[kathryn]

Hi All,
P, you are spot on, my trolley was full of everything i hadnt eaten all week, all bad, and boy did i have a sugar hangover that afternoon, so bad i had to go to bed for 3 hours!!! lol.  Lesson learnt, moderation next Sunday!!! I have to date lost 2kg, so its a start and im pretty happy with the outcome so far.
So, this weekend is Damians birthday, actually his birthday is on Friday and he’s 40! (cue dramatic music please…)
We are having a party.  Now, ive been asking him for months if i could throw him a party, and every question was given a resounding NO BLOODY WAY!!!  In that tone, yelling quite loudly.
His brother got in his ear and presto…we are having the party.  I found out last week.  I have been scrambling this week to try to find some people to fill my shifts at work as im supposed to be working all weekend.  I have the party on Saturday, and there is no way i could work on Sunday…hangover for sure!  So luckily 2 lovely ladies have jumped in to do it for me, bless them.  Its mainly family and a few friends and it should be fun as soon as i get organised and breathe out.  I have to make sure there is enough food, i have to decide what food (that would be a better start) and then we have to clean out the shed and make it look at least a bit presentable.  Im annoyed that he decided so late, i could have been much more organised but im sure when everyone is full of booze they wont care.
I took the boys to Fairy Park on the weekend.  That hill was huge and i could barely walk on Sunday.  That, i have decided is my last visit there, the boys are really too big now.
Brea passed her hazzard test today, which was great but she has decided that she doesnt want to go for her licence at the end of the month, she doesnt feel ready so guess who will be driving her to Uni???  Yay (not)
So, thats about all from me, i think its more than enough.  It has been so hot here, revoltingly hot and i am hoping we get a cool change tonight, unfortunately the weather man cant quite decide whats going to happen.  Isnt technology amazing???
Take care all, bye for now, Kathryn xxxSometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

[kathryn]

Hi,
Thanks to all who posted, its lovely to know people are out there listening.  I have had a couple of busy days.  Friday was Baileys 11th birthday.  He woke up in the morning, got into our bed and was so excited his whole body was shaking, it was gorgeous.  He told me last night that this was the best birthday in 10 years…lol.
My mum, stepdad and sister came over for dinner.  Brea made a cake, well, i made the cake but she decorated it, with wrestling stuff, it looked fantastic.  Bailey had a friend over and today we went to Fairy Park.  Now i have realised, that Fairy Park is waaaay to young for the kids.  They had an ok time, not fantastic and in truth i would have rather gone to the movies, gone bowling, something other than Fairy Park.  Mind you, i had to walk up that HUGE hill.  I was really glad to get home.
Next week, Dames is 40.  We are having a small party, his brother has organised it.  His mother is coming down for the weekend, and i have taken the day off work.  It should be fun.  I havent bought him a present as yet, we are going away the first week of March and are saving our money for that.  Im sure there will be something down the line he wants and hey, he got a boat, i think thats more than enough. I will get him some small things from the kids.  I have a lot to do this week for it.  Food wise.
Ok, well thats about all for now, im looking forward to my free day for my diet tomorrow, ive already been shopping for it, biscuits, chocolate, all that good stuff…lol.
I hope you all have a great weekend, take care and bye for now, Kathryn xxSometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

[kathryn]

HI All,
I am having one of those days. Brea had her hazzard test for her licence this morning, i thought it was at 11.30 so i went to Jodes and had a coffee then we went for a walk.  At 10.00 jodies phone rings while we are walking, its Brea, the test was at 10.20.  We couldnt make the test.  Now wouldnt you think she would have called before then?  I am hopeless with appointments, she knows this and still waited till 10.  I am livid.  It also cost me an extra $30 to rebook the test. AAAAAHHHH.
I dont like today at all.  Now she’s sulking in her room, its all my fault, she also gave me the bird!!!  i am over today already.
Bye, Kathryn xxxSometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

[kathryn]

Hi All,
Well, firstly onto the lifestyle change.  Jode and i, after a whole 2 days of it decided after our walk this morning to jump on the scales and see if anything was happening, i know, wishful thinking but guess what.  We have both lost 1.5kg!  I am absolutely gobsmacked, how can this be?  I rang my sister who informed me that it was exactly right, that the drop in carbs and the increase in protein just causes the weight to fall off.  I only have today to go, thank goodness and then tomorrow i can eat basically anything, as long as i have my protein.  Isnt that amazing?  After 4 weeks i will have to tighten the flab, but if its coming off that fast my sit ups will be a joy!
Work was great last night, a woman’s husband is a limo driver and as he had an early start today he came and picked her up in it.  Of course, we all jumped in and he took us around the block, it was hysterical.  I havent enjoyed work like that in a long time. 
My mood is pretty upbeat today, i have a whole lot of cleaning to do, but im looking forward to group this afternoon.  Brea is moping around the house, she’s depressed as she doesnt have enough work, im sure she’s expecting it to jump into her lap…good luck with that one honey!!!
Harry is also home today, the preps get Wednesday’s off for the first term and hes already asking me if he is going to school tomorrow so thats fantastic.  I feel like i havent stopped the last 2 days.  Its Baileys 11th birthday on Friday, and im so unorganised its not funny.  I have bought him a touchpad MP3 player, he loves music and Brea is going to load all his favourite songs on it so im sure he will love it.
Well, thats my update for today, i hope you are all having a good one.  Its pretty hot here at the moment, but there is a change coming tomorrow so i think i can cope!!!!
Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxSometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

[kathryn]

Hi All,
Well i got through today with no tears.  When the kids had to go in it was a bit of a mess, so by the time we actually got into the classroom i was a bit over it and just wanted to get Harry settled as quickly as possible and then let him get on with his day. He had a great time, although he hasnt said much, hes not a big talker and im sure he will tell me about it all when hes ready.  He did say though that he had a great day and loves school and he’s going back tomorrow so thats the main thing really.
I started the lifestyle change today, and i have to say, its not so pleasant eating meat all day!  But, i am persisting, one day down, 2 to go and then i can eat like a normal person, well, almost. I spent today cooking all sorts of meat so i have it ready to go and dont need to wait to eat anything.  I was getting tea ready for everyone else tonight, and was chopping up a carrot and out of habit took a bite.  I was chewing away when i realised i wasnt supposed to eat it so i was spitting carrot all over the place…lol, i must have looked ridiculous. Anyway, i will keep going and hopefully will get some good results.
Im pretty tired tonight, i went for a walk with Jode this morning, which was lovely and we have been talking about nothing else but food all day.  She is calling me ‘her meaty friend’…lol
Anyway, i think im babbling.  I hope you all had a good weekend.
Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxSometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

[kathryn]

Hi All,
Geez Meg, you can read me like a cheap novel..almost!!! My laptop charger is broken and Dames has managed to charge it up so i have 54 minutes… i need to type quick.
I have just finished making the lunches for tomorrow, my baby’s first day at school.  I found myself crying in the car on the way home from work today, which, by the way Meg, the oldies were MAD!!!  One lady managed to break her hip and i had only been at work for an hour…sheeeesh!  She was an amazing patient though and she is now in hospital getting wonderful care im sure.
So back to tomorrow, i thought i would be jumping for joy…im actually pretty sad i have to say.  Plus im feeling down at the moment, still, but i know ill be ok.  Its a lot to take in at the moment, and im not coping as well as id like to be.  But hey, i always bounce back and im sure this is no different.  By Wednesday ill hopefully be feeling a bit better. 
Now, the ‘lifestyle change’…i have to eat nothing but protein for 3 days, basically its just meat with the occasional egg thrown in…but, after that i can have vegies (no spud though) and salad and some fruit.  We only do the 3 day protein once. On the 7th day you get a free day…look out!  And then a protein day (just one) and then back to the veg and salad( all with protein of course).  My sister looks fab, and if she can do it, i can do it.  Im also going to be walking with Jode, you are not supposed to do any strenuous exercise for 4 weeks (what a shame, i was going to join the gym…lol Harry!)
I dont know when my charger is coming, im hoping by Tuesday, and then im going to buy another battery, and have it charged as this is never going to happen again.
I did see the full moon Meg, and you sprang to mind straight away, wasnt it magnificent?  I stood in my backyard for ages, just drinking it in (im sure you’ll be happy with that RG!) I was actually in the moment, enjoying nature at its most divine!
So, i hope you all had a great weekend, i will have a quick look on the forum and try to save some of this battery!!! Its driving me crazy i have to tell you all.
Oh, Jodes wedding is at the end of April…we are PUMPED…the dress may be ugly, but she is going to look fabulous in it!!!
Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxSometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

[kathryn]

Hi All,
Firstly, the row blew over and all is well.  I was over it all in 5 minutes.
Today, i took Brea to her University enrollment day.  We had to go into this big lecture hall, it was massive and sit and listen to the ladies explaining courses, units, electives…i may as well have been in a non english speaking country!  I kept saying to Brea…have you done that? Do you know what you have to do and she was like, YES MUM, ive done it all!  Thank goodness cause i would have been about as much help as a slug!
Jode came too, and after the talk they were going to the lab to fill out forms, student ID, all that stuff and Brea said, its ok mum, you dont need to come with me, ill be fine.  There was just the tiniest tug at my heart, one because she didnt need me, and two because i was so proud of her for being a big girl and wanting to do it on her own.  Yay, i did a good job with that one!
So Jode and I went and had a lovely cappuccinno, sat in the sun, talked and talked until it she came back. I am really proud of her, she is a great young lady! (most of the time…lol)
I have decided on a lifestyle change.  As the boys are starting school on Monday, this is my opportunity to lose some weight. I have never been on a diet before, but my sister is on one, its actually eating more often which is a good thing, and she has dropped the weight like it is nobody’s business, she looks absolutely fantastic.  So Jode and I (yes, we do everything together, although she has the wedding and ‘that’ dress) are starting the kick on Monday.  Im actually looking forward to it as i feel like a fat lump at the minute.  We are going to walk 4 times a week and work the diet.  Ill keep you posted on the progress!!!
So i did have a great day today, im feeling pretty energetic tonight, although i still have dishes to do and washing to fold….it never ends…lol.
I hope you all have a great day, take care and bye for now, Kathryn xxSometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

[kathryn]

Hi All,
Well i am sitting in my back room with the sulks. I just had a big row with hubby over something so unbelieveably stupid.  So at this moment i am not speaking to him because if i do i just know it will turn into a full blown scream fest and im not prepared to do that to myself the way i am feeling already.  So i have retreated, for now.  Dinner is cooking and i feel like throwing his in the bin…lol, how childish can you get?
I have quite the pit in my stomach at the moment, besides being really really hungry my anger causes me to want to run, and not the exercise kind.  So i will go and get the laundry off the line, fold it and put it away, finish dinner and try to do my best not to dwell on it.  We are stubborn, him and i and i usually cave.  Im not caving today.  Im not prepared to crawl and be all lovey, to pretend everything is just peachy.  He can be mean when he wants to be and i know by tomorrow (he’ll hold this grudge for days if he has to) ill have to make it all better as i hold a grudge for about 5 minutes. Ok, that said, i had better check dinner.
Bye for now, Kathryn xxSometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

[kathryn]

Hi All,
Well, today is Australia Day, a day to celebrate all things Australian!!! In reality, most people get the day off so they are just happy for that, they have a bbq, eat lots of lamb and drink lots of beer! lol
I told a colleage at work last night about my addiction.  We were having tea and i was reading the paper.  There was an article in it about a man suing a casino, and what got to me was that the judge said that he had the choice to self exclude anytime he liked. Now, we all know when we are in the depths of this addiction that is not an option, yes the choice is there, but there is so little understanding of cg, that it got my back up.
Anyway, i was talking to this colleage about it and i said that i was a cg, and pointed out the comments above, she was so shocked.  This woman and i didnt get on for a very long time, she didnt like me ‘taking her shifts’, which were never hers, but it took a long time for it to be resolved.  I dont know why i told her, it just came out.  She said she couldnt believe it, and then mentioned the dinner we had been to for the work break up.  I told her i was ok when we were there, but i was a bit uncomfortable. She said next time we would go somewhere else where there were no machines.  I thought that was very nice of her.  What was wierd was that it was the most natural thing in the world to say, i wasnt worried about it, i didnt wonder what she would think of me when i told her, i just told her!
If not for this place, to be able to talk so freely about cg, i dont know that i would have said anything. It is such a part of me, it like saying, i have asthma! No big deal.  And it felt quite good really.
I hope you all have a great day, Happy Australia Day to all us Aussies!
Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxSometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

[kathryn]

Hi All,
Thank you all for taking the time to post, it was lovely to read when i got home today.  Yes, the tennis was amazing, i swear Tommy Haas kept looking at me!  lol. We saw some terrific games and they had a legends doubles game on last night.  Henri LeConte was there and he was an absolute scream, i didnt stop laughing the whole time, great fun!
Im still not feeling fantastic in myself, but hey, thats life and im just going with the flow.  Theres not much i can do about it,  so im just going day to day and trying not to let myself feel too down.  I have the kids home for another week so they will keep me busy.
Anyways, just wanted to say hi.  I havent gambled and that is a true blessing, not even a thought this weekend, although my mind (and my eyes) were on other things!!!
Take care all, bye for now, Kathryn xxSometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

[kathryn]

Hi All,
I am emotionally exhausted at the moment.  My counsellor is making me think, long and hard about myself and i have found it to be extremely draining (RG, you are spot on) I am a person full of emotion, they run my life and i am finding that im so tired, drained and flat that any kind of emotion only makes me worse. (I hope that makes sense)
I almost feel that it has all been drained out of my body, and i am going through the motions everyday, just living.  I dont like this feeling, im always happy go lucky (well, not really lucky but you know what i mean) but after talking to Harry last night (love ya H) today i am just going to accept this feeling for what it is and go with it. I am off to Melbourne with my sister, she is so excited and im really ho-hum.  I know ill be right when i get there, but that to me shows how flat i really am.  I am usually bursting with excitement, as i never really go anywhere.
I dont remember being this tired, and yet im not sleeping well at all.  I know this is going to pass, Im constantly lost for words on this forum (not like me either) so i guess you will all have to put up with a bit of a downer me for a while until i get through it.  Not gambling, really, was the easy part, i was ready, joyful in fact.  Self exclusion was like a natural thing for me to do and i embraced it with open arms, be it a scary thing, i felt totally free walking out with those papers in my hand. Every day since i know it was the best thing i have ever done in my life, i have never regretted it for a single second, or wished i hadnt done it.
This part, the ‘me’ part is a lot harder.  I have always been an ignorer, i let things wash over me and now its time to dig deep and for once in my life, concentrate on myself.  Its bloody difficult.  Im finding it totally draining, my energy is gone, i cant do anything, and at the same time it frustrates me to no end. I know that counselling is going to make me a better person, for want of a better word.  Understanding myself is something i need to do, for me and if this is part of it, well, im embracing that too.  Im just so happy i have all of you to talk to, i couldnt cope if i had to hold these thoughts in my head, with all the rest swilling around!
I really need to go and pack, normally i would have been ready 3 days ago, so i need to get my bum off this chair and get organised!
Have a great weekend everyone, take care,
Kathryn xxSometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

[kathryn]

Hi All,
Well i managed to legitimately get the day off next week without a problem. The receptionist at work is just beautiful, and we get on well.  She sorted it out for me without  a hitch!
I am off to the tennis tomorrow for the weekend, im excited to see who will be playing and spending time with my sister and my neices. 
I recieved my yearly membership letter from my venue of choice today, i didnt open it, it went straight into the bin (recycle of course!) I was actually surprised to get it.  Damian also got one, i put his in the bin too but will ask him if he wants to stay a member, its his choice, but i have a feeling he wont want to.
My mojo is still a little shakey, but in saying that, i am here reading every day.  I love seeing the progression of others, it lifts my spirits to know that people are working hard to help themselves.  I have to go grocery shopping today, ugh, but as im going away the fellas will need some sustanace in this house! 
So really, that about all from me, i hope you are all having a lovely day,
Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxSometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

[kathryn]

Hi All,
Well, Brea got into her University and course of choice, we are thrilled.  She is going to do Primary Teaching meaning she will teach grades prep-6 when she is done.  We have a information day next week, im working so im going to have to either get someone to fill the shift, and if i cant im going to chuck a sickie…i know, i hate doing it, but the info day doesnt start till 2.30…i start at 4.30 and Brea comes first so hopefully i will be able to fill the shift without a problem. Im working tonight so i will have a look at the roster and see what i can come up with.
Anyways, just wanted to let you know, take care all and have a lovely day, bye for now, Kathryn xxSometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

[kathryn]

Ok, so after my sooky sulky post i just told Laura i need to count my blessings, so ive come back to do it!
I am healthy
I have a healthy family
I have food, a roof over my head and petrol in my car
I am loved, and i love
I have friends from all over the world who care, and whom i care about
I have money in the bank
I am not afraid
I am not alone
I am not gambling
Ok, so thats the short version, oh, and one last thing, i am happy!
sorry about my last post, i think i was being a little sad and sorry and im snapping out of that right this second.  After reading what i have just written, i should slap myself…lol. I think my mojo has just returned!!!
See ya, Kathryn xxSometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

[kathryn]

Hi All,
Well, im having trouble.  For someone who can never shut up, i have kind of become…blank.  I cant seem to think of what to say, im lost for words, and i have to say its extremely annoying, i have been reading and reading posts all weekend and when i go to post, nothing comes into my head.  Its insane!
I am tired, it could have something to do with it, but my posting ‘mojo’ has left me for a minute.  Why is that?  I can only guess.  Maybe Dr Evil stole it? 
Anyway, i can only apologise, i am keeping up with everyones progress, i just dont have the brain capacity to reply at the moment.  Im going to have another crack at it. So please bear with me, im having a minute, it’ll pass.
Take care, i hope you have all had a lovely weekend,
Bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

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