we go, we get to Kmart (im assuming its like walmart) and they need navy shorts, and red polo shirts.  Well, they did not have 1 stinking red polo shirt in the place, but every other colour of the rainbow…of course. Then they had shorts for Bailey but not for Harry, now wouldnt you think that they would have navy shorts for a 5yo, starting their first year of school.  Oh no, obviously all the preps are either massive, or navy shorts are very hard to come by.  I was going beserk in the shop, the boys were so good, i think they were too scared to say anything, the raving mother was on the warpath!
Anyway, i got them some shoes there and some socks and then i rang the other big store there to check if they were open, luckily they were.  I got everything except polo shirts for Bailey…none his size! He has some though, but i like getting him a couple of new ones for the start of school. They got school bags, drink bottles and lunch boxes.  I was OVER it by the end.  So we trudged to McDonalds for tea, i was very good and had a chicken wrap thingy (yum) but i did finish with the apple pie!!! lol
So that has been my day.  Tomorrow its going to be very hot so i wont be doing much at all.  Im feeling a bit tense today, im sure its just school holidays, the boys have been at each others throats all day..i definitely need some me time!!! 25 sleeps to go (arent i a mean mother) I love my kids to death, but they drive me mad sometimes!!!
I hope you are all having a wonderful gamble free day,
Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

[kathryn]

Larry, feel free to use my thread anytime. 
Dhorton, welcome to GT.  It may be beneficial for you to start a new thread of your own, that way you will get lots of replies and can keep a kind of journal for yourself to look back on. In saying that, thank you for posting on my thread.  Ok, what have you been doing, you say you have tried a thousand times. Whatever you are trying is not working so it may be time for a new strategy!  You will get so many ideas here, im not sure what you gamble on but if it is casinos, self banning is a great barrier.  Also giving your finances to someone else, so you have no access to money is a good one too.  Lastly, counselling, either with GA, personal or both can help identify the triggers that start the urge.  Working out what they are can really help, in that you can learn to deal with them in a different way.
If you can D, use the helpline and group chats, they are fantastic and have been such a help to me in my recovery.  Its great to be able to bounce things off others who have been there, who are going through the same thing and can maybe help you get through it.
There is a life after gambling, you are not alone D, it really is a day at a time, but if you put up as many barriers as you can those days add up.  Stay close to the site, read and post, keep busy.  I am on as many groups as i can get, so please do try it, we are all cg’s there and will give you lots of support and understanding in real time.
Again, welcome to the community, these people are truly amazing and have helped me through some very tough times.  I hope to catch up with you on group sometime.
Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xx
 Life is about falling….living is about getting up!

[kathryn]

Hi All,
Yesterday was a quiet day for me, i didnt do much at all and now im very cross with myself because the mountain, and i mean mountain of laundry i need to fold is outrageous!!!
I took Brea for her driving lesson yesterday, the little man who took her was very funny and she enjoyed it.  He seems to think she will be ready in about 4 weeks, but she wants 5, she’s petrified, we will see how she goes.  Unfortunately for Brea, she seems to think she knows everything already(dont all 18 year olds) and when i try and tell her something she has missed, she gets a bit stroppy with me, but hey, i want her to get that licence first time round and if i have to badger her, i bloody well will!!!
I had a lot of time to think yesterday, very dangerous i know…lol.  But im not feeling complete.  I dont know if that makes sense, im not looking for excitement, i just feel something inside is missing.  Anyway, i have decided to have a bit of counselling to work through some stuff.  Maybe because im turning 40 this year, not in a midlife crisis kind of way, but i want to be at peace with myself, my choices and decisions i have made, not just with my gambling, but throughout my life.  Everything that has happened during my life has really led me to where i am today.  So i think its time to have a look at it all and perhaps put some things to rest.
Gosh, thats very deep for me so early in the morning…lol. 
On Sunday, Jodies partner rang me and asked if we would like to go out for dinner with them to the golf club.  Now the golf club was my hellhole, so naturally i said no.  I told him i had already organised our dinner and it was cooking right now.  Then i thought, hang on, thats not why…so i said to him, you know i cant go there, im addicted to gambling and i just cant go.  He said, yes i know!! I know Jode has told him and im totally fine with it, i guess he didnt think at the time. Anyway, we enjoyed rissoles and vegetables at home and all sat around the table together. I truly dont think i would have enjoyed dinner there, knowing that 10 feet away was the 100 machines that ruled my life.
On another note, Jode and i have decided that next year we are going to go to Los Angeles for a holiday.  Just the 2 of us, im astounded at how affordable it is.  We went to Bali when we were 30, and now at 40 we are having another one.  So that will be something to look forward to.  We are opening a bank account and depositing money every week.  I, of course will have no access, i dont want to tempt fate there. I checked to see if my passport was current, which it is but what knocked me for 6 was the photo…i was as fat as a house!!! My chin and my chest seemed all in one, the ‘turkey gobble’ was enormous.  Surely i dont look like that now, im hoping i will need another photo, cause i cant see how that looks like me at all!!! And if it does, i will be sorely dissapointed my friends!!! lol
Ok, enough from me for today, you all have a wonderful, gamble free day, i really need to go and fold the laundry but i may do a couple of posts first, i dont even want to look at it!
Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xx
 Life is about falling….living is about getting up!

[kathryn]

Hi All,
Well i have just finished my weekend of work.  It was a good weekend, although 10 minutes before knockoff time yesterday a resident had a fall, resulting in me having to fill out forms, ring the family, take obs, on and on it went. But that was the worst of it and the little petal was a little fireball today, shes just fine.
Im pretty tired at the moment, exhausted could be the right word to use, Damian and Bailey came home yesterday from camping and they had a great time.  I had a nice night, Dames cooked me a roast lamb dinner which was devine, although i did sit up late and watch Pans Labyrinth, omg, what a sad, wierd, scary movie that was.  I had to turn it over a few times cause i was getting a little creeped out, only to find Jaws on the other channel…lol.  That shark is the sole reason i do not go above my waist in the ocean, i need to be able to run if i have to!!!
I have the day off tomorrow and no plans as yet.  Brea has a driving lesson tomorrow afternoon, and really think i will have a day lazing around the house.  I need to take down the Christmas tree (you win RG!) and pack it all away.  Thankfully i have a fake one and it wont take too long at all.
I hope you have all had a wonderful weekend, look forward to catching up with some of you on group this week.
Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

[kathryn]

Hi Larry,
Wishing you every happiness in 2010. Your wise words on every thread i read jump out at me and make me truly think, which in itself is amazing.  I have taken something out of every post you have written and i am very thankful that you are here. Thank you Larry, for the time you take to really share your thoughts, you are a wonderful member of our community.
Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

[kathryn]

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!
Well my New Year was pretty good, 2 whole glasses of champagne…WOOHOO…PARTY ANIMAL!!! lol
I spent the day with my sister, we went to Aireys Inlet, a little place on the coast for anyone that feels like a google.  One of the most beautiful beaches i have ever seen.  Harry and my nephew went swimming, i conveniently forgot my bathers so i was the old paddler!!
We had lunch down there, man, was it hot…i mean stifling, boiling hot.  We had to walk down a cliff (well, it was very steep so thats almost a cliff) to get to the beach.  You should have seen me getting back up, my nephew had to push me a few times and i could not speak when i got to the top i was so out of breath…hmmm, New Years Resolution, exercise???
We got home around 5ish, lashed out and got McDonalds for tea and watched a few movies.  We were going to take Harry to the 9pm fireworks, but a huge thunderstorm rolled over at about 8.30 and there was no way they could do the show, but we had a fantastic lighning show so that was enough for me.  My sister and i rang in the New Year, sitting up in her bed watching the Sydney fireworks, which were pretty good i must say!
So that was my night, it was really lovely.  I am working tonight but will be flying home to make group.  I am also working all weekend and i am so tired now that i cant fathom doing it, but we do dont we?
Anyway, wishing us all here a fantastic 2010, i cant help but wonder what this year will bring for me, but as long as im not gambling i know i am going to have a great year. 
Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

[kathryn]

Hi All,
Well my busy day is over, and it was busy, i am soooo tired but wanted to post.  I have just watched my 5yo son go to sleep beside me, what a beautiful thing to watch, i can smell the sea wafting in my window on this hot night, the tiniest breeze coming with it, just enough to make a difference, and wise Harry has unjumbled my thinking again.  I can now go sleep, i feel very content at this very moment, and just had to write it down.
Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

[kathryn]

Good morning!
Wow, thank you all for posting, it was great to wake up this morning to all this support.
I am feeling much better today, thanks to Harry. I have some things to sort out, i need to have a couple of conversations, one with my daughter and one with my bestie.  I need to acknowledge them. I hope that makes sense but i know what i have to do, i just need the opportunity to do it.  I think i will feel a whole lot better and hopefully they will too.
Anyway, onto my day….Damian and Bailey took off at 5am for their camping trip, they are coming home on Sunday, the last 4 days have been full of preparation for it so i hope they have a fantastic time.  Brea and Harry are spending the day together today, she is taking him shopping and then they are going to her boyfriends for a swim (its hot today)  i wont see them all day, i have a me day on my hands.  Now, normally i would be dressed and ready right now for her to pick him up, then i would be off to the venue for the day…a whole day, bliss. So what am i doing instead?  Firstly its my mums birthday today, i have bought her about 10 little presents so i will be going there for a visit.  My sister is also going so we will catch up which will be lovely. Then i am coming home to vacuum and mop the floors. I have work this afternoon, so i may have a little nap before i head off.
Im sure to take a little time for a coffee with my bestie, she is working her butt off at the moment so its difficult to find time, summer is her busy season.  She also picked up a new contract and has to start work at 3am for the next few days.  She will be exhausted so i will try and find half an hour where we can sit down.
Reading back it looks like ive pretty much filled my day, so thats a good thing. 
I hope you all have a wonderful gamble free day,
Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

[kathryn]

— 8/01/2010 5:01:21 AM: post edited by kathryn.

[kathryn]

Hiya Larry,
I just wanted to tell you that i think your post to Vera was one of the most beautiful, touching things i have ever read.  You certainly bought a tear to my eye, you have a wonderful way with words.
Take care, bye for now Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

[kathryn]

Hi All,
I had a big day yesterday…we had the market and it was BUSY!!! We have all the holiday makers here at the moment, it was great weather for it, although i did get a sunburnt nose!! I did not stop for 3 hours straight, we had a line a mile long, but my step dad was thrilled…we sold out.
Im working this evening so im spending the day on the house, Dames has the week off so at least i dont have to worry about whats for tea, he can do it.  Last night i went and had coffee at my besties and we watched re-runs of glee, that is the funniest show and the singing is fantastic.  Im trying to convince Harry to get into the shower, we have had wars since Christmas day ( i know….we are on day 3 of no shower) but he got a pair of John Cena WWE wrestling pj’s for Christmas and he wont take them off!!!  (I managed to convince him that we couldnt go to grans for lunch with them on, so he changed…into his batman costume!!!) Its pretty funny really, but im dragging him in with me shortly, whether he likes it or not! 
I havent had any urges, im too tired, my sleeping patterns are horrendous at the moment and i really need to try and have some early nights. Unfortunately the groups are usually on late and i hate missing them so i am willing to be a little tired!  I need to stop having an afternoon nap as when i do im up till all hours!!! I am looking forward to work tonight, there were a few sickies before i finished on Tuesday and i want to make sure they are ok. I do worry about them, one in particular who went to hospital, shes a favourite of mine.
Anyway, i dont have much else to report, i think it may be time to get this kid of mine and give him the scrubbing of a lifetime!!! I hope you have a wonderful, gamble free day,
Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

[kathryn]

Hi All,
I have been wanting to post all day, but there are 2 reasons i havent. Firstly, i went to the sales today and whilst i didnt get much and didnt think much of it, my daughter had a ball, so it was worth the trip. She is starting to buy things in readyness for her moving out, which will proboably not be for at least a year so by then she will have a house load!!!
The second reason i have been putting off posting is that i have been thinking for the last 2 days about what my christmas could have been like if Fester (i know, i said it, last time i promise) had been right.  I know she wasnt, i know things turned out how we had hoped, but my god, how on earth would i have handled it.  I am so thankful that i dont ever have to find out.  I think maybe it made me even more grateful about my family.  Maybe because a new year is looming around the corner….this time last year i would have been at a venue, throwing my money away.  Who knew that halfway through the year something so huge would hit this house that my life was completely turned upside down and inside out.  I have always said that things happen for a reason, and never has it been more true than this year.  I was meant to stop gambling when i did, so as i could deal with the paternity nightmare with a clear head. I truly think that if i had been gambling, Dames and i would not have made it through, because of course, i wouldnt have been here. We would not have talked all those nights about what was happening, we would have grown further apart and i dont think our relationship would have survived it all. 
Jode said something interesting to me last night, she said that she used to come over (i of course was gambling) Christmas night (i also never knew) and when she drove into my driveway last night, she was gripped with fear that my car wouldnt be in the driveway and i had gone gambling.  Of course, i was home, but it just made me realise how much those around me were affected during those years. I missed out on a lot. 
Anyway, i needed to get those thoughts out, i havent spoken to Damian about it all and i dont know if i really need to, i dont like dredging things up usually, but i have to say, you were all there for me and i know you understand how my head was (or wasnt) during that time.  Ive said before, this time of year makes me nostalgic.
I have truly enjoyed Christmas this year, everything that has happened in the last 6 months has bought me here, and im quite happy where i am right now.
Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

[kathryn]

PS…sorry about the enormous writing, i just wanted to make Merry Christmas really big and then i couldnt make it smaller…lol.Life is about falling….living is about getting up!

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